u/catwoman4ever

In 21F and very lonely, I have no friends. I’ve never had a genuine friend. These past 8 months I think I've tried with 4 different girls and have just had bad responses. 2 were from uni, 1 at a climbing gym and 1 off bumble bff.

One girl at uni shortly removed me from her insta story after we exchanged socials at a society. Another girl at uni ignored me in person. The girl of bumble bff never messaged me again after we met up. The girl at the climbing gym we met through a gym social and arranged to meetup outside of the social but she said her leg was hurting and her bf said it’s best to leave it. I haven’t been to the gym social in a while and she hasn’t even messaged me to ask how I am.

I don’t understand how people get genuine friends like people who actually want to be their friend and message them.

What am I doing wrong here?? I’m trying to put the effort in and getting no effort back.

I’m 21F and the experiences I’ve had are shit. I’ve had guys SA me, lovebomb, neg, lead me on, use me. I’ve never been able to find anything serious on there. I’ve had about 20 first dates and I’d say only maybe 1 I could’ve imagined us being friends by meeting through a shared hobby. Most of them were creeps who I wouldn’t show interest in if met irl. Then of course you get the ‘nice guys’ who get mad if you reject them. I deleted the apps 6 weeks ago and don’t have any interest re downloading them. I’ve never been in a relationship too which I guess is quite unusual for my age but I’m trying to meet people organically.

I (21F) used to put effort into dating and was excited about the idea of a relationship now I’m terrified to ever go back on the apps or even to speak to a guy.

I was on dating apps for 1.5 years and have been on around 15 first dates. A lot of the dates were awkward and weird. It feels forced and it doesn’t help that I’m on the shy side. A lot of the guys were straight up creeps. Some of them violated my boundaries and did not know what consent was. I had a guy love bomb and neg me. There was a third date consisting of a guy taking me to a park, then his car for a BJ, his messages became dry then he said he’s not feeling good enough to start a relationship. That was the final straw for me. Then of course the awkward dates where there is no spark which is expected of a dating app anyway.

But constant disappointment has made me no longer interested in dating at least of the apps. I just feel empty. And no I don’t go for guys out of my league pls don’t comment that. I don’t think it helps that I don’t have a friend group or go out.

Anyone else have any advice or feel the same?

I had an assessment and apparently it’s social anxiety.
But I feel autistic around outgoing confident people then realise I’m not autistic when speaking to an autistic person lol.

My mum is extremely emotionally immature. She doesn’t provide consistent emotional support and has a very short temper. I’m pretty sure she’s the reason for my social anxiety and depression.

I will give some examples:

She’s never been married or had a serious relationship throughout my childhood (I’m 21) just one immature 1yr relationship where she would argue in front of me with him about having a child.

I will tell her about my achievements and she’ll send messages like ‘congratulations 🎉’ (which do sound generic/robotic), then I explain more and she just sends messages like ‘sounds good’ and ‘ok’.

She once accused me of purposely breaking her bike for being jealous, shouted at me bringing me to tears. I told her it was not on purpose it was an accident. When I was crying she goes ‘just leave it now.’

When we’re in public she always criticises people. Calling them fat, ugly and doesn’t understand why they have husbands. I once told her to stop talking badly about the neighbour and she shouted ‘well do one then!’

She said that I’m shy and need to ‘come out my shell’, I said I have social anxiety and there’s a difference (I’ve been diagnosed). She goes ‘you’re going to have trouble then!’
I showed her an explanation on my phone about social anxiety and she goes ‘I feel like you’re telling me… if I want to know I’ll look myself.’

Then we could hear the neighbours daughter (who is my age) complaining/sounding upset about something to her mum and she goes ‘I don’t see the point in her mum listening.’

She said people my age who have parents who cook for them and eat together as a family are ‘brats’ and that it’s weird. She said she lived alone at 19 and was ‘independent’.

Growing up she never hugged me or said she loved me. She also never educated me on periods which I find oddly conservative. I basically had to teach myself about all that.

I’m pretty sure this is emotional abuse. Pls any advice/support would be greatly appreciated.

tl;dr my mother doesn’t provide emotional support and it’s led to high anxiety and low confidence.

I’ve tried dating apps been on my dates and a lot of them were creeps after one thing. I feel like you get seen as a sex worker and meeting a stranger for a date feels weird. I liked one guy who I went on 3 dates with but it ended there due to bad mental health (he did look down on the dates) which was a shame because there was chemistry.. So yeah dating apps haven’t worked for me so far and I’ve been of them for a few weeks.
As for IRL it’s difficult I’m at uni but it’s still difficult. For reference I’m conventionally attractive like I get compliments, im in good shape but can’t find anyone. I can’t even imagine myself in a relationship. I’m sort of a late bloomer since I only started dating at 19. And I feel you get judged for never having been in a relationship before. I do have social anxiety which I’m getting therapy for soon and I was pretty isolated during my teen years.
I feel envious of people my age in loving relationships. Even my brother who is a few years younger has a gf now. It feels embarrassing.

