u/Beneficial-Corgi-288

I was one of those people who knew she was gay from literally elementary school. My first crushes were never on boys, only girls. I came out as a teenager and I really regret that now that I'm an adult.

Coming out really sucked and made my parents cry. Since then, they've casually outed me to a bunch of people because they don't understand how personal it is. Many people treat me differently now that they know. Now that I'm working in education, I worry that a parent will eventually hear about it and have issue with it. It ended up not mattering because I never ended up finding someone anyway. So I basically created these problems for myself for no reason.

I spent some time living abroad and never told a soul there. I basically got an opportunity to have an experiment of what my life would have been like if I never came out. It was so much easier. I never worried about parents of students finding out because nobody in the whole country knew or had contacts to anyone I knew in my home country. I never had friends suspicious that I was "secretly into them." I wasn't paranoid that someone would think I'm a creep when I needed to use a changing room.

And now that I'm moving back to my home country, I really wish I had set up this same life for myself by never coming out. It's just so much easier.

I've had this issue my whole life where I feel like people initially like me until I inevitably "slip up" by taking a joke to far or letting them down in some way and then my brain convinces me that our friendship has been irreparably harmed. I feel like I'm faking being a good friend until I eventually get "found out" as a bad person if that makes sense. It makes me scared of getting to know people outside of my family too well because this pattern feels like it's destined to happen. I had a falling out with a very close friend group a few years ago and it made this so much worse.

Of course, I know logically these thoughts aren't rational, but they feel so real. I don't know how to make that feeling go away. I want to stop pushing people away out of fear. What can I do to stop or at least reduce these kinds of thoughts?

So I posted here last week about a problem I was having where I only wanted loans for 1 semester because I'm not taking any spring classes. The financial aid office told me to fill out the "Federal Direct Loan Change Request Form - Increase." I did that and it finally got back to me, but didn't fix the problem. The financial aid website is still offering me spring loans and won't let me do fall only. I contacted them again and now they're telling me to fill out the "Federal Direct Loan Change Request Form - Decrease." Is that really correct??? It sounds like they're just having me undo what they told me to do last time. It took them over a month to return the last form, so I'm worried that this will take another month but not actually fix my issue.

This decrease form also says "Do you have loans in an offered (OFRD) status? Do not complete this form. These loans should be accepted, reduced, or declined by the student via FlashLine." I haven't accepted the loans yet because I'm worried that if I do, I'll be on the hook for spring debt as well. Am I really supposed to accept all the loans and then ask for them to be reduced? I'm really hesitant to agree to debt that I don't need, but maybe that really is what they want me to do.

Has anyone been in this situation? How did you fix it?

So I have a bit of a weird situation. I'm only taking classes for the fall semester because I'm not doing a degree, just prerequisites for a master's degree that starts next summer. I got federal loans, but I can't accept the offer because it would mean accepting loans for spring semester too which I of course don't want to do.

I emailed the financial aid office, and they told me to fill out the "Federal Direct Loan Request Increase" form. (Yes, they said the increase form specifically. I'm not sure why.) I submitted the form on June 12th and it said that it takes up to 5 business days. A week ago I sent a message to the financial aid office asking if there's an issue with it that I need to resolve on my end, but they said that they're just backed up.

But now that it's July, I'm not sure how much time I have left to resolve this. I really want to use federal loans, but I can't accept the spring ones. Is there a date that I have to accept by? Is it just the first day of classes? I can't find anything online.

Today I was walking in the subway station and some random man came up to me and growled in my ear really loud. He was so close to me and I got so startled that I jumped and said "Ah!" I didn't know if he was going to hurt me or something so I just kinda froze up after that and let him walk away. In my mind I wanted to yell "Hey old man, what the FUCK do you think you're doing? I'll kick your ass if you do that again!" But when it happened, I just froze up and then the moment was over. I think if I had drawn attention to him then he might not have felt like he got away with it. It made me feel so weak and powerless after it happened, like he "won." Similar things have happened to me in the past and I always end up like a deer in the headlights because I get scared. How do I channel that angry energy in the moment and not freeze up?

