u/hotparatha

Ive been using the Swiss beauty top coat for like 2 years now because I was broke asf. Well I'm not anymore and the Swiss beauty top coat even if decent, looses that glass shine in a few days. It's still shiny, but not shiny enough. Which brand top coat dyall recommend? I've heard shills is good but I'm seeing so many varieties of top coats from shills only so a little confused. Direct links would be nice!

I need good sculpting products. I see these types of products:

1. TH3E STROKES 7D SCULPTING GEL
2. BOLTBEE 5D SCULPTING GEL
3. BOLTBEE 5D SCULPTING GEL WHITE
4. TH3EE STROKES 3D SCULPTING GEL

I don't know how trustable these are. I primarily want to sculpt flowers, fruits, small objects onto nails and I don't know how trustable any of these products are? Please tell me if any of these are worth it? Or if you have better reccomendations!

19F here. My parents are extrememly overbearing and overprotective, especially my father. I am not allowed to hang out with my friends, they need my live location, and they keep an eye on me like a hawk to make sure I'm studying (the acadeic pressure is another thing I don't want to get into, most of my friends agree my father has some level of OCD and control issues connected to my academics because he's extreme when it comes to these topics).

I sometimes lie and go to other places, but my father sometimes straight up video calls me to make sure I'm exactly where I'm supposued to be. I'm downplaying how fucking claustrophobic this shit is but Im frankly too numb right now to actually explain how I feel.

I want to just be allowed to go where I want and do what I want. I know everyone will say just do well in your career and get tf out there but I'll be in this degree for the next 4 years. I will literally go mad if ts continues the way it is right now.

I just need any advice I can get to make them chill out enough so I can go and hang out a bit with my friends from time to time (I'm not close to anyone in my college, most of my friends are in other academic careers and I've lost a lot of friends from never being allowed to hang out with them from my school years). I'm also tired of turning people down whenever they invite me out because every single time I have to say my parents won't say yes, and its hella embarassing to be saying that at 19 as if I'm a fucking child who can't go anywhere without her parent's permission.

Also, yes my father is very physically abusive. Mentally toh he has me fucked up but he doesn't spare me from actually slapping/beating me up whenever he gets mad enough. And I can never decide when he will because when he does even the tiniest o things I do is enough to drive him over the edge. He had given me purple bruises before, and I cannot exactly hit him back unless I want to be taken out of college and married off. Plus if I trigger him in that way he might break my nose or smth and he is like 2x my size so I'm not risking it. He has always hit me regularly to 'discipline' me since I was a toddler, but it feels hella pathetic and infantilising to still be a victim of this today as a grown ass woman.

And yes, I do stand up to him verbally. It has done nothing but get me more stranded in this fuckass house. And if there are grammartical issues, ignore them, I don't have the paitence to correct anything.

Edit: I am in a good college rn. I just want to get them to chill out a tiny bit so I don't go mad in the next four years where I'll be finishing this degree.

Edit: This is about mythology, not religion. Yes, they intersect on various levels, but I am specifically discussing the stories which developed orally and can be historically studied.

I've been obsessed with Indian mythology for as long as I can remember, and this is something that's been bothering me for years. A lot of the way we interpret Indian mythology today comes from a very male-centric perspective, and it really fucking annoys me.

Note: And no, I'm also not going to sit here and pretend that ancient India was the land of feminism and that it was all changasi and women were never oppressed before the mughals or the british or wtv other scapegoat ppl wanna latch onto nowadays. If that's what you believe, then this isn't the post you should be reading. Ancient India was abslutely a land of extreme misogyny and abuse against women. But I am tired of people misinterpreting the few stories we have of women which can inspire little girls today.

Take Savitri Brata, for example. In my state, women fast every year for their husbands' long lives. The ritual comes from the story of Savitri in the Mahabharata.

If you don't know the story, here's the short version. King Madra had no children, so he prayed to the goddess Savitri. When she finally appeared, he asked for lots of sons. Instead, she promised him a daughter. That daughter, named Savitri after the goddess, grew up incredibly beautiful and intelligent. She was apparently so impressive that no man even dared approach her because they were intimidated by her. Eventually, she went out and chose her own husband, Satyavan, a poor woodcutter. Later she found out he was destined to die within a year. And when that day came, she literally debated Yama himself and, through intelligence and reasoning, managed to win her husband's life back.

Now, when you hear that story, what stands out to you?

Because to me, it's a story about an extraordinary woman. It's about her intelligence, her determination, and the fact that she found a man who wasn't intimidated by how capable she was. Somehow though, over time, that became a story about how wives should be devoted to their husbands. A story about a female protagonist and her agency somehow got reduced to "look how devoted she was."

