u/britishtvlover

as the title suggests, i’ve tried my whole life irl and online to make friends and it fails. i have mental health issues and it’s hard enough for me to put myself out there and when i do all i ever get is bullied, judged, abused/attacked, laughed at, blocked, ghosted, people deleting their accounts, people who don’t respect my boundaries (no nsfw, relationships, flirting etc).

i lost my favourite person (they abandoned me) on may 11 that i talked and roleplayed with for a few months (roleplay is something that has helped me cope as an escape from reality since i was 14/15, and yes i have tried rp subreddits and discords and have been banned from them because i do it like fanfiction so with real people (celebrities) as the characters, i don’t mean any disrespect it’s just a comfort thing for me), which hurts a lot. they haven’t said anything since their goodbye message on may 11, but haven’t blocked me. i’m really worried they’re no longer alive.

everyone else, they reach out to me, i tell them my interests, age and country, and they ghost or block. this has happened many times in the past few days and then i delete my posts and turn my messages off and same thing.

i’m really struggling with loneliness and bad thoughts that i can’t mention here (ones beginning with s, ending in e) and i’m a NEET (not through not trying all i can, but please don’t ask me about that as i’d rather not share) and hikikmori, i don’t have any friends irl and never have either. so i just stay home with my parents, don’t have any siblings. i’m not going to act on those but still.

i try my hardest to be a good person, be there for people, talk to them, share interests and learn about theirs, and all that stuff, but no matter what i’m never good enough and people just treat me like crap. get my hopes up then throw me away. and it hurts beyond words. i’m human with wants, needs, a heart and emotions too.

all i’ve ever wanted is one true friend to talk to pretty much daily, to share interests or learn about each others interests, who won’t abandon me, who accepts me for who i am and loves me platonically. that’s all i’ve ever asked for but it’ll never happen, and i keep trying to be hopeful but there’s no point.

so yeah if you can relate and you’re interested please message me. my interests are roleplaying obviously (it’s impossible for me to find people to do that with and once again yes i’ve tried servers and subreddits and all that for it), rock and metal music, arts and crafts, walking daily, nature, all animals, diamond painting (check the subreddit), playing ipad games sometimes (currently wordscapes, sortime and goods sorting, sometimes the papa’s games, cooking fever and airplane chefs too) and some history. that’s all i can think of rn.

if you’re never available to talk (i understand people being busy but that’s the whole point of having online friends) or going to be mean, waste my time, block etc. please don’t bother. i just want someone genuine. i never find anything good on the friend or other subreddits or discord servers.

as the title suggests, i’ve tried my whole life irl and online to make friends and it fails. i have mental health issues and it’s hard enough for me to put myself out there and when i do all i ever get is bullied, judged, abused/attacked, laughed at, blocked, ghosted, people deleting their accounts, people who don’t respect my boundaries (no nsfw, relationships, flirting etc).

i lost my favourite person (they abandoned me) on may 11 that i talked and roleplayed with for a few months (roleplay is something that has helped me cope as an escape from reality since i was 14/15, and yes i have tried rp subreddits and discords and have been banned from them because i do it like fanfiction so with real people (celebrities) as the characters, i don’t mean any disrespect it’s just a comfort thing for me), which hurts a lot. they haven’t said anything since their goodbye message on may 11, but haven’t blocked me. i’m really worried they’re no longer alive.

everyone else, they reach out to me, i tell them my interests, age and country, and they ghost or block. this has happened many times in the past few days and then i delete my posts and turn my messages off and same thing.

i’m really struggling with loneliness and bad thoughts that i can’t mention here (ones beginning with s, ending in e) and i’m a NEET (not through not trying all i can, but please don’t ask me about that as i’d rather not share) and hikikmori, i don’t have any friends irl and never have either. so i just stay home with my parents, don’t have any siblings. i’m not going to act on those but still.

i try my hardest to be a good person, be there for people, talk to them, share interests and learn about theirs, and all that stuff, but no matter what i’m never good enough and people just treat me like crap. get my hopes up then throw me away. and it hurts beyond words. i’m human with wants, needs, a heart and emotions too.

all i’ve ever wanted is one true friend to talk to pretty much daily, to share interests or learn about each others interests, who won’t abandon me, who accepts me for who i am and loves me platonically. that’s all i’ve ever asked for but it’ll never happen, and i keep trying to be hopeful but there’s no point.

