u/purplehyenaa

TW //

I get around 800 cals a day. some of that is intentional. I’m so angry at myself. My OCD around food is becoming severe again. I’m terrified of everything. scared of allergic reactions. scared of everything. I hate food. I’m suffering from suspected malnutrition (my doctor told me) but the obsessing over eating enough is making me under eat worse because the only way I cope with stress is my OCD and anorexia + bulimia. I’m also in such severe 10/10 pain near daily (endometriosis) which makes eating even worse. I hate it I hate it so much I don’t want to do this anymore I am so tired. my hair is falling out. my nails are breaking. I am HURTING so fucking badly. the only coping mechanism I have isn’t healthy, and I want to lose more weight anyway because I’m not happy in my body. Today has been so miserable. I know if I got a tube i’d likely not even upkeep feeds because like I said I like the idea of losing more weight. I’m not in treatment of any sort, I have had numerous horrific therapy experiences so transitional therapy is not something I’ll ever be willing to do again unless I find someone I can trust and the chances of that are very low / I don’t have the energy to do that or anything right now. I’m starving all the time but I hate food it scares me.

I’m scared to communicate this to my doctor because I cannot have my Adderall taken away from me.

I’m looking to pick up a new hobby, maybe two. I can’t do anything that requires a lot of energy, but I love to cook and write on days I’m able. (Specifically directing this question to those that also have ME/CFS and POTS on top of EDS. I’m struggling a lot with boredom and depression due to my debilitating fatigue and everything exhausting me )

Currently on 100mg 4x daily and have been for around 2 weeks. My doctor is doubling my dose, so I’ll be on the standard dose of 200mg 4x a day. how long did you guys remain on the standard dose before increasing again? I know it’s probably different for everyone, but I figured I’d ask. My doctor also wants to add in LDN as well. I’ve seen slight improvements on the dose I’m already on, so I’m looking forward to increasing and seeing the full effects in a month or 2.

My doctor believes the ketones in my urine, low white blood cell count (dropped drastically) + worsening hair loss and nail breakage is due to malnutrition and my body entering starvation mode. I cannot get enough calories by mouth, and I also have MCAS and have yet to find a shake I don’t react to. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I eat normally?? most days, but that’s likely my eating disorder brain. I only eat 800-1200 (max) unless i’m eating foods I cannot digest and basically stuffing myself. I’m so stressed out. I cannot get in to see my GI until mid next month, but I’m going to call and see if I can get an emergency appointment. my primary is exceptional, but I know all of this is outside of his scope of practice. MCAS makes this all so much more difficult. I’m so afraid of food. I also have EDS, POTS, + endometriosis which makes the pain in my abdomen very hard to eat. my GI believes I have global dysmotility and not just Gastroparesis.

Does anyone else go through this? constantly turning the heat up behind my back & I won’t know why until I’m becoming physically ill, and now currently the AC where I’m staying is broken & the person I’m staying with (abusive family member) isn’t pushing maintenance to fix it. It’s been over a week, the apartment is around 80 inside. I’m in tears, near vomiting, miserable. about to faint. this has been a pattern since I developed pots and MCAS. This family member will deliberately make me sicker and show absolutely no empathy at all, act like I’m overreacting, complain, then tell me that I’m lucky I’m staying with them and not outside. I have nowhere else to go (technically I am homeless) trying desperately to not end up in a shelter and secure housing for myself. I’ve asked if their can ask their housing to stop spraying scents through the vents I’m reacting to. they like the scent & won’t do it. Same goes for fragrances such as laundry detergent & perfume. they’ll spray a lot near me knowing I cannot tolerate it. I’m so miserable & I’m trying to get out of this situation but it’s hard. I’m practically housebound / bed bound (suspected ME/CFS) and the constant arguing sends my nervous system into overdrive / sends me into PEM.

Last year I had to deal with lectures about how “they’re so cold” and “I’m making them uncomfortable in their own home” when they see how heat impacts my health. and then I’m told I cannot make myself food past a specific time (even if I haven’t eaten all day due to gastroparesis when I’m always quiet & not disruptive at all) and that once again: I can get out if I don’t follow their rules. I see my housing counselor / disability counselor soon so I’ll mention this (she knows a lot of what’s going on) but I’m just so tired of this. they also threw away all my summer clothes so I have none to wear.

please don’t offer advice on how to fix this as there is no feasible way, my situation is very specific basically I’m sneaking into this person’s new housing with their permission (they left me homeless to begin with end of 2025) and they’re constantly using it over my head and telling me how much they care because they’re housing me secretly. I have no idea when or if the ac will get fixed, have a feeling I’ll likely be left like this until my abusive family member decides it’s hot enough for them to actually demand it be fixed.