And what frustrates me even more is that the Mahabharata literally has a gender-swapped version of this story.

There's Ruru, whose fiancée dies from a snakebite. To bring her back, he gives up half of his own lifespan. Afterwards, his grief is so overwhelming that he goes on a whole revenge campaign against snakes. His story goes on for several chapters, yet somehow most people have never even heard of him. The guy doesn't even have his own Wikipedia page.

Now compare the two.

Savitri doesn't sacrifice her own life. She doesn't lose years of her lifespan, or sacrifice anything to be fair. She succeeds because she's smart, determined and finds loppholes to get what she wants. Ruru's story is the one that's explicitly about devotion. He literally gives away half his life for the woman he loves.

So if we're looking for the ultimate symbol of selfless devotion, why isn't Ruru the one we celebrate? Why isn't there a Ruru Brata? What's stopping society from celebrating male devotion with the same enthusiasm?

Now, to be fair, there are historical reasons these traditions probably developed. Men often travelled long distances for trade, war, or work. Life expectancy was lower. Women stayed home and naturally worried whether their husbands would return alive. Rituals like these probably gave them comfort and a sense of control during uncertain times. That explanation makes perfect sense.

What doesn't make sense is pretending patriarchy had nothing to do with how these stories were remembered. Savitri's story changed from "an intelligent woman" to "the ideal devoted hindu wife." Today, people even use "Sati Savitri" as an insult. And yet half the people saying it have probably never actually read the stories of either Sati or Savitri. Both women were independent, strong-willed, and challenged their father's expectations long before they got turned into symbols of 'ideal' womanhood, meaning scapegoats of patriarchal demands of women.

And I already know what happens when I point this out. Someone will call me a feminazi, a femcel, or accuse me of attacking Indian culture. The funny part is that a lot of those people barely know the stories they're trying to defend.

We all know Draupadi roasted the Pandavas, the Kauravas, and basically every man who crossed her with flawless logic. But how many people know she was highly educated in politics? Those arguments didn't come out of nowhere. How many people know some of the earliest tantric texts describe Kali sticking her tongue out because of bloodlust, not embarrassment over stepping over her husband? How many know about Rishika Sulabha, who defeated King Janaka in a philosophical debate about whether a woman is her body or her atman, or if a woman can ever be 'another man's property'? How many know how different the original Shakuntala is from Kalidasa's version? Where she absolutely called out Dushyanta and refused to back down from her and her child's rights? Why do we not talk about the Apsaras who lived for their own pleasure and refused to settle down with men? 

And why do we always end up popularising the versions where these women are helpless instead of the ones where they're powerful?

I can find thousands of examples of these types of stories. I have spent more than half of my life reading scriptures because this is the goal of my life, to maybe become an indologist someday. I only used the examples that people will recognise off the bat becase I don't want to confuse people. And no, I'm not claiming stories were suddenly and deliberately manipulated this way. But we need to acknowledge that the eventual change in these stories came majorly from the patriarchy getting stronger.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXIndia/comments/1ucu0vj/is_what_he_did_considered_bad/

Tldr: This guy felt my thigh and smacked my ass on the third date, he's significantly older, and I froze up and went into fawn mode.

Hello, many of you probably saw my last post where I was freaking out and lost my shit over the sudden escalations from this 27 yo man (I'm 19). First of all, I'm insanely thankful for the responses, both comments and DMs, I wasn't expecting so many women to gaf. I did later realise my extreme reactiuon was probably due to my past trauma, and I think I'll keep that in mind going forward and while navigating intimacy in the future :')

Anyways, I confronted him despite the fact that I was shitting bricks the whole time (which as many of you pointed, if I'm scared to be frank with him where it matters, then that says enough about the relationship) and the fact that most of you reccomended I run and never turn back. At first he was defensive, but then he accepted it and we mutually decided not to go out again. Even though the age gap was important here on the actual reddit thread, I should mention it's never been brought up between us and even in the text exchange neither of us brings it up.

For those who are interested, this is the text exchange that happened yesterday (copy pasted from Instagram):

>Me: Hey I didn't know how to say this before because it really caught me off guard, but I didn't appreciate the way you randomly touched me yesterday. I don't think I want to continue this.

>Him: Wait... what are u talking about? It wasn't my hand... it was the umbrella. 😭

>And i'm sorry if i made u uncomfortable, but i didn't mean it with any sort of sexual innuendo. Can we at least talk about this over call?

>I just want to clarify, in case u don't want to talk, if u are talking about what happened at the station. I did playfully hit u with the umbrella. I think i was being playful, and i didn't think you'd interpret it in this way, and i am really sorry if it made u uncomfortable... i clearly misjudged it.

