i am a (presumably ) autistic woman. i have reclusive tendencies, am irreparably socially awkward, do not have any close friends, and need a lot of distance. i am also very prudish, but despite all this, i want a partner and find myself envying women who have better personalities and feel that most men will write me off once they realize I’m not very fun to be around.
I can’t help but notice that a significant number black female runway models are bald, especially if they are darker skinned. I don’t even know any black women irl who are outright bald, and there is a lot of variety in our hair which the modeling industry doesn’t seem to really capture. it’s always super jarring looking at clips from a runway show and everyone has their hair styled in different ways until the model is black and then it’s just boom - bald
next month I’ll be 20 while never having been in a relationship, and based on how my life is going now, it’s still going to be quite a while, if ever. i hate thinking about the fact that the more years i spend single, the more difficult i am making life for my future self. there are so many drawbacks to being inexperienced at an older age - for example, more prone to ending up with bad partners because i dont have the same vetting skills as more experienced women. i do not want to be 25 crying about the same things 15 year olds do. what are things i can be doing now to make sure that being inexperienced won’t hurt me later?
if you’re unwilling to approach and unwilling to use apps, but are not getting any approaches in real life, what can you do to become more “approachable”? i have standoffish energy and I feel like people interpret my shyness/awkwardness for disinterest.
no matter what i do, i am sleepy all the time. I sleep 8+ hrs a night consistently and yet find myself dozing off, or wanting to, during the day. I’ve been dealing with iron deficiency since puberty and after doing bloodwork, discovered that i have a genetic blood disorder that causes anemia and low hemoglobin.
I’ve been:
-taking high dose vitamin d + iron
-sleeping 8hrs+ a night
-eating nutritious food
im at my wits end. I can’t remember the last time i was truly ‘energetic’. i just want to be able to get through a day without sleeping or wanting to sleep. is there anything I’m not doing that i should be?
most people know their type but how do you know whose type/league you are? especially if you are unconventional looking? i dont really have a type i dont even know what kind of guys i should be going for or would have the most success with.
i feel like if I date someone in my current state I’ll constantly be plagued with feelings that they can do much better than me. I’m actually quite repulsed by the idea of someone being with me right now, i really feel like i shouldn’t even try until I’m perfect, but of course that will never happen
like a bad hair day I feel like some days my face just won’t cooperate with how I want it to look. on good days my features are defined and my skin look glowier/healthier. On bad days it’s the exact opposite. I know it has to do with like hormones and bloating/ water retention and whatnot but I need advice on what to do on such days so my face looks good all the time.
you know how people will say things like “I can’t see you in a relationship?” ive internalized this, and I strongly agree m. it doesnt really annoy me anymore because its just true. i can’t picture a reality where someone chooses me over literally anyone else. i feel like im unremarkable at best, and unlovable at worst. i wish i knew what I lack that everyone else has.
I just got my hair done and noticed a near immediate difference in how people treat me. people hold eye contact longer, are more likely to acknowledge you back instead of ignore you (greeting people is part of my job), and actually seem to want to talk to you. it’s crazy because it’s not even like my real hair is ugly… it’s just texturism, texturism is alive and well, it’s like if the difference is this drastic just in surface level interaction imagine how the way we keep our hair impacts us professionally and socially
these days I don’t feel as bad about being FA when I remember that the kind of partner I am looking for does not exist in real life. i used to have very fantastical ideas about love due to my only exposure to romance being fictional media. irl, i have come to learn that people are mostly shit and the dating pool by extension, is mostly shit. the chances of finding someone I truly love & who truly loves me back are slim, so im content with being with someone who I’m simply compatible with and can tolerate. I don’t want to be in love anymore I just don’t want to be alone
anyone have tips on developing personal style? i feel like im very wishy washy with my fashion sense and as i mature i really want to focus on curating style that feels authentically me - but i can’t seem to figure out “my thing”! one day i want to be a minimalist and the next day i want to be over the top. one day I’ll be into alternative looks and the next day I’ll decide i like vintage. one day I’ll decide i want to go be hyperfeminine and the next, im into streetwear. Its resulted in my wardrobe being all over the place as a result. i always envy people who know what their “thing” is visually, and stick to it faithfully. like people who dress according to different subcultures, eras, etc. I’m all for experimentation, but i want to have my own signature style i can always fall back on, but i have no idea how i can develop it
everyone knows the worst aspect of being alone is the loneliness but does anyone ever talk about how utterly embarrassing it is? my birthday comes up soon and am blanking on ideas because I don’t even have anyone i could invite. everyone says to just get comfortable doing things alone but the thing is that some certain things are literally designed to be enjoyed with other people which makes being alone all the more humiliating.
i could be content with never finding anyone if i simply didnt want to find anyone, but how? becoming an asexual would be so freeing for someone who’s fa because they just wouldn’t care anymore. but unfortunately, basically nothing has been able to deter me from desiring a relationship. being able to be attracted to people when theres next to no chance of that attraction leading to anything is beyond frustrating. i even feel guilty and ashamed when i find people attractive because i know they’re off limits.