so yeah if you can relate and you’re interested please message me. my interests are roleplaying obviously (it’s impossible for me to find people to do that with and once again yes i’ve tried servers and subreddits and all that for it), rock and metal music, arts and crafts, walking daily, nature, all animals, diamond painting (check the subreddit), playing ipad games sometimes (currently wordscapes, sortime and goods sorting, sometimes the papa’s games, cooking fever and airplane chefs too) and some history. that’s all i can think of rn.

if you’re never available to talk (i understand people being busy but that’s the whole point of having online friends) or going to be mean, waste my time, block etc. please don’t bother. i just want someone genuine. i never find anything good on the friend or other subreddits or discord servers.

name: tayla.

country: australia.

interests: roleplaying and old british tv only (70s/80s sitcoms and comedians — these are big comfort things for me and go hand in hand), rock & metal music, all animals, nature, daily walks, colouring in, diamond painting (check the subreddit please), arts & crafts, some history, and casual ipad games.

boundaries: no flirting or pet names (babe, hun, etc), no relationships, no nsfw. please don’t ghost, delete your account or randomly block, and please genuinely share my interests. i don’t work or study (not through not trying), so please don’t ask me about jobs or education.

what i’m looking for: a kind, caring person aged 20–32 to talk to daily who’s happy to roleplay with me (even if you’re new — i can teach). i have mental health issues, i’m sensitive, and making friends is hard for me, but i’m trying my best, so please be understanding. i also have insomnia, so i’m online a lot. if you message me, please include your name, age, country, and interests, as it’s hard for me to reply to just “hi”.

i’m mostly looking for someone willing to roleplay with me who actually wants to, looks forward to it, suggests ideas for the plots and won’t abandon me. it’s something that helps me cope when it goes well and means a lot to me, and it would mean a lot to find someone who feels the same way about that. yes i have tried all the roleplaying places with no luck.

i don’t want to wait days or so for a reply, like most people online, because it’s hard enough making online friends. so please don’t reach out if you’re “too busy” to message (i try to be understanding that life comes first but still), are going to be rude and waste my time and all that bad stuff.

name: tayla.

country: australia.

interests: roleplaying and old british tv only (70s/80s sitcoms and comedians — these are big comfort things for me and go hand in hand), rock & metal music, all animals, nature, daily walks, colouring in, diamond painting (check the subreddit please), arts & crafts, some history, and casual ipad games.

boundaries: no flirting or pet names (babe, hun, etc), no relationships, no nsfw. please don’t ghost, delete your account or randomly block, and please genuinely share my interests. i don’t work or study (not through not trying), so please don’t ask me about jobs or education.

what i’m looking for: a kind, caring person aged 20–32 to talk to daily who’s happy to roleplay with me (even if you’re new — i can teach). i have mental health issues, i’m sensitive, and making friends is hard for me, but i’m trying my best, so please be understanding. i also have insomnia, so i’m online a lot. if you message me, please include your name, age, country, and interests, as it’s hard for me to reply to just “hi”.

i’m mostly looking for someone willing to roleplay with me who actually wants to, looks forward to it, suggests ideas for the plots and won’t abandon me. it’s something that helps me cope when it goes well and means a lot to me, and it would mean a lot to find someone who feels the same way about that. yes i have tried all the roleplaying places with no luck.

i don’t want to wait days or so for a reply, like most people online, because it’s hard enough making online friends. so please don’t reach out if you’re “too busy” to message (i try to be understanding that life comes first but still), are going to be rude and waste my time and all that bad stuff.

name: tayla.

country: australia.

interests: roleplaying and old british tv only (70s/80s sitcoms and comedians — these are big comfort things for me and go hand in hand), rock & metal music, all animals, nature, daily walks, colouring in, diamond painting (check the subreddit please), arts & crafts, some history, and casual ipad games.

boundaries: no flirting or pet names (babe, hun, etc), no relationships, no nsfw. please don’t ghost, delete your account or randomly block, and please genuinely share my interests. i don’t work or study (not through not trying), so please don’t ask me about jobs or education.

what i’m looking for: a kind, caring person aged 20–32 to talk to daily who’s happy to roleplay with me (even if you’re new — i can teach). i have mental health issues, i’m sensitive, and making friends is hard for me, but i’m trying my best, so please be understanding. i also have insomnia, so i’m online a lot. if you message me, please include your name, age, country, and interests, as it’s hard for me to reply to just “hi”.

