I don't really watch movies or anything like that, but recently Game of Thrones has been very tempting to me. Only JioHotstar has it, and with my mobile recharge, they gave me a free plan for a month to watch it. The upgrade is ₹1, which is nothing.
The problem is the ads. They're very irritating, so my question is, with Brave and without it, how many ads might there be?
I am writing a book, but while evaluating it, I experience brain fog where I feel that what I have written is bad, only to realise a few days later that, oh no, wait, it is actually good. However, I have a requirement that means I cannot really wait for a few days, and finding beta readers who are my ideal readers is a little difficult. I would love to know what my options are.
“Get me a condom, Rufus.”
That’s what my king said, so I took his order and started my journey towards your planet, Earth.
Now, for starters, our planet Loka has been going through, well, what to say... it’s quite embarrassing. A massive reproduction issue. Everyone is a horny bastard.
There is nothing to worry about, though. Right now, my ass has been placed on the chair. In simple words, I’m sitting on the spacecraft. Three, two, one... here I go.
BOOM!
Looking outside from the spacecraft, I can see a lot of planets. One is filled with diamonds, another with liquid, while one is even filled with magma. Oh, by magma, I’m referring to what you people call the Sun.
In a few minutes, I’ll reach your planet. Meet you there.
THUD!
I reached your planet. My dashboard tells me this place is called Tokyo. But to my surprise, after opening the door, no human came to welcome me.
Why didn’t you people come? Didn’t I say, “Meet you there”? Well, whatever. I will come to you.
The question is, where are you people? Around me, there is just some green-colored stuff.
Wait a minute, you people have brown soil? My planet has white soil. That’s interesting. Maybe I’ll use my watch to see some info about your place. Let me point it at that green stuff.
SYSTEM IDENTIFICATION
TREE
(MOST RARE SUBSTANCE IN EXISTENCE)
Are you people idiots? What will you do if aliens steal it? Learn to take care of your trees, tsk.
Now, a more important question would be, where do I find you? Let me ask the watch.
“Where to find humans?”
“Head north 2 km to find humans.”
Okay then, don’t disappoint me this time. Meet me after 2 km.
After some time, like maybe 30 minutes, I finally reached your place.
Astonishing was the only thing to say. What are these buildings touching the sky? So many people! If I stay here for a while, I could lose myself.
I have to ask someone for a condom.
The girl over there seems good, so I went there and tapped her on the shoulder.
She looked at me, screaming, “GYAAAAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!” and fell down. She became unconscious, but why?
Am I not handsome? My face looks like a pig, and my legs look like a lizard’s, with hands of a human. What do you think, hmm hmm? Am I not handsome?
All the girls over there blow me a kiss!
Now, now, back to the condom search.
Just then, my watch started buzzing with some kind of warning.
SYSTEM WARNING:
DON’T APPROACH HUMANS WITH YOUR UGLY FACE. TRASH FACE SHIFT.
Rude bastard, talking to me like that! And to whom? The great Rufus, the most handsome man in all the realm!
If women see me, they might hug me and crawl all over me. What nonsense!
But if I don’t follow, the king would bust my ass. So, let’s shape-shift into a human male.
After shape-shifting, my face looks... well, whatever. Who cares about the details?
Let’s find the next human.
Those folks wearing blue uniforms and carrying something like a weapon seem like men of power. I would approach them.
I tapped one of them and asked, “Give me your condom.”
The man looked flustered, almost shocked, his eyes wide open as if he had seen my 10-inch dick.
Wait a minute, I won’t bed this bastard. My interest is only in girls.
But the very moment, his expression changed, almost angry.
“Show me your ID.”
Do humans require an ID to showcase their dick size? But why should I show my ID when I have no interest in bedding him?
“Fuck off,” is what I told him.
Immediately, the bastards tried forcing me to bed them by trying to put some restraints on my hands. They called it handcuffs.
BDSM fucks!
Take this!
I hit them both with my hands, just two quick punches, and they were down.
I then further shape-shifted into a squirrel and moved around, searching for the stopper of life, condom.
Suddenly, a thought hit me.
What about asking the watch where to find a condom?
“Where to find condom?”
SYSTEM SEARCHING
“Turn to your right. The whiteboard that says ‘Medical.’ Go there.”
I finally saw the place.
Entering inside, there was one of you, a young man. He seemed to be wearing a green uniform. He was the gatekeeper of the condom, I guess.
This might be the final war.
Let me challenge him.
Shape-shifting into a young man, my eyes met his as I offered him a fight challenge.
“Listen, young man, let’s fight for the condom. I know you people love sword fights, so let’s do a cock fight. Now, now, show me your dick.”
The man almost looked horrified.
Did he have a small weiner?
My bad, but men must fight with what they have, so he should accept the match.
“Shut the fuck up, bastard! Coming here drunk and all. Give me money, take condom, and fuck off. It’ll be 50 yen.”
