u/unbotheredkk

From what i can tell this isn’t that common. Im wondering how it will feel and if anyone has done this and regretted it.
She’s single and has wanted a baby so bad her whole life but her uterus is incompatible with pregnancy and her egg count is extremely low
We will attempt to use her eggs.
I would be extremely close to baby afterwards and that kinda scares me? I have 3 kids of my own and i am very maternal, i worry about getting depressed afterwards or feeling too connected to her baby afterwards. At the same time maybe I’m overthinking it.
She is very close to us we live 10 mins away and see her multiple times a week and she watches our kids as-well.

Anyone else surrogate for people you are close with?

So me and my husband are going through the process to become resource parents in LA county.
We are in the training process and just found out that if we get a female placement and she wants an abortion we are legally required to help her access it.
We asked the trainers like what we could do to not be involved in facilitating an abortion, they said we should probably not become resource parents or just foster very young children or only boys.
My heart is a little broken. We want to help older children, specifically girls.
Idk what to do, are any of you anti-abortion and foster parents??

Edit: she also said i could not tell the caseworker the girl is seeking an abortion because it violates her privacy rights

How many of you had twins who both slept through the night (10+ hours) by 6 months?
And if you did, what if anything, did you do to make that happen.
My girls are 9 weeks and sometimes go 7 the 3 hours, some nights 3-3-3 some 2-4-3 ya never know. Almost completely consistently only go 3 hours at most during the day

Just a quick question,
We are in Los Angeles County.
I have a four-year-old son and his room is the only second bedroom downstairs. We have a upstairs private loft room. It’s just a room upstairs. There’s no living area. if we were to get a placement, that’s a girl that’s under five as well, would that girl be able to share the room with our son in a separate bed, of course.
If not, I don’t think it would be feasible to put either of them upstairs. It just feels far away, and I don’t want anyone to feel separated.
We would be down for an older child to be upstairs though.

Hello, looking for some perspective to help us navigate this easier. We have young bio children and are worried about the risks and stuff.
We just finished module 1 of RFA Training will be done by next week.

Im 25 my husband is 28, we have a 4yo boy and 2mo twin girls. Im a stay at home mom and my husband works full time but on a rotating 12hr shift schedule
I know that may sound like a lot but we have so much family support and we aren’t worried about being overwhelmed. We cope pretty well and manage our lives good now.

We have a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house, the twins are in our room my son has a room next to us and we have a spare room in an upstairs loft

We would really like to help out older kids or siblings but we are worried about possible dangers of what older kids might bring in the home.
I know nothing they are dealing with is their fault but I’m talking more so emergency situations like someone abusing our bio son.

Im wondering how often that even happens.
We were doing a training exercise reenacting a true story ab a family and the daughter had been sexually abused and started showing the bio daughter sexual actions on dolls and stuff.

Is the general consensus not to take in teens when you have young children ? Or what?
We have family that foster and adopt and that was their rule.

Not asking for medical advice, i am going to discuss this with our pediatrician in a few days at the appointment.
My twins were born at 34and6 they are now 8 weeks actual, 3 weeks adjusted.
They were born 4lbs 4oz
Now both 6 1/2 lbs
We were told to keep fortifying my breastmilk to 24 cal likely until they are 4 months.
The girls don’t like the fortified milk, they get reflux and fussy and then dont get enough sleep.
Has anyone had this experience and was it necessary to keep using formula to fortify.

So over the constant cleaning of my pump parts. I use the hospital grade Medela harmony and Momcozy S9. I wish they made disposable parts lmao
My milk is greasy af so i have to scrub it to death. So tired.

