u/airconditionersound

I did some body building and intentionally gained muscle. It had never been an interest of mine, so I read up on it a little and learned about things like creating a calorie surplus, getting the nutrition you need to support muscle growth, and taking days off

I don't look super muscular, but I now have more muscle than a young teenager would have (in most cases - I'm sure there are exceptions). So people now think I'm an adult!

Glad I finally made it to adulthood. I'm 47

I'm a long time vegan. 10 years ago, I offered my home to a homeless dog. We became really good friends. Now he's elderly and has canine Alzheimer's. He's not doing so well and I'm facing the possibility of euthanasia

This is really hard, as a vegan. I don't want to take his life. It's also hard to see him go through all this distress and suffering, and it's taking a toll on my health too

I'd especially like to hear from other vegans. How would you make this decision? Do you think euthanasia is ever ok?

ETA: I think part of what I'm struggling with is that being vegan has really deepened my empathy for animals and reluctance to harm them in any way for any reason. For example, during my childhood, I used to catch fish and eat them. I thought that was natural and therefore ok. But then I felt 100 times healthier after going vegan, learned those fish contained high levels of mercury, and realized it was not healthy or natural, at least in today's world. Since realizing I really have no reason to ever harm any animal, it's become hard to think about taking one's life. But I'm going to try working with the vet(s) to reach a mutual, medically advised decision

I'm part Antillais, so my family made me learn French, starting when I was 5. I studied it in school for 13 years and mostly did not like it! I wanted to be learning other languages instead (and I did eventually study Spanish)

Then, ten years ago, I decided to work on my language skills because I wanted to travel. I rapidly completed the Duolingo courses in French, Spanish and German, and moved on to Clozemaster. Those apps were much better then, and free

Then I ran out of time to keep practicing. Now I'm studying for the TCF or TEF Canada, for the usual reasons

I was having a hard time finding a good app for review, on a limited budget. So I contacted a local French organization that offers classes. They gave me a test by phone and suggested B1.

I think I was at C1 29 years ago when I stopped studying French in school. That was a long time ago. Test practice is no place for ego. I plan to review everything I need to review. But I'm hoping I can get back to C1. That's the score I'd like to get

I'm at that point where I can understand a lot of French, but I can't think of the words when writing or speaking. I think the structure of a class will help, and maybe I'll find some study partners

Wish me luck! 🇨🇦

I do remote customer service and I've been noticing this. It's escalated over the past year.

I've lived in the south and the sir / ma'am thing used to be kind of casual and polite. I never liked it, being non-binary, and thinking people should not be reduced to gender / gender roles. But at least it wasn't the excessive thing I'm seeing now. People would use it like a nickname or term or endearment, maybe every few sentences, not too much

But there's this other thing that's new, at least to me, where people talk like they are in the military and also end every single sentence with a sir or ma'am. They used it like a period or an exclamation mark

And the people who do this also talk like they're interacting with an authority figure while enlisted in the military. Very energetic, concise and formal

Men and women do this, but they are always in ultra conservative areas, like the most conservative parts of Florida, Missouri, Utah, etc

I know I could post about this anywhere, but I wanted to talk to other non-binary people about it since we're uniquely affected by the sir / ma'am thing. It is hard to deal with

Fortunately I'm pretty good at detaching myself from my job and not letting anything get to me. But it's disturbing to witness this possible trend. The people who engage in it really give me the creeps. They always have that far off the deep end into the maga cult kind of vibe

I legally changed my name. And the DMV is making it take forver to get my name updated on the car's title.

I can't sell the car until the name change goes through. I also can't afford to get the annual inspection and I don't think it would pass because it barely runs. Now I'm getting parking tickets I can't afford for parking on a city street without current inspection stickers. Oh, and I have to pay another $60 minimum to the DMV as part of the name change process.

Meanwhile my car is only worth about $300. I can see why people dump their junk cars, throw them into bodies of water and stuff. I would never do that. Just saying I understand.

Fortunately, I can take the plates off and stop paying insurance. As long as I don't park it on the street. Which means I have to pay to rent a garage. For a junk car that I don't need and have no interest in owning

Fuck cars. I'm thinking never again

I'm in the process of getting rid of my car and going back to being car free. I was car free before but had to get a car when I moved to a rural area for school. Then I had to use the car for work for a couple of years. But I no longer need it!

