u/assistant_manu

Im an older hobbyist. Ever since i was a kid I've always wanted to draw comedy adventure comics, while i always scribble and draw at times, I never had enough skill to do so. This past few years, i made artist friends online through a fandom and eventually drew a lot of fanart comic strips until i finally found the artstyle i can express the things i want to put and be fairly consistent of it.

But the artist friend of mine is better, faster, more followed, etc. At first it didnt bother me, especially since our artstyles are quite different. Until, they drew my fave character in a way that, idk how to explain it.

That piece of art they made, moved my heart, my soul, in a way that i would never thought of myself (nor i can replicate it).

Then i started to be less excited in drawing. At first, i thought it was jealousy. While part of it must be (its normal right), I think the better way to put it is that, they made me feel something that my own art will never give me.

I kept doing mine but at this point im tired. Even tho i still have ideas and wips, i just.... can't be as excited anymore... what should I do?

Should i stop going to social media looking at even more arts that i can love more than my own (other artists too)? Should I try to change my artstyle?

What should I do to be able to love my own drawings more than other people's again?

(edit: i wasn't in my best state when i wrote this so take it with a grain of salt)

Even if I'll never have physical strength of cis? I genuinely thought it was only due to strength diff. But my transfem friend says that *all* men will benefit from patriarchy and people will even side with men in any social media argument if i ever argue with women (even tho i pretty much never check anyone's bio in such convo).

I didnt plan to take t (not that i can get it anytime soon but) so that my psych wouldnt look intimidating (even tho ik itd be hard even with it), but looking at it this way, why not, right? If just changing pronoun would do it, why bother to hold back?

I thought the worst that can happen will be "youre not actually a man, youre just a woman playing tough" but maybe it's more "youre a man, and as such you're dangerous"

What should i do? I kinda have abandonment issue so this kinda thing shakes me a lot. Should i better stay woman? Like, ik maybe i shouldnt ask this in ftm place but i really dont have other place to ask, im sorry.

Context: am late closeted transmasc that don't want to see myself turning into my dad (he treated my mom poorly verbally, insecure whenever anyone he conversed with didn't go 'yes man' with him, etc etc). I used to overcompensate by putting myself down in convos etc but I wonder if there's a healthier mindset to be a social man.

im getting into philosophy lately to the point of replacing my art hobby, im starting to wonder if im actually intp.

But then i watched some yt vid (by people clearly intp) and seems like intp that are into this stuff are genuinely trying to solve their life problems with it. While me and few infps i remember are in it because they like things that have some kinda rules that thoroughly explains the "why"s.

But it's not like infps are motivated to do those, even if a philosophical theory has what they think the perfect explanation of life and the universe and what they should do with it, they'd still not going to follow it if they don't feel like it.

While intp would be more compelled to practice it if it manages to make perfect sense to them.

What do you think? Is Fi vs Ti generally works like this? Or am i far off the mark?

having friends is great when it's great, i can talk about stuff i wanna talk. i thought the only thing i gotta do to repay em is to also be there when they need me, but feels like they don't really need me. Like, they think it's chill when im around but if im not then it wouldn't make a change to em.

So yeah, i think imma just go back to solo like how i used to be. with mandatory socializing irl