u/catchyaontheflip

hi everyone - in just under 2 weeks I am planning to see Bruno Mars in concert. this event will be a milestone in my agoraphobia recovery, and it's something that has been my 'goal' to work towards for these last few months.

I'm already feeling some pre-emptive anxiety - I've posted in this sub before about how my agoraphobia is linked with emetophobia, so the 'what if' thoughts are already rearing their head - but I am determined to not let this disorder get the better of me. I don't want to live my life in fear anymore!

I have planned my travel to avoid the triggers that I'm not quite ready to fact yet (e.g. using the tube) and have booked an airbnb with my friends to break up the journey, so I'm feeling confident that I will be able to not only attend the concert, but have a good time as well. it will be a massive challenge for me, but I feel like if I am able to do this, it will be a massive leap forward in my recovery.

I'm posting this for accountability and in case there's anyone else on this sub, whether currently or at some point in the future, who wants to attend an event but feels this disorder is holding them back, and wants to hear someone else's experience. I will provide an update here after the concert to let you all know how I got on.

wishing you all a good week ahead!

good evening folks. I'm currently on day ~65 of a Voyageur run, in the middle of hauling supplies from my main base in the garage in Coastal Highway to the community hall in Pleasant Valley to get it set up as a satellite base. once I've finished this task I will need to develop a strategy for how best to explore and survive PV.

I haven't spent much time in PV in previous runs, as I've normally been too chicken to venture much further than Mystery Lake and Mountain Town. I remember a previous run ending a few years ago thanks to a combination of the blizzards and the wolves, and I don't think I've tried to face PV again since that day. I'm determined that this time I'll actually make an effort to explore the region, and hopefully if I survive long enough, to then set out for Timberwolf Mountain/Blackrock - but I don't want to get ahead of myself.

I'd like to make it to at least day 100 to unlock the achievement, so I'd like a balance of risk-taking versus buiding towards long-term survival.

here's how my supply situation currently stands:

• weapons: I have a revolver in good condition with ~25 bullets, a hunting knife, a hatchet, a distress pistol with 3 flares, and a couple of regular + marine flares. I still have not found a rifle, despite searching high and low throughout most of Mystery Lake, Mountain Town, and Coastal Highway. I generally try to avoid wildlife where possible (other than fishing) and I don't go out of my way to hunt the larger game (wolves, deer, bears, etc.) mainly because of not having a rifle.
• clothing: comfortable. I have a few items of the higher-rated manmade gear and I try to keep their condition at 75% or more. I can tolerate several real-world minutes in a moderate blizzard without my temperature taking too much of a hit. I'm currently curing some animal hides (deer/wolf) to craft those clothing items with, and have a decent amount of cloth/leather for repairs.
• food/water: I'd like to forage a few more cans or hunt some fresh meat for greater peace of mind, but I think I have at least a week's worth of rations to comfortably live off (but could stretch it for longer if needed). water is especially plentiful - currently at 8L already in storage at the community hall.
• fire: I have the firestarting skill at the point where I can start fires without tinder, which feels like a big advantage. lots of fuel in storage.
• medical: I have at least 5 of every base game medical item.

this is all in addition to my back-up supplies in my other satellite bases in ML and CH, where I keep a decent amount of all of the above. I feel like overall I'm in a good place, but as any veteran player knows, all it takes is one wrong move to send you into the long dark.

