u/Zestyclose_Dig158

It is embarrassing to talk about, but it is one of the many problems I am facing right now.

I’ve always had a strange relationship with my sexuality. For a long time, I thought I was gay, then straight, then bisexual, and even asexual—all without ever having a relationship with real people, and often relying on information found online. Now I believe that much of this uncertainty stems from MD, and for good reason.

At the age of eleven, I started masturbating in a prone position, often in bed. When doing so, I would fantasize about stories and other things. The characters were often male, which led me to wonder if I might be gay, even though the content itself wasn't sexual. For years, I never engaged with pornography and only recently started doing so. Nor have I ever shown interest in women in real life; instead, I’ve lived like a hermit in my room with books and other things.

I realize now how MD has held back my sexuality. Normal people have real relationships; I, on the other hand, got aroused by my fantasies (again, nothing sexual) and preferred to just stay in bed, never experiencing anything—not even by looking things up online. So, I think that because of this stuff, I basically skipped my actual puberty and remained a child when it comes to this (as with so many other things, for that matter). So, I’ll probably never have a real-life relationship...

Is anyone else going through something similar?

It’s as if I’ve been asleep all these years. I haven’t interacted with the outside world or explored my own inner self, and now I feel dazed. Even a twelve-year-old knows how to live better than I do. That’s because I’ve lived my life in spectator mode, and only now am I becoming aware. Is anyone else going through something like this?

Generally speaking, I have an excellent—albeit somewhat peculiar—memory when it comes to movies I’ve seen in the past. I might not recall the title, yet I can clearly picture specific scenes and the entire plot.

So, here’s the thing: when I was a kid (maybe around nine years old), I remember watching an American movie on TV (I’m European). The plot centered on a high school boy who was working on a project to help a Latin American teenager (Colombian, perhaps)—who might have discovered a cure for cancer—immigrate to the US. While doing this, however, he gets mixed up in a dangerous situation after meeting a girl—a former prostitute (?)—who also knows another dangerous guy. This guy is ostensibly the protagonist's assistant, but he actually ends up getting him into serious trouble. I don't remember much else, aside from a scene where the Latin American boy finds out he won't be going to the US and vents his frustration to his mother. Oh, and there was a lot of sex in it, too.

Does anyone have any idea what movie this might be? I asked ChatGPT, but it couldn't find anything.

I’ve always struggled with manual tasks—so much so that everyone has always called me a good-for-nothing. Ever since I was a child, I’ve had a habit of messing things up (I used to break a lot of household items) and taking ages to complete simple practical chores. It’s as if I were enveloped in a thick fog. When it happens, my head feels heavy, my eyes get tired, and I can’t get anything done. I remember once being out and unable to even open a bag of chips because I couldn't focus. Has anyone else experienced something like this? Is it normal, or is it something to worry about?

It is a subject I have never really talked to anyone about, especially because I consider it extremely embarrassing.

My first sexual experiences occurred around the age of twelve, when I discovered prone masturbation (something I still struggle with). I might masturbate three times a day—or even five, if I was in the mood. What was unusual about it—aside from the method itself, of course—was how I used my mind to get aroused.

I didn't think about sex while doing it, nor about girls. On the contrary, I used to fantasize about a variety of subjects. Often, these were sequels to stories I was reading at the time, fragments of movies, and much more—but never anything sexual. I’ve continued doing this to this day, often fantasizing about male characters who represent a sort of "better version" of myself (this even led me to briefly wonder if I was gay).

I’m eighteen now, and it feels like there’s a wall preventing me from fully experiencing my sexuality. I think I’m attracted to women, but the physical act of having sex or being touched scares me (and no, it’s not asexuality); what’s more, I can’t get aroused by porn or even by female bodies. I can only manage it through fantasy. I really need some advice. I feel like, if things go on like this, I’ll never be able to have a sexual relationship.

It’s a problem I’ve been struggling with for years, and it stems largely from my insecurity and anxiety. I know many would dismiss it as nonsense, but I hate acting effeminate or "gay" when I’m actually straight and into traditionally masculine things. I often speak in a feminine tone, I can’t stand up for myself, and I feel like a doormat in life. I hate the way I express myself, and I wish I didn't suck so much at things that are traditionally masculine—like manual labor and the like. It’s all psychological—I know nothing will change unless I shift my mindset—but that’s exactly why I need some solid advice.

