u/thefanoftheuk

Im trying to make a website like fs42 but instead of using downloading content for fs42 [cant do .. do to the crazy prices for storage] i thought it would be great to use internet arcive links

Just link fs42 i would be able to make a station.. make a catagory .. put the link into the catagory then take the catagory and put it into a timeline that way it automaticly plays the video/audio like a tv channel in the 90s

The only cavaiots of doing this.. this way is that your at the mercy of the internet acrive links and whats in the links because spacing out the scedual is kinda depended on whats in the link the video/audio might be an hour or 30 seconds .. you really never know so maybe a reorginicing thing in the links prgraming would be usefull..

Lol im not at all good at coding i have no idea what any of it means i just have a problem that i cant sovle do to the limits of storage anyways take this challange up if you want i do wish you luck :] because im not getting no where

This post will look a little hair brained

[Im a dignosed autisic and adhd person so alot of what im describing is on this spectrum]

I started therapy 2 sessions ago and ive got more questions than answers and yes ik that i just started but like tbh idk why im even there even tho i asked for it

I think my problem is im so disconnected from like normal human things like thinking or liking things and feelings that i feel like i need to learn how to not be a lizard more than like "trama type things" im not really sure what you all go for non of my busness tbh im just guessing lol!

My thinking is more like pictures i think in spaces more than with words and conversations are more thought out before hand but only in sistuations like this posting on here

Liking things are numb to me most things are its like im controlling someone eles other than my self like im more confused looking and dazed feeling it is kinda hard to put into words

Basicly all this to say is that what does progress look like when im already in a state where im not real and nothing is real and anything i do wont matter even what im writing doesnt even make sence to me tbh but its kinda how it feels i guess to be me lol

Its also a question of how do i explain this to some one eles enough where they understand how to help me like this is more of the reason i think that im going but again im not sure i wont remeber what i think about my self last week lol

This post was for r/TalkTherapy orginally lol so might look alittle confusing here sorry :]

This post will look a little hair brained

[Im a dignosed autisic and adhd person so alot of what im describing is on this spectrum]

I started therapy 2 sessions ago and ive got more questions than answers and yes ik that i just started but like tbh idk why im even there even tho i asked for it

I think my problem is im so disconnected from like normal human things like thinking or liking things and feelings that i feel like i need to learn how to not be a lizard more than like "trama type things" im not really sure what you all go for non of my busness tbh im just guessing lol!

My thinking is more like pictures i think in spaces more than with words and conversations are more thought out before hand but only in sistuations like this posting on here

Liking things are numb to me most things are its like im controlling someone eles other than my self like im more confused looking and dazed feeling it is kinda hard to put into words

Basicly all this to say is that what does progress look like when im already in a state where im not real and nothing is real and anything i do wont matter even what im writing doesnt even make sence to me tbh but its kinda how it feels i guess to be me lol

Its also a question of how do i explain this to some one eles enough where they understand how to help me like this is more of the reason i think that im going but again im not sure i wont remeber what i think about my self last week lol

Idk i just feel like im just not there like im controlling a caracter in a video game with no thoughts or feelings im just kinda here

Does that kinda make sence? Like u know your alive but it dont really feel like it and there isnt much that kinda gets you going idk not sure how to describe it..

also just being goofy edit.. im contry i love the word yall its so funny :]

What is your fav music from the 30s and lower :]

Just wondering if there is some older radio brodcast from around 1940s and 30s im looking to get a 1930s radio and would like to play 1930s radio brodcast on it but is having truble finding some orginal brodcast for it ik theres some on internet arcive

I found some baseball recordings but is having truble finding

1. Basketball
2. Football
3. Any sport really
4. News brodcast
5. Maybe some world fairs ik there is one from 1939 on there i found that one
6. Advertisments
7. Ect

But yea if you could be at any help that would be nice ik im kinda asking for alot lol as this is my first post on here sorry in advance :[

Lol im kinda.. just hopefully someone will point me into the direction on why im so weird and stupid i feel like i do not have the controller to anything i do..