My God, does he want to do a barter system? For 50 hens, he will give me a condom.
But where do I find a hen? That too, 50 of them?
“I don’t have 50 hens, young man.”
“You fucker! 50 yen, yen, yen! The currency of Japan, yen!”
Is yen the female hen? So he wants female hens?
“I don’t have female hens.”
“I will call the police. Get lost!”
He threw the condom at my face.
Good, isn’t he?
But what good is an empty condom?
So I asked, “Young man, give me a demo. Put it on and show me.”
“Hey, hey, hey, kura, kura, kura, kura, kura! What the hell are you asking for?”
“I only asked for a demo. Put it on and show me if it works.”
“Who gives a demo for a condom?”
“Don’t you give a vehicle demo? So why not a condom demo?”
“That and this are different.”
“How are they different?”
The man then raised his hands to hit me.
Dodging his puny attack, I headbutted him, making him go unconscious.
Looking at the packet, I saw that it had some instructions.
Maybe our experts can crack it, so I took the condom and went home.
They looked at it and said only one thing:
“Humans are fucking awesome.”
“Get me a condom, Rufus.”
That’s what my king said, so I took his order and started my journey towards your planet, Earth.
Now, for starters, our planet Loka has been going through, well, what to say... it’s quite embarrassing. A massive reproduction issue. Everyone is a horny bastard.
There is nothing to worry about, though. Right now, my ass has been placed on the chair. In simple words, I’m sitting on the spacecraft. Three, two, one... here I go.
BOOM!
Looking outside from the spacecraft, I can see a lot of planets. One is filled with diamonds, another with liquid, while one is even filled with magma. Oh, by magma, I’m referring to what you people call the Sun.
In a few minutes, I’ll reach your planet. Meet you there.
THUD!
I reached your planet. My dashboard tells me this place is called Tokyo. But to my surprise, after opening the door, no human came to welcome me.
Why didn’t you people come? Didn’t I say, “Meet you there”? Well, whatever. I will come to you.
The question is, where are you people? Around me, there is just some green-colored stuff.
Wait a minute, you people have brown soil? My planet has white soil. That’s interesting. Maybe I’ll use my watch to see some info about your place. Let me point it at that green stuff.
SYSTEM IDENTIFICATION
TREE
(MOST RARE SUBSTANCE IN EXISTENCE)
Are you people idiots? What will you do if aliens steal it? Learn to take care of your trees, tsk.
Now, a more important question would be, where do I find you? Let me ask the watch.
“Where to find humans?”
“Head north 2 km to find humans.”
Okay then, don’t disappoint me this time. Meet me after 2 km.
After some time, like maybe 30 minutes, I finally reached your place.
Astonishing was the only thing to say. What are these buildings touching the sky? So many people! If I stay here for a while, I could lose myself.
I have to ask someone for a condom.
The girl over there seems good, so I went there and tapped her on the shoulder.
She looked at me, screaming, “GYAAAAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!” and fell down. She became unconscious, but why?
Am I not handsome? My face looks like a pig, and my legs look like a lizard’s, with hands of a human. What do you think, hmm hmm? Am I not handsome?
All the girls over there blow me a kiss!
Now, now, back to the condom search.
Just then, my watch started buzzing with some kind of warning.
SYSTEM WARNING:
DON’T APPROACH HUMANS WITH YOUR UGLY FACE. TRASH FACE SHIFT.
Rude bastard, talking to me like that! And to whom? The great Rufus, the most handsome man in all the realm!
If women see me, they might hug me and crawl all over me. What nonsense!
But if I don’t follow, the king would bust my ass. So, let’s shape-shift into a human male.
After shape-shifting, my face looks... well, whatever. Who cares about the details?
Let’s find the next human.
Those folks wearing blue uniforms and carrying something like a weapon seem like men of power. I would approach them.
I tapped one of them and asked, “Give me your condom.”
The man looked flustered, almost shocked, his eyes wide open as if he had seen my 10-inch dick.
Wait a minute, I won’t bed this bastard. My interest is only in girls.
But the very moment, his expression changed, almost angry.
“Show me your ID.”
Do humans require an ID to showcase their dick size? But why should I show my ID when I have no interest in bedding him?
“Fuck off,” is what I told him.
Immediately, the bastards tried forcing me to bed them by trying to put some restraints on my hands. They called it handcuffs.
BDSM fucks!
Take this!
I hit them both with my hands, just two quick punches, and they were down.
I then further shape-shifted into a squirrel and moved around, searching for the stopper of life, condom.
Suddenly, a thought hit me.
What about asking the watch where to find a condom?
“Where to find condom?”
SYSTEM SEARCHING
“Turn to your right. The whiteboard that says ‘Medical.’ Go there.”
I finally saw the place.
Entering inside, there was one of you, a young man. He seemed to be wearing a green uniform. He was the gatekeeper of the condom, I guess.