Hypothetical version of my family, you can plan their names perfectly
In order of birth no specifics about age gaps
Parents Names are Kira & Esteban
Kira is White and Peruvian
Esteban is Mexican
They live in the US

1-boy
2-fraternal twin girl A
3-fraternal twin girl B
4-boy
5-twin boy A
6-twin girl B
7-girl

Im 25f my husband is 28. We live in Long Beach , I stay at home with our 3 kids and he’s an oil refinery operator for Chevron and makes $114k gross but we barely take home $60k after taxes and 401k and stuff.
We have like 25k in savings from tax returns mostly.
I know how much they say it costs to live comfortably in LA i’m not asking about a price, I’m asking about lifestyle choices or options for work as a stay at home mom.

We live in a 2br2ba apartment and have no debt at all.
We don’t want to live in an apartment forever. We can’t move because his job doesn’t transfer and we wouldn’t make anywhere near as much money starting another career.
He has great benefits there as well.

I can’t work cause our babies are little and we are terrified of daycare and our parents all work full time. We can’t move back in with parents cause there is no space for us all.

Every house here is 750k+ and we only make 5k a month so we could never afford that even with a huge down payment?

We both grew up here and had really decent lives traveling and eating out often never worried about money. We wish we could give that to our kids but yk that’s impossible now.

We could survive like this probably but we wanna thrive, i don’t wanna live in the hood forever smh.

My “christian” best friend (24f) is in a relationship with another “christian” but there are no fruits and they do not bring each other closer to Jesus.

They have been together for 8 months. She moved in with him after 2 months. Started having sexual relations night 1. It’s gotten worse and now she had to take a plan B and was worried about pregnancy.
She stopped coming to church, or the zoom bible studies. She said she doesn’t read her bible, pray, or hear God’s voice of conviction about the sex or most other things until she hangs out with me and i give her correction.
She claims she appreciates my correction but never changes anything or listens to my advice.

He says he’s Christian as well but keeps defiling her body and was the one who told her to take the plan b..
She has a history of becoming engulfed in relationships and she said herself that she think and worries about him and his feelings for her all day every day to the point she neglects all other friendships and family relationships in her life.
She has always been terrified of being alone, has literally never been single for more than 4 weeks since she’s been an adult..
Before they met she just broke up with her 3 year long cheating toxic relationship only 4 weeks prior and was still hanging out with him after she met this guy.

The advice i give her follows:
Break up, give your undivided devotion to God for once in your life and focus only on Him. Build your self and relationship with Him up and don’t worry about a relationship with a man unless that man is Jesus Christ the Messiah, Prince of Peace!
I tell her at the bare minimum she needs to move out, take an emotional break from him until she is strong in her love for God and has repaired her very broken relationship with Him.
I tell her she needs therapy to heal from past traumas and repair her self image and she needs to be sure of herself and stop being afraid to be alone.

She eventually agrees that this isn’t where God wants her to be but she literally forgets everything we talk about once she is not around me anymore. (Her words)
She keeps saying if it doesn’t change and become more fruitful in x amount of time she will leave him but then that time comes and she moves the goal post.

It’s extremely mentally exhausting for me i want the best for her and am so tired of going in circles.
We had a huge productive convo about it all the other day and then they both came over yesterday and were asking me and my husband what we think of their potential baby names????? I felt disrespected and completely disappointed in her.
It’s a never ending cycle of this, it was the same with her last boyfriend as well. Idk what to do. Idk what else to say. I can’t condone the relationship but i also can’t cut them off, i love her i’d do anything to help her see the truth and to help her go where God wants her. But i can’t force her to..
I’m at a loss.