All my feelings thoughts and emotions are locked in a box i can not access my mind just IGNORES IT

Because of this i do not feel autisic enough to be real i can not convice myself that im autisic its not that i cant accept it its the fact my mind just gives up on having any autisic behaivers i may have ...

There has to be something wrong like physicly in my mind ive kinda always been like this i think like atleast back till the 4th or 5th grade i have no idea

I just crave something im at the point to where i want to be more autisic im purposly trying to be anyoed at lights or sounds or stuff touching me weird

And the touch thing was weird because for a soild month in school i had to wear a coat no mater how hot it was because i felt like there was a hole in my neck but i dont feel that way anymore

Maybe i masked to hard when i was little i feel like i was more lively when i was younger now i feel like an object that has to roplay the human experice more than a real person

In short i just dont know whats wrong with me theres something for sure i just dont know if it helps im both adhd and autisic

100% i should see a pro but rn im still looking for one at the moment,maybe its just because im new at autism thing i just got dingosed like 2 months ago but im not really making progress idk this could also be a posabilty

Anyways im sorry for the rant really i am

Lol im ...kinda just hopefully someone will point me into the direction on why im so weird and stupid i feel like i do not have the controller to anything i do..

All my feelings thoughts and emotions are locked in a box i can not access my mind just IGNORES IT

Because of this i do not feel autisic enough to be real i can not convice myself that im autisic its not that i cant accept it its the fact my mind just gives up on having any autisic behaivers i may have ...

There has to be something wrong like physicly in my mind ive kinda always been like this i think like atleast back till the 4th or 5th grade i have no idea

I just crave something im at the point to where i want to be more autisic im purposly trying to be anyoed at lights or sounds or stuff touching me weird

And the touch thing was weird because for a soild month in school i had to wear a coat no mater how hot it was because i felt like there was a hole in my neck but i dont feel that way anymore

Maybe i masked to hard when i was little i feel like i was more lively when i was younger now i feel like an object that has to roplay the human experice more than a real person

In short i just dont know whats wrong with me theres something for sure i just dont know if it helps im both adhd and autisic

100% i should see a pro but rn im still looking for one at the moment,maybe its just because im new at autism thing i just got dingosed like 2 months ago but im not really making progress idk this could also be a posabilty

Anyways im sorry for the rant really i am

Lol im kinda.. just hopefully someone will point me into the direction on why im so weird and stupid i feel like i do not have the controller to anything i do..

All my feelings thoughts and emotions are locked in a box i can not access my mind just IGNORES IT

Because of this i do not feel autisic enough to be real i can not convice myself that im autisic its not that i cant accept it its the fact my mind just gives up on having any autisic behaivers i may have ...

There has to be something wrong like physicly in my mind ive kinda always been like this i think like atleast back till the 4th or 5th grade i have no idea

I just crave something im at the point to where i want to be more autisic im purposly trying to be anyoed at lights or sounds or stuff touching me weird

And the touch thing was weird because for a soild month in school i had to wear a coat no mater how hot it was because i felt like there was a hole in my neck but i dont feel that way anymore

Maybe i masked to hard when i was little i feel like i was more lively when i was younger now i feel like an object that has to roplay the human experice more than a real person

In short i just dont know whats wrong with me theres something for sure i just dont know if it helps im both adhd and autisic

100% i should see a pro but rn im still looking for one at the moment,maybe its just because im new at autism thing i just got dingosed like 2 months ago but im not really making progress idk this could also be a posabilty

Anyways im sorry for the rant really i am

Do other autisics scare you or is it just like "hey whats up man" im only asking because i watched a youtuber with autism stim in a weird way and i was like ooo that kinda hurt my social battery [btw im not being inconsiderate of others autisic stims im just saying ive noticed this about myself, what is your thoughts and opinions?]