This might be the final war.
Let me challenge him.
Shape-shifting into a young man, my eyes met his as I offered him a fight challenge.
“Listen, young man, let’s fight for the condom. I know you people love sword fights, so let’s do a cock fight. Now, now, show me your dick.”
The man almost looked horrified.
Did he have a small weiner?
My bad, but men must fight with what they have, so he should accept the match.
“Shut the fuck up, bastard! Coming here drunk and all. Give me money, take condom, and fuck off. It’ll be 50 yen.”
My God, does he want to do a barter system? For 50 hens, he will give me a condom.
But where do I find a hen? That too, 50 of them?
“I don’t have 50 hens, young man.”
“You fucker! 50 yen, yen, yen! The currency of Japan, yen!”
Is yen the female hen? So he wants female hens?
“I don’t have female hens.”
“I will call the police. Get lost!”
He threw the condom at my face.
Good, isn’t he?
But what good is an empty condom?
So I asked, “Young man, give me a demo. Put it on and show me.”
“Hey, hey, hey, kura, kura, kura, kura, kura! What the hell are you asking for?”
“I only asked for a demo. Put it on and show me if it works.”
“Who gives a demo for a condom?”
“Don’t you give a vehicle demo? So why not a condom demo?”
“That and this are different.”
“How are they different?”
The man then raised his hands to hit me.
Dodging his puny attack, I headbutted him, making him go unconscious.
Looking at the packet, I saw that it had some instructions.
Maybe our experts can crack it, so I took the condom and went home.
They looked at it and said only one thing:
“Humans are fucking awesome.”
I was thinking about this: Shakuni, angered for his own personal reasons, uses Duryodhana to finish everything, and then, rather than dying in the war, he shows everyone the middle finger and says, "So long, losers," before going home.
Wouldn't that completely change how we see the Mahabharata as a whole? Just a "what if" thought.
“Alpha to Delta, I have reached Planet Luca,” the astronaut announced in an anxious voice. How the first human-alien encounter would go was a big question mark to him.
Taking a breather, lots of questions flooded his mind. “Is it okay for me to represent humanity? Wouldn’t someone more qualified be better? Tsk, there is no choice. Have to do this.”
Hastening his steps towards the door, every step felt heavy. An unknown fear gripped him tightly. “Just a few meters, I will be out of the door to the alien world.”
Waving, the astronaut climbed down the stairs when a group of children surrounded him. A few held his hands, and some held his leg, asking the same question in unison, “Where did you come from?
Oh yeah, I am an alien for these guys, just as they are to me.
Tapping their heads with a smile, the man asked, “Can you call some elders, kid?”
“No need, I am here,” an alien grandpa with a white mustache replied as he kept caressing it, moving towards him and setting aside the children.
“Hello, esteemed sir. The name is Neil Armweak, an astronaut from planet Earth, country USA.”
Nodding, the grandpa informed, “Nice to meet you. My name is Gobi Goblin, the leader of the First Realm. Our king has let me handle your case. Follow me.”
Obligated, Neil followed the grandpa when slowly a realization crept into him. They were all goblin aliens. Their reputation on Earth is that of looters. Would reality be any different? Not that he had anything worth losing, but still, it was somewhat unsettling.
“Sir Gobi Goblin, would you allow me to ask a few questions?”
“Sure.”
“Where are we going now?”
The grandpa goblin pointed towards a giant hippo, which had its mouth wide open. A very confusing situation indeed. Was Grandpa trying to offer Neil as food for the hippo?
“Sir, why there?”
Gobi Goblin gave a side eye. “You will know as you enter.”
Bullshit, guy definitely something is wrong. Look at that freaking hippo, must be as big as a 2-storey building. The teeth are so sharp. Freak, freak, can’t anything be done?
Suddenly, looking at the landscape of just red desert with few blue cactus, a question popped into his mind. “Where were all those people who welcomed him?”
“Could you tell me where the others are?”
“Here we are, Neil Armweak. Please enter. For the question, you will know quite soon.”
Everything inside him told him, Don’t go. His legs went numb, his throat dry. With a quick voice, he let Gobi Goblin know, “Sorry, can’t enter this place.”
“Are you insulting our hospitality?”
“No, but anywhere is fine, not here. Try understanding.”
Grandpa looked him in the eye with a strange authority. “Not going will be considered a grave insult, resulting in a war, if that’s what you want.”
Shit, there is no chance, have to go, better remember my sacrifice, you ingrate humans.
Keeping his step forward inside the hippo mouth, it felt warm, almost welcoming him to be its food. “No no no no no.”
“Follow me, we will just reach in a few minutes.”
They continued their walk across the darkness when the goblin whispered into his ears, “Get ready to die.”
Neil fell to the ground yelling, “NO NO, please listen, my wife and children are waiting for me, no no please.”
“Too late.” The grandpa goblin held his leg and threw him across what looked like an entrance to somewhere.