>We have met three times, and i believe i have been respectful all throughout. Of course, this is not a tally, but i hope u consider all that while interpreting that event. If i had known u felt uncomfy, then i would have apologized then. Your expression did look odd, but i had no idea u were uncomfortable.

>And i didn't touch u, cuz it wasn't my hand. 😭 It was the umbrella.

>And honestly, i feel really bad, anxious, and disappointed at myself that this happened. But again, all i can do is tell u where i'm coming from and hope u see my point of view.

>Again, i'm so sorry for making u uncomfortable. That's fully on me, and i should have judged how my action would have impacted u.

>I understand if u don't wanna see me anymore... i do think it's unfair, but i get your perspective and accept it.

>Me: It wasn't the umbrella thing specifically, even before while we were in the cafe, your hand was on my knee was somewhat on my thigh which also caught me off guard in the moment but I basically went freeze mode and didn't want to deal with it head on. I think I was a bit more taken aback that you were so touchy all of a sudden without asking first. Even in at the ice cream place your hand was over my side and touching my ribs. Maybe it's normal for others, but it's not for me. Asking takes a single second, and that's something I hold important to me when it comes to finding people I want to be around. The third date really isn't enough time to know someone properly.

>How is it unfair? (reply to his last text)

>Him: Oh i see... i was very unaware that you were uncomfortable in any of these... i am very sorry

>I was going with my general "algorithm" and i clearly misread the situation... i am kind of a touchy person and i am sorry i made you uncomfortable

>Now what you said makes a lot more sense... we didn't communicate our boundaries clearly and I am sorry i crossed a line

>I think i was talking abt being seen as a creep ig... not specifically abt that But i guess more basically the issue is, we have different rates of being comfortable with people... i get comfortable real fast and it's not true for you i think (Replied to me: How is it unfair?)

>In which case, i do agree with you... i think it is better not to see each other again coz both of us would habe to adjust

>I do apologise for not communicating boundaries... But yeah i did like you and you were pretty cool

>Me: I appreciate you apologising :) I also thought you were fun.

>Him (Liked my message): Since we arent meeting anymore, theres also something I wanna tell u which I didn't before, but ill tell u in the morning if i decide to go through with it

>Me: 😭what is it?

Now, that was over thirteen hours and he hasn't replied, so I'm guessing he didn't go through with it. I did, at first, think he was being respectful and overall a good guy but the more I think about it, the more I keep pulling threads at his argument.

I find it really interesting that there's this whole "I didn't actually touch your ass, my umbrella did" argument, which is such fuckass logic. We were standing in public, I was about to get on the metro, he had the umbrella in his hand, and he swung it and smacked my ass with it. By that logic, someone could commit murder and say, "Well, I didn't kill him. The knife did."

I also remember immediately turning around because I was genuinely shocked. There was obvious surprise on my face. He even mentions noticing my expression in the above texts, but says he didn't interpret it as discomfort. And yes, playful spanking can happen between friends or family, but that wasn't the context here. We met on a dating app. He's the one constantly asking me out and insisting on paying because he's a "grown ass man" (his words, not mine). Even if you don't want to call that romantic, it's not exactly a typical friendship dynamic either. 

And even if there had been zero sexual intent behind it, my butt is still a sexual body part. If I tell you I'm uncomfortable being touched there, your first instinct should be to apologise, not to say, "I'm sorry if it it made you uncomfortable," as if the issue is my reaction rather than your action. That's not accountability. It's distancing yourself from responsibility. Then he doubles down by saying he finds it "unfair," which is wild because you know what's actually unfair, lil bro? Me going into trauma-response mode because he couldn't take one second to ask before putting his hand on my thigh.

Honestly, I think he folded so quickly when I brought up the thigh incident because he probably interpreted my reaction as me being into it and now he realised he literally cannot defend himself anymore. If you actually picture what happened, it was weird. He didn't ask. He just put his hand there and started kneading my leg. It wasn't accidental contact. The strangest part is that neither of us acknowledged it, and the conversation continued as if nothing was happening. As a lot of women pointed out in my last post as well, that the absence of a no isn't a yes.

To be fair, I do think his response after I brought up the thigh incident was much better and not at all dissmissive and defensive. I'm glad he eventually apologised and accepted my decision. What I didn't like was him framing this as us having different comfort levels rather than acknowledging that he touched me without asking. He completely ignored my point that asking takes literally one second.

The thing is, up to a point, he's right that our comfort levels are different. But if you get comfortable with people quickly, that means you're comfortable being touched sooner, not that you automatically get the right to touch other people however you want. When he phrases it that way, it sounds like we're somehow equally responsible and should have both communicated our boundaries beforehand. But we weren't flirting, we weren't being physically affectionate, and we hadn't established any romantic dynamic beyond going on dates and yapping about random stuff and complimenting each other's outfits and lashes. I genuinely don't know when I was supposed to proactively announce, "By the way, don't put your hands on my thighs without asking." Also, when you're 27, a 19 yo shouldn't have to teach you basic consent rules.