So i’m 25 and have an almost 4yo boy. I met my husband almost 2 years ago when my son had just turned 2.
My sons bio dad (i dont even like calling him that idk what to call him) is a gang banger and was extremely abusive to me and i stopped any type of relationship with him when i found out i was pregnant. He’s met my son 3x when he was a newborn and infant. He hasn’t seen him since he was 3months old. When my son was 10 months old this psychopath was charged and arrested for murder and 2 charges of attempted murder. He killed a 13 yo boy.. the defense is that he was aiming at someone else and the poor little boy was hit in the crossfire..
Anywho, my husband is the only dad my son has ever known, he is quite the amazing stand up father and takes his role VERY seriously. We have zero contact with my bd and likely never will as he will probably be in jail for a very long time. (Hasn’t been sentenced yet)
I’ve stressed about my son realizing he isn’t my husband’s biological son for a while now.
I’m Peruvian and white with blonde wavy hair, my husband is Mexican with dark thick very curly hair, my son is half Black with blonde very afro textured curly kinky hair. He’s very light, about as dark at my husband but his facial features are very much black and also his hair.
We just had twin girls and one looks a little like our son and the other looks just like dad’s brother.
A few things have been said that kinda muddy the waters here. For one my son doesn’t really know he’s black but i’ve told him he’s nigerian , peruvian and mexican. He isnt mexican but We are connected to our peruvian and Mexican culture so it gets talked about a lot.
When he asked how did i get babies in my tummy i said me and daddy prayed for them and God gave us babies. (He’s 3yo ok)
At some point someone said the girls look like daddy, my sons goes “do i look like daddy” i said yes but u look a lot like mommy (bc hes blonde like me) bc wtf else am i gonna say.
He’s not in school yet but we have a lot of black friends and so does he and idk when its gonna come into play that he’s black and we aren’t :/ some people think he is our bio kid some its just very obvious he isn’t related to at least one of us lol.
Im not planning on bringing it up anytime soon but i don’t want it to be some shock later or him to feel like he’s missing out on his bio dad, i also dont wanna talk bad about bio dad bc the issues are so intense and awful he wouldn’t understand until wayyy later.

TLDR: my son is half black and me and my husband are latino, how do i go about explaining to my son he isn’t blood related to my husband and he has a bio dad that is a bad person.

Im 25 married to my wonderful 27yo husband. We have a 4yo boy and just had twin girls at 34w6d and they were in the NICU for 2 1/2 weeks and been home for 2 1/2 weeks now.
My husband’s out on leave for a few months (PFL, BB, Vacation)
I exclusively pump with an occasional breastfeed when it’s necessary.

Here’s what our nights look like currently:
They eat every 3 hrs during the day and at night i let them go 4 hrs if they aren’t fussing before then.
We share most the feeds during the day, each take 1 baby
Last joint feed is 8pm (usually,, sometimes he stays up w me for the 11pm one)
He washes bottles , i pump
He goes to sleep at like 10
We sleep separately because he snores like crazy
For the 11pm feed- I make bottles and put them in the warmer, change one, feed her, burp, put her down. (Abt 40 mins total)
Repeat for baby 2
Then i pump for 15min
I wash bottles, store the milk, wash pump, fill bottles back up and put them in the warmer on the 24h keep warm setting. (Ab 10 mins)
I sleep from 1-3am if they sleep that extra hour
For the 3am feed-
Wake up get the bottles, change one, change the other, prop the bottles and let them eat like that while i pump. (45 mins)
Store milk, wash bottles, wash pump, fill bottles, put in warmer.
Go to sleep from 4:30-7am
Husband gets up at 7am and we switch
I pump for 15 and go to sleep
Our son wakes at 9am and husband takes care of him till i’m up then everything is joint

Then wake up at 11 pump and stay up for the day.
So i get total of 7 1/2 hours by then. (Usually less bc they poop after feeding sometimes and i change them and sometimes they dont go the full 4hrs in between)

My husband is afraid to sleep when they sleep bc he doesn’t wake up easy from noises. So that’s why i take the night shift bc at least i sleep a little in between.

Issue is i have a very hard time getting up and staying up for the 2am and 5am feed. Im miserable during those times and so exhausted at night.

I need to figure out how to make these feeds / cleaning after to go faster
My sleep is soo broken up even if i sleep again after I’m still so tired.
Send help lol, i wish i didn’t have to pump it would be so much easier

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