u/roseshsarabhai_

Looking at the recent news around dowry deaths and the ongoing discussions, this question came to my mind and I thought of asking here.

I am unmarried and honestly I don’t have much idea about how these things practically happen during marriages. I have heard from some friends that in wedding of xyz the groom's side clearly refused to take anything but at the same time the bride’s family, out of their own will, still gifted something to the groom.

So I wanted to understand, in such situations, what is considered right? Should the groom completely refuse everything? And what if parents voluntarily want to give something to their daughter (say money, jewellery, etc.) after marriage, is that also considered wrong?

Basically, should there be absolutely no give and take at all? Or is there a distinction between dowry and what relatives/parents call “shagun” or voluntary gifts?

Genuinely asking to understand the social and practical side of this better.

My cousin got married recently into what seems like a wealthy family and ever since then I’ve noticed a strange pattern in conversations with her.

Almost every conversation somehow comes back to money, status, rich relatives, expensive things, etc. For example:

• “My mother-in-law buys gold like people buy groceries.”
• “My SIL’s niece’s dental procedure cost 1 lakh.”
• “My husband’s maternal uncle is extremely rich.”
• “Their weddings have food varieties people can’t even imagine.”

At first I ignored it thinking maybe she’s just excited about her new family. But then I noticed something else.

Whenever I casually mention something about someone else having luxury or money, she suddenly becomes weirdly competitive or uncomfortable.

Example:

• I mentioned my friend was going to Switzerland/Italy/Paris → she suddenly ended the call.
• I mentioned another friend’s wedding had bridal shadow entries and elaborate arrangements → she became quiet and said she’d call later.
• I mentioned a bride having separate MUA + hairstylist → she immediately said she also had that, even though I attended her wedding and she didn’t.

It feels like she constantly needs to prove she belongs to a rich circle now. Even things like:

• “My husband has Bangalore job offers”
• “We’ll travel abroad”
• “We have a jacuzzi at home”

…are brought up in a way that feels more like image-building than normal conversation.

The thing is, I’m not even trying to compete. I talk normally about friends and experiences. But somehow she seems to interpret everything as comparison.

https://preview.redd.it/ix9fh3y2o21h1.jpg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=78b4139918101ae68cf84d599330779318cc9b72

I graduated from a law college (not an NLU but still considered a good college with decent results and many alumni in judiciary and litigation). Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my college years and regretting that I didn’t participate more in moot courts, debate competitions, internships, publications etc.

At that time, I wasted my time and I didn’t realise how important these activities would later become for building a CV. Now that I am looking for jobs, I genuinely feel embarrassed because I have very little to show on my CV apart from my degree and academics. I don’t even have a LinkedIn profile because I feel underconfident about it.

I know I can’t change the past but I want to improve from here. I wanted guidance from people already in the profession:

- What can I start doing now that would genuinely help me learn and also strengthen my CV?

- Are there certifications, legal research work, internships, courses, volunteering, content writing, etc. that actually add value?

- Is it too late to build a decent profile after graduation?

TIA!

I am 27F and currently unemployed. I am preparing for state judiciary exams (Civil Judge) I genuinely wanted to do something meaningful in life and was preparing seriously for my career. But in the middle of my preparation, constant pressure from family regarding marriage has started affecting me mentally.

My mind feels crowded with negative thoughts all the time now. Earlier I used to have hope and motivation that things would eventually work out if I kept trying, but lately that spark to live and dream has faded a lot. The exam has become quite irregular and since 2 years there has been no exam and it has become difficult to study consistently amidst all the chaos. I feel emotionally exhausted and lost between expectations, age pressure, and uncertainty about my future.

If a woman has crossed 25 and is still unemployed and trying to build her career, should her first priority be marriage or becoming financially independent first and then getting married?

A lot of people say things like “career is not running away anywhere” and that a woman can focus on her career after marriage as well. But practically speaking, is it really that easy after marriage? Especially in Indian households where responsibilities often increase.

Do you think it is better to first settle professionally and then marry, or should marriage not be delayed because of career uncertainty?

Also, to people who say “you can build your career after marriage too,” what would you say to them based on real-life experiences or observations?

Creating a group for holding each other accountable. Interested ones can DM

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Earlier I used to sleep extremely deeply. People literally had to shake me to wake me up. Even loud noises would not wake me.

But now something strange keeps happening. If a person sleeping next to me simply gets up from the bed, I wake up instantly. What surprises me is that sometimes they are not even making any noticeable sound. My eyes are closed, I am asleep, yet somehow my brain immediately senses that they got up.

This has happened many times and it genuinely confuses me. Is the brain really able to detect such tiny movements or vibrations during sleep? Or does this happen when sleep becomes lighter because of stress or anxiety?

Would love to know if others experience this too.

​

Earlier I used to sleep extremely deeply. People literally had to shake me to wake me up. Even loud noises would not wake me.

But now something strange keeps happening. If a person sleeping next to me simply gets up from the bed, I wake up instantly. What surprises me is that sometimes they are not even making any noticeable sound. My eyes are closed, I am asleep, yet somehow my brain immediately senses that they got up.