It’s as if I skipped all the stages of life. I remember nothing of my childhood because I was always absent; I never explored my sexuality, and as a teenager, I was a recluse, shut away in my room. My only interaction with the world was almost always through the internet (and even then, I wasn't really interested in making online friends, preferring to fantasize instead). Now, I am painfully self-aware, and I feel like I cannot truly exist. I am eighteen years old and find myself lacking a personality, social skills, and so much more. At night, I lie awake wondering who I am, what legacy I will leave to the world (aside, of course, from internet nonsense), and why I had to waste my life this way. I wish so much that I had actually lived.

I feel like an idiot. I can't drive because I'm chronically out of touch, I can't socialize, and I just mess everything up. Everyone tells me I'm good for nothing, but the truth is, there's always this wall between me and reality. I feel like my life is going nowhere. Does anyone have any advice?

It’s not so much a memory lapse; it’s as if I were remembering the wrong things.

I have almost no memory of the things I did in my daily life or outside the house. I couldn't say what I used to do with my friends or which classes I attended in the past. Conversely, I remember my thoughts and the things I liked quite vividly. I recall the imaginary storylines I made up to pass the time, fragments of movies and cartoons, comic books and novels, and the websites I visited—but otherwise, it’s as if my real life only began when I was fifteen. Has anyone else experienced something similar?

It’s something I’ve been struggling with for a few months, and I could really use some sound advice.

For years, I’ve sort of sabotaged my own masculinity. I have a physique naturally suited for sports—and I’ve recently started going to the gym—but my behavior has always made me come across as a sissy or gay (even though I’m straight).

I get scared of everything, I don’t know how to approach girls, and, above all, I’m not masculine in the traditional sense of the word.

My only "interests" have always been incredibly passive—things like reading or, at most, watching YouTube videos. I never learned how to mow the lawn, do manual labor, or ride a motorcycle. My friendships have always been almost exclusively with girls rather than guys, and I haven’t had a girlfriend since elementary school. Could someone help me out? I know I’m supposed to accept myself and all that, but I feel so weak compared to guys my age.

I still do it today, as an alternative to scrolling.

When I was a kid, I often used to make up stories or movies in my head. I’d create sequels to cartoons and TV shows, write fanfiction about comics I liked, and sometimes even imagine what I’d post on the websites I frequented back then. Over the years, I’ve fantasized less—especially lately, since I’m addicted to my phone—but I still do it from time to time, often while pacing back and forth. I come up with plots for novels and movies, usually in the thriller or sci-fi genres. Does anyone else do something similar?

It’s really strange to explain. It’s as if I’m not fully here, even when I’m not thinking about anything. I struggle to handle practical tasks (even driving is hard, and I swear there have been times I nearly got into an accident...), and sometimes I look at things without truly seeing them. I forget faces, names, and so on. Does this happen to everyone? I don’t know how serious my situation is.

The time I was in my own world was the best ever. My life was always challenging, but at least it was colorful, and I had some kind of personality (I read, I wrote), as well as dozens of more or less original stories. Now every day is the same, I have practically no friends, and I struggle with countless health issues outside of MD (anxiety, dissociation, etc.).

And the funny thing, you know what? It's basically all a result of those days I miss so much. I preferred staying home, lost in my head, rather than going out or experiencing reality, and now I feel like even a twelve-year-old knows how to live better than me. I want to start doing MD again, writing all those stories, reading fiction, and daydreaming, but I know I can't because it would just be a comforting lie. What I'm struggling with right now has always been there; MD just hid it.

M18. Ho finito le superiori da qualche settimana (diplomato a pieni voti, almeno questo) e adesso mi sembra che il mondo si sia fondamentalmente fermato. In passato uscivo un po' con i miei compagni di classe, anche se non è che fossero proprio miei amici, ma ora non so che fare. Nessuno mi scrive, nessuno vuole stare con me e quando esco la sera rimango quasi sempre in silenzio.