i’m mostly looking for someone willing to roleplay with me who actually wants to, looks forward to it, suggests ideas for the plots and won’t abandon me. it’s something that helps me cope when it goes well and means a lot to me, and it would mean a lot to find someone who feels the same way about that. yes i have tried all the roleplaying places with no luck.

i don’t want to wait days or so for a reply, like most people online, because it’s hard enough making online friends. so please don’t reach out if you’re “too busy” to message (i try to be understanding that life comes first but still), are going to be rude and waste my time and all that bad stuff.

name: tayla.

country: australia.

interests: roleplaying and old british tv only (70s/80s sitcoms and comedians — these are big comfort things for me and go hand in hand), rock & metal music, all animals, nature, daily walks, colouring in, diamond painting (check the subreddit please), arts & crafts, some history, and casual ipad games.

boundaries: no flirting or pet names (babe, hun, etc), no relationships, no nsfw. please don’t ghost, delete your account or randomly block, and please genuinely share my interests. i don’t work or study (not through not trying), so please don’t ask me about jobs or education.

what i’m looking for: a kind, caring person aged 20–32 to talk to daily who’s happy to roleplay with me (even if you’re new — i can teach). i have mental health issues, i’m sensitive, and making friends is hard for me, but i’m trying my best, so please be understanding. i also have insomnia, so i’m online a lot. if you message me, please include your name, age, country, and interests, as it’s hard for me to reply to just “hi”.

i’m mostly looking for someone willing to roleplay with me who actually wants to, looks forward to it, suggests ideas for the plots and won’t abandon me. it’s something that helps me cope when it goes well and means a lot to me, and it would mean a lot to find someone who feels the same way about that. yes i have tried all the roleplaying places with no luck.

i don’t want to wait days or so for a reply, like most people online, because it’s hard enough making online friends. so please don’t reach out if you’re “too busy” to message (i try to be understanding that life comes first but still), are going to be rude and waste my time and all that bad stuff.

name: tayla.

country: australia.

interests: roleplaying and old british tv only (70s/80s sitcoms and comedians — these are big comfort things for me and go hand in hand), rock & metal music, all animals, nature, daily walks, colouring in, diamond painting (check the subreddit please), arts & crafts, some history, and casual ipad games.

boundaries: no flirting or pet names (babe, hun, etc), no relationships, no nsfw. please don’t ghost, delete your account or randomly block, and please genuinely share my interests. i don’t work or study (not through not trying), so please don’t ask me about jobs or education.

what i’m looking for: a kind, caring person aged 20–32 to talk to daily who’s happy to roleplay with me (even if you’re new — i can teach). i have mental health issues, i’m sensitive, and making friends is hard for me, but i’m trying my best, so please be understanding. i also have insomnia, so i’m online a lot. if you message me, please include your name, age, country, and interests, as it’s hard for me to reply to just “hi”.

i’m mostly looking for someone willing to roleplay with me who actually wants to, looks forward to it, suggests ideas for the plots and won’t abandon me. it’s something that helps me cope when it goes well and means a lot to me, and it would mean a lot to find someone who feels the same way about that. yes i have tried all the roleplaying places with no luck.

i don’t want to wait days or so for a reply, like most people online, because it’s hard enough making online friends. so please don’t reach out if you’re “too busy” to message (i try to be understanding that life comes first but still), are going to be rude and waste my time and all that bad stuff.

name: tayla.

country: australia.

interests: roleplaying and old british tv only (70s/80s sitcoms and comedians — these are big comfort things for me and go hand in hand), rock & metal music, all animals, nature, daily walks, colouring in, diamond painting (check the subreddit please), arts & crafts, some history, and casual ipad games.

boundaries: no flirting or pet names (babe, hun, etc), no relationships, no nsfw. please don’t ghost, delete your account or randomly block, and please genuinely share my interests. i don’t work or study (not through not trying), so please don’t ask me about jobs or education.

what i’m looking for: a kind, caring person aged 20–32 to talk to daily who’s happy to roleplay with me (even if you’re new — i can teach). i have mental health issues, i’m sensitive, and making friends is hard for me, but i’m trying my best, so please be understanding. i also have insomnia, so i’m online a lot. if you message me, please include your name, age, country, and interests, as it’s hard for me to reply to just “hi”.