This has happened many times and it genuinely confuses me. Is the brain really able to detect such tiny movements or vibrations during sleep? Or does this happen when sleep becomes lighter because of stress or anxiety?

Would love to know if others experience this too.

​

Earlier I used to sleep extremely deeply. People literally had to shake me to wake me up. Even loud noises would not wake me.

But now something strange keeps happening. If a person sleeping next to me simply gets up from the bed, I wake up instantly. What surprises me is that sometimes they are not even making any noticeable sound. My eyes are closed, I am asleep, yet somehow my brain immediately senses that they got up.

This has happened many times and it genuinely confuses me. Is the brain really able to detect such tiny movements or vibrations during sleep? Or does this happen when sleep becomes lighter because of stress or anxiety?

Would love to know if others experience this too.

Earlier I used to sleep extremely deeply. People literally had to shake me to wake me up. Even loud noises would not wake me.

But now something strange keeps happening. If a person sleeping next to me simply gets up from the bed, I wake up instantly. What surprises me is that sometimes they are not even making any noticeable sound. My eyes are closed, I am asleep, yet somehow my brain immediately senses that they got up.

This has happened many times and it genuinely confuses me. Is the brain really able to detect such tiny movements or vibrations during sleep? Or does this happen when sleep becomes lighter because of stress or anxiety?

Would love to know if others experience this too.

I (27F) have a friend circle of around 8 girls. Almost all of them are doing really well in life..mgood jobs, tier 1 cities, one of them is married, some are about to get married. I’m genuinely happy for them but at the same time I’ve been struggling mentally a lot lately.

The weird thing is that growing up, I was actually among the top students in school/college and honestly doing better academically than most of them. But life after graduation has not turned out the way I imagined. I’ve been preparing for a competitive exam, still unemployed and dealing with personal issues simultaneously. My mental health has been at its lowest for quite some time now.

I still try to stay connected with my friends but whenever we meet or even talk on calls, I feel extremely anxious and drained. Their conversations are naturally about jobs, offices, partners, future plans, shifting cities etc and I just sit there feeling like I’m so behind in life. I know they don’t intentionally make me feel bad but internally I keep comparing myself and feel like a failure.

Now we’re planning a bachelorette trip later this year for two friends, and though I am happy for them but I’m also feeling anxious. I have exams, constant stress in my head and honestly I’ve reached a point where I don’t enjoy anything wholeheartedly anymore. Even socializing feels like a task. The things I once genuinely enjoyed don’t feel the same anymore. I used to love listening to music but now my mind feels so crowded and noisy all the time that even music has started feeling like just noise.

I really don't know how to deal with this. This has been going on for a long time.

I (27F) have a friend circle of around 10 girls. Almost all of them are doing really well in life..mgood jobs, tier 1 cities, one of them is married, some are about to get married. I’m genuinely happy for them but at the same time I’ve been struggling mentally a lot lately.

The weird thing is that growing up, I was actually among the top students in school/college and honestly doing better academically than most of them. But life after graduation has not turned out the way I imagined. I’ve been preparing for judiciary exams, still unemployed and dealing with personal issues simultaneously. My mental health has been at its lowest for quite some time now.

I still try to stay connected with my friends but whenever we meet or even talk on calls, I feel extremely anxious and drained. Their conversations are naturally about jobs, offices, partners, future plans, shifting cities etc and I just sit there feeling like I’m so behind in life. I know they don’t intentionally make me feel bad but internally I keep comparing myself and feel like a failure.

Now we’re planning a bachelorette trip later this year for two friends, and though I am happy for them but I’m also feeling anxious. I have exams, constant stress in my head and honestly I’ve reached a point where I don’t enjoy anything wholeheartedly anymore. Even socializing feels like a task. The things I once genuinely enjoyed don’t feel the same anymore. I used to love listening to music but now my mind feels so crowded and noisy all the time that even music has started feeling like just noise.

I really don't know how to deal with this. This has been going on for a long time.

I (27F) have a friend circle of around 10 girls. Almost all of them are doing really well in life..mgood jobs, tier 1 cities, one of them is married, some are about to get married. I’m genuinely happy for them but at the same time I’ve been struggling mentally a lot lately.

The weird thing is that growing up, I was actually among the top students in school/college and honestly doing better academically than most of them. But life after graduation has not turned out the way I imagined. I’ve been preparing for a competitive exam, still unemployed and dealing with personal issues simultaneously. My mental health has been at its lowest for quite some time now.

I still try to stay connected with my friends but whenever we meet or even talk on calls, I feel extremely anxious and drained. Their conversations are naturally about jobs, offices, partners, future plans, shifting cities etc and I just sit there feeling like I’m so behind in life. I know they don’t intentionally make me feel bad but internally I keep comparing myself and feel like a failure.

Now we’re planning a bachelorette trip later this year for two friends, and though I am happy for them but I’m also feeling anxious. I have exams, constant stress in my head and honestly I’ve reached a point where I don’t enjoy anything wholeheartedly anymore. Even socializing feels like a task. The things I once genuinely enjoyed don’t feel the same anymore. I used to love listening to music but now my mind feels so crowded and noisy all the time that even music has started feeling like just noise.

I really don't know how to deal with this. This has been going on for a long time.