But whatever. I'm glad it's over. Do I think he was grooming me? I don't know. Maybe I'll feel a different way once I'm 27 myself, but right now I'm not sure. Do I consider what happened harrassment? I don't know that either, but what I do know/LEARNT is that I felt uncomfortable and I need to start putting myself up first😭

Am I overthinking this? Give it to me straight, ladies. Maybe I am, but I genuinely think he was a lot more aware of what he was doing than he's claiming now. And I think I can handle being scolded now, so feel free to call me dumb or stupid if that's what you think, I kind of feel like I deserve it for ending up in this situation. 😭

EDIT: A message I got from a man on reddit: What exactly he should have asked? Can i touch this part of your leg? can i hit your ass with this umbrella? Can i brush my hand against yours? Can i touch your shoulder while talking/laughing? omg all this sound so s*xy and flirtatious, right?...this is what every woman wants, right? your theoretical knowledge of consent doesnt really work well in the real world. MOST of the time when you are seeing someone, you make a move and see how she reacts. IF you feel she is ok then you try something else...that is how these things work/progress in real world. young women come to a site where they are brainwashed by some sad, bitter women with so much bs to make it almost impossible for her to be in a relationship ever. start thinking for yourself. instead of letting others tell you everything! The need you women have to play victim is just insane.

Okay, so 19F. Spiralled a bit. I'm scared to post here too because I know I'll get scolded hard but idk where to turn to. I might be over reacting but I just need someone to tell me straight, I guess?

So, I've been sorta seeing this 27 year old guy. I know he's a lot older, but I don't feel young with him. He's never tried to fetishize me, we have the same interests, he's pursuing a phd and what not and frankly it feels like he's my peer. I'm not surprised because growing up, I've always been closer to people older than me, so this is only natural. We have talked online plenty, but it's not exactly been sexual. That's primarily what makes me feel safe around him. Half the time I forget he's older.

Anyways, so we met for the third time today, and at one point, while a car was passing and I was yapping so he pulled me closer to the footpath by my waist. I was a little taken a back because he hadn't dared to touch me like that but I assumed that was on reflex because he didn't touch my waist after that.

Anyways, so right after that, when we were in a cafe together, while I was yapping again he suddenly put his hand on my thigh? It wasn't anywhere necessarily bad, just slightly above my knee but his hand kept kneading into me for some reason and I feel ashamed of this but I froze and then didn't say anything and just let him do it for at least 10 minutes. I continued talking about whatever I was talking about. I also was scared that hed have a negative reaction to me rejecting it. I don't know if I accidentally led him on in that direction because I've been very asexual with him, I've never flirted, again it's been very overall intellectually oriented relationship. And then I also do find him attractive so I justified it in my head in that moment saying well you like him so does it actually matter?

There also wasn't any acknowledgement after that. He wasn't like oh I touched you physically for the first fine or anything and I didn't bring it up either so we both just pretended thats normal?? So at that moment I convinced myself it's normal, somehow.

And then later, when he was dropping me off, he also did sorta playfully, almost "accidentally" hit my butt with his umbrella? Like, it was basically a slap, Idk what else to call it. That part really, really grossed me out. But I just froze and then raised my eyebrow and idk told him off jokingly and we both started laughing. I have no fucking idea why I did that either. I was very taken aback but I didn't say anything. I don't know why.

I didn't even think about it properly and just played it off in front of my friends as nothing and then they got super concerned. And that made me lowk spiral.

I don't know how to put it, honestly I feel guilty and sick because I shouldce said something but didn't. I feel like this is my fault and that I brought it upon myself. That I should've anticipated him pulling smth like this, or that since I didn't say no it's obv my fault. I honestly don't know.

I feel more mad now because suddenly I feel like a dumb child when this is not who I am. I am usually mature and brave enough to ask ppl to fuck off, I've been on dates with guys my age and younger and older who I've been mean to because they did smth or pissed me off. But I somehow couldn't say a thing? I don't even know of I can blame him because again, I didn't say no where it counted. And I feel like even more at blame because he's older and I know better than this than to fall for someone of his age. I know this is problematic. But I didn't stop. Who can be blamed here but me?

Again, I really don't wanna get scolded I don't know if I can handle it rn😭

EDIT: I have been SAed as a kid (6-8, 12, 13, then at 16. I dont count other weird instances anymore). It might be that coming back somehow, which stopped me from being able to react in that moment. When I made this post I was obviously very trigegred and emmotional (as yall can tell) but now I can think a little more clearly. I just find it ridiculous that this man knows all this info about my childhood and even shitted on the predators of my lie with me but then turned around and pulled this shit. I think what made me trust him so much was how supportive he was about my past. Ugh.

