u/ChainsawSoundingFart

When I put my car in reverse to back out of a spot, it plays a video of a man being run over. I don’t understand this feature at all.

I’m being placed under arrest. I am complying with all of the officers instructions. I am not physically resisting however I am verbally stating “I am resisting arrest”.

My friend‘s house was behind a large cemetery and was adjacent to the water tank used for the lawn’s sprinkler system. There was a hole in his back fence that would go through to the water tank section. It was our smoke spot.

One day after smoking a bowl, I dared my friend to climb on top of the water tank. As he was climbing, he put his foot on this pressure gauge but it started to bend under his weight. I told him to be careful of that and he kept climbing.

The pressure gauge suddenly snapped off and a giant jet stream of water started blasting out against the electrical room next to the tank. It was so high pressure it was more like steam.

It was also so loud we both looked at each other, yelled “fuuuuuck!!!” but could barely hear each other. We took off running back to the hole in his fence and back to his house.

We could still hear the jet blast from inside his house. We took off our shoes, jackets, and booted up his Xbox just in case we needed an alibi. I left a little over an hour later and could still hear it.

“Let’s get this hoe on the road!”

Thats so gross! I honestly hope no one ever has to hear this term.

For the sake of argument, it’s realistic enough that the dogs think I’m a giant cat.

I‘m also an Olympic running champion so they probably won’t catch me.

Why do I have to wait all year for some delicious egg nog? They know I want the nog so just give me the fuckin nog!

As with any relationship, we’ve had our fair share of arguments but never anything along the lines of trustworthiness and certainly not at this level.

Every Sunday we host board game night to which we invite some of our friends over. One of her friends, I’ll call Paul, regularly attends. She never had any sort of romantic relationship with Paul but they have been friends since college.

Initially I had no suspicions with Paul but over the last several weeks, I noticed they tend to play “closely together“ as if they’re on a team even though the board games are individual opponent based. For the record, we were playing Monopoly.

During a break in the game, I went to the kitchen for a cola and saw my girlfriend’s phone on the counter. A text message appeared on the screen. It was from Paul. The message confirmed my fears - they were cheating.

We were about an hour into the game of Monopoly when I stormed back into the family room. I asked them to lift up the game board and their placemats on the table. They acted confused at first and then I demanded they uncover this instant. They reluctantly lifted up their placemats to reveal stacks of $100 bills and even a few $500.

Paul quickly gathered his things and left after a brief shouting match. My girlfriend was obviously upset and crying. I sat down with her and explained the damaged caused by the inflation they introduced to the housing market.

I‘m not considering breaking up with her quite yet but is our relationship repairable at this point? Would you stay with your partner if this happened?

Don’t get mad at him for reminding the teacher there was homework due, he’s just trying to ensure he gets credit for the work he did.

If you’re mad at him, it’s because YOU didn’t do your homework and deserve the zero.

Y’all are just jealous I have several pockets to hold stuff and you have to carry around a bag all day

My children are home schooled and I’m doing a good job. They have their morning breakfast, get all the chores done around the house, and then they’re free to watch whatever educational programs on YouTube they like.

This lady with a clipboard keeps showing up at my house trying to “verify” their learning and these test packets.

I’m schooling them just fine and I don’t need to verify nothing! This is bullshit!

I understand it’s their body but my peeve is the common response “you don’t know what personal meaning it has to them”

Yeah, I’m sure there’s some deep meaning behind Bowser riding a surfboard while smoking a bong. Rich family history represented by the snake slithering through a skull on fire.

I swear every little comment I read on the internet offends me and I end up lashing out

I’m not sure if this was ever covered but what are the logistics of this? I imagine a single shit would take up an entire trash bin.

I think we can all agree that jury duty is bullshit and I came up with an easy trick to quickly be excused during the interview process.

I tell them that all I need to know is what they’re accused of and being able to look at them face to face. I can then tell if they’re guilty or innocent just by looking them in the eyes.

The courts do not want someone having this ability and they’ll send you home without further question.

You didn’t craft anything. You just dumped a bunch of ingredients into a blender and mixed it.

and artisan? Sir, you made a burger and fries.

Of course the same restaurants will have ridiculous markups on the prices.

I know I am not required to give it to a nearby kid by any means, theres still this unwritten thing where I should. If some little kid waddles up to me with his glove, all the parents are staring at me “awww come on, give him the ball”

Fuck that! I caught the ball, I’m keeping it. That kid had just as much of a chance to catch it. Step your game up!

or were they watching it on TV in their cave “fuuuuuuck!!!”