u/Annab0rt1on

My father’s always been addicted to substances: pills, alcohol, cigarettes, anything he could get his hands on. Recently it’s been way worse, he’s started using methamphetamines. He emotionally abuses me when he’s using, he tells me he loves me and that everyone’s just lying to me and that he’s not high, that he just wants to see his family and me. He’s been clean from everything except cigarettes, but today he threw all that away. He’s sitting in a jail cell for drunk driving right now. It’s so selfish for him to do this, he has two children who are under eighteen. The truck he was in was completely totaled, the cabin crushed. It’s amazing he survived. He’s never been a mean drunk either but after he’s started using hard drugs he’s become more accusatory and volatile. I hope drugs didn’t forever alter his brain chemistry.

It’s nothing particularly dangerous, just some cat scratches, but I’m disappointed in myself for relapsing. Dude I’m such a piece of shit .

Older men have oppressed younger women for thousands of years: forcing them into marriage, being absolute creepy fucks, but somehow me being against it is a problem??? “Gen z is so weird about age gaps” yes I am I would rather gouge my eyes out than date someone more than five years older than me

I love learning about people’s interests and what type of music they like, favorite colors, favorite hobbies, etc. Why would I not ask someone I just met about those things? They’re essential to knowing whether or not we’re compatible. I like learning about people and then putting that information into a little filing cabinet for later for important things like birthdays and gifts

How did people who have beat their addictions stop? It’s so damn hard. I’m so used to doing this, it’s what my brain goes to after any minor inconvenience. Sometimes I do it just because. I don’t know what to do

I live in the southeast U.S. and it’s hot and my thighs rub together.

I’ve only hit upper-mid styros/dermis. It makes me feel really attention seeky/embarrassed even though nobody’s seen what I’ve done to myself

My silhouette is extremely unbalanced, I have broad shoulders, narrow hips, and a larger bust. I feel like a binder would help remedy some of that

Thinking about it brings me so much anxiety, but it also gives me a means to an end, it’s a weird feeling. It’s almost like going on a dangerous rollercoaster. The sense of dread it gives me is special, although the thought of doing it is exhilarates me.

I’m a walking contradiction