Lord knows why bs only ever happens in my family. Anyways, for background context, I'm 19F and my cousin sister is 21F. We've been close eversince we were little children, and we are tight knit. Not best friends by any means, but close enough.

Recently we were talking about her long term boyfriend of four years. She started dating him when she was around 18. She told me she actually started having sex with him three months into the relationship. I was a bit surprised because I thought she would have told me if she had been sexually active for four years straight. Still I decided it did not matter and I stayed supportive. My cousin is definitely not conservative but I did not see her as someone who would be comfortable having sex only three months in especially at 18 when she was more guarded than she is now. I asked her what her experience was like and she seemed hesitant to share details which is fair. Then she told me something very chilling.

Apparently, she wasn't planning on sex with him. It just 'happened'. I was like what does that even mean? How does sex jusy 'happen'? She clarified and said that apparently, she just wanted to cuddle that day, but he kept trying to push towards sex. She wasn't too keen on the idea but he said he'd be respectful, not do anything she didn't want, and that he wanted to give her a 'good time'. Anyways, she gave in. She then also told him multiple times to use a condom, or go buy one right then if he didn't have it right then. He refused saying his 'pullout game was strong'. He did pull out thankfully, and she didn't get pregnant, but he's refused to use condoms since, and she's also given up on trying to make him.

To say that I was gobsmacked wouldd be putting it lightly. When I tried to emphasise that the whole situation didn't sound so okay, she doubled down saying he was her bf, he's done sm for her, and that he loves her. I don't understand how she's so okay with unprotected sex when she's literally a medical student. She of all people knows that pulling out won't cut it, especially because they're both in their early twenties which is the most fertile time period for anyone. She also emphasised that her man 'kisses her feet', and is the healthiest relationship she's been in. They're both two year NEET droppers. He cracked it on his first drop, but stayed back because she couldn't crack it that year. On the second drop, they both cracked it but he got a much more prestigious college than her, but he instead took admision into the one she got into just to be with her. And she uses this as proof for why he's obv so in love with her. I think there is smth very wrong with this whole situation even if I can't fully name it yet.

Also, for context, half a year ago, my cousin's ex bf got caught for drinking and driving and for some reason the police went through his phone and found nudes of my cousin. These are nudes she sent at 14-15 when he was 16-17. Idk why he still had them. Anyways, that's CSAM, and the guy reached out to let my cousin know ts happened. The guy had also played it off to the police and didn't let them know these were the nudes of a minor.

My cousin was still very rattled, and she let her bf know. That man was apparently very disappointed that she would ever do anything like this, and said that if she wasn't his gf, he would've said some very 'bad things'. I was horrified because is sending nudes to ppl as a minor dumb? Yes. But she was a CHILD. The point of being a child is to make dumb mistakes! How tf is this man who supposedly loves you sm saying he would have slut shamed you for sending nudes as a love-struck kid???? He also made her break up with her best friend because she was very sexually active with multiple ppl (she liked to have sex casually) because, he didn't want ppl like her influencing his gf.

Also, for background info, my cousin does have a pattern. She's never been single for more than half a year, most of whom were abusive, and this is the longest relationship she's had in awhile. She's also mentally not doing well right now because she came out to our whole family that her maternal uncle raped her as a child. This same man has groped me and touched me inappropriately as a kid as well. Our family didn't do anything. This man is still free. And this is really mentally messing with her. I've caught her crying so many times, I've comforted her, but she needs therapy, obviously. I think it's the fact that she kept this secret for so long, and when she finally came out about it, no one cared. I've tried my best to support her, but this whole bf situation is really worriying me.

Thing is, she's an adult. There is next to nothing which I can do or say which will convince her to leave her bf. I have tried. If anything, she starts fighting with me instead, defending him, saying she was in the wrong for everything. She puts this man on a moral pedestal. I don't know why or how. But I also can't just let her be in such a situation like this, not when her past trauma is so heavily fucking with her. I love this girl too much to see her be used by these fucktards again and again.

Sorry if this isn't the right flair/question for this subreddit, idk how things work arounf here.

So, been thinking of tattoing a mole above my brow. I LOVE the way it looks. So I looked it up and everyoen is saying it's bad but the explanations are super vague or contradictory and I just need someone to fully explain why this might be bad before I take any rash decisions?

edit: I wanna tattoo a fake one! Not get a tattoo over another existing mole.

My friend (22F) said I(19F) am way too picky and that with these very 'hard' opinions I'm gonna stay single forever. These were the points we were discussing.