I’m a domestic infant adoptee, 27yo, in search of an adoption competent therapist in Massachusetts, or a therapist that’s also an adoptee who’s also out of the fog. I’m fully out of the fog and have been in (in person) reunion for over a year now, in contact with my fam on and off for over a decade. I really, really need to get back into therapy, but I don’t feel comfortable seeing a provider who isn’t adoption competent. I’m also searching for someone who specializes in chronic illness support, or is maybe chronically ill themselves. (bonus points if they also specialize in OCD)

(I have multiple, severe chronic illnesses that have left me unable to do much) I feel so happy for them, but at the same time, so sad for my own situation. I’ve improved in certain ways since last year, but I still feel like I haven’t done enough. We have multiple of the same diagnoses, some different, and all differing in severity as of now. I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to them, but they just graduated college, and I’m 27 and cannot even manage to get my GED. I feel like such a failure. we also don’t talk nearly as much as we used to, and that does make me very sad. I feel like life goes on, people get to the point of being able to function regularly, and I’m just stuck here wondering if I’ll ever get to that point myself. I accomplished multiple things this year to be proud of, but compared to others, my accomplishments are little and seem meaningless for someone my age.

It’s not that I’m jealous, I’m so proud of them, I just wish I could be in that position. I wish I had friends to cheer me on. I’ve dedicated this year to essentially really focusing on my health, something I haven’t done before. I gave up and accepted being sick, but now I’m trying my best to build some sort of bright future for myself. Somehow, that doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t know, I just can’t help but feel so embarrassed by everything lately. All I want is to be able to do more, but I can’t, and that hurts me so much. my pain has left me unable to move much as of late, with an emergency OBGYN appointment scheduled. I’m just waiting for that, stuck, feeling as if I’m a failure. I guess the most painful part is I just want to feel seen, but I feel so hidden away.

I feel so happy for them, but at the same time, so sad for my own situation. I’ve improved in certain ways since last year, but I still feel like I haven’t done enough. We have multiple of the same diagnoses, some different, and all differing in severity as of now. I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to them, but they just graduated college, and I’m 27 and cannot even manage to get my GED. I feel like such a failure. we also don’t talk nearly as much as we used to, and that does make me very sad. I feel like life goes on, people get to the point of being able to function regularly, and I’m just stuck here wondering if I’ll ever get to that point myself. I accomplished multiple things this year to be proud of, but compared to others, my accomplishments are little and seem meaningless for someone my age.

It’s not that I’m jealous, I’m so proud of them, I just wish I could be in that position. I wish I had friends to cheer me on. I’ve dedicated this year to essentially really focusing on my health, something I haven’t done before. I gave up and accepted being sick, but now I’m trying my best to build some sort of bright future for myself. Somehow, that doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t know, I just can’t help but feel so embarrassed by everything lately. All I want is to be able to do more, but I can’t, and that hurts me so much. my pain has left me unable to move much as of late, with an emergency OBGYN appointment scheduled. I’m just waiting for that, stuck, feeling as if I’m a failure.

I feel so happy for them, but at the same time, so sad for my own situation. I’ve improved in certain ways since last year, but I still feel like I haven’t done enough. We have multiple of the same diagnoses, some different, and all differing in severity as of now. I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to them, but they just graduated college, and I’m 27 and cannot even manage to get my GED. I feel like such a failure. we also don’t talk nearly as much as we used to, and that does make me very sad. I feel like life goes on, people get to the point of being able to function regularly, and I’m just stuck here wondering if I’ll ever get to that point myself. I accomplished multiple things this year to be proud of, but compared to others, my accomplishments are little and seem meaningless for someone my age.

It’s not that I’m jealous, I’m so proud of them, I just wish I could be in that position. I wish I had friends to cheer me on. I’ve dedicated this year to essentially really focusing on my health, something I haven’t done before. I gave up and accepted being sick, but now I’m trying my best to build some sort of bright future for myself. Somehow, that doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t know, I just can’t help but feel so embarrassed by everything lately. All I want is to be able to do more, but I can’t, and that hurts me so much. my pain has left me unable to move much as of late, with an emergency OBGYN appointment scheduled. I’m just waiting for that, stuck, feeling as if I’m a failure.

I feel so happy for them, but at the same time, so sad for my own situation. I’ve improved in certain ways since last year, but I still feel like I haven’t done enough. We have multiple of the same diagnoses, some different, and all differing in severity as of now. I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to them, but they just graduated college, and I’m 27 and cannot even manage to get my GED. I feel like such a failure. we also don’t talk nearly as much as we used to, and that does make me very sad. I feel like life goes on, people get to the point of being able to function regularly, and I’m just stuck here wondering if I’ll ever get to that point myself. I accomplished multiple things this year to be proud of, but compared to others, my accomplishments are little and seem meaningless for someone my age.