Passo le mie giornate steso a letto, andando al massimo in palestra di tanto in tanto o a lavorare in campagna. Ho la patente, ma sono incapace di guidare (ne parlerò più avanti) e cmq non ho con chi organizzarmi. Aggiungo anche che non ho praticamente interessi, niente che mi possa motivare, quindi la mia esistenza sembra ancora più grigia e monotona.

Oltre alle mie relazioni sociali, ciò che mi spaventa dell'uni è il fatto che dovrò essere indipendente, stare al passo con tutto. Il problema è che da anni vivo come su un altro pianeta. Soffro di ansia e serie difficoltà a concentrarmi in ogni cosa. Come detto prima, non riesco a portare bene la macchina, a tagliare bene l'erba e anche soffiarmi il naso richiede un certo sforzo.

E quindi niente. Già questa estate è come se fluttuassi in un limbo, e ho davvero paura per il futuro. Spero che qualcuno abbia un consiglio valido.

That's basically the title. I'm incapable of doing simple things or interacting with the world; even putting things in the refrigerator is difficult. I look like an idiot because I have no real interest in following myself, and when I'm around people, it's as if I'm half asleep. I can't play video games, play sports, or move my body, and even though I've had my license for over a month, I'm unfit to drive. It's not that I'm not talented or anything, it's like I'm disconnected. Does anyone have any advice on how to fix this, or will I just have to die like this?

It's awful to say, and I feel really bad thinking about it, but I basically wasted my entire childhood and even adolescence, preferring to stay in my little room, which was practically my entire world. As a child, I spent hours in bed watching cartoons without talking to anyone, and I spent my whole life doing the same with books, the Internet, and so on. After all that, I feel like an empty shell. I have no real passions, I don't know how to interact in real life, and I feel anxious in every situation. I didn't have the typical experiences of youth, preferring to experience everything in my imagination, and now I find myself having to relive it all (and I'm about to go to college). Any advice on how to fix it?

I’ve had an "online life" since I was about twelve, when I started actively participating in Telegram groups, Reddit communities, and the like—sometimes sticking with them for years. I often posted interesting discussions on mature topics, and I liked maintaining a serious, professional tone, almost as if I were imitating a specific persona. It was the kind of thing that often led people to assume I was at least twenty years old. Now, back to reality. I’m eighteen, and I struggle to hold a conversation with almost anyone. When I go out on Saturday nights, I see everyone else chatting and having fun, while I stay silent—or, at most, make small talk about the gym or school. My reactions often come across as childish, and I feel like I lack a personality when I speak. I’m insecure about everything and constantly get lost in my own thoughts. Far from demonizing the internet, I do think the way I used it is the root cause of all this. I genuinely believe that spending my pre-teen and teenage years online deprived me of typical human development—as if my growth took place solely in my bedroom rather than in the real world.

I discovered this term recently and it really struck me, because it's something I've been doing all my life.

Ever since I was twelve, I'd developed the habit of masturbating by lying on a surface (couch, bed, or, in extreme cases, even the floor) and rubbing myself against it, often squeezing or using my hands. It was something I did all the time, to the point that between the ages of thirteen and sixteen, I masturbated about four times a day. Looking back, it's truly disgusting, but that's not the only reason I hate having developed this particular style of self-eroticism.

I'm straight (for a long time I thought I was bisexual, but now I think I'm only attracted to women), yet I have trouble feeling truly aroused. I can be around tons of women, some even touch me, but I NEVER get aroused. This is because the only relationship I've had with sexuality, even in my most formative years, was through prone masturbation.

I've never kissed anyone on the mouth, or engaged in penetration, or anything else. I'm attracted to people, but at the same time, the act of sex is extremely painful and scary. I've also always practiced prone masturbation purely for pleasure, without even thinking about sexual things, so it's like I'm really backward, like an eleven-year-old (and I'm eighteen). Life is long, and I think I can get back to normal, but it's really hard to recalibrate my brain. How can you change something that's been ingrained in you since you were young?

I really don't know what to do and I feel like crap. Anyone have any advice?