1. Says "not all men."

I'm glad you think you're the exception and don't do shit like this, but the fact remains that almost all women have dealt with some form of harassment, discrimination, or abuse. Feeling upset because you're being grouped with other men is not our responsibility. For most women, that fear comes from lived experience, and it is a valid one, imo.

1. Says femcels are the equivalent of incels, or that male hate jokes are spreading equal amount of hate.

Do I find this type of internet feminism corny, shallow, and often unhelpful? Absolutely. But comparing women joking about their grievances and trauma as a coping mechanism to men actively promoting rape culture, misogyny, pedophilia, or regressive ideologies is absurd. Those things are not remotely comparable in scale or impact.

1. Says misandry is a real concept.

I'm more willing to engage with people on this point because there is often genuine confusion around it. What people call "hatred of men" is frequently another expression of misogyny or a byproduct of patriarchal systems. At its worst, so-called misandry usually results in rude comments, hostility online, or unfair assumptions about men.

Many issues that are labeled as misandry, such as biases in family court cases or assumptions about fathers, are rooted in patriarchal gender roles rather than hatred of men. Meanwhile, misogyny contributes to rape, domestic violence, discrimination, and countless other forms of harm.

1. Refuses to call himself a feminist or insists on giving his own definition of feminism.

The first one is pretty self-explanatory.

"I'm not a feminist. I believe in gender equality."

Okay, then you're describing feminism. The only reason you don't want to call yourself a feminist is because it has the word 'fem' in it.

The second one is a bit more nuanced. I've had men tell me, "I'm a feminist if it means men and women are equal, not if it means women are superior to men."

Technically, that's correct. The problem is often the framing. It usually signals that they've consumed content from the manosphere, where a handful of fringe psuedo-feminist voices are amplified and presented as representative of feminism as a whole. Every time I've encountered this mindset, it has led to the same pattern. The person often turned out to consume incel content, support reactionary politics, or hold views that were deeply hostile to feminism despite claiming otherwise.

1. Says the N-word because it's "funny" or "dark humor."

If you're comfortable casually using racial slurs for a joke, keep your distance from me. That's all I have to say about that.

1. Constantly brings up fake rape cases.

I'm not saying false accusations never happen. They absolutely do, and they deserve to be discussed very, very seriously. What bothers me is when someone brings them up solely to undermine women's experiences or argue that women are "just as bad."

I was recently talking to a guy who said that just as women don't know which men might assault them, men don't know which women might falsely accuse them of rape. That comparison genuinely pissed me off.

False accusations are relatively rare according to most available research. Many statistics that are cited as "false reports" also include cases that could not be legally verified, either because there was insufficient evidence or because the assault did not meet the legal standard required for prosecution. Again, false accusations absolutely should and need to be discussed. They matter. But if someone only brings them up as a counterargument to women's suffering, I'm walking away from that conversation.

1. Says "he wanted it."

I once told a guy about a male friend who had been sexually assaulted by a woman. His response was, "He totally wanted it, bro."

Absolutely not. What made it even worse was that the same guy later complained about how male victims of sexual assault are never taken seriously. I couldn't even make this up if I wanted to.

1. Doesn't ask before getting physical.

I went on a date with a guy who immediately hugged me when we met. Later, he grabbed my hand and started holding it. This was only the second time we'd seen each other. Maybe some people are comfortable with that, but I'm not. Asking takes two seconds. The assumption that physical contact is automatically okay rubs me the wrong way and suggests a sense of entitlement.

1. Constantly talks about being falsely accused of something like sexual assault.

If someone mentions being falsely accused once, that's one thing. But if a man constantly brings it up, repeatedly talks about how women are out to get him, or seems obsessed with the topic, it sets off alarm bells for me. Maybe there's a legitimate story there. Maybe there isn't. Either way, that level of fixation makes me uncomfortable.

1. Is homophobic or transphobic.

Absolutely not. I have no interest in entertaining that nonsense.

1. Has a problem with caste reservations.

No. I'm not explaining myself on this one either.

1. Cannot see any nuance in religion.

Some people treat religion as the root of all evil. Others treat it as the greatest thing humanity has ever created. Both views are overly simplistic, at least imo. Religion has been used to justify and reinforce the oppression of women and marginalized groups for centuries. At the same time, religion has also provided community, meaning, hope, and support during some of humanity's darkest periods. If someone is incapable of acknowledging both sides, that's not necessarily a red flag for me, but definitely not something I want to be arguining on after getting into a relationship.

i didn't know what flair to use for this post. sorry.

now i could be tripping but i've been observing these spotted doves who keep coming back to my balcony to build their nests. at least 5 pairs so far have laid eggs and raised their babies here until they could fly away. we don't disturb them and they don't particularly like us coming near them either.