I'm 24 now and I'm getting to the age where my parents are starting to get concerned about the fact that I've never had a serious relationship (other than high school "relationships"). My mom has reminded me that she was dating my dad by the time I was her age.

I'm not opposed to the idea of dating or anything, but I've just not had the greatest situation. My undergrad years were the peak of covid followed by studying abroad towards the end once things opened up. Then I graduated and spent the last few years teaching English in rural Asia where the population skews heavily elderly. So my timeline hasn't been great for finding someone.

I'm about to start grad school close to where I grew up, and my mom has said that I should try to find someone while I'm there. And while I think that that would be great, I feel like I've missed the window where most people find someone now that I'm inching towards 25. I would also have a very tiny dating pool because I'm only interested in dating other women. So I've kind of accepted the idea that my life will probably just be me and my dog. But my mom insists that finding love is the best thing since sliced bread. Her and my dad have been married for almost 30 years and they seem really happy.

Is she right? Am I really missing out on this crazy good thing? I've never really experienced it, so I don't know. Is it as good as the movies make it out to be? I feel like my life has been fulfilling making connections with students, learning, and traveling, but I maybe I've missed out on something even better.

I'm considering getting a tonsillectomy because I get constant tonsil stones. I don't think there's anything I can do to prevent them because I already brush my teeth, floss, and use alcohol free mouthwash religiously. My dentist always says that I take really good care of my teeth. But despite this, I get them almost daily. Probably 3 or 4 times a week, I have to go in with a Q-tip and dig for them. I think my tonsils just have extremely deep holes because I often can't see the stones unless I "pull them back" if that makes sense. Even when I can see them, sometimes they're so deep that I can't get them out. I hate doing it and I often accidentally make myself throw up. But if I don't stay on top of it and get as many out as I can, I get horrible breath. I started getting them when I was about 19 and I'm 24 now but it's never stopped.

I feel like a tonsillectomy is the only long term solution. But I've heard that the recovery is awful. I'm also unsure if the stones themselves will be enough for insurance to cover it. I don't get recurring strep or anything like that.

Has anyone ever gotten a tonsillectomy just for the stones? Was it covered? And do you think that it was worth the recovery? Also, was it hard to find a doctor to do it without a "medically necessary" reason?

I'm always so tired because I can't sleep, but my worries keep me up every night. Last night I went to bed at 10pm, but I didn't fall asleep until around 3am. The only thing that helps me get more than a couple hours of sleep is taking a sleeping pill, but those make me so groggy the next morning. I work with kids so I have to be "on" all the time and I don't have time to be groggy. I'm so sleep deprived that my head always hurts and sometimes when people talk to me I absorb 0 information at all. But the second I lie in my bed at night, it's just straight adrenaline while I worry about all the stress in my life. I don't know what to do. I'm so exhausted and miserable and I can't take sleeping pills every single night forever. What do I do???? I don't want to be this tired for the rest of my life but it really feels like I always will be.

I'm 24 and went my whole life thinking "oh my god my skin is already so oily, a moisturizer would only make it worse." I thought it would be like adding hand lotion straight to my face and that it would leave it super greasy. This is soooooo not true. It turns out that I was actually drying my skin out using acne face washes and astringent all the time with 0 moisturizer. My T zone was shiny from the oil, yet my cheeks were so dry that they were flaking. It would feel tight when I'd smile too. I'm not an expert, but I believe I was making my T zone overproduce oil by drying it out so bad, but my cheeks didn't produce enough oil so they became way too dry.

I found an oil free gel moisturizer (I'm using hatomugi skin conditioning gel) and it feels AMAZING. It makes my skin feel so soft and smooth, but doesn't make it greasy. It doesn't flake or feel tight now.

I just wanted to share this because I was never into skincare so I had no idea that I was actually making it worse. If you have oily skin like me, don't write off moisturizer! Just look for an oil free gel one.

I've noticed that I don't make good use of my time when I'm not at work. I work with children and that in itself is fulfilling, but when I get home from work I basically just doom scroll and go to bed. I don't have a relationship, close friends, or kids, and I live alone. It gets really boring and lonely. I also feel like I'm slowly becoming a workaholic because I never have anything to look forward to outside of work. This makes me feel really stressed because the only thing on my mind is what I'm going to do the next day at work.