I have a rough plan of where I want to head to next (namely the farmstead, followed by the plane crash site), but I'm open to any suggestions or advice from anyone more familiar with the region as to what should be a priority. if it would be a death sentence for me to head out without a rifle, for example, then I'd appreciate the heads up.

thanks in advance!

edit: typo

so for context, I am currently struggling with both emetophobia and agoraphobia. one of my main anxiety symptoms is nausea, which is triggered when I might be (or am already in) situations where 'escape' is not immediately possible or might take longer than a few seconds - for example, in a busy grocery store, in a car, a cinema/theatre, a large art gallery or museum, public transport, etc. my anxiety has never actually caused me to throw up, but it does cause me to become fixated on the idea that I might be sick and that I need to have quick access to a toilet or the outdoors 'just in case'. I have ended up avoiding a lot of my favourite places and activities in recent months because of this, and I'm also unable to go into the office for work for the same reason.

for what it's worth, it isn't the actual act of vomiting that I am afraid of. when I think of all the times I have been sick in the past, I mainly remember the euphoric relief I have felt after those few moments of unpleasantness. for me the fear is vomiting publicly - a fear of not being able to get to a 'safe' place to be sick in time and the embarrassment and distress that would cause me, in addition to the disgust/discomfort it could cause other people.

I have been trying to practise exposure therapy, and when I feel the anxiety nausea brewing I often tell myself 'I am okay, this is just anxiety, I can sit with this feeling and ride it out because I am not actually going to be sick' - however, I feel like I could be inadvertently sabotaging myself. for all I know, there could in fact be a time in the future where I actually do end up being sick in public, and this false reassurance could put me back at square one.

so all this to say, I'd like to hear people's experiences of vomiting in public, especially in situations where it wasn't an 'acceptable' place to be sick - and if you are comfortable sharing, how you coped afterwards. I'm not seeking reassurance that 'it isn't as bad as you think it's going to be', but I think hearing some real experiences will help me make peace with the fact that it is something that could happen to me. I'm hoping that eventually I will be able to progress in my recovery by accepting that sometimes shit happens, and that even though it might feel humiliating and/or upsetting at the time, it isn't the end of the world if this 'worst case scenario' does happen.

I hope this makes sense but I'm happy to edit this post for clarity if necessary. many thanks in advance!

(TW for emetophobia mention)

we've just got out of a week-long heatwave in the UK, and it was so difficult for me. for context, a 50 year old heat record was broken 3 days in a row last week. on the hottest days I couldn't bring myself to leave the house at all, even in the cooler evenings (which were still 24/25 degrees C) because the heat/mugginess made me feel like I couldn't breathe properly. I think I only left the house twice in the last 7 days, and only for a quick visit to my nearest corner shop to get an ice cream.

I've always hated heat even before my recent bout of agoraphobia, but it's gotten even worse nowadays. the forecasts are saying there's going to be another heatwave next week, and it's only the end of June, so it looks like this is going to be a really hot summer overall, which is causing me great anxiety.

when the heat is at its peak I don't want to leave my house at all. it's still very uncomfortable indoors, but at least I can keep a fan pointed at me or hop into a cold shower if it does get too much. my agoraphobia is also tied with emetophobia, so there is also the fear that if I'm out of the house and spend too long in the heat, it will make me sick. a lot of heatwave advice I've seen is to go to an air conditioned venue to cool down, like a shopping centre or a grocery store, but that's a major challenge for me even in regular circumstances.

I'm just wondering if anyone else can relate to this or offer any advice. I hate wishing the summer months away, because that's a quarter of the year - a quarter of my life! - but I just don't know how to cope. the fact that summers are probably going to get even hotter from this point on thanks to climate change just fills me with dread.

I (28F) currently live at home with my brother (31M) and our mum (68F). I moved back home at the end of 2024 after my housing arrangements fell through a few months after dad passed away, and I decided I wanted to be back in the nest to be near my family while grieving.

in the time since, I’ve noticed a few concerning things here and there that my mum does that I didn‘t notice before, either while growing up or in my previous visits back home. they are relatively minor in the grand scheme of things - like dishes and pans not being washed properly before being put away so dried up food is left on them, so I need to wash them again before using them. the biggest gripe for me personally is that she does not wash her hands properly after using the bathroom - she‘ll either immediately leave the bath after flushing, or at most she’ll sprinkle her hands under cold water for a few moments (I promise I’m not eavesdropping on her bathroom use - the house isn’t very big and sound travels through it very easily, plus my room is next to the bathroom, which is why I’m able to hear these things). when me and my brothers were kids my mum was very strict on hygiene, always making sure we used soap and warm water after using the bathroom, so it seems strange to me that this rule seems to be relaxed now.