from what i've observed, these doves usually work in pairs. the female stays on the eggs most of the time and the male is supposed to bring her food. when she leaves the nest, the male keeps watch. every other pair i've seen has more or less followed this routine.

this latest pair, however, are a piece of work. this man either brings her food very late or barely brings any at all. yesterday also the female spent forever calling for him, hooting and crying, and he didn't show up until almost 5 pm. when he finally got back, i swear i watched her beat his ass 😭 i could genuinely be tripping and her behavior could mean something completely different, but she was pecking at him, flapping her wings aggressively, and generally looking like she'd had enough. this isn't the first time either, ive sen her be super aggressive with him before as well. idt ive ever seen females be like this in the previous pairs.

today that mf disappeared again and literally has not come back. she spent the entire day hooting and crying. i'm pretty sure she's hungry because she hasn't left the nest once. at one point she got down, stood near the balcony grill, looked around for a while, and seemed like she was waiting for him. then she gave up and went back to the nest. she still hasn't eaten.

i got worried and tried leaving some grains and fruit nearby, but she wants absolutely nothing to do with them and hasn't touched any of it. i'm gonna ask my vet intern friend what the hell is going on. also i dont want her to starve. and maybe a predator or smth got to him, but this has been a repeated pattern on his side so idk. i hope it didnt because then it's just sad.

obviously i have no idea what any of this actually means. im no biologist. but i like to imagine i'm witnessing some kind of dysfunctional dove marriage in real time.

When I was around 16, this one teacher of mine started getting uncomfortably close to me. I honestly do not know how else to describe it except that he seemed very interested in me. I thought it was a weird mentorly fascination at first. He would often keep talking to me after class, although to be fair, a lot of the time I stayed back on my own too. We would talk about books, daily life, random personal things, and over time he ended up knowing a lot about me.

The weird thing is that I did not even properly like him. I found him irritating most of the time. I thought he was elitist, annoying, ugly, and way too old. But at the same time, I really wanted his attention and approval. He had this habit of constantly negging me and making little mean comments, and I think I became obsessed with proving myself to him. I wanted him to see me as intelligent, mature, different from everyone else, ahead of my classmates somehow. Looking back, that probably explains why I kept going back to him even though I did not actually enjoy being around him. Also the fact that he wasn't as boomer coded as the rest of his age group also probably made him feel less obviously dad-aged.

He would constantly bring up relationships, sex, drinking, and his own romantic life. He talked a lot about age gap relationships (usually in literature and authorship and art) and would go on these long conversations about how people were too puritanical or conservative. He kept calling me prudish and saying I dressed like an old woman, and then ask to help me try more 'modern clothes' (basically club clothing idk what else to call it). He would tell me that I did not want to grow up old and regret not enjoying my “prime”  by having all the 'fun' in the world (drinking, drugs, etc) and according to him, a girl’s prime was from 16 to 19, apparently.

At the time, I did not fully register how strange all of this was because he was always subtle about it. That was the thing about him. He never directly crossed a line in a way that could easily be called out. He never outright said he wanted me. He would phrase everything indirectly. Instead of saying “you should do this,” he would say “girls your age are already doing this.” Instead of openly sexualizing me, he would generalize things and say girls with particular features (like mine lmao) were gorgeous.

Physically, he also stayed careful. He would randomly touch my shoulders, feel them up, my hands, my hair, my back, little things like that, but never in a way that was overt enough to immediately sound alarming if I described it out loud. Or maybe it was overt enough tbh, i genuinely cant tell. At the time, I thought he was one of those pretentious bengali english teachers, and the whole idea that I could potentially be groomed sounded so crazy and unfathomable.

But at the same time, I was also drawn to the attention. This was the first time in my life that an adult man was giving me that kind of sexual attention, even indirectly, and it affected me more than I wanted to admit. I started fantasizing about him sexually too, even though he simultaneously disgusted me. And I would sit there and let him talk and ask me more sexual things because I didn't want it to stop. I never told my parents because I knew the day I did, I would stop getting his attention altogether because my parents would pull me out of that school and I didn't want that. That contradiction is honestly the hardest thing for me to explain. I wanted his attention desperately, but whenever I actually got it, I felt gross afterward. And I can't lie that there was a lot of thrill in alking about these "no-no" topics with him.

Eventually I had to change schools, and after that we mostly lost contact. For a long time, whenever I talked about the situation with others, I told the story as if I had been completely passive in it and he was the obviously creepy old man who kept coming onto me. I focused entirely on how creepy he was and ignored the fact that I had also actively sought out his attention. And I basically white-washed myself.

The truth is that I knew he would sexualize things, and sometimes I intentionally played into that. I would show him provocative drawings or writing because I wanted a reaction from him. I wanted his attention even while hating him for giving it to me.