I appreciate classic cars and actually enjoy driving, but there are SO many good reasons not to own one:

Walking is much healthier
Pollution is bad
Car ownership is expensive
Cars are expensive
Cars kill animals and can also hurt people, even if you're a good driver
Driving is dangerous and can be bad for your health
The planned obsolescence - how cars are designed to depreciate fast and end up in junkyards
Insurance companies are scammy
Parking tickets
Impulse buys - buying more junk food and stuff when you can easily drive to the store instead of walking there

And so much more. I can't wait to be car free again

When the abuser describes your reactions to the abuse to other people but leaves out their own behavior. The intention being to reverse the narrative and make you look "crazy"

For example, you're forced to physically defend yourself from an attack and then they tell people what you did and call you "violent"

Or they tell people about things you said in response to abusive things they said or did to you

I went through a lot of this as a child, growing up in an abusive situation. It seems to be a tactic child abusers use a lot. And it can be used to get abused children diagnosed with mental health conditions they don't have, which is then used to enable the abuse

I've also seen adults do it to other adults, myself included. Not just in relationships but also sometimes at work and in other situations

EDIT to add an example:

You're talking to someone and they threaten to physically harm you. You scream "Get away from me you creep!!!" and run. They then tell people "I asked how they were doing and they suddenly started screaming and running. Must be unwell. And they called me a creep. I feel hurt. I don't deserve that." And they act really calm, kind and reasonable around most people so that those they choose to victimize won't be believed.

Obviously there's also a version of this where you defend yourself from physical violence by, say, pushing the other person away, or putting your arms up to block them, or something reasonable like that. And then they describe your behavior out of context to get you labeled as violent

Keeping this gender neutral because obviously this can involve people of any gender

I look younger due to physical differences. I'm also transmasc and don't pass, which means I deal with hate based on my assigned gender as well as for being trans (and the assumption that I'm gay). I have a physical disability that gets misread as weird body language. And I look vaguely mixed/"foreign" (being vague so I don't dox myself

It's pretty common for the condescension to come with hateful comments regarding the various minority categories that I fall into. I deal with a lot of hateful and ignorant assumptions

And a lot of the time, it's not clear where people are coming from. If they really think I'm younger or if they hate me for other reasons. Like when someone talks to me EXTREMELY slowly, using simple words and a condescending tone. Or when they just exclude me, or refuse to talk to me. When I get followed and stared at while shopping at a store, and asked if I "need help." Stuff like that

I get read as a lot of different things by different people. It can be exhausting to deal with. You never know where someone's coming from, or what's coming next. And it doesn't help that I grew up in a hateful environment where I was taught my whole life that I deserve to be mistreated, and subjected to violence if I disagreed

Maybe this post is too heavy for this sub. I can take it down

I'm older, btw. In my 40s. This has always been an issue

Being neurodivergent is real and I respect people's identities

I also think the mental health system is predatory and tends to overdiagnose in order to sell products. And functions as a tool of oppression in general

They tend to start by diagnosing people with conditions that could apply to almost anyone if you interpret the criteria loosely. Or just prey on people during challenging times in their lives

Then they offer you drugs that make things worse. And abusive "therapy." Until they can diagnose you with something more stigmatized. And then that diagnosis gets used to gaslight you if/when you talk about the abuse

To work on my electric guitars. Someone whose rates are affordable. I do basic maintenance myself but need to see a tech occasionally

Sadly, there are some people who want to gate keep and do inferior work for women, queer and trans clients. So I have to ask for recommendations for someone who doesn't have those issues. I know there are lots of people like that, but I'm new to Philly

Background: I look mixed and there is evidence that I might be on both sides of my family. On one side of the family there is some Creole ancestry from an area where almost everyone is mixed (Black and Indigenous). On the other side one grandparent looked mixed (Black and/or Indigenous and white). All recent generations of my family were born in the US. Most of my relatives look white and are racist, including towards me, and towards that one grandparent (who passed a long time ago). I have barely any contact with them because of this

I deal with a lot of hate and weird reactions from white Americans, but I don't know how to talk about it. And sometimes people seem to even target me because of that. Like they think they can act openly racist/xenophobic and get away with it

I refuse to use a label that might be wrong. And I'm not going to take a consumer dna test, especially right now

I feel like being in this situation should be its own identity, but then it would probably just get appropriated by a lot of very white passing people with zero evidence of any other ancestry except "I don't know for sure," which would render it meaningless and then we'd be invisible again

Also, I guess I can call myself Creole, but that still leaves me outside the boxes we're all supposed to be placed in. And there's not much awareness around Creole identities, at least outside of certain areas

I was badly abused by my family. Whenever I sought help, Christians would respond like this. "You have to honor your mother and father. Never say anything bad about them. You'll be rewarded in heaven. God never gives you more than you can handle." And then they shush you and walk away if you try to respond. They love to silence abuse victims.