i’m mostly looking for someone willing to roleplay with me who actually wants to, looks forward to it, suggests ideas for the plots and won’t abandon me. it’s something that helps me cope when it goes well and means a lot to me, and it would mean a lot to find someone who feels the same way about that. yes i have tried all the roleplaying places with no luck.

i don’t want to wait days or so for a reply, like most people online, because it’s hard enough making online friends. so please don’t reach out if you’re “too busy” to message (i try to be understanding that life comes first but still), are going to be rude and waste my time and all that bad stuff.

name: tayla.

country: australia.

interests: roleplaying and old british tv only (70s/80s sitcoms and comedians — these are big comfort things for me and go hand in hand), rock & metal music, all animals, nature, daily walks, colouring in, diamond painting (check the subreddit please), arts & crafts, some history, and casual ipad games.

boundaries: no flirting or pet names (babe, hun, etc), no relationships, no nsfw. please don’t ghost, delete your account or randomly block, and please genuinely share my interests. i don’t work or study (not through not trying), so please don’t ask me about jobs or education.

what i’m looking for: a kind, caring person aged 20–32 to talk to daily who’s happy to roleplay with me (even if you’re new — i can teach). i have mental health issues, i’m sensitive, and making friends is hard for me, but i’m trying my best, so please be understanding. i also have insomnia, so i’m online a lot. if you message me, please include your name, age, country, and interests, as it’s hard for me to reply to just “hi”.

i’m mostly looking for someone willing to roleplay with me who actually wants to, looks forward to it, suggests ideas for the plots and won’t abandon me. it’s something that helps me cope when it goes well and means a lot to me, and it would mean a lot to find someone who feels the same way about that. yes i have tried all the roleplaying places with no luck.

i don’t want to wait days or so for a reply, like most people online, because it’s hard enough making online friends. so please don’t reach out if you’re “too busy” to message (i try to be understanding that life comes first but still), are going to be rude and waste my time and all that bad stuff.

name: tayla.

country: australia.

interests: roleplaying and old british tv only (70s/80s sitcoms and comedians — these are big comfort things for me and go hand in hand), rock & metal music, all animals, nature, daily walks, colouring in, diamond painting (check the subreddit please), arts & crafts, some history, and casual ipad games.

boundaries: no flirting or pet names (babe, hun, etc), no relationships, no nsfw. please don’t ghost, delete your account or randomly block, and please genuinely share my interests. i don’t work or study (not through not trying), so please don’t ask me about jobs or education.

what i’m looking for: a kind, caring person aged 20–32 to talk to daily who’s happy to roleplay with me (even if you’re new — i can teach). i have mental health issues, i’m sensitive, and making friends is hard for me, but i’m trying my best, so please be understanding. i also have insomnia, so i’m online a lot. if you message me, please include your name, age, country, and interests, as it’s hard for me to reply to just “hi”.

i’m mostly looking for someone willing to roleplay with me who actually wants to, looks forward to it, suggests ideas for the plots and won’t abandon me. it’s something that helps me cope when it goes well and means a lot to me, and it would mean a lot to find someone who feels the same way about that. yes i have tried all the roleplaying places with no luck.

i don’t want to wait days or so for a reply, like most people online, because it’s hard enough making online friends. so please don’t reach out if you’re “too busy” to message (i try to be understanding that life comes first but still), are going to be rude and waste my time and all that bad stuff.

name: tayla.

country: australia.

interests: roleplaying and old british tv only (70s/80s sitcoms and comedians — these are big comfort things for me and go hand in hand), rock & metal music, all animals, nature, daily walks, colouring in, diamond painting (check the subreddit please), arts & crafts, some history, and casual ipad games.

boundaries: no flirting or pet names (babe, hun, etc), no relationships, no nsfw. please don’t ghost, delete your account or randomly block, and please genuinely share my interests. i don’t work or study (not through not trying), so please don’t ask me about jobs or education.

what i’m looking for: a kind, caring person aged 20–32 to talk to daily who’s happy to roleplay with me (even if you’re new — i can teach). i have mental health issues, i’m sensitive, and making friends is hard for me, but i’m trying my best, so please be understanding. i also have insomnia, so i’m online a lot. if you message me, please include your name, age, country, and interests, as it’s hard for me to reply to just “hi”.

