u/notherblackcloud

After my long period of questioning, I can finally accept that I am not a trans woman. However the mere acceptance doesn't solve the issues I had been attributing to my "transness". I still hate hairloss, and I hate that I am still losing hair on meds. My libido is fked, and I either feel asexual or jerk off 2 times a day. I am depressed and anxious often, with a touch of OCD too.

Hairloss meds I've been using do come with possible chance to cause all these mental side effects. Since I am still losing hair and am not a trans woman, I wonder would if it not be better to just stop using these meds? On one hand I'll go bald at 21 and struggle with all the issues coming with that, on the other hand there's a chance I'll get cured of these side effects and end up doing much better than now.

Ngl a huge part of why the idea of being trans appealed to me was cuz I believed estrogen would stop my balding, and fix my mental issues too. But maybe the truth is I need to accept my maleness fully, baldness and all.

I am not here to argue whether dutasteride causes cognitive effects, because in my case they are very real. I have mild brainfog, weaker memory and recall, and get anxious more easily. Anything to help counter these effects?

I find I always end up hitting the higher strings(thinner string) while doing pulloffs, especially with the pinky finger. I counter this by muting the higher strings with my fretting hand index finger, and it works, but I feel like it's slowing me down. I also cannot play something like thunderstuck using one hand, cuz the high e ends up ringing out.

I think the guitar is part of the problem too, since when I played my friends ibanez for a few days I had less trouble(my yamaha has narrower string aspcing and smaller frets). So I'm saving up a new guitar anyways. But still I am not sure how to fix this problem. Hammerons are very fast and clean, but pull offs give me huge trouble.

I don't believe that hrt is guaranteed to turn me into a woman, but I really want certain effects of hrt, mainly curing my male pattern baldness(meds don't work for me). I have read enough anecdotes of men here regretting going on hrt, but still I can't shake off this desire. I try to distract myself, but it's gradually getting harder and harder. I have lost any love I had towards my masculinity, and truth to be told I have almost accepted that I am some sort of non binary.

Due to my current circumstances hrt is basically impossible to get(and even if I did, hiding the effects would be impossible and ruin my life). im in a state where I have gradually pedestalised hormones as something that will save me. I think if I could be on hrt easily, I would realise pretty quickly that either I want them, or they aren't right for me. But instead I'm in a constant state of misery which is affecting everything.

I know my reasons for wanting hrt are not proper(from my worldview, I don't judge anyone else for their reasons), I just need help to get over this mental fixation.

I don't believe that hrt can turn me into a woman, but I really want certain effects of hrt, mainly curing my male pattern baldness(meds don't work for me). I have read enough anecdotes of men here regretting going on hrt, but still I can't shake off this desire. I try to distract myself, but it's gradually getting harder and harder. I have lost any love I had towards my masculinity, and truth to be told I have almost accepted that I am some sort of non binary.

Due to my current circumstances hrt is basically impossible to get, and I'm in a state where I have gradually pedestalised hormones as something that will save me. I think if I could be on hrt easily, I would realise pretty quickly that either I want them, or they aren't right for me. But instead I'm in a constant state of misery which is affecting everything

So I'm a norwood 3 at 21, even though I started meds pretty early. Infact I'm on the strongest hairloss meds, and I keep losing hair. I'm super depressed, I tried growing my hair out cuz I really want to have long hair, but it makes the baldness look even worse. I want to have a feminine hairline, and a feminine hairstyle. How do I deal with this? I can barely study, and idk maybe this falls in gender dysphoria or something

I prolly internalised many beliefs that I was too ugly/socially incompetent to be succesful as a man, and therefore developed this envy towards women, leading to trans ideation. However I'm not trans either, like I don't really have dysphoria except for 1-2 things.

I quit porn and distanced myself from trans spaces to end these thoughts, worked out, went on a dating app, got a few matches and talked with women too. But I still feel so empty and I couldn't help but come back here. I don't know how to flirt at all, and end up just talking like a friend. This doesn't help my brains false belief that "you don't understand the male role cuz you're secretly female"

I think I need to go all the way with a woman, but it's difficult to find a gf and it seems my mind has internalised beliefs like"You won't like it, you'll feel dysphoric" even though I know this is not true since I do fantasize abt those things(literally just a cishet guy). Maybe it's like sour grapes, where my brain is just coping.

A part of me feels like if I have sex and still don't feel fulfilled I would be sorta relieved cuz then I wouldn't have these thoughts that I feel trans cuz I am too weak to be a man. On the other hand it'll prolly be super scary, realising that all of this was true, and that while there is a cure(passing), it'll never come to me cuz of my circumstances.

I prolly internalised many beliefs that I was too ugly/socially incompetent to be succesful as a man, and therefore developed this envy towards women, leading to trans ideation. However I'm not trans either, like I don't really have dysphoria except for 1-2 things.

