u/siriusblackily

edit: check comments for the book

i apologize if this doesn’t make much sense, it’s 5 am.

i want to preface this by saying i believe michael’s innocence 100% so don’t get me wrong.

i just finished latoya’s 1991 book and moved on to the one she wrote after michael’s death. i got to the accusing michael of child molestation part and i had to put the book down.

i’ve always believed latoya’s abuse, and i can see how abuse would make someone do just about anything. i have always however, failed to see how someone as famous, well known and well loved and surrounded by so much family could be manipulated that way, because like it or not, she was a famous, rich adult. BUT all that depends on a person’s psyche and i feel sorry for her.

but i’ll never, ever understand what she did to michael. the damage is quite literally irreversible.
in her book she says she was never allowed to keep up with news, but when the accusations came out, her husband/manager was celebrating and showed her tv channels broadcasting it all. she asked to defend michael and he said okay. then he took her to israel, which she was confused about. they come out and see a ton of press.

now here’s what’s confusing. she says a ton of stuff that makes no sense in her book to describe how she was just handed a paper and she read what was written, then realized she wasn’t speaking in michael’s favor and it broke her heart. like.. what?
i’ll upload that part of the book later, but it makes no sense and if you’ve seen the way she condemns him, it makes even less sense.

she could’ve said he forced her to or anything else but there is no damn way she was told what to say minutes before and subconsciously said it all without realizing what she was saying.

i am SO put off. i’ve always wondered what latoya’s motives were (if she had any). ultimately, i blamed jack gordon (still do!!!) but now i’m not sure if that was all..

hi, girls.
so i will say, i’ve never had a proper sleep schedule, even as a young child. i had no bedtime, so i just slept whenever i wanted. i remember during ramadan, i would actually sleep in the afternoon at like 2 or 3 p.m. until isha time. so it’s always been very hard for me as an adult to have a normal bedtime.

but lately, because i’ve been staying up for fajr, i sleep even later than before and i also wake up very late, even though i only sleep like 8 hours. but whenever i wake up, i’m always so freaking exhausted. i can barely keep my eyes open. i get dizzy, i get tired, i get fatigued. and i know it’s because of my bedtime.

but i just can’t sleep and then wake up for fajr. i just can’t. i’ve never been able to. genuinely, every time i sleep with the plan of waking up later for fajr, i always miss it. i’ve told members of my family to wake me up, but i’m so terrible with my sleep that i don’t even realize they’re calling me. you could explode a bomb next to me and i just will not be able to wake up. i don’t know what to do. i’m so exhausted. i haven’t had a normal lunch with my family in months now because i always miss it due to staying awake until fajr time.

hey everyone. I’m reminiscing about my umrah trip this exact time last year. and i remembered something i wanted to discuss.

i got sick in mekkah after my umrah then got my period, after a lot of convincing my family allowed me to be at the hotel alone (there was a family we’d come with in the same suite) and i remember being so upset and sad. i spent 6 days mostly alone in a room with no window so i couldn’t even tell what time it was.
i got on reddit and in the sub about umrah, i asked about the validity of my umrah (i’d spent most of it crying because i have a chronic illness that pained me so so bad). the comments were all very helpful.

then came the dms.

FLOODS of men asking me what hotel i was staying at, what room, how far from the mosque so they could come keep me “company”. may Allah strike them down i can’t begin to express the fear i felt. i was scared of someone finding my location and coming for me. i deleted the post and cried my eyes out and i’d shake from head to toe whenever there was a knock on the door.
in MASJID AL HARAM. in MEKKAH.

something else, i’m in college but i definitely look a LOT younger, i’ve had people say i look 12-14 (i met a girl at the gym today who was born in 2011 and said she thought i was younger than her) i’m short and i have a baby face.

i think that’s why back home i’ve never really gotten harassed or catcalled or anything like that, every girl gets stared at of course, but i’ve always been left alone other than stares from men.

now medina i will point this out, it was very chill and quiet and there were very few people in general, but when i went to mekkah, it still takes me by surprise how men would DEVOUR women with their eyes. ya rab it was absolutely disgusting and made me feel unsafe at times, shopkeepers would look me up and down and say things, men literally coming back from umrah would stare so much i wouldn’t know what to do.

i remember i was wearing a black abaya and a white hijab and i had a hat on so most of my face was covered anyway, i was standing alone so i could find my family (i’d walked from the hotel where i had been alone) and oh GOD i swear almost every man in the vicinity was staring at me. i didn’t know what to do. do these men not fear Allah? it was never even a quick stare, they would literally be locked on me.

i understand everyone has something they struggle with personally, be it modesty or music or whatever, but everything has a limit. may Allah guide everyone and protect every woman out there.

hi, if anyone knows any place that offers virtual schroth therapy consultations PLEASE let me know. i’m from a third world country and we have zero available in the entire country.

i have updated xrays and medical history i can provide and want at least a general idea of what I can do at home.
thank you.

Spirited and supremely confident as a child, Michael was the only one of us who ever hit Joseph back. Whenever my father raised a hand in anger, everyone else stood still and braced for the blow. Michael raced off. "When I get you..." Joseph growled, but he couldn't catch him.
Michael was so fast, he could pause to fling a shoe at Jo-seph, and still elude him.
Michael talked back and always had to get in the last lick, even if it meant another beating. Cringing, the rest of us wondered, Why doesn't Mike quit while he's ahead?
He's only making it worse for himself. Secretly, my brothers, my sisters, and I admired his fearlessness.

so adorable when you think about little michael standing up for himself but also so so depressing in reality.

rest in peace, legendary king and humanitarian, the greatest who ever lived.

seeing as the jacksons all thankfully seem to have a long lifespan, with joe dying at 90 and katherine still alive & well at 96 as well as ALL the siblings (aside from janet being 60) are healthy and stable in their 70s, it’s a different type of pain.
(tito died at 70, RIP)

and it’s so genuinely devastating knowing he would have also likely lived very long well into his 70s without what was done to him, and knowing MJ, what he would have done for the world and his legacy would have made so many lives better. he would be here to see Prince engaged and to see his kids find their own path in life. all that trauma would have been avoided.

seeing everyone around him (aside from Bill, he’s the only one i can think of) outlive him is heartbreaking. I believe everyone has their own journey in life and i’m glad no one else died in that time of course, but it’s very upsetting when you realize just how many people had to live without him.

this includes people who were close to him in age or even older: his parents, eight siblings, mentors and producers (diana, quincy… etc) and friends like chris tucker, elizabeth taylor, his ex-wife lisa marie. these are all the people i can remember off the top of my head.

i think we have become desensitized to how devastatingly short his life was.

one very very devastating comparison i personally noticed is that his youngest child, Bigi, has already lived almost half of michael’s entire lifespan.

recently finished Moonwalk and From Here to the Great Unknown, by michael and lisa marie (plus riley), i was thinking of reading jermaine’s book next.

do you guys have any other memoirs or biographies i should check out?