i’m mostly looking for someone willing to roleplay with me who actually wants to, looks forward to it, suggests ideas for the plots and won’t abandon me. it’s something that helps me cope when it goes well and means a lot to me, and it would mean a lot to find someone who feels the same way about that. yes i have tried all the roleplaying places with no luck.

i don’t want to wait days or so for a reply, like most people online, because it’s hard enough making online friends. so please don’t reach out if you’re “too busy” to message (i try to be understanding that life comes first but still), are going to be rude and waste my time and all that bad stuff.

name: tayla.

country: australia.

interests: roleplaying and old british tv only (70s/80s sitcoms and comedians — these are big comfort things for me and go hand in hand), rock & metal music, all animals, nature, daily walks, colouring in, diamond painting (check the subreddit please), arts & crafts, some history, and casual ipad games.

boundaries: no flirting or pet names (babe, hun, etc), no relationships, no nsfw. please don’t ghost, delete your account or randomly block, and please genuinely share my interests. i don’t work or study (not through not trying), so please don’t ask me about jobs or education.

what i’m looking for: a kind, caring person aged 20–32 to talk to daily who’s happy to roleplay with me (even if you’re new — i can teach). i have mental health issues, i’m sensitive, and making friends is hard for me, but i’m trying my best, so please be understanding. i also have insomnia, so i’m online a lot. if you message me, please include your name, age, country, and interests, as it’s hard for me to reply to just “hi”.

i’m mostly looking for someone willing to roleplay with me who actually wants to, looks forward to it, suggests ideas for the plots and won’t abandon me. it’s something that helps me cope when it goes well and means a lot to me, and it would mean a lot to find someone who feels the same way about that. yes i have tried all the roleplaying places with no luck.

i don’t want to wait days or so for a reply, like most people online, because it’s hard enough making online friends. so please don’t reach out if you’re “too busy” to message (i try to be understanding that life comes first but still), are going to be rude and waste my time and all that bad stuff.

name: tayla.

country: australia.

interests: roleplaying and old british tv only (70s/80s sitcoms and comedians — these are big comfort things for me and go hand in hand), rock & metal music, all animals, nature, daily walks, colouring in, diamond painting (check the subreddit please), arts & crafts, some history, and casual ipad games.

boundaries: no flirting or pet names (babe, hun, etc), no relationships, no nsfw. please don’t ghost, delete your account or randomly block, and please genuinely share my interests. i don’t work or study (not through not trying), so please don’t ask me about jobs or education.

what i’m looking for: a kind, caring person aged 20–32 to talk to daily who’s happy to roleplay with me (even if you’re new — i can teach). i have mental health issues, i’m sensitive, and making friends is hard for me, but i’m trying my best, so please be understanding. i also have insomnia, so i’m online a lot. if you message me, please include your name, age, country, and interests, as it’s hard for me to reply to just “hi”.

i’m mostly looking for someone willing to roleplay with me who actually wants to, looks forward to it, suggests ideas for the plots and won’t abandon me. it’s something that helps me cope when it goes well and means a lot to me, and it would mean a lot to find someone who feels the same way about that. yes i have tried all the roleplaying places with no luck.

i don’t want to wait days or so for a reply, like most people online, because it’s hard enough making online friends. so please don’t reach out if you’re “too busy” to message (i try to be understanding that life comes first but still), are going to be rude and waste my time and all that bad stuff.

name: tayla.

country: australia.

interests: roleplaying and old british tv only (70s/80s sitcoms and comedians — these are big comfort things for me and go hand in hand), rock & metal music, all animals, nature, daily walks, colouring in, diamond painting (check the subreddit please), arts & crafts, some history, and casual ipad games.

boundaries: no flirting or pet names (babe, hun, etc), no relationships, no nsfw. please don’t ghost, delete your account or randomly block, and please genuinely share my interests. i don’t work or study (not through not trying), so please don’t ask me about jobs or education.

what i’m looking for: a kind, caring person aged 20–32 to talk to daily who’s happy to roleplay with me (even if you’re new — i can teach). i have mental health issues, i’m sensitive, and making friends is hard for me, but i’m trying my best, so please be understanding. i also have insomnia, so i’m online a lot. if you message me, please include your name, age, country, and interests, as it’s hard for me to reply to just “hi”.