I want to fill my time with something better, but I don't have any interests that I want to try. I'm not a sporty person, I'm not really good at anything in particular, and I'm pretty introverted. How do I find "my thing"?

I've noticed that I do this for a lot of situations. For example, I assume that I won't be able to find a job in my field after I finish my degree, I assume that I'll never find love and get married, I assume that I'll never be able to lose the weight I want to lose because it's just too hard for me, I assume that when I move to a new city this summer, I won't make any friends, etc.

It's like I'm accepting defeat before it even happens. It makes me feel really sad and hopeless about my future. It's a self fulfilling prophecy because nobody tries hard when they really believe that there's no hope. It's easy to just force yourself to think happy thoughts, but deep down I still really, truly believe that only the worst is in store for me. I think it's part of why I was diagnosed with MDD. How can I change my mindset?

I'm beginning my master's in teaching this fall, but the job market due to lower enrollment and funding cuts makes me really nervous. I saw on the news last month that a major district in my area, Cleveland Metropolitan School District, laid off almost 150 teachers this year. When I look for jobs in the area on districts' websites, there's almost none for the license I'm going for (primary, which is pk-5 in Ohio). I checked on School Spring to look at other areas in the state, and there's only a few dozen full time classroom teacher jobs statewide that are posted on there. I'm not applying for jobs for this school year, but are things projected to get any better in the coming years? It seems nearly impossible right now to get a job other than subbing where I'm from, especially as a new graduate. I won't have the experience to compete with more experienced teachers.

I don't want to spend most of my waking hours at a job just so that I can pay the bills to continue living a life I don't even get joy from. All while society is collapsing all around me.

I'm so bored of being alive. It's so dull that it's painful. There's nothing worth filling my outside of work hours with. I don't like myself, I don't like my life, and I'm so tired of doing the grind every day just to get absolutely nothing out of it. I come home from work and cry until my head hurts a lot of the time. I have no goals or hobbies that I'm passionate about. I'm just passing the time and waiting until I can go to sleep. I wish I had something to care about, but I just feel empty.

I have no idea how people without depression enjoy any of this. Being alive feels like eating cardboard every day. It all just sucks and I'm so tired.

A while ago I planned a weekend overnight trip with my friend. However, I'm incredibly stressed out right now because I'm getting ready to move back to my home country. It's been really hard both in terms of logistics but also emotionally as I'm saying goodbye to my current life forever. I've been having lots of chest pain and crying a lot and my patience with others is basically 0. I feel like a volcano on the verge of erupting.

It maybe wasn't a great idea to plan "one last trip," but it's too late to back out now. Are there any strategies I can do to calm myself down in my head so that it doesn't show visibly? I'm worried that I'm going to make it a bad trip by saying something mean and I really don't want to.

I've been ugly my entire life. When I was in middle school, boys used to dare each other to ask me out as a joke. I was so ugly that the thought of someone wanting to date me was funny to them.

Now that I'm an adult, people aren't childishly mean anymore, but I'm basically invisible. I never get the attention some other girls get. If I go somewhere with friends, everyone will talk to my pretty friends but not me.

I'm so jealous of other women I know. They can go on dates and people are nicer to them. I don't think I could ever find a relationship because even if someone gave me a chance, I think someone seeing my body without clothes would make them change their mind. At best, someone would settle for me, but I'd never be the love of their life.

And even if I ignored what everyone else thought about me, I still can't like myself. When I see my body in a bathroom mirror, it makes me so sad. I have an apple shape that makes me look like an eraser with toothpick legs. One of my ears sticks out more than the other and I have weird baby hands. I'm nearing 25 and I still get acne like a teenager. Sometimes I'm having an okay day, but then I see myself and it ruins it. Even if I wear an outfit that looks cute in my head, it looks bad on me. I think I would be really into fashion if I didn't look this way.

I wish I could wake up and be in another body. Anything but this one.