u/TropicallyGrownEMT

I have a newborn and a toddler that just turned 2. It feels so unreal to me that I have 2 kids. I feel like I’m still in survival mode.
Even though I love them like crazy and I would never harm them, I’m struggling to connect with my kids and even my toddler right now.

I’m not sure how long it will take me to get past this.

Edit: I have ASD and have a hard time connecting with people at baseline.

I did for both of my deliveries and was only numb from my vagina down. I didn’t feel the ring of fire or the stitches but I was in a ton of pain from my contractions. It’s hard to tell if the epidural was helping with the contractions or not. The epidural worked maybe a couple hours then it wore off where I could feel the contractions still.
I was on pitocin for both and ended up with 3rd degree tears. With my first, I had back spasms along with feeling the contractions and was paralyzed from pain because of it. With my second I lost a lot of blood and my obgyn was having to manually remove blood clots and get my uterus to contract down, I still felt everything above my vagina. I’m glad I had the epidural for that reason, but I’m still traumatized.
I’m trying to come to terms and process my deliveries.
I don’t know if my experience was normal.

I’m 5 weeks postpartum and I’m struggling to feel connected to my kids. I mean I love them and they mean the world to me and I would never hurt them.
But right now it’s hard to get past the feeling that they’re just people I’m keeping alive if that makes sense.
I’m struggling to engage in playtime and conversation with my 2 year old, I feel like a zombie. Sometimes all I want to do is lay around and be left alone, I wish I didn’t feel that way.

I’m still processing and healing from my birth trauma as well. I relived the same birth trauma from my firstborn when I had my second. Epidural didn’t work great and I ended up with a 3rd degree tear both times so recovery has been very difficult. My 2 year old wants me to sit on the floor and play with her and it’s very uncomfortable, I feel so bad if I don’t though.

I’ve also been sad about the future, like my life is flashing before my eyes and I’ll be gone one day. I want time to slow down.

I have given birth twice, both with epidurals.
I got the epidurals out of fear because I am terrified of the ring of fire and feeling the stitches.
I was on pitocin both times and the epidurals only worked from my vagina down both times. I ended up with 3rd degree tears but I didn’t feel it or the crowning. I still felt all of the contractions, it was extremely painful. It’s hard to know if the epidural was helping with the contractions at all.
I started crying and having a panic attack when the epidural wasn’t working all the way. I feel so weak knowing I wouldn’t have been able to handle completely unmedicated. I have been grieving not having the birth that I was hoping for.

I’m now one month postpartum and still processing my deliveries, I wish I wasn’t like this and could move on easily.

And I got to thinking, there really isn’t any equal.
Not counting the 9months of pregnancy which is crazy in itself, when you factor in, hormones, labor, delivery and recovery plus permanent body changes, I can’t think of a male equivalent. And I’m talking about male exclusive equivalent, something women wouldn’t also experience.
What do you guys think of this question?

Edit: I’ve given birth twice, currently recovering from delivering my second. I’d put giving birth and getting 2nd and 3rd degree burns on my top most painful things I’ve been through.

I think we can all agree that passing kidney stones are very painful but it isn’t exclusive to men as women can experience them too.

Everyone told me you should feel pressure with an epidural but not be in pain. I was in a ton of pain both times I gave birth even with the epidurals.
I relived my birth trauma from my first delivery by going through the same trauma again with my second. Not to scare anyone, everyone’s different but my obgyn said it’s possibly due to my anatomy which is why epidurals don’t work great for me. I think my experiences may not be very typical. My obgyn said I shouldn’t have been in as much pain as I was in.

I couldn’t even tell if the epidural was helping with the contractions or not. There’s really no way to tell. The epidural only numbed me from my vagina down, I couldn’t feel crowning or my 3rd degree tears but I felt all of the contractions for both of my births.
Both of my births were soo similar, both times I ended up with 3rd degree tears and faulty epidurals. My firstborn was sunny side up so I had a lot of back labor and back spasms with her. My second was a quicker labor but both times I was on pitocin for both deliveries. Pitocin contractions are no joke! I also bled a lot more with my second and my obgyn had to manually go in and remove clots, I felt the pain from that in my uterus but not at my vagina if that makes sense.
If I had it to do over again, I’d go unmedicated.

What is everyone’s experiences with the epidural?

I have barely pumped the past couple of days and I’m so undecided on whether or not to quit. I’m a month postpartum and barely have a supply at all. I can’t hold my baby when I pump and I am having to get up every few minutes to do something with my toddler. I’m not sure if all the time I put into pumping just to get maybe an oz each session is worth it.

But I can’t help but feel guilty if I quit and I want my baby to get the benefits of breastmilk. I don’t have an established supply so I feel awful quitting so soon. I’ve been an emotional wreck through this whole process and I just don’t know what I should do. I want to quit for selfish reasons, one of them being I am tired of being in some kind of physical pain everyday since I was 32 weeks pregnant. I want my body to heal. I’m still recovering from a 3rd degree tear and my breasts feel like I’ve been attacked with a hammer.
I’m just not sure what the best decision is, I know once my milk completely dries up, I may not get it back.

Think I’m ready to call it quits. I’m only about a month PP but I’m in some kind of pain every single day since basically 32 weeks pregnant. I’m ready to start feeling normal again so I can be more present for my toddler and my newborn.