i’m mostly looking for someone willing to roleplay with me who actually wants to, looks forward to it, suggests ideas for the plots and won’t abandon me. it’s something that helps me cope when it goes well and means a lot to me, and it would mean a lot to find someone who feels the same way about that. yes i have tried all the roleplaying places with no luck.

i don’t want to wait days or so for a reply, like most people online, because it’s hard enough making online friends. so please don’t reach out if you’re “too busy” to message (i try to be understanding that life comes first but still), are going to be rude and waste my time and all that bad stuff.

hello. please just kind words.

so it’s been over a week since i last heard from them but they just deleted me and i can still message them here and another platform i sent them a friend request, but they haven’t blocked me. they told me a few times they enjoyed my company, value me, love me (platonically) and all good things like that.

but we had an argument because i told them i was dealing with an emergency irl and that was my main focus, and because it was traumatic, it bought back other traumatic times of the same nature that i experienced irl aswell, so it was tough. the situation irl seems ok now but i told them that i don’t have the mental capacity to rp, but i can still talk.

they kept being what i felt, forceful about rp, and insensitive. they didn’t ask how i was (they don’t have to sure but it’s still polite) and kept asking if i wanted to rp. while i do appreciate a lot they wanted to rp with me and try to distract each other, the way they went about it i told them i found them to be insensitive and i got snappy because they got mad with me for not replying for like 2 minutes because i was doing something.

and ever since then they said goodbye while i was asleep although i apologised a lot and tried to fix things (and still am) and i haven’t heard anything from them since. i miss them so much and i’m super worried about them if they’re still alive or not. they’re in a different country to me (they’re from kenya, i’m from australia). they’re a male btw.

and please don’t say move on, i am trying to and trying to occupy myself but i have possible bpd (not diagnosed or self diagnosing, but i have a lot of the symptoms such as splitting, favourite person like this person was, impulsiveness, etc). so they were my favourite person, and meant so much to me. and i loved them platonically too.

i’d give anything to have another chance with them and just to know they’re okay. i understand their feelings and reasonings and if they need space but i think it was pretty cowardly to just leave like that without talking it over like we have before. i’m trying to be hopeful because they could’ve blocked me but they didn’t, but it’s really hard to be, and i’m super worried about them if they’re no longer alive.

they did say a while back they go offline for days at a time sometimes cause of work and whatnot (they didn’t say how many days) and that they’re currently moving house etc. but they still made time for me. it would’ve given me a bit of peace of mind if they actually said they’re having some time off the internet or something like that and came back, they don’t owe me an explanation i know but it would’ve helped a lot. this is the longest i’ve gone without talking to them, and before that it was 5 days but they told me in advance, as that was because of their work, and we talked when they came back like nothing happened, and we missed each other a lot.

it’s impossible for me to find someone else to rp with because i’ve tried everything - servers and getting banned (i rp like fanfiction so making up stories with real people, it helps me cope like an escape from reality), here, and so on. i just get judged, bullied and so on, or blocked, ghosted etc. so it hurts a lot. they enjoyed the rp too and suggested ideas and whatnot.

idk what to do, i’m scared to try finding someone else, nor do i want to. i’m trying to be hopeful they’ll come back but i’m getting mixed signals and all i can think about is them.

hello. please just kind words.

so it’s been over a week since i last heard from them but they just deleted me and i can still message them here and another platform i sent them a friend request, but they haven’t blocked me. they told me a few times they enjoyed my company, value me, love me (platonically) and all good things like that.

but we had an argument because i told them i was dealing with an emergency irl and that was my main focus, and because it was traumatic, it bought back other traumatic times of the same nature that i experienced irl aswell, so it was tough. the situation irl seems ok now but i told them that i don’t have the mental capacity to rp, but i can still talk.

they kept being what i felt, forceful about rp, and insensitive. they didn’t ask how i was (they don’t have to sure but it’s still polite) and kept asking if i wanted to rp. while i do appreciate a lot they wanted to rp with me and try to distract each other, the way they went about it i told them i found them to be insensitive and i got snappy because they got mad with me for not replying for like 2 minutes because i was doing something.

and ever since then they said goodbye while i was asleep although i apologised a lot and tried to fix things (and still am) and i haven’t heard anything from them since. i miss them so much and i’m super worried about them if they’re still alive or not. they’re in a different country to me (they’re from kenya, i’m from australia). they’re a male btw.