it also seems to be happening on a more frequent basis where she will forget something I’ve told her and claim that I hadn’t said the thing in question. again it’s about minor things, like who I have plans with at the weekend, but it’s still a bit worrying to me that ‘I’ve already told you this’ is a phrase I’m saying more often these days. however, she still has a rich social life, is able to maintain the house, is well groomed/dresses well, is physically quite active for a woman of her age, and for all intents and purposes meets the criteria I would use to form my opinion of someone’s ability to look after themselves.

I’m just wondering at what point these ‘minor’ things become actual red flags that need further intervention. I am very scared about something happening to my mum, especially after dad’s death, as we have always been very close. I don’t know if I’m overreacting at this point, but I believe that the earlier we might be able to spot the potential signs of something serious, the better.

would appreciate any and all advice, even if that is telling me to get a grip.

I will preface this by explicitly stating that I am not seeking medical advice (I am already in therapy), but if there is anyone here with both OCD and agoraphobia who can help me understand this potential overlap a little more, I would be grateful for any input.

just a heads up that this post may be triggering for some readers as I will give examples of how my anxiety works to try to explain my point.

so I already know my agoraphobia is linked with emetophobia, as a lot of my anxiety is focused around (or a fear of) being sick in public. however, as I have begun working on my agoraphobia in therapy, I have realised that it is intrusive/invasive thoughts that are causing me the most distress, and in my therapy session yesterday my therapist referred to a worksheet and exercise he said he uses with patients who have OCD.

to give an example of these intrusive thoughts: last week I was at dinner with my family, and out of nowhere I had the thought 'what if I got sick and threw up everywhere right now' - I did not feel nauseous before then, but that thought sprung into my mind, which lead to me body checking, scoping out an 'escape route', and thinking that I wouldn't have had that thought in the first place if there wasn't something happening in my body to trigger it, that it was some kind of warning. eventually I was able to calm myself down and finish the meal, but it was a rough couple of minutes.

this has made me reflect on some of my other safety behaviours, for example sitting in an aisle seat/near the exit at the cinema. this is where the agoraphobia is at play, as it gives me that sense of being able to freely leave/'escape' the environment if I want to. however I am also wondering if this could be a compulsion - the thought I have is 'if I sit near the exit, I will be able to quickly leave and get to a bathroom if I feel like I will be sick'. I also experience this on public transport, where I will sit by the doors (or next to the bathroom if there is one available) with similar reasoning. I am able to travel quite a distance away from home - my 'safe space' - if I am able to practise these safety behaviours, which I think is where I differ from other people with agoraphobia, but there are certain environments I will deliberately avoid (e.g. going to the theatre, taking a flight, etc. - common agoraphobia triggers) as they cause my anxiety (and the intrusive thoughts) to come on much stronger, again because of that lack of escape/ability to practise my safety behaviours.

I know very little about OCD so I'm wondering if I might be onto something here and if there could potentially be an overlap, or if I'm going down the wrong path and need to redirect my thinking.

would appreciate any thoughts anyone might have about this!

so for context I (28F) moved back home at the end of 2024 after my dad passed away. I was living with friends in a different city before this, and only moved home because my housing arrangements fell through. in a way I was glad to return to the nest so I could grieve and also be forced to quit my weed smoking habit, which I had become dependent upon.

it's now me, my brother (29M) and our mum (68F) in the house. generally we get on well but there are a few things which may seem minor to some, but have become very irritating for me, and make me feel like I'm being treated like a child again. I would appreciate some ideas on how to navigate this dynamic.

for additional info, I do not pay any rent or housekeeping costs, but I do keep offering this to my mum as the cost of living continues to rise. since I moved home I have had an agreement with her that any money that would be put towards this (about £200 a month) goes into a savings account, with the money being returned to me when I decide to buy my own property so I can use it as a deposit. I also contribute to the household with grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking and so on.