I 29(F) was born in China during the one child policy, I was adopted when I was only 2. I don’t have connections with my biological family, I have been back to China once in search of family but didn’t get anywhere lol.

Basically the title

I’m hoping to find that isn’t too giant and that folds and unfolds easily. And that fits in the car easily too lol

I’m only a little over 3 weeks postpartum but I don’t want to do this anymore. I went through birth trauma that I’m still trying to process and recover from. The first week PP I was in so much pain that I couldn’t pump or breastfeed every 2-3 hrs so I was already low supply. Once I felt better enough to pump every 2-3 hrs, I was barely getting anything maybe a drop or so sometimes. It takes me over an hour to empty one side and even then I only get about 15-30 ml.
I have so much pain when he tries to latch and he cries so much because he wants instant milk. I’ve lost so much sleep and I feel like I’m not there 100% for my toddler and newborn.

I just feel so bad and guilty about not being able to provide breastmilk for my baby and wasn’t able to for my first either. I know formula is just as good and fed is best, but Idk how to get over the guilt and sadness.

I have a zomee fit that I got free with insurance and idk if I’m not using it right but that thing hurt. So I’m possibly looking for another option, hopefully one that won’t break the bank.
I’ve primarily been using the medela manual pump but it takes foreverrrrr for me to get let down and once I do, I’m pumping for 40 mins or more per side to even get empty.

My baby is basically exclusive formula fed because I haven’t been able to get even close to an ounce pumping. I’ve changed flange sizes, used different pumps, tried hand expressing and I’m not getting anything.
I’ve also upped my calorie and liquid intake and it’s driving me crazy because I’ve always been self conscious of my weight.
I’ve been pumping on a schedule and I’m literally losing sleep. Usually I pump first and then dump my few drops into my son’s bottle before filling it with his formula; or pump while bottle feeding my son and then once he’s in his bassinet, it takes me maybe an hour or 2 to fall asleep sometimes and by then it’s time to get up and pump again.

I really want to be able to breastfeed this time around, I couldn’t with my daughter. I had the same issues. I don’t know what else to do. In the past few days, I have maybe 1 oz that I’ve pumped collectively. My freezer stash is only 1 oz and that’s from several days worth of pumping.
Everyone in my life thinks I should just give up, I feel so alone because nobody in my life understands how bad I want this to work out.
I’m feeling so down and depressed over this, I know fed is best but I really want to be able to do the one thing my body was designed to do.

My epidurals didn’t work the way they were supposed to and I never felt that endorphins rush or high after giving birth, I think I was just in shock the first time and still in pain and suffering afterwards the second time lol.

I wish I could have felt that magical endorphin rush everyone talks about after an unmedicated birth.

Right now my son doesn’t feel like mine, I love him like crazy but I feel like he’s everybody’s baby and not mine if that makes sense. I have family coming in and out and my mother in law lives with me so I feel like everybody is constantly holding and cuddling my son more than I am. When he falls asleep on one of my family members, I don’t want to disturb him so he’ll sleep on anyone for hours.
I also have not been able to produce any milk so we formula feed, everybody feeds my baby, which I’m very thankful for but at the same time, I wish I could breastfeed. I feel like nothing more than a birth giver, everything the baby needs anybody can do. I just want to have one thing that is special between me and my son, which is why I wanted to be able to breastfeed this time. I don’t know if that’s normal to feel that way or if I’m being selfish for thinking like that.

I’m also dealing with a lot of pain while recovering. I had a traumatizing delivery with an epidural that barely worked and I wasn’t prepared for that even though it’s the second time this has happened. The epidural didn’t work great for my firstborn either and I ended up with a 3rd degree tears both deliveries. I really thought this time would be different and would have gone a lot smoother. I’m just having trouble processing what happened and what went wrong.
I’m still grieving not having the delivery that I was hoping for. My delivery has caused me a lot of physical pain, I haven’t been able to sit normally and I haven’t had any energy to do anything other than lay around. I hate just laying around because I’m used to being on to go all the time.
Postpartum recovery has been so hard.

Anyways, thank you for reading. Just needed to vent and get this out.

I had epidurals for both of my deliveries but the epidurals didn’t work properly for both deliveries. I could still feel the contractions and ended up with pitocin both times (the 2nd was an induction). I was still able to feel the need to push with my second and I had full control of how hard I was pushing during both deliveries.
My first was sunny side up so I had a lot of back labor. Both of my babies were over 8 lbs and I’m only 4’11/149.8cm. I ended up with 3rd degree tears with both.
Recovery has been very rough because of the 3rd degree tears, everything burns all the time and it hurts to sit.
If I had it to do over again, I’d love to experience unmedicated especially since my epidurals didn’t work great anyways.
I probably won’t ever have anymore and if I do, I’m more likely to get a c section because I tore so bad both times.

I find myself crying over everything. I cry over things out of my control.

I feel weak for the way I handled labor and delivery, I really wanted a natural unmedicated birth and now I probably never will. Ended up getting an epidural that didn’t work all the way for both of my deliveries.
I had a 3rd degree tear both times and am suffering through recovery.

I’ve been sad about trying to get my milk supply up, and sad about not having anymore kids.
None of my friends are moms so I have felt alone, more so now than I did with my first.
I hope the baby blues passes soon because it is awful.
If anyone else is going through the same thing, you’re not alone!