I quit porn and distanced myself from trans spaces to end these thoughts, worked out, went on a dating app, got a few matches and talked with women too. But I still feel so empty and I couldn't help but come back here. I don't know how to flirt at all, and end up just talking like a friend. This doesn't help my brains false belief that "you don't understand the male role cuz you're secretly female"

I think I need to go all the way with a woman, but it's difficult to find a gf and it seems my mind has internalised beliefs like"You won't like it, you'll feel dysphoric" even though I know this is not true since I do fantasize abt those things(literally just a cishet guy). Maybe it's like sour grapes, where my brain is just coping.

A part of me feels like if I have sex and still don't feel fulfilled I would be sorta relieved cuz then I wouldn't have these thoughts that I feel trans cuz I am too weak to be a man. On the other hand it'll prolly be super scary, realising that all of this was true, and that while there is a cure(passing), it'll never come to me cuz of my circumstances.

Maybe it's better to just become a goonrepper, that way I can blame it all on me being a fetishist

21M I've been on dutasteride for the last 18months, 0.5mg for the first 10 months and 1 mg for the rest. I don't have any shedding at all, but my hairline is still continuing to thin and recede. I'm also using topical min/fin solution for the past 2.5 years. My blood reports are all normal, T at the higher range. What should I do now. I'm thinking abt going back to finasteride

I feel so fucking guilty for posting here, ik nothing people will say will hold any importance withing 24 hours, and I'll back to my old routine.

So I've been questioning since 2021(I was 16), and despite all these years, I'm still sure that I'm just a atypical cis guy. The problem is these trans ideations/fantasies/whatever have become like a drug. Whenever I am depressed or anxious, I'll end up browsing these spaces looking for validation, either directly or indirectly(through relating with trans women here).

Right now my biggest source of anxiety is my hairloss, which I havent been able to stop even with the strongest medicines. Its getting more and more certain every day that a bald man is my destiny, and I just can't take it. Whenever I get hair anxiety(like right now), I end up back in trans subs.

I think the reason why this is my preferred cope is multifaceted

1. Porn is something that I subconsciously believe is bad(it is ofc), meanwhile my mind cannot see anything wrong with "discovering myself"(when there's no discovery going on at all)
2. AGP, I have some AGP ofc(don't worry I'm not trans, so I am not insinuating trans women have agp), so ofc the mild sexual kick gives lot of dopamine even if I don't think sexual things
3. It direclty provides a cure to my anxiety, the only baldness medicine that is left for me is literally andogen blockers and estrogen.
4. I and hyperfocused on the favourable trans outcomes, like being passing and pretty. Meanwhile I don't really think about the stifggles even the most passoidest of passoids may have
5. Low self esteem as a man, I think this is self explanatory.

It's not hard for me to stay away from trans spaces when I'm feeling good, but I don't feel good much anymore nowadays. Exercising helps, but the rest days are a torture.

I don't know what I hoped to achieve by posting this here, I'm probably addicted to the notification sign on reddit lol.

edit: I think I realise why I continue to post these sort of things, it's basically journalling which does help me a lot ngl

I've been around trans spaces since 2021(I was 16), and honestly while I have many signs of being trans, I'm still pretty sure I'm just a cis guy who's atypical. However I've gotten really addicted to the validation I receive in trans spaces, either directly, or through to relating to someone trans. My guess is because it provides escapism from my life as a man with male social pressures, while also presenting a cure to all my problems(which to be fair estrogen does cure most problems of trans women).

Since the last 2 years I've been really struggling with losing hair, despite using all the medications. I really don't want to be a bald guy, it honestly sorta feels like dysphoria in the sense I just don't feel like myself. I've searched incessantly for a cure, but nothing ever worked till now. Whenever the hair anxiety gets bad I can't stop myself from engaging in my addictions such as youtube, porn and ofc trans sites.

I think my mind doesn't associate trans sites with negative connotations like it does with porn, so there's less subconscious guilt, since I am "discovering myself". When there's no actually discovery going on at all. Idk sometimes I wish I was actually trans, but the idea of being a woman doesn't even give euphoria anymore, like I'd rather be a man who's not balding lol.

This hasn't really ruined my life completely, but I waste hours everyday thinking about these things. I'm so tired, and I can't tell these to anyone. Since the past year I've been convinced that once I stop my hairloss I'll lose interest in trans stuff, but it just sounds less and less likely as time goes on. Fml

I've been using screenzen, used another blocker before that(don't remember the name), and while it's alright for blocking apps, it just randomly loses the accessibility permission for blocking websites. It's a hassle to switch the accessibility permissions back on, and that doesn't work cuz the mind always chooses the path of least resistance=back to browsing. Any blocker which reliably blocks sites on xiaomi?