Asking as a vegan. I'm in this situation right now. Humane traps aren't working. What would you do?

I know this might be too sad for this sub, but I wanted to talk about it in a chill place. Looking for support as I deal with this.

I've been plant based for 33 years, vegan with zero animal products for the past 6 years.

And now my apartment has a mouse problem and humane traps aren't working. I can't get a cat because my dog isn't good with other animals.

I'm probably going to have to do things I don't want to do. It's making me sad. I can't bring myself to harm the mice, but I can't live with them either

🐁💔

It's extremely unlikely that there's any kind of afterlife, but no one comes back from the dead to tell you what happened. No one can come back and say "Heaven isn't real. I got scammed."

It should be really obvious that that's a scam. And that many churches have products to sell. And other motivations to manipulate people.

Even liberal demoninations often have cemeteries. Have you looked into how much cemetery plots cost? Thousands. People buy them thinking they'll be laid to rest peacefully forever, but most cemeteries are for-profit businesses on private property. Many only do the bare minimum in maintenance. Once you have no living relatives left, they'll let you grave site fall into disrepair. And the land can be sold or abandonned. A strip mall could be built over your grave only 10 years after you paid $6k to be buried there.

Churches want you to think you have to pay for all this stuff in order to have a good afterlife. When there's zero evidence that an afterlife exists, and a lot more evidence that it doesn't. They are scamming people

Add up your car expenses and see what you're paying, on average, per month. It's a lot of money. Renting a car as needed tends to be cheaper. Especially when you factor in that gas will also be cheaper because brand new cars get better fuel economy (assuming you've been driving an older car like most people).

I like to rent a car for two or three days every 4 - 8 weeks. During that time, I do any necessary errands involving a car. I also treat myself to some fun activities like hiking or nightlife that I can't take public transit to. I take the dog to the dog wash and/or the vet. Stuff like that.

It's fun getting to drive a different car every time. And getting different cars to suit my needs. Like a Prius for a day trip and then a mini van to bring home some new furniture

I still drive as little as possible. But this is something to consider if you're interested in going car free but still need a car sometimes

ETA: Also car sharing. And even if you have to do a longer rental sometimes, it still tends to be cheaper than owning a car

Does this happen to anyone else?

It's weird for me because different people read me as different ages. And sometimes there's another possible explanation, like gender policing. It always takes me by surprise

I'll be acting normal, just talking to someone or hanging out with someone and some other adult, will approach me and try to "intervene." They express concerns for my safety but in a weird, condescending way that feels gross

And they never ask how old I am. It's always more like "Hey! Come over here with us ladies!" or "ARE YOU OK????" out of nowhere and other weird behavior

I'm in my 40s. I've been getting this my whole adult life. I am transmasc and have a lot of male dominated hobbies so I'm frequently seen as a "child in danger" by observing strangers

I have been through some bad stuff and appreciate that people are concerned, but I wish they'd express their concern in a more respectful way. I wish they'd take into account that they don't know me and I might be an adult

I'm sick of being treated like a freak, infantilized and given horrified stares just for talking to people my own age and doing normal things that lots of people my age do

My dog's results show one breed and then small percentages (1% - 3%) of other breeds. Most of the small percentage breeds are similar to the majority breed.

Since you're supposed to disregard anything under 5% with Wisdom Panel, should I consider my dog purebred?

I think it has a built in filter that you can't turn off (in addition to the ones you can). Every time I use it, the lines on my face disappear and I look like I'm about 14. I'm 47.

I just had a work meeting where it was like that. As usual, my boss commented on what color I dyed my hair this month. It came up that my hair is naturally dark and requires a lot of bleaching to get the colors to look good. My boss was like "You're not worried about how that will affect your hair later, when you're older?"

I was like "No, not really" and didn't say anything else, just let him keep thinking I was younger. I'm still laughing about it.

He shook his head like "Kids these days" and showed us his receding hairline. He's 40. I could have been his babysitter ahahaha

I'm getting massive amounts of them. It seems like part of an effort to lure more people into the mental health system - where they'll be told they need dangerous drugs they don't need, abused by therapists, and more

And who's on reddit? Mostly left of conservative, young, educated, literate people. It kind of seems like an effort to undermine us or somsthing? ("Us" used loosely since I'm not young)

Pretty much anyone can and will be diagnosed with something if they show up for a screening. They don't tell you the basic criteria for all the conditions is supposed to be that the symptoms are causing you to really struggle in life, like being unable to hold a job. They always stretch it to include any kind of discomfort. And of course everything is so subjective, and not based on real science