Side question: do u joke about your own autism , i do i use terms i probly wouldnt say to someone eles but im alowed to do that to myself i think its kinda stupid that other people say i cant joke about myself like people get offended on my behalf im like "im fine, you dont even have what i have why does it hurt ur feelings" [MIND U IM TALKING TO NORMIES] normies get offended that i call my self something even tho i say it as a joke FOR ME like no one eles

Do you all deal with this and why does it feel like this where u have to explain to ur self on why ur autisic like ur telling your self "brother your not autisic" i had this one guy say "are u ever going to grow out of this" i didnt say much but then i got to thinking what if hes right lol like dude" you arnt autisic ur just making it up" even tho i am autisic the guy that said this btw i was doing a nonverbal/stiming kinda thing where i kinda poke people on the sholder ofc i only do this to people i deem i like but on one hand why do i do this why am i the way i am but on the other its easyer to do this and its fun for me to do it and i watched a video explaining that autisic people do this to show love [which i can totally see it makes sence for the purpose of what im doing]

And heres another thing that makes me thing im not autisic and is just making it up i struggle with convos but also not struggle with convos and this is really just messing me up

I trip up on some convos but not others i can talk to people that talk to me first but if not im not going to talk to u and if i do there needs to be a reason on why i need to talk to u weather that be info dumping or i just need to have human interaction but otherwise i can talk to people no problem so its like "just talk to people stupid u do it with people when they come to you why on earth can u not do it"

Its also like u have to be a sertain way to be autisic like u have to have this problem or this problem

In closing [im now kinda just emotional when writing this part] i do not feel like i can be autisic or that i am and im just making it up even tho i know i am, it does kinda feel hopeless to think oh ur making it up and ofc i beleive my thoughts i think that kinda conflict is stupid and anyoing my view on autism is kinda new because im only 2 months after my dignosing and it is confusing rn and it does make u want to give up because learning all this stuff on your own is hard expecally when learning its self is a hurdal u have to get over i just dont see my self as autisic because im not autisic enough idk it is kinda hard to explain the constant like "your not doing it right" makes u want to try harder to become on the outside "autisic looking" whatever that means lol anyways just my thoughts and feelings i wanted to share

Squrrel moment lol

Also speaking of feelings why doesnt my feelings work [i think i have alexthymea] i feel it physically but like mentally im just as clear as if i wasnt i only feel like i have emotions if my body is doing something weird that is a sideffect of emotions i think thats dumb to XD why does that happen

i do also think its kinda corny to post things like this because i feel guilty even saying my feelings [just a me problem lol]

also edit:seeing other autism people do things a sertian way makes u think well why dont i ..hmm should i start doing it that way lol you know its stuff that makes u think alot

I found out i have autism like a month or 2 ago and have been losing myself ever sence, "oh cool you have tism niceeee..welp goodluck!!" So much fun my problems personally is my hobbys right if i can get that fixed it would be a dream.. im always guilty about them even know some of them i like doing i spaze out because they arent working or my mind just dumps it like it was left overs or just not feeling anything when i do them is just driving me nuts and making me lose my crap how do u just.. have fun anymore its always something idk u tell me my brain is all crap im at a point where ive just compleatly lost my crap and just ends up posting criptic messages to people on here cus ive lost the ability to think ive been kinda sad all day and yesterday witch is kinda unlike me because normally i go to bed and my feelings reset by morning but now its just lingering :[ idk...

you know what i need to do is just go see someone about it but rn thats just not something i can do at the moment so i end up just dumping it on someone eles like u guys and it never gets fixed

Tis just sad you know idk to me i dont see it changing unless i can see someone in person but even then ill try to hide my emotions cus well im a tism and thats just what we do

Anyways ill leave u all be i just want to dump my problems ^ ^

Im scared of my hobbys because i lose intrest in it so quick sometimes its mear seconds im so tired of it being this way ;( i feel like im losing my mind most of the time idk what to do at this point ... im like Yay new hobby month later.. its no longer new how do i keep going and then it comes to a point where its numb to me

its always been like this i need help it drives me insane ive tried alot of things like (do a little every night) or (take it with u even tho u might not do it) and now im just afraid of doing things now because ik i might wake up tmr and not feel anything while doing it im just sad you know :( 

im sure its just a mentality thing just like most things i just need to figure out something that works for me