It’s not that I’m jealous, I’m so proud of them, I just wish I could be in that position. I wish I had friends to cheer me on. I’ve dedicated this year to essentially really focusing on my health, something I haven’t done before. I gave up and accepted being sick, but now I’m trying my best to build some sort of bright future for myself. Somehow, that doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t know, I just can’t help but feel so embarrassed by everything lately. All I want is to be able to do more, but I can’t, and that hurts me so much. my pain has left me unable to move much as of late, with an emergency OBGYN appointment scheduled. I’m just waiting for that, stuck, feeling as if I’m a failure.

I feel so happy for them, but at the same time, so sad for my own situation. I’ve improved in certain ways since last year, but I still feel like I haven’t done enough. We have multiple of the same diagnoses, some different, and all differing in severity as of now. I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to them, but they just graduated college, and I’m 27 and cannot even manage to get my GED. I feel like such a failure. we also don’t talk nearly as much as we used to, and that does make me very sad. I feel like life goes on, people get to the point of being able to function regularly, and I’m just stuck here wondering if I’ll ever get to that point myself. I accomplished multiple things this year to be proud of, but compared to others, my accomplishments are little and seem meaningless for someone my age.

It’s not that I’m jealous, I’m so proud of them, I just wish I could be in that position. I wish I had friends to cheer me on. I’ve dedicated this year to essentially really focusing on my health, something I haven’t done before. I gave up and accepted being sick, but now I’m trying my best to build some sort of bright future for myself. Somehow, that doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t know, I just can’t help but feel so embarrassed by everything lately. All I want is to be able to do more, but I can’t, and that hurts me so much. my pain has left me unable to move much as of late, with an emergency OBGYN appointment scheduled. I’m just waiting for that, stuck, feeling as if I’m a failure.

I’m finally on the 4 vials a day (want to go up again eventually depending on how this works longterm), and I have noticed improvement in some areas. I started the meditation two weeks ago, am at 4 vials now as of a few days ago. I just ate fruit, which I normally do okay with, and I’m breaking out in acne-like hives. Itchy everywhere, even where I don’t have the hive-like rash. uncontrollable rage. so much anxiety and worsened OCD symptoms. panicky. sweating profusely, but my body doesn’t feel at an abnormal temp on the outside? like I feel cold? my forehead does feel hot, but my body inside feels like it’s burning, not outside. Facial flushing and swollen cheeks, abdominal pain. The other day it happened with pizza. I did fine one day, the next - full blown reaction. Is this normal? will it get better? (I’ve tested my blood sugar numerous times in these episodes, it definitely isn’t that) this is all so unpredictable & horrendous and I definitely could use some words of encouragement. I started the 4 vials maybe faster than I should, but I just wanted to get past the side effects faster. I’m also so fatigued with bad joint and muscle pain, but I’m getting bad insomnia. I’m also on generic Loratadine + Pepcid

The other day I went out, it wasn’t too hot out, but I reacted to the sun SO badly. hives, swelling, everything. it was awful, GI symptoms, whole nine yards. I ended up vomiting. it’s like all my worst symptoms are amplified at times, but also getting better? I don’t even know how to describe it. I feel like I’m reacting less, but when I do, it’s bad. like worse than usual.

And being dragged into it. watching them fight with everyone. watching them blame everyone for their short comings. it’s worse when your parent is abusing substances on top of their mental health issues. the worst part of it all is they have absolutely no self awareness in any capacity. your kids are low to no contact because of YOU. your kids do not want to live with you because of YOUR behavior. you do not see your grandkids because YOU put in no effort. You do not deserve to be fed off of a silver platter, given your way all of the time. yet we’re always the ones to blame. we’re always bad, never enough, not accommodating enough. it’s exhausting. one thing I do know is that if I choose to have children, they will never be around this mess to be used as pawns, threatened to be taken from me, or called names. Never.

My childhood home was infested with rats and mice on more than one occasion. they were just left to do whatever, or home remedies that would always fail would be used in an attempt to eradicate them. Termites and wasps, too. the rugs were stained and filthy. mold plagued the home. I think often about how sick I was in that house. I get angry when I think how I was forced to live. I’m an adoptee, so it stings even more. These people purchased me, then forced me to live in nothing but filth. I had minimal clothes, and I was never taught how to bathe or care for myself. I had to teach myself how to clean, brush my teeth, take care of my hair, all of that. I look back at old photos and feel so much anger. My hair was always kept short because I never knew how to care for it on my own. I was too little. So, my adoptive mother resorted to cutting it all off for years. I’m still stuck in the abuse, but becoming more independent. I’m out of that house now, but very chronically ill.