Thud.
“Ouch, ouch, my legs hurt, fuck.”
Phewwwww.
“Welcome, alien!” everyone yelled. As Neil looked around, it was a hall with all the goblins and their children eating worms, and fireworks made a sign which said the same, “WELCOME ALIEN!”
The grandpa goblin entered giggling, “Scared, weren’t you? Just a little prank, hehe.”
“Heh?”
The women swarmed around him, asking, “Do you know about unicorns?”
“Yeah.”
The group of ladies cheered, “He knows about unicorns! Could you get us one?”
“Sorry, it’s a mythical creature. It’s not real.”
Grandpa intervened, informing him, “That’s not the case. One of your ancestors, many years ago, brought one to us in exchange for a diamond called the Koh-i-Noor. However, the one your ancestor brought was white with black stripes. Our myths say that a unicorn has a single horn, but your people let us know that this unicorn had lost its horn.”
Freaking cheats, giving zebras as a unicorn.
“Sure, sure. I’ll get you one if I can find one.”
“Really?” The ladies’ eyes had a glim glim sparkle of excitement.
“Yeah, yeah, really.” He walked away, knowing this was going to be a pain in the ass.
Just a short distance away, a few goblins were dancing around a young boy. Intrigued, he went over to see what was happening.
“Hello, what’s going on?” he asked one of the goblins in the crowd watching the dance.
“The boy will be killed as per the ritual, so we are celebrating.”
Looking at the boy, Neil felt pity. Tears streamed down the boy’s face while the others laughed. Disgraceful. But there was nothing he could do. If he tried to interfere, Earth could very well go to war. Restraint was necessary.
I should not do it.
I should not do it.
Fuck, I will do it.
Neil moved through the crowd, pushing past the dancers until he reached the boy. Looking him in the eye, he asked, “You want to live?”
The goblin boy nodded.
“Good. Then come with me,” he said, taking the boy’s hand and moving away from the crowd.
“Wait, wait! Where are you going?” a man yelled from the crowd.
The other goblins also looked angry, stomping their feet together and screaming, “JUDGEMENT! JUDGEMENT! JUDGEMENT!”
“Judgement for what, you dimwits?” Neil asked.
At that, all the goblins looked at each other as if they had just heard the strangest thing ever.
One man in the crowd answered, “For being weak. Don’t they kill weak people in your place?”
Tsk, what he says isn’t wrong. On the contrary, we don’t kill them; rather, we torture them. Homeless people, refugees, and those who couldn’t excel in life all have to slowly suffer and suffer until they finally die. But this won’t happen, at least not on my watch.
“That doesn’t matter. You will be letting the boy go.”
As he finished the statement, a muscular goblin came to the front, staring him in the eye.
“We don’t hit our guests, but don’t push your luck.”
Gulp.
“You people believe he is weak, right? What if I prove he is strong? Will you let him go?”
All the people in the crowd, even those in the hall, stared at Grandpa Goblin to see his decision. The goblin had his stern eyes fixed on Neil. “Hmm, we respect our guest, so we give you the opportunity, but if you lose, give us 2 unicorns.”
Neil nodded.
The muscular goblin questioned, “How will you prove his strength, human?”
“Let me talk to him for a moment in privacy.”
Grandpa Goblin nodded as the child came towards Neil, and the rest of the goblins moved away but still kept watch from afar.
“What’s your name, boy?”
“Fuck Goblin is my name, sir.”
“Who the hell gave you such a name?”
“My dada.”
Neil stomped in frustration, taking heavy breaths. He calmed down and asked a question, “Do you have any skill?”
“No.”
“Think carefully. You must have something.”
“I am good at throwing stuff.”
“Throwing stuff, is it?” Neil kept his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “I’ve got you covered. Lend me your ears.”
After a brief moment of mentoring, Neil moved towards the muscular goblin from earlier, pointing towards him and speaking in a stern voice. “You there, what about fighting the lad?”
“Me? Me? Hehe, I am the strongest guy here. Find someone weak.”
“That’s what I did, finding someone weak.”
Angered, the muscular goblin got up, walking towards Neil and staring him eye to eye. “You take that back.”
“Why not defeat the boy and prove you are strong?”
“So be it. Grandpa, approve of it.”
Every adult in the room took a gulp. It was stupid to pit a boy against someone like that. Surely, Gobi Goblin knew better than to do this, but Gobi Goblin said something shocking.
“Okay, fight the lad, Jake.”
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Location: Outside the hippo mouth
The lad and the muscular goblin stood opposite to each other. One carried stones while the other carried a club weapon, while everyone surrounded them 360 degrees. On an upper platform, Gobi Goblin and Neil sat on their fancy chairs, watching the bout as if it was a colosseum.
JAKE! JAKE! JAKE! JAKE! JAKE!
“Death to the tyrant! Die, fucker! JAKE!”