these are just a few examples off the top of my head of where my mum and I butt heads:

• she will come into my room every morning to open my curtains and wake me up. I have a WFH job with flexible hours (a job I have had since I lived independently), so I never have to be at my desk for 9am, but if she sees me still in bed after this time she will lose her temper and yell at me to get up. I have asked her to stop doing this multiple times, and reminded her about my flexible hours, but she ignores this. one time she actually threatened to contact my employer to tell them about my 'laziness'.
• she enters my room without knocking first. again, something I've asked her to please stop doing, but gets ignored. enough said.
• she polices my eating habits. if I get takeout (which happens maybe twice a month) she will make all kinds of snide comments about me eating 'junk', how I'm wasting money and so on. most of the time when I cook a meal, she will insist on looking at my plate to see what I'm eating, and again make a comment if she thinks it's 'too much'. we actually got into a small argument the other day because she tried to tell me that people only need one meal a day, and I told her that was ridiculous. I could honestly make a whole separate post about my mum's negative relationship with food, and how it's affected my body image/my own relationship with food, but I'm sure that's something many people can understand and relate to.
• she tries to dictate when I should sleep. I have always been a night owl, but will be respectful when others are sleeping, for example only keeping a dim bedside lamp on to prevent light from bothering anyone and wearing headphones. she is a light sleeper anyway, but if she gets up for whatever reason in the night and sees that slither of light coming from underneath my door, she will come into my room and tell me to go to sleep.

none of this comes across as a parent expressing concern and only wanting what's best for me - it feels more like I am being told what I can and cannot do. I feel like she doesn't understand that I lived a whole life before moving home, where all of these things she sees as issues had no negative impact on me - it's just simply lifestyle differences. we're all still grieving dad too, which complicates things.

it's already hard enough to spend this long living at home and not feel like I'm regressing into my teenage self. any time I've tried to have a discussion about these things with her in the past, I feel like I end up sounding like a stroppy, moody 15 year old whose whinging she doesn't want to listen to. the communication breakdown that inevitably happens is really frustrating for me. I am also currently dealing with mental health issues after having experienced what I think was a nervous breakdown at the end of last year, so I think that adds another layer to my perspective of feeling 'infantilised' or like I'm not trusted to make my own decisions about my life.

I'd be really grateful for any advice on how I can assert my own independence while being respectful - or conversely if I'm being an ungrateful cow, maybe I need to hear that instead. I'm not sure. even some perspective from parents with adult children living at home might help me understand the situation from her side a bit more. the most obvious solution to all of this would be to move out, and that is something I'm working towards, but I'm still quite a way off from being able to afford living on my own.

thanks in advance for help!

TLDR: I moved back home after my dad died, and while I'm grateful to be able to save money and be with family, I'm struggling with feeling infantilised. My mum regularly ignores boundaries around things like my sleep schedule, privacy and eating habits, and any attempts to discuss it seem to end with both of us slipping back into a parent/teenager dynamic. I'm wondering how to assert my independence respectfully while still living at home, or whether I need to adjust my expectations until I'm able to move out.

I have a pair of sandals that are very dear to me that need a re-sole. would rather support a local business if possible instead of taking them to Timpson's. any recommendations? thanks!

EDIT: thanks all for the suggestions - appreciate it!

I have a family event to attend this weekend, which involves an hour long train journey to get to the venue, plus an overnight stay in a self-catering cottage with quite a lot of my extended family (about 10/15 people), and I am already bricking it.

I think it's mostly the train journey that is causing my anxiety. I have been trying to do exposure in that specific environment for the last few months, but I haven't done a journey longer than 20/25 minutes in a very long time. I will be getting a car ride back home at the end of the weekend which will also be about an hour, and that's causing similar anxious thoughts (my agoraphobia overlaps with emetophobia so I won't give examples here in case it's triggering).