It is only recently, now that I am 19, that I have started looking back at the situation differently and realizing that what happened does sound a lot like grooming, doesn't it? Even though he never did anything with me directly or physically. Why was a man in his forties was having these conversations with a teenage girl in the first place. Why was he talking to me about sex, relationships, drinking, and age gaps so obsessively?

There was also this story he once told me about another student of his. Apparently when he was around 28, he got involved with an 18 year old student and they had supposedly decided they wanted to get married. What stands out to me now is the way he phrased it. He specifically said she was 18 when they decided to get married. He never said how old she was when the relationship actually started. At the time I did not think much of that wording, but now it feels very obvious.

According to him, her family reacted horribly and eventually forced her into marrying someone else after she ran away at one point. He framed the story like this tragic romance that ruined his life, and apparently he has stayed single ever since.

I don't know man. Nothing actually ever happened so I might be exagerating all this. And I have no proof on him to even report him to any authorities.

I just needed some outside opinions on, I guess.

just wanted to vent ig. 19F turning 20 in late october. i took a drop for neet so i havent gotten a college yet but ill most definitely be in by september.

my dad is crazy to say the least. most of the timw he hits me its because of my studies, so that he can play it off as 'caring' for me. but its clear he has a major dominance and control issue regarding me. last few weeks ive been going out, eating out, and what not without telling him. i have to return in 1.5 hours anyways so its not like i get much freedom. this is the first time in my life that im actually going anywhere, let alone completely alone. i decided i needed some experience travelling since im gonna be fucking 20 soon.

i guess my dad's being a drama queen because of that. he feels like his control over me is going away, so yeah. i was trying to order some clothes on the 1 rs sale on Savana (ive not brought new clothes in like 3 years, he doesnt allow me to) and he lost his temper and started fighing with me, saying i spend all my time on fashion and dont bother studying. the only reason he came to know i was trying to buy clothes was because my dumbass sister told him accidentally. i fought w him so to assert dominance he confiscated my laptop. the laptop he took was gifted to me by my cousin for my bday. he didnt get me a laptop, even when he promised me in 10th and 12th that he would if i scored more than 95% (i scored more in both the boards), so i just felt mad that this man kept taking away smth he didnt even spend money on in the first place. when i tried to fight more, he slapped me.

he has regularly physically disciplined me since i was a toddler, and the last time he had hit me was in january. he had hit me so hard back then that i had temporarily lost my hearing and my ear hurt for a month. today, my cheekbone is swollen and stings whenever i touch it. there's a clear mark over it.

i just feel pathetic that i let this man do wtv he wants with me. i shouldnt be in such a situation at 20. i really shouldnt. sorry for the grammartical and spelling errors i just cant be bothered to edit ts rn.

19F. This thing happened a few months back. I graduated school last year and have been picking and dropping my younger sister (14F) since then since it mostly fits into my college schedule as well.

One of her classmates (14M) apparently developed a crush on me. Never directly told me or anything, but it was pretty apparent in how he would stay back till I arrived and would try to strike up awkward conversations with me. I thought at first ki baccha hai, ye sab hota rehta hai (he's just a kid, this stuff happens) so I told him that I didn't like him in that way and he was a kid in my eyes beforehand itself so I wouldn't accidentally lead him on or anything. He just giggled awkwardly and apologised and left. I thought it was all chill, and didn't think more about it.

A couple of weeks later, an unknown number texted me on WhatsApp and after talking for a bit I realized it was him. I asked him why he was texting me or even trying to contact me and he said he just wanted to be my “friend.” I told him off and said I had no interest in being friends and that he should go find a girl his own age, then I blocked him.

He still kept trying to reach out. He tried following my account with sock puppet accounts and tried stalking my profile through his female classmates’ accounts. Some of them were my sister’s friends and were already following me. At that point I was getting genuinely uncomfortable. He even texted my situationship at the time and asked if we were dating. I have no idea how the hell he found his account and honestly I’m still horrified thinking about it.

Fast forward another month and this idiot actually tried to follow us home on his bicycle. I grabbed him by the arms and demanded to know what the hell he was doing there. He said his house was also in that direction, but I called out his bullshit because if that were true I would’ve seen him around before, and I never had.

I had enough at that point and I was tired of letting it slide just because he was a kid. So I went to the school faculty and informed them. They said it was beyond their jurisdiction so they refused to help, but they did offer to give me his parents’ numbers. My dad called them and my parents had a long conversation with them. I expected them to deflect or be dismissive like most parents of male children in India tend to be, but they actually seemed genuinely concerned and apologized profusely. I think he got a beating or something because he never tried contacting me again. Idk if hes still stalking my socials tbh.