The most painful part of all of this is how, as an adult, I have had to teach myself everything.

I left being told I could “still have a minor prolapse” she basically did an external exam, told me she saw nothing bulging, put her finger inside quickly, attempted to insert a speculum but couldn’t get it in correctly (vaginismus) and sent me on my way telling me to see gynecology? but i cannot get in until July. I’m struggling to even walk properly. please if anyone has any advice on what I can do. I also have suspected endo as well. the doctor also wasn’t familiar with EDS. I also had blood and ketones show in my urine along with low white blood cells a couple weeks prior. she said nothing about any of that. I feel like something’s very wrong + my only option is the er. it’s gotten so much worse after my last period. I have every symptom of a prolapse (just stating that so I don’t have to mention my symptoms) and I’m just so miserable. i’ve had these symptoms for months but like I said it got worse lately. I feel like the doctor did not listen to me at all. I can’t
even sit down properly.

I’m on an H1 + H2 blocker along with Cromolyn. my primary follows consensus 2 and starting treating me to see how my body responds while i’m waiting for an immunology appointment. he said mcas is very likely based on his experience with it. Is this okay?? should i have corrected them? (also have pots, gastroparesis, and eds dx’d) Maybe i’m
just overthinking it. (I did have long covid + was exposed to mold for yrs too) idk why it makes me feel like i’m a fraud or something 🥲 even tho I’m responding positively to cromolyn, I still have imposter syndrome. is this normal?

Symptoms of a prolapse, being evaluated for hEDS come June. (prolapses are common in those with eds) I’ve struggling severely. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, but I’m hurting so bad. I also have suspected endometriosis which runs in my family. I can’t get into gynecology until July. I can barely walk. symptoms got so much worse after my period ended this month. what do I even say? I also have very severe sexual trauma, so I’m very scared. I’m 27 and could never even have a pap-smear done.

I question this diagnosis often, because I do not show signs of BPD when I’m away from my abuser, which is not often. (I’m disabled and currently trying to escape, but it’s so difficult) she was licensed to diagnose, but I also have Autism and CPTSD which I think are far better fits. I even asked her if it’s ethical to diagnose me with this while I’m being abused. she offered no resources to help me, and she told me the diagnosis was ethical because “borderlines show their worst symptoms around their abusers”

I’m disabled, homeless, and left a DV family type situation. I do have court docs / police call logs, and am working with a disability counselor (who works with government agencies) who will verify my situation, so will DTA. Basically, I applied to the max amount I could. and all are saying over a 10 year wait / they aren’t screening new applicants at this time. and I just broke down. I’m doing everything im supposed to. going out for disability. im trying so hard. i guess i just need reassurance that it does get better. I dont know if i can wait ten years. is that just the general waitlist? im in massachusetts. I just dream of my own place, to be free of abuse. my counselor had reassured me a while back that with priority, hoping to be housed by the end of the year isn’t unrealistic. but i don’t know. my state isn’t issuing mobile vouchers at this time, but I got my application in anyway. I’m applying for project based family one bedrooms (it’s just me) and disabled housing. I know I can’t control the system, so I shouldnt worry about things outside of my control. but it’s so hard. I guess im just tired. I’m doing so much with such little support. I feel like im not doing enough, even though realistically there isnt anything more I can do.

I was vegan for multiple years prior to becoming severely chronically ill. (the specific issues that impacted my ability to remain vegan are MCAS, gastroparesis and global dysmotility, and I do have multiple other diagnoses as well) being vegan was such a large part of my personality. I still do what I can, but I react to so many foods. (I don’t buy animal tested products, leather, etc. and I don’t consume outside of what I need to in order to survive) I have very few safe foods, and I’m struggling a lot to maintain my weight and get enough nutrients. I guess I’m not asking for advice, just venting. I miss being able to eat and digest food. I miss not being sick all the time. Had I not introduced and trialed the foods that I did, I would’ve had to get a feeding tube and likely would’ve experienced numerous episodes of anaphylaxis. I’m just sad. I get so excited when I find a new food I can tolerate and it happens to be vegan. I just miss who I was. (please be kind to me. I’m not seeing any sort of validation, like I said, I just want to vent.) I even trialed a prescription plant based meal replacement and I’m reacting to it. I’m just so frustrated and sad. I try to advocate against factory farming and animal rights. that part about me is still the same. as well as advocating for those that are physically able to make the change.

I also know that not all of us are the same, but can anyone else with MCAS and gastroparesis recommend some vegan things that they’re able to tolerate? the loss of identify and sense of self has been so difficult on my mental health.