u/dms2628

My husband thinks it’s no big deal and gets annoyed with me when I point it out. One example - we were all visiting the third (middle) brother and staying at his house. The oldest brother did his laundry there but forgot to move it to the dryer so he asked my husband if he could borrow an undershirt. Why he didn’t ask the host brother who had many more with it being his own home/his closet there I don’t know.

Then we all went our separate ways days later and oldest brother of course didn’t return it. And my husband was flying straight from there to a work trip out of town and ran out of clean undershirts lol.

He also did this with a baseball cap and he knew my husband loved that cap because my husband tried to give him a different one to “borrow.” I also don’t get the audacity….someone is nice enough to lend you their stuff when you need it and you can’t even remember to follow through on returning it? And in both cases the older brother was traveling so he would have been reminded of the item when he was packing to go home 🤔. Is older brother out of line or is this a normal sibling relationship? Thanks!

Or does the giver just hand over the item to the person receiving for them to figure it all out (unless they ask)? I know it’s easy to look up a manual online or a youtube video or ask the person they’re getting it from, but sometimes you don’t know there’s even a feature to look up or ask about! Signed, an idiot who didn’t realize the damn space saver high chair had a height adjustment hidden underneath 🤦🏻‍♀️. Has anyone else had this issue with getting things secondhand? I’m going to start over-explaining when I pass things on going forward.

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We got one of these secondhand, it’s an older model. I think the seat pad and back can be removed to make it more of a booster seat. Question- what is the advantage of using it as a booster seat as the child gets older vs just removing the tray and pushing it up to the table? The high chair attaches to a regular chair either way. Why not just keep the pad for comfort and the backrest to protect your chair? Or is there some “booster seat” advantage I’m missing? Thanks!

We got one of these secondhand, it’s an older model. I think the seat pad and back can be removed to make it more of a booster seat. Question- what is the advantage of using it as a booster seat as the child gets older vs just removing the tray and pushing it up to the table? The high chair attaches to a regular chair either way. Why not just keep the pad for comfort and the backrest to protect your chair? Or is there some “booster seat” advantage I’m missing? Thanks!

I’ll go first - we got a hand-me-down exersaucer from friends. They gave it to us in the highest height position. It didn’t occur to my dumbass that the height would adjust so I have all these pics of my baby in it with a box under his feet 🤦🏻‍♀️.

Oh also, an umbrella stroller that I thought was too cheap/lightweight to be able to recline (it did a little) so we have pics of our guy somehow sleeping in it in a super upright position. Sigh. I love secondhand but I need to remember to look up the info/manual for everything because what some think is self-explanatory, my brain clearly misses 😩.

Silly question and I’m curious to know how often all you ladies do this but the filter wouldn’t let me post a “you” worded question.

Ok, let’s start from the beginning 😆…..starting with just a bare mattress, what all do you put on it? For me, it’s just bare mattress, then a pretty thin waterproof mattress cover and then a fitted bedsheet. I am in perimenopause and lately I’ll have a period drip sometimes at night and I’ll try to sleep on a waterproof pad or something but I’ll forget or it shifts. I end up washing the mattress cover quite often with the sheets. Do you put something in between your fitted bedsheet and mattress cover? Is your mattress cover thin so you can easily wash it in your machine? Thanks!

And beginning at what age? And how much per year?

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With no minimum purchase amount. Someone recently told me this. Bummer, because I remember paying so much in shipping for wedding gifts back then. Curious if it’s true? Or only if the item wasn’t in stock? And either way, how did customers know about this?! Was it a secret lol?

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I hope this makes sense. Back in the days when dinosaurs roamed (early 2000s) I ordered many a wedding gift and baby gift online to ship to the person’s home. I always had to pay for shipping (which was more $$ the more you spent which is opposite now)! Do you remember the same/have the same experience?

I was talking to a friend about this and how we paid so much for shipping gifts back then when the vast majority of the time shipping is now free. She said that you could always get free shipping back then as long as you went to the physical store and ordered it from there. 🤯 Do you remember this?? And was it a secret lol? How did people know lol?

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Did you include special wording to say that you have a lot secondhand and would most appreciate diapers, wipes, gift cards, etc? And then put those things on the registry?