The voices boomed, some supporting Jake and a few against him. Meanwhile, all the audience stomped the ground hard, giving a feeling of an earthquake. The lad looked worried.
“Sorry, boy, but you are...” The muscular goblin picked up a stone, pressing it into pieces in his palm.
The boy could do nothing but look at the smug face of Neil. At this point, the lad just believed the strange alien who was believing in a failure like him was his last hope.
Gobi Goblin got up from his chair, looking left and right from his upper platform, screaming, “START!”
Muscular goblin ran towards the boy, ready to swing his club. Remembering the words of Neil, the lad threw a sack of something. It hit Jake right in the face. He stood there coughing. Not wasting time, the boy hurled stones one after another.
“Ouch, ouch, hachi, hachi, hachi!”
The muscular goblin kept sneezing. Looking at this, Neil yelled from his upper platform, “How do you like the itching powder, loser?”
Looking at Neil, Gobi Goblin commented, “You don’t fight with honour.”
“No, he did,” Neil answered, as both looked at the bout where the lad kept throwing stones one after another, running in circles, while the crowd yelled, “COWARD! FIGHT PROPERLY!” “JAKE CAN’T EVEN WIN AGAINST A CHILD, IS IT?”
After a while, the effects of the itching powder finally wore off. Red marks were visible over the body of Jake, but his anger was also on a different level now. Pointing his club upward towards the upper platform where Neil sat, he announced, “I was taking it easy because he is a lad. Now, his death will be terrifying.”
The lad knew this was the final moment neil had informed him about this was do or die the boy spoke for the first time against the muscular goblin “Boo boo loser loser loser”
Jake hurled the club against the boy, gauging its speed. The lad jumped beyond the club’s height before coming down, and without wasting time he threw some metallic stuff at Jake. Jake tried to react, but the metallic thing entered his mouth, making him freeze for a moment.
BAKAM BOOM
The metallic stuff was a grenade given to the boy by neil every astronaut had one in case of danger the muscular goblin had his intestines all pouring out looking at the gruesome scene the audience had its mouth open even gobi goblin got up from his seat
The crowd yelled “COWARDICE COWARDICE COWARDICE DEATH DEATH DEATH”
Irritated, Neil also got up, anger swelling inside as he vented it out.
“Shut up, you piece of shit. If this was a war between Earth and you right now, guns and missiles would be coming here blazing while you sit here screaming cowardice. There is no one way to lead life. Every individual brings their own set of weaknesses and strengths. The civilization which respects that and makes use of the strengths while covering for the weaknesses survives, and you shit would be wiped out by the way you people behave.”
SILENCE!
One man in the crowd finally yelled, “He threatens us! Kill him! Kill the alien!”
Everyone looked at the grandpa goblin who kept caressing his beard, speaking to Neil, “Interesting. This culture of ours stayed dominant even though many of us didn’t like it, but maybe we didn’t upgrade our way of life. That we still stand here living this barbaric lifestyle. Tell me, Neil, if we joined hands with you humans, can you show us better life?”
His jaw dropped, cold sweat forming on his forehead. What to answer was a dilemma, but he did anyway.
“Humans are not that great. Many are foolish and malicious. We are not better than you, but we are still fun.”
“Fu fu, honest aren’t you.”
Gobi Goblin made towards the edge of the upper platform, announcing, “From today, no one shall be killed for being weak. Our old culture is over.”
Everyone looked in confusion, not believing what was announced. But then an uproar flooded the place.
“Wooooo! I was scared, next it would be my turn!”
Another replied, “Hehe, I was thinking of poisoning all the strong folks so I would be considered strong. I am happy it stopped.”
After a few months of being there, Neil returned back to Earth in triumph of a new friendship.
“Alpha to Delta, I have reached Planet Luca,” the astronaut announced in an anxious voice. How the first human-alien encounter would go was a big question mark to him.
Taking a breather, lots of questions flooded his mind. “Is it okay for me to represent humanity? Wouldn’t someone more qualified be better? Tsk, there is no choice. Have to do this.”
Hastening his steps towards the door, every step felt heavy. An unknown fear gripped him tightly. “Just a few meters, I will be out of the door to the alien world.”
Waving, the astronaut climbed down the stairs when a group of children surrounded him. A few held his hands, and some held his leg, asking the same question in unison, “Where did you come from?
Oh yeah, I am an alien for these guys, just as they are to me.
Tapping their heads with a smile, the man asked, “Can you call some elders, kid?”
“No need, I am here,” an alien grandpa with a white mustache replied as he kept caressing it, moving towards him and setting aside the children.
“Hello, esteemed sir. The name is Neil Armweak, an astronaut from planet Earth, country USA.”
Nodding, the grandpa informed, “Nice to meet you. My name is Gobi Goblin, the leader of the First Realm. Our king has let me handle your case. Follow me.”