I feel like I will need to lean heavy on my safety behaviours to cope - for example, sitting near the toilet on the train - and that I will probably be fine if I'm able to do that, but the 'what if' thoughts are still going around my head. I have been having CBT for just under 2 months so I suppose this will be an opportunity to put that into practise, but this is my 'biggest' exposure since I first developed agoraphobia, so it feels like a big deal.

please send good vibes!

last night I got a little 🍃 and it caused me to lose my discipline. I ordered Popeye's and ended up with way too much food, but in my state of munchies I ate the lot.

I've woken up this morning feeling like absolute shit. I feel nauseous, dehydrated, bloated, and generally sluggish. it's crazy how just a few months ago the post-fast food clarity was not really anything more than some regret, but since I've started to try to make better eating habits and lose some weight, it's causing these physical effects as well.

I've never been someone who frequently gets takeout/fast food, but I'm actually quite shocked how my body has changed like this in just a short time. has anyone else experienced this?

post title says it all. feel like treating myself to a takeaway this evening. please let me know your favourite Indian restaurants in the Bromley (BR1 and adjacent) area!

EDIT: thank you all for the suggestions! I went with Mount Everest in the end since I think it had the most votes. very good scran, they will be seeing me again. will be sure to check out some of these other places another time. thanks again!

hi everyone - I am currently having weekly therapy sessions (high intensity CBT) for panic disorder (agoraphobia). we are now at the stage where we use the session time to practise exposure exercises, however I feel like I've hit a wall regarding what is actually possible to try within the session.

I'm at a stage in my recovery where I can do things like walk around my neighbourhood, take a bus to the grocery store, etc. with little to no issue. however, I still struggle with 'bigger' triggers like busy shopping malls, the theatre, the cinema, long car journeys and so on. realistically these are not triggers I can face during a 50 minute session with my therapist.

in our session yesterday I ended up lying about the level of anxiety I was feeling during the exposure (walking around my neighbourhood on a hot day) so it didn't come across as a complete waste of time, but I really didn't feel any benefit from it and it did not send me into the panic threshold. in the evening I went to the cinema alone and that *did* send me into panic, and that felt like a much more useful exposure exercise.

my therapist has said I can (and should) be practising in between our sessions which is fine, but I'm wondering what I can do within those 50 minute sessions that might actually be useful. I don't drive and it would take me most of the session time to travel to a venue that might be more triggering.

open to any and all ideas!

I've just got back from seeing Michael and had my cinema experience significantly impaired by a group of about 3 people sat somewhere on my right who were talking, loudly eating, recording themselves (with flash) and I think at one point having a Facetime call during the film. I of course did the very British thing of doing nothing more than glaring in their direction, even though I really wanted to say 'shush!'

I'm in SE London and have seen this on several cinema trips recently. there's always a few people who act like it's their living room and seem to have no regard for other people's enjoyment of a film. I don't know if I'm just old-fashioned/uptight but I always thought the cinema is somewhere you go for quiet, and that it's rude to share more than an occasional whisper with whoever you're with (and that phones should be switched off unless you're expecting an urgent call).

is this a universal experience across the UK now, or is there somewhere I can go to enjoy a movie in peace?

(spoilers for S3EP7 of Euphoria)

I would appreciate if anyone with knowledge of the bodily changes after death would be able to answer this question.

in the latest episode of this show, a character (>!Nate!<) is revealed to have died after being buried alive and then bitten in the neck/throat by a rattlesnake. the corpse is shown on screen for a few seconds which shows details such as clouded eyes and a swollen tongue (possibly a reaction to the snake venom). I won’t post a screenshot here as the image is quite graphic.

I was wondering if there is anyone here who has seen this scene and would be able to theorise how long this character had been deceased when their body was discovered. there was a storyline with other characters trying to save him, and I just want to know if they might have been able to if they had found him a few hours/days earlier, based on the condition of the corpse.