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And she buys the $$$ brands too like baby boden and land’s end. Why offer something and not follow through 🤔? Anyone else have family like this?

My mom is pretty difficult and wanted to host our baby shower. We flew my MIL in and she wanted to help but my mom was being controlling and only allowed her to get the cake (two Costco sheet cakes). One SIL was local and my mom declined her help and then her own DIL (my brother’s wife) flew in because my mom scheduled the shower when she’d be in town anyway for her sister’s graduation. She also offered to help but my mom demanded she do nothing because she was traveling in 🙄. Instead, I got tasked with providing those things she offered to pick up when she was in town (favors and game prizes). Because I can’t “expect everyone to do everything for me for my own shower and I should contribute.” Ok fine. Even though for all SILs I helped and contributed a lot to their showers and I was a lot younger then too.

But what really got me is that my mom kept telling my MIL not to give us a gift because the “shower was our gift to them.” And then kept reminding my MIL. Like, mind your own business. My MIL spent $40 on Costco cake. I’m not turning my nose up at that but we also paid for hers and my FIL’s flights and hosted them. Then my MIL wanted to do some cultural customs (north indian) for the shower which involved me wearing a really uncomfortable sari 🙃 and then we hosted my husband’s male cousin who flew in and had to be there per custom and then another local female cousin who was attending as a guest anyway also had a place of honor at the shower (just standing there for a minute) and my in-laws gave them $100 each just as a custom 🤷🏻‍♀️? But no shower gift for us lol. We hosted and entertained the male cousin all weekend and he didn’t give a shower gift either. We had also done something similar for the female cousin for her wedding the year before and no gifts were exchanged. It was all weird. Sorry I know this is petty/tacky but I just want to get this out because I always feel like the family member who does and gives for everyone around me but I’m overlooked.

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I never expect anything from our families but I see posts about parents buying a living room set, grandma buying the dining room table…how do these gifts come about lol? Did you ask or how did they know you needed stuff?

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This is probably correlated with living in a major/destination city. After we moved to the burbs it went down (for better or worse 🤣). But in our 20s we’d have friends or family asking to stay maybe 30 nights spread over a year? We had one friend coming into town as he worked on a business he was starting in our city, like 3x/year for a week at a time 🥴. My friends are shocked we were so hospitable but I feel like it was just a thing back then when you’re young or no?

Would your houseguests contribute anything, chip in for groceries, or give you a gift of thanks OR you’d feed, drive, lend your car, etc and they’d just freeload lol? Or did they reciprocate and it evened out in the end? Was it expensive/how did it impact your budget?

This is probably correlated with living in a major/destination city. After we moved to the burbs it went down (for better or worse 🤣). But in our 20s we’d have friends or family asking to stay maybe 30 nights spread over a year? We had one friend coming into town as he worked on a business he was starting in our city, like 3x/year for a week at a time 🥴. My friends are shocked we were so hospitable but I feel like it was just a thing back then when you’re young or no?

Would your houseguests contribute anything, chip in for groceries, or give you a gift of thanks OR you’d feed, drive, lend your car, etc and they’d just freeload lol? Or did they reciprocate and it evened out in the end? Was it expensive/how did it impact your budget?

And more importantly - are all the timelines, extensions, options, etc spelled out clearly?? For my first, it was not. The policy document just said 6-8 weeks of short term disability pay depending on type of delivery (vaginal or c-section) with 12 weeks of FMLA running concurrently. And then an optional 4 week extension after that (also unpaid) for a total of 16 weeks leave all unpaid except for the STD.

BUT, after the fact, I learned of some moms taking 6 months off. How did they get that? Could you take even longer? Is there a maximum? 🤔 I don’t work there anymore but these questions haunt me because I feel like I didn’t get all the info 🫤. I hate not knowing. Thanks!

I know we have to be on the same page about $$ and we do have those discussions. But some things I don’t have the heart to criticize…like how much $$ he spent on food, entertainment, hotel when he proposed (surprise weekend) when I’m pretty simple and practical and didn’t even want an over-the-top proposal. And he has the biggest heart and always treats friends/family even though he’s in a lower financial position than they are! It’s not making him destitute, but still. To me, it’s more about reciprocation and fairness.