Obligated, Neil followed the grandpa when slowly a realization crept into him. They were all goblin aliens. Their reputation on Earth is that of looters. Would reality be any different? Not that he had anything worth losing, but still, it was somewhat unsettling.
“Sir Gobi Goblin, would you allow me to ask a few questions?”
“Sure.”
“Where are we going now?”
The grandpa goblin pointed towards a giant hippo, which had its mouth wide open. A very confusing situation indeed. Was Grandpa trying to offer Neil as food for the hippo?
“Sir, why there?”
Gobi Goblin gave a side eye. “You will know as you enter.”
Bullshit, guy definitely something is wrong. Look at that freaking hippo, must be as big as a 2-storey building. The teeth are so sharp. Freak, freak, can’t anything be done?
Suddenly, looking at the landscape of just red desert with few blue cactus, a question popped into his mind. “Where were all those people who welcomed him?”
“Could you tell me where the others are?”
“Here we are, Neil Armweak. Please enter. For the question, you will know quite soon.”
Everything inside him told him, Don’t go. His legs went numb, his throat dry. With a quick voice, he let Gobi Goblin know, “Sorry, can’t enter this place.”
“Are you insulting our hospitality?”
“No, but anywhere is fine, not here. Try understanding.”
Grandpa looked him in the eye with a strange authority. “Not going will be considered a grave insult, resulting in a war, if that’s what you want.”
Shit, there is no chance, have to go, better remember my sacrifice, you ingrate humans.
Keeping his step forward inside the hippo mouth, it felt warm, almost welcoming him to be its food. “No no no no no.”
“Follow me, we will just reach in a few minutes.”
They continued their walk across the darkness when the goblin whispered into his ears, “Get ready to die.”
Neil fell to the ground yelling, “NO NO, please listen, my wife and children are waiting for me, no no please.”
“Too late.” The grandpa goblin held his leg and threw him across what looked like an entrance to somewhere.
Thud.
“Ouch, ouch, my legs hurt, fuck.”
Phewwwww.
“Welcome, alien!” everyone yelled. As Neil looked around, it was a hall with all the goblins and their children eating worms, and fireworks made a sign which said the same, “WELCOME ALIEN!”
The grandpa goblin entered giggling, “Scared, weren’t you? Just a little prank, hehe.”
“Heh?”
The women swarmed around him, asking, “Do you know about unicorns?”
“Yeah.”
The group of ladies cheered, “He knows about unicorns! Could you get us one?”
“Sorry, it’s a mythical creature. It’s not real.”
Grandpa intervened, informing him, “That’s not the case. One of your ancestors, many years ago, brought one to us in exchange for a diamond called the Koh-i-Noor. However, the one your ancestor brought was white with black stripes. Our myths say that a unicorn has a single horn, but your people let us know that this unicorn had lost its horn.”
Freaking cheats, giving zebras as a unicorn.
“Sure, sure. I’ll get you one if I can find one.”
“Really?” The ladies’ eyes had a glim glim sparkle of excitement.
“Yeah, yeah, really.” He walked away, knowing this was going to be a pain in the ass.
Just a short distance away, a few goblins were dancing around a young boy. Intrigued, he went over to see what was happening.
“Hello, what’s going on?” he asked one of the goblins in the crowd watching the dance.
“The boy will be killed as per the ritual, so we are celebrating.”
Looking at the boy, Neil felt pity. Tears streamed down the boy’s face while the others laughed. Disgraceful. But there was nothing he could do. If he tried to interfere, Earth could very well go to war. Restraint was necessary.
I should not do it.
I should not do it.
Fuck, I will do it.
Neil moved through the crowd, pushing past the dancers until he reached the boy. Looking him in the eye, he asked, “You want to live?”
The goblin boy nodded.
“Good. Then come with me,” he said, taking the boy’s hand and moving away from the crowd.
“Wait, wait! Where are you going?” a man yelled from the crowd.
The other goblins also looked angry, stomping their feet together and screaming, “JUDGEMENT! JUDGEMENT! JUDGEMENT!”
“Judgement for what, you dimwits?” Neil asked.
At that, all the goblins looked at each other as if they had just heard the strangest thing ever.
One man in the crowd answered, “For being weak. Don’t they kill weak people in your place?”
Tsk, what he says isn’t wrong. On the contrary, we don’t kill them; rather, we torture them. Homeless people, refugees, and those who couldn’t excel in life all have to slowly suffer and suffer until they finally die. But this won’t happen, at least not on my watch.
“That doesn’t matter. You will be letting the boy go.”
As he finished the statement, a muscular goblin came to the front, staring him in the eye.
“We don’t hit our guests, but don’t push your luck.”
Gulp.
“You people believe he is weak, right? What if I prove he is strong? Will you let him go?”
All the people in the crowd, even those in the hall, stared at Grandpa Goblin to see his decision. The goblin had his stern eyes fixed on Neil. “Hmm, we respect our guest, so we give you the opportunity, but if you lose, give us 2 unicorns.”