and please don’t say move on, i am trying to and trying to occupy myself but i have possible bpd (not diagnosed or self diagnosing, but i have a lot of the symptoms such as splitting, favourite person like this person was, impulsiveness, etc). so they were my favourite person, and meant so much to me. and i loved them platonically too.

i’d give anything to have another chance with them and just to know they’re okay. i understand their feelings and reasonings and if they need space but i think it was pretty cowardly to just leave like that without talking it over like we have before. i’m trying to be hopeful because they could’ve blocked me but they didn’t, but it’s really hard to be, and i’m super worried about them if they’re no longer alive.

they did say a while back they go offline for days at a time sometimes cause of work and whatnot (they didn’t say how many days) and that they’re currently moving house etc. but they still made time for me. it would’ve given me a bit of peace of mind if they actually said they’re having some time off the internet or something like that and came back, they don’t owe me an explanation i know but it would’ve helped a lot. this is the longest i’ve gone without talking to them, and before that it was 5 days but they told me in advance, as that was because of their work, and we talked when they came back like nothing happened, and we missed each other a lot.

it’s impossible for me to find someone else to rp with because i’ve tried everything - servers and getting banned (i rp like fanfiction so making up stories with real people, it helps me cope like an escape from reality), here, and so on. i just get judged, bullied and so on, or blocked, ghosted etc. so it hurts a lot. they enjoyed the rp too and suggested ideas and whatnot.

idk what to do, i’m scared to try finding someone else, nor do i want to. i’m trying to be hopeful they’ll come back but i’m getting mixed signals and all i can think about is them.

hello. please no advice, just kind words.

so it’s been over a week since i last heard from them but they just deleted me on discord and i can still message them here but not there per their settings, but they haven’t blocked me. they told me a few times they enjoyed my company, value me, love me (platonically) and all good things like that.

but we had an argument because i told them i was dealing with an emergency irl and that was my main focus, and because it was traumatic, it bought back other traumatic times of the same nature that i experienced irl aswell, so it was tough. the situation irl seems ok now but i told them that i don’t have the mental capacity to rp, but i can still talk.

they kept being what i felt, forceful about rp, and insensitive. they didn’t ask how i was (they don’t have to sure but it’s still polite) and kept asking if i wanted to rp. while i do appreciate a lot they wanted to rp with me and try to distract each other, the way they went about it i told them i found them to be insensitive and i got snappy because they got mad with me for not replying for like 2 minutes because i was doing something.

and ever since then they said goodbye while i was asleep although i apologised a lot and tried to fix things (and still am) and i haven’t heard anything from them since. i miss them so much and i’m super worried about them if they’re still alive or not. they’re in a different country to me (they’re from kenya, i’m from australia). they’re a male btw.

and please don’t say move on, i am trying to and trying to occupy myself but i have possible bpd (not diagnosed or self diagnosing, but i have a lot of the symptoms such as splitting, favourite person like this person was, impulsiveness, etc). so they were my favourite person, and meant so much to me. and i loved them platonically too.

i’d give anything to have another chance with them and just to know they’re okay. i understand their feelings and reasonings and if they need space but i think it was pretty cowardly to just leave like that without talking it over like we have before. i’m trying to be hopeful because they could’ve blocked me but they didn’t, but it’s really hard to be, and i’m super worried about them if they’re no longer alive.

they did say a while back they go offline for days at a time sometimes cause of work and whatnot (they didn’t say how many days) and that they’re currently moving house etc. but they still made time for me. it would’ve given me a bit of peace of mind if they actually said they’re having some time off the internet or something like that and came back, they don’t owe me an explanation i know but it would’ve helped a lot. this is the longest i’ve gone without talking to them, and before that it was 5 days but they told me in advance, as that was because of their work, and we talked when they came back like nothing happened, and we missed each other a lot.

it’s impossible for me to find someone else to rp with because i’ve tried everything - discord servers and getting banned (i rp like fanfiction so making up stories with real people, it helps me cope like an escape from reality), reddit, and so on. i just get judged, bullied and so on, or blocked, ghosted etc. so it hurts a lot. they enjoyed the rp too and suggested ideas and whatnot.

idk what to do, i’m scared to try finding someone else, nor do i want to. i’m trying to be hopeful they’ll come back but i’m getting mixed signals and all i can think about is them.