For example, the night he proposed, he booked a really $$$$ hotel room downtown which we didn’t even enjoy because he proposed at sunrise after keeping me up all night spending $$ on activity after activity and then surprised me with the really expensive pre-fixe brunch at the hotel the next morning where he had invited my parents, his older brother and his wife and kids, and four of my friends including my 2nd cousin and another I’m not even that close to (invited because she’s the roommate of the other two). He paid for everyone and it was likely over $100/pp 🥴. And he’s treated them all before and his brother is rich af but stingy as hell. We’re always spoiling their kids and my fiance will pick up the bill if we meet them for dinner (even though they outnumber us) and they don’t do the same.

Sorry, this is turning into a vent. I talk to him about it and he says why let someone else’s stinginess dictate how he wants to give. He is not in debt (even recently paid off his car and student loans) and he tracks his spending. Can anyone relate to this?

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Like button-down shirts or even business professional/suits. No wfh. Was this early in your career or later? Did the job pay well enough to offset this extra expense or was it just a necessary evil?

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I was 19 home for the summer after my first year of college. A second cousin 2 years older than me asked to stay in my parents’ house that summer because she had an internship in our city.

She was getting paid really well but didn’t contribute to anything, was eating all our food, using all our household stuff, etc. When she left she did mail my parents a Macy’s gift card (they don’t even shop there lol but it’s the thought that counts) and even though my mom bitched about her freeloading the whole time, my parents promptly mailed it back to her because “they could never take money!” So that’s how I was raised with all those people-pleasing, bend over backwards tendencies.

ANYWAY, she was eating snacks I bought, using my toiletries in the bathroom and my laundry detergent and it was all stuff I paid for with my own money from working. I let it be to be generous and giving and hospitable. I also have issues with over-giving to gain acceptance. But then she asked to borrow a pair of black socks. I gave them and when she didn’t return them weeks later, I thought “ok, I’ll go ahead and be assertive this time.” I went into her room and asked and she looked around blankly and said, “oh I don’t know where they are.” I mean, where else could they be besides the drawer or laundry hamper but ok. I left feeling embarrassed and stingy for even asking for them back. And then she never returned them. If it had been me, I would have returned promptly or bought the person new socks.

Why are people like this? Has it happened to you? And then I proceeded to give her a nice birthday gift later and she never reciprocated. We also had taken a roadtrip to where I go to school 2.5 hrs away and I gave her gas money which she accepted. Why am *I* like this? It’s like, in the moment, I give, give, give and then much later after reflection I’m bothered by the imbalance and feel like the other person is being audacious. Wow, this went much deeper than socks! Thanks for listening.

I was 19 home for the summer after my first year of college. A second cousin 2 years older than me asked to stay in my parents’ house that summer because she had an internship in our city.

She was getting paid really well but didn’t contribute to anything, was eating all our food, using all our household stuff, etc. When she left she did mail my parents a Macy’s gift card (they don’t even shop there lol but it’s the thought that counts) and even though my mom bitched about her freeloading the whole time, my parents promptly mailed it back to her because “they could never take money!” So that’s how I was raised with all those people-pleasing, bend over backwards tendencies.

ANYWAY, she was eating snacks I bought, using my toiletries in the bathroom and my laundry detergent and it was all stuff I paid for with my own money from working. I let it be to be generous and giving and hospitable. I also have issues with over-giving to gain acceptance. But then she asked to borrow a pair of black socks. I gave them and when she didn’t return them weeks later, I thought “ok, I’ll go ahead and be assertive this time.” I went into her room and asked and she looked around blankly and said, “oh I don’t know where they are.” I mean, where else could they be besides the drawer or laundry hamper but ok. I left feeling embarrassed and stingy for even asking for them back. And then she never returned them.

Why are people like this? Has it happened to you? And then I proceeded to give her a nice birthday gift later and she never reciprocated. We also had taken a roadtrip to where I go to school 2.5 hrs away and I gave her gas money which she accepted. Why am I like this? It’s like, in the moment, I give, give, give and then much later after reflection I’m bothered by the imbalance and feel like the other person is being audacious. Wow, this went much deeper than socks! Thanks for listening.

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