(additional info - the snake was still alive when the corpse was found)

thank you!

hi everyone - I'm making the most of a heatwave we're having here for the next few days to wash my bed pillows for the first time ever (please don't judge me, I only learned recently this is something you're supposed to do every now and then).

there are 2 with polyester filling and 1 with down feathers. I let them soak in the tub with some warm water, detergent + stain remover for about 3 hours, squeezed out as much water as I could by hand then put them on a drain + spin cycle, which made them considerably lighter. now I've got them outside hanging in direct sunlight. I plan to leave them outside for as long as possible - sunset is about 4 hours from now - then bring them in when it gets dark and put them in the dryer if necessary.

will this be enough to prevent damp/stinky pillows? I can put them outside tomorrow morning for more sun exposure if this might be necessary. it's forecast to be about 32 degrees C so definitely a prime doing-laundry day.

thanks!

hi all. after many months of back and forth to the vet with my 13 y/o to try to find the cause of her overgrooming issues, we have been told that she has arthritis. her overgrooming is focused on her back leg joints/pelvis and she has no signs of any other health issues, so I'm satisfied with that diagnosis for now.

they prescribed us a week's trial of gabapentin, but it's been a real struggle trying to get her to take it, and after reading online about how it can cause kidney issues in the long term, I am considering other treatment options.

I've seen some good reviews for green lipped mussel powder (Yumove tablets) from other cat owners who say it made a real difference in their cats. I would be keen to hear some more recent experiences, if there is anyone here who would recommend it (or alternatively, would warn against it).

thank you!

I bought my mum a ticket to a concert and I've just gone to print it off for her, and it says 'the lead booker must attend the concert and photo ID will be required on entry'. what is the likelihood of this being enforced? if I gave my mum my ID, would this be accepted?

the concert is tonight so would appreciate any and all advice.

tomorrow I will be testing an exposure by going for a haircut. I haven't had one since September (before my agoraphobia relapse) so it's very overdue, but the thought of being stuck in the chair while my hair is washed, having to sit still so the stylist can cut straight, etc. has been sending me into a tailspin every time I've thought about it these last few months.

my mum has her hair done by a lady who works from her own home, and the other day I said 'enough is enough' (mainly because my hair is a mess that I hate looking at now lol) and finally plucked up the courage to ask if I could make an appointment with her - so tomorrow afternoon I will be attempting a hair appointment for the first time in 8 months!

I did text the stylist to let her know about my anxiety/panic attacks, and told her that if an attack happens I may need to pause the appointment and step out for a moment to collect myself. she acknowledged my message and said that's fine. I definitely feel less nervous knowing that she is aware of my situation and I won't have to explain myself if the worst case scenario (i.e. a panic attack) does happen, and that I will be going to someone's house instead of a busy public salon with lots of other people around, but still feeling a little bit antsy.

will provide an update here tomorrow if anyone is interested - wish me luck!

this is more of a housekeeping issue than with the actual therapy.

I have weekly online sessions with my T. our first call had some tech issues for both of us - it was originally a telephone appointment, but once that began he asked if we could do a Teams meeting instead, so we lost almost half the session to trying to get that set up, with tech happening issues for both of us - no big deal, I thought, these things happen. last week was our 2nd session, and he was having tech issues again.

he explained that I am his first client of the day, so his laptop was still 'setting things up' while he was already on the call. whatever issues were happening for him continued throughout the call, and we ended up not being able to review my PHQ9/GAD7 test scores for that week because of it.

I feel like this is unprofessional. I work from home myself and when I have a call, I make sure all my tech is set up and ready to go *before* the call time. again, I understand things break, but both times it seems my T has been unprepared and it has impacted the session.

it's only been 2 sessions so far, so maybe I need to cut him some slack and call these teething issues, but I'm only having 12 sessions total with this T (as my therapy is happening through the NHS) so I do feel conscious of it chipping away at time that could be used actually having the session.

if this happens again, am I within my right to (respectfully) call this out somehow?