Neil nodded.
The muscular goblin questioned, “How will you prove his strength, human?”
“Let me talk to him for a moment in privacy.”
Grandpa Goblin nodded as the child came towards Neil, and the rest of the goblins moved away but still kept watch from afar.
“What’s your name, boy?”
“Fuck Goblin is my name, sir.”
“Who the hell gave you such a name?”
“My dada.”
Neil stomped in frustration, taking heavy breaths. He calmed down and asked a question, “Do you have any skill?”
“No.”
“Think carefully. You must have something.”
“I am good at throwing stuff.”
“Throwing stuff, is it?” Neil kept his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “I’ve got you covered. Lend me your ears.”
After a brief moment of mentoring, Neil moved towards the muscular goblin from earlier, pointing towards him and speaking in a stern voice. “You there, what about fighting the lad?”
“Me? Me? Hehe, I am the strongest guy here. Find someone weak.”
“That’s what I did, finding someone weak.”
Angered, the muscular goblin got up, walking towards Neil and staring him eye to eye. “You take that back.”
“Why not defeat the boy and prove you are strong?”
“So be it. Grandpa, approve of it.”
Every adult in the room took a gulp. It was stupid to pit a boy against someone like that. Surely, Gobi Goblin knew better than to do this, but Gobi Goblin said something shocking.
“Okay, fight the lad, Jake.”
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Location: Outside the hippo mouth
The lad and the muscular goblin stood opposite to each other. One carried stones while the other carried a club weapon, while everyone surrounded them 360 degrees. On an upper platform, Gobi Goblin and Neil sat on their fancy chairs, watching the bout as if it was a colosseum.
JAKE! JAKE! JAKE! JAKE! JAKE!
“Death to the tyrant! Die, fucker! JAKE!”
The voices boomed, some supporting Jake and a few against him. Meanwhile, all the audience stomped the ground hard, giving a feeling of an earthquake. The lad looked worried.
“Sorry, boy, but you are...” The muscular goblin picked up a stone, pressing it into pieces in his palm.
The boy could do nothing but look at the smug face of Neil. At this point, the lad just believed the strange alien who was believing in a failure like him was his last hope.
Gobi Goblin got up from his chair, looking left and right from his upper platform, screaming, “START!”
Muscular goblin ran towards the boy, ready to swing his club. Remembering the words of Neil, the lad threw a sack of something. It hit Jake right in the face. He stood there coughing. Not wasting time, the boy hurled stones one after another.
“Ouch, ouch, hachi, hachi, hachi!”
The muscular goblin kept sneezing. Looking at this, Neil yelled from his upper platform, “How do you like the itching powder, loser?”
Looking at Neil, Gobi Goblin commented, “You don’t fight with honour.”
“No, he did,” Neil answered, as both looked at the bout where the lad kept throwing stones one after another, running in circles, while the crowd yelled, “COWARD! FIGHT PROPERLY!” “JAKE CAN’T EVEN WIN AGAINST A CHILD, IS IT?”
After a while, the effects of the itching powder finally wore off. Red marks were visible over the body of Jake, but his anger was also on a different level now. Pointing his club upward towards the upper platform where Neil sat, he announced, “I was taking it easy because he is a lad. Now, his death will be terrifying.”
The lad knew this was the final moment neil had informed him about this was do or die the boy spoke for the first time against the muscular goblin “Boo boo loser loser loser”
Jake hurled the club against the boy, gauging its speed. The lad jumped beyond the club’s height before coming down, and without wasting time he threw some metallic stuff at Jake. Jake tried to react, but the metallic thing entered his mouth, making him freeze for a moment.
BAKAM BOOM
The metallic stuff was a grenade given to the boy by neil every astronaut had one in case of danger the muscular goblin had his intestines all pouring out looking at the gruesome scene the audience had its mouth open even gobi goblin got up from his seat
The crowd yelled “COWARDICE COWARDICE COWARDICE DEATH DEATH DEATH”
Irritated neil also got up anger swelling inside as he vented it out
“Shut up you piece of shit if this was a war between earth and you right now guns and missiles would be coming here blazing while you sit here screaming cowardice there is no one way to lead life every individual brings their own set of weaknesses and strengths the civilization which respects that and makes use of the strengths while covering for the weaknesses survives and you shit would be wiped out by the way you people behave”
SILENCE!
One man in the crowd finally yelled, “He threatens us! Kill him! Kill the alien!”
Everyone looked at the grandpa goblin who kept caressing his beard, speaking to Neil, “Interesting. This culture of ours stayed dominant even though many of us didn’t like it, but maybe we didn’t upgrade our way of life. That we still stand here living this barbaric lifestyle. Tell me, Neil, if we joined hands with you humans, can you show us better life?”
His jaw dropped, cold sweat forming on his forehead. What to answer was a dilemma, but he did anyway.
