u/redditor_040123

Has anyone experienced weird, random passive aggressive remarks from bosses and coworkers that seem directed at you? My boss randomly mentioned in a team meeting that we should be honest if we can’t make it into work on time because we’re hungover and all my coworkers on my team except me started cracking up laughing and then one said to me “right (insert my name)?” And everyone laughed again.

After that people started to slip the word “hungover” excessively into all of their conversations with me and look at me laughing to where I feel left out of some sort of big joke. They’ll say “imagine doing this hungover” or “I can’t use the bathroom when I’m so hungover” at random times when it didn’t make sense to say. But I’ve never come into work hungover before and don’t drink on the job (or rarely ever) so I’m not sure why they keep saying this? I don’t find it funny just extremely weird behavior…

My new boss is self-proclaimed “unhinged.” They claim they are severely mentally unstable and share their suicidal ideation amongst other personal issues. They are critical and combative and always starting gossip. They openly argue with and criticize their own boss (and spread a crazy rumor about them that was later debunked). Their mood and personality changes so frequently I don’t know who the “real” them is.

My boss never passes along information I need and I only find out about it later. Over time they’ve taken work away from me, despite it being praised by others and always delivering. Even my teammates and my boss’s boss are now weird towards me to where I genuinely don’t know what’s going on with everyone.
They gaslight me and tell and promise me all these things they want me to do that hasn’t happened.

Another manager I work with has said they’re “worried” for me which I think is strange considering my boss has indicated nothing wrong to my face. Another person I work closely with said they heard my team has drama. I had no idea because my teammates never talk to me?? How do I suss out how what is happening behind my back? I’ve been looking at other roles but there’s not much out there…

My new boss is self-proclaimed “unhinged.” They claim they are severely mentally unstable and share their past suicidal ideation amongst other personal issues. They are critical and combative and always starting gossip. They openly argue with and criticize their own boss (and spread a crazy rumor about them that was later debunked). Their mood and personality changes so frequently I don’t know who the “real” them is.

My boss never passes along information I need and I only find out about it later. Over time they’ve taken work away from me, despite it being praised by others and always delivering. Even my teammates and my boss’s boss are now weird towards me to where I genuinely don’t know what’s going on with everyone.
They gaslight me and tell and promise me all these things they want me to do that hasn’t happened.

Another manager I work with has said they’re “worried” for me which I think is strange considering my boss has indicated nothing wrong to my face. Another person I work closely with said they heard my team has drama. I had no idea because my teammates never talk to me?? How do I suss out how what is happening behind my back? I’ve been looking at other roles but there’s not much out there…

I’m planning on going to a college reunion with a friend and I’ve been having nightmares about it. In college I was friends with a cool “popular group” of girls in a huge friend group. I was the “backup friend” a lot of times and let them mistreat me. Eventually I started being iced out and they would hold meetings to criticize my behavior or call me and make me defend myself and tell me I messed up but when I asked what I did or how to fix it “I should just know what I did.” All the women were really connected on campus and we were in lots of activities together and they kind of trashed my reputation. It got pretty bad and some people even felt bad after things went down.

I became depressed and isolated. I stopped being invited to parties and things but ended up making a few friends from a new group my senior year. I want to go back to connect with the friends I still have, maybe meet new people, network, and enjoy my time at a really nice weekend but I’m so nervous about running into these girls. They still go on trips together and still stay connected and tap into a lot of alumni resources to advance their careers. How do I stop worrying about running into these people all these years later?

Small homegrown roots company. People are fine but some old guard seem reluctant to accept outsiders or hear new ideas. They’ve expressed they feel like new people are coming in and taking over.

Has anyone had luck shifting dynamics? I like my job and the people but some of my team is getting frustrated and I don’t know how to change things.

I keep seeing discussions about Boz’s tenure at these companies and whether she’s “legit.” I also know many times women and POC are hired into “glass cliff” positions where they are brought in for short periods of time to turn companies around in times of crisis or to clean up other people’s mess. Sometimes they’re not set up for long-term success or it’s understood it’s temporary. Maybe this happened and she was smart enough to pivot into creating better opportunities for herself? I’m not sure.

I agree she isn’t immune to criticism and also probably isn’t used to the crazy backlash newbies get and is defending herself in her IG videos. Most housewives don’t do this because they understand it looks kind of desperate, but also get the housewives game. Housewives don’t really beg fans for forgiveness on their platform and they rarely apologize or over explain even when they’re wrong and getting torn apart online. Some cast are also straight up judged differently than others. It’s unfair but they’ll get strategic with interviews and press or form alliances. Reality TV is a brutal, messy game and I get why people would want to defend themselves or leave it altogether.

People complain about how fake and passive aggressive RHOBH is and how we need a shakeup and then you get new a new cast member who’s bold and comes in hot and calls it like they see it. That’s how I saw Boz. That’s how I saw Erika Jayne initially and Erika has lasted several seasons now despite backlash.

How do you think newbies can actually come in and play the game so they stay?

Dating one feels like you’re in a house on fire with alarms going off but you can’t really find the fire until things are bad. You can’t tell if you’re dating a bad person who’s sometimes good or a good person who’s sometimes bad and they’re really good at turning things on you so you feel guilty for everything.

It completely changed my understanding of how people operate not in good faith but can really seem like they’re truly caring and kind but it is all an elaborate lie. That changes you. I feel like I’m in the wilderness again navigating life as a single person with a much different view of relationships. Years later I still don’t feel like “me” but I miss the happiness and zest for life and spark I used to have. Even after other breakups I remember that coming back eventually. How do you find it again even if you’re older and wiser and maybe a little more jaded?

I have an older family friend who always is giving me stuff despite asking them not to. She knows the stuff is hideous. Decades old clothes, empty perfume bottles to recycle. Some of it has holes, some of it is stuff you’d throw away. My family gives me crap for being rude to “such a nice lady” and pressure me even after I say no and I keep being put in awkward situations where she sees me and comes running over with her hand-me-downs. I see through her. She’s a bored, nosey and always in my business, retired, and wealthy enough to buy nice things for herself and could honestly gdonate these things or throw them away.

The worst part is my family thinks it’s sweet she’s clearly unloading her junk on me and she wants a “report” back on what I keep….How do I handle this once and for all since “no” clearly isn’t working? (Silly and unserious ideas preferred)