Firstly I should say that my addiction is sorta different from typical sissy addiction; I don't care abt sissy porn at all, for me it's more abt imagining myself as a woman in different situations, mainly romantic. While I get aroused by this, I have never once masturbated to these directly, infact I watch hetero porn when I do. I have questioned my gender, and I've realised that I'm actually man who gets these fantasies because of low self esteem etc, which is also the reason I'm into femdom etc.

I started working out, and was away from any sort of trans content(not just porn) for about 2 weeks, but then it all exploded back into my life once again. I like working out already, and am eager for muscle growth, but it doesn't fix my other body issues, especially hairloss. This, combined with my general social awkwardness makes me feel ill never be attractive to anyone. Ik it's not really true, but I just started spiralling, and all these trans fantasies feel so comfortable, I sometimes go to sleep imagining I'm cuddling with a bf(I'm not gay irl).

I often wish I was actually trans, then I realise that the fantasy is far from the reality. I really wish to stop these fantasies completely, ik I have a strong heterosexual drive and that real sex/relationships are way better. But it's hard to have consistent motivation when these fantasies are so strong.

I started dutasteride 0.5mg in early 2025 after finasteride had failed to stop hair recession. On dutasteride my hairfall stopped completely, but my hairline started receding faster. I also started getting more pimples etc. In early 2026 I restarted using finasteride, this time along with dutasteride 1 mg. This cured my pimples etc, but I'm still receding at hairline. I also feel the front in thinning diffusely now, not sure abt what to do

Been on dutasteride finasteride, everything for years now and I still keep receding. I'm 21 and norwood 3, the hairline of a unc. I know I'll never pass on hrt, and that I'm by all means better off being a man. I don't even have real gender dysphoria, mostly envy, which I could manage by dating women ig. Instead I'm a severely balding man with autogynephilia. Literally none of the meds are working, and I cannot take estrogen because it will ruin my life.

I'm someone who has struggled with self esteem for a long while, and it's undeniable how much of my trans thoughts are correlated to my self esteem. Like if I wake up and think my hairline got worse I'm pretty sure I'm going to have trans thoughts the entire day. What makes me sure I'm not trans is the fact that if I think i look attractive as a man, it's enough for me to not feel trans for the day. Like it's so damn clear that I'm not trans, but my mind has just latched onto this weird idea prolly as a cope. I literally get more gay thoughts when my self esteem is low. I'm sorry to be the kind of faketrans who people use as an example to justify calling all trans people confused.

I'm someone who has struggled with self esteem for a long while, and it's undeniable how much of my trans thoughts are correlated to my self esteem. Like if I wake up and think my hairline got worse I'm pretty sure I'm going to have trans thoughts the entire day. What makes me sure I'm not trans is the fact that if I think i look attractive as a man, it's enough for me to not feel trans for the day. Like it's so damn clear that I'm not trans, but my mind has just latched onto this weird idea prolly as a cope. I literally get more gay thoughts when my self esteem is low. I'm sorry to be the kind of faketrans who people use as an example to justify calling all trans people confused.

Im 21M, 181 cm, 72 kgs. I walk 4 kms a day regularly without any problems, but I'm secretly one of the most unfit persons I know . I have terrible flexibility and strength, and this time I want to become fit for good. But within the first week of starting I'm back to the problems I faced on my previous attempts.

I decided to start with bodyweight fitness, because going and coming back from gym is a additional half an hour, which I am sure will discourage me until I am atleast somewhat fit. Trouble is I can barely do any exercise at all. I can hold a plank for max 45 secs, haven't been able to do a proper pushup yet, and squats just hurt my knees.

I try to reasearch about form and get more confused with all the different opinions online. I search abt knee pain while squatting, and it gets into an entire rabbithole abt tight hamstrings, which in turn tells me to strengthen hip flexors, but I cannot do those exercises either.

I'm just afraid I will lose motivation once again.

Im 21M, 181 cm, 72 kgs. I walk 4 kms a day regularly without any problems, but I'm secretly one of the most unfit persons I know . I have terrible flexibility and strength, and this time I want to become fit for good. But within the first week of starting I'm back to the problems I faced on my previous attempts.

I decided to start with bodyweight fitness, because going and coming back from gym is a additional half an hour, which I am sure will discourage me until I am atleast somewhat fit. Trouble is I can barely do any exercise at all. I can hold a plank for max 45 secs, haven't been able to do a proper pushup yet, and squats just hurt my knees.

I try to reasearch about form and get more confused with all the different opinions online. I search abt knee pain while squatting, and it gets into an entire rabbithole abt tight hamstrings, which in turn tells me to strengthen hip flexors, but I cannot do those exercises either.

I'm just afraid I will lose motivation once again.