“Humans are not that great. Many are foolish and malicious. We are not better than you, but we are still fun.”
“Fu fu, honest aren’t you.”
Gobi Goblin made towards the edge of the upper platform, announcing, “From today, no one shall be killed for being weak. Our old culture is over.”
Everyone looked in confusion, not believing what was announced. But then an uproar flooded the place.
“Wooooo! I was scared, next it would be my turn!”
Another replied, “Hehe, I was thinking of poisoning all the strong folks so I would be considered strong. I am happy it stopped.”
After a few months of being there, Neil returned back to Earth in triumph of a new friendship.
I am checking out fellow authors, few have one and others have two and some have multiple, so what's the best advice? I am personally considering writing two stories.
The issue is, those who are writing 2 stories are giving it at the same price as those writing one story.
Ex:
1 story, 5 chapters → $5
2 stories, 5 chapters each → $5
So I am trying to understand which is the best option. Should I write one, two, or multiple stories if Patreon is my focus?
I did read their TOS, which says reviews in exchange for monetary benefits are not allowed, and ARC reader companies also say that they don't pay ARC reviewers, so it checks out. But I'm still confused. When they receive books before launch, wouldn't they come to my Amazon page on launch day and, since they have already read the book, surf through it and leave a review? Wouldn't KDP think I am doing something naughty and ban my account?
I just don't know how this works. Please let me know.
I did read their TOS, which says reviews in exchange for monetary benefits are not allowed, and ARC reader companies also say that they don't pay ARC reviewers, so it checks out. But I'm still confused. When they receive books before launch, wouldn't they come to my Amazon page on launch day and, since they have already read the book, surf through it and leave a review? Wouldn't KDP think I am doing something naughty and ban my account?
I just don't know how this works. Please let me know.
I know it’s subjective, but throw me the ball. Tell me about your experience. What were you reading that you ended up dropping purely because of the writing quality? Did it feel bland, have too much dialogue, or something else? Give me the details.
I am writing my story, but while editing it, I started feeling that it was bad, so I decided to rewrite it. To find inspiration, I looked at the writing in Dungeon Crawler Carl and Primal Hunter, but their writing also felt bad to me. Then I checked two other stories that I had been enjoying just a few days ago, and now their writing also feels bad. I don't know what's going on.
Whenever I'm scrolling, I see authors saying, "Don't tell me this is your first book and you're already running ads. You should have more books first."
So my question is, how many books should I have before I start marketing? By marketing, I mean spending money on ads and other paid promotions.
I came across a guide that said nobody knows the exact word count required to trigger Rising Star. It could be 5k, 10k, or 20k words. Apparently only the moderators know.
With that in mind, should I still aim for 20k words? If my chapters were around 2k words each, that would be manageable, but mine are only about 1.5k words. That means I would need to publish around 14 chapters on day one, which feels like a lot.
My real question is this: if I decide not to launch with 20k words and instead publish around 15k words, will my chances of getting into Rising Star be significantly lower? Even if 20k words increases the chance of being considered for Rising Star on day one, is that actually the smarter approach?
Please bless me with your wisdom.
I was checking the top freelancers, and I couldn't see anyone with a queue. Their reviews were also sometimes months old. Is book editing dead on Fiverr, or am I missing something?
I was casually checking out Fiverr and noticed that some Level 2 sellers, who should be getting a lot of sales, sometimes have no reviews or only 5 or 6. Even I have more reviews than some of them, so I don't understand how they're getting so many sales. Are people just deciding not to leave reviews?
This introductory rate is available for only 7-8 slots. Editing usually costs much more, often around $1,000, but since I am still new, I am offering much lower prices. I think these rates are very affordable.
₹2,000 -> 20,000 words
₹3,500 -> 40,000 words
₹5,500 -> 60,000 words
All of my reviews are 5 stars, and I do not use AI for editing.
You can check out my Fiverr profile to see examples of my editing. If you want to see how I edit your writing specifically, send me 1,000 words, and I'll edit them for free. If you're happy with the result, we can continue with the full project.
Click here to get a developmental edit. -> I can edit books in any genre, so don't think this is only for fantasy.
I believe this might be a brown tuxedo cat. However, it's the most beautiful cat I've ever seen. Can anyone tell me if this is a recognized breed, or is this particular cat just especially unique?
People say Qin couldn't beat Riboku militarily, so they had to rely on the Zhao king.
But Qin had already done something similar at Chouhei. By spreading rumors about Renpa, they caused Zhao to replace him, leading to a catastrophic defeat.
Riboku knew better than anyone how dangerous Zhao's politics were. If Qin had exploited that weakness once, why wouldn't they do it again?
Failing to prepare for that possibility was Riboku's mistake. That's why Ousen's victory was legitimate.
How much should I realistically expect to spend on marketing to have a chance of reaching the Top 5 in a moderately competitive Kindle category?