My mother is a extremely emotionally immature and always tries one up me. I'm currently a student at uni and I commute. I've been looking into getting a shared student house for second year as the commute is so long and she's just insufferable. I mentioned to her how it's difficult for me as I don't receive financial support and she says me not paying rent or bills at her house is me supporting her financially. IMO that is the bare minimum to let your child stay at home and not charge them bills. I'm living off 7k per year. I tell her this and she's says 'that RUDE... at least I've been a parent to you!'
She always talks about how she was independent at my age with a job and baby and paid her mum rent.
She also complains about everyone and everything.
She also doesn't provide any emotional support.
She just puts 'ok' to messages like I said I was finding the course tricky sometimes she goes
'just try your best! She's done many questionable things throughout my childhood too. She said students who live at home and don't have to pay groceries are 'brats. I'm just feeing so crap rn. Is this abuse and what should I do?

I’m 21F, I’ve been on dates with guys and found probably one guy attractive but I kind of got nervous about touching him and I hate giving head. I love kissing guys but hate giving head idk why like if it’s cause of not feeling comfortable with the guy or something else. I’ve had sex with one guy and I didn’t like it but I didn’t even find him attractive much and he was just selfish. When I look at girls I can appreciate they’re attractive but idk if I actually like them. Im kind of confused lol the lack of experience isn’t helping me. Idk if anyone can relate here.

I’ll be talking to her about my problem with social anxiety then she’ll start talking about her problems (bad childhood, stage 1 cancer diagnosis), then I can’t have my own feeling validated. I tell her I feel like she’s comparing then she starts shouting saying she’s not. I tell her how I’m still unsure to get university/college accomodation or commute then she starts saying ‘you’ll have to tell them! All that for nothing!’ Then she starts talking about a neighbour saying ‘she lives in halls she was certain… you sound very unsure.’ Is this how a mother is supposed to speak to her child?

I also was showing her on my phone how social anxiety is different to shyness and she gets defensive saying that it feels like I’m telling her, I said ‘I’m educating you’ she goes ‘I will look myself if I want to get educated.’ She just always complains about how her life has been miserable from start to now totally disregarding the gift of being a parent. She will say things like how she only got me by chance and that she’s cursed. Also I fully empathise with her cancer (which got fully removed) and I was there for her at the hospital however I feel she uses it as some sort of manipulation (emotional blackmail) since it’s been 3 years since it was removed now. She’s also very unstable, always quitting jobs, currently unemployed. I have the option to move to uni accommodation for second year but I’m unsure due to my social anxiety which she has massively influenced. She always rubs it in my face that she doesn’t charge me rent. Honestly I feel really lonely and drained.

21F and have no friends, never been in a relationship, commute to uni (too anxious to live away). I feel like so behind. I even tried dating on dating apps and just kept meeting creeps who led me on and were only after one thing. Whenever I try to make friends i feel like people just aren’t interested. I don’t think I’ve had a friend since I was 17 and even that was kind of exploitative and unhealthy now I reflect. I’ve been bullied a lot everywhere I go too, it seems I’m an easy target.

21F and have no friends, never been in a relationship, commute to uni. I feel like so behind. I even tried dating on dating apps and just kept meeting creeps who led me on and were only after one thing.

I started my uni at 20 and haven’t made any friends so far. I commute to uni and haven’t tried that much this year so I’ll try more next year. I’ve almost completed my first year. I also looked into getting accommodation and the only one available is catered and I also feel I’m a little old at 21 to be moving into halls at this point so I think I might just continue commuting. I also tried halls at a different uni and left due to anxiety. Anyone else struggling?

I’ve been commuting to uni 1.5 hrs each way for the first year and found it isolating and draining especially in the colder months, which is practically most of the year since uni classes run Sep-April. I’ve applied for on campus halls as I feel it’ll help me make friends, since I can go to events in the evening (sports, societies, clubbing). But I’m really worried I’ll regret it and still feel lonely. I tried living in halls a while ago when I was 19 at a different uni and ended up dropping out due to high anxiety and a girl calling me weird. I’m also 21 since I started my degree at 20 and know that halls are aimed at first years who are usually 18. I’ve spoke to my mum about this and she just says things like ‘I thought you don’t like living with students’ and tells me I can stay at home and there’s no guarantee of making friends.