u/Coffee_Beans907

My ex reached out last week and seemed to have really come to a place where he wanted to be better—but inside one week he proved to be just as lost and toxic as ever.

Apparently, he is still entertaining multiple potential partners at once, still lying about absolutely everything. Still using drugs, still letting toxic people use him while seeing his own role in their life as some kind of ego twisted martyr-like Jesus walk. Still acting like a spoiled petulant child grabbing at anything poisonous to self soothe.

I suddenly realized (today) what a relief it is to be away from him. My nervous system no longer craves to be near him. I no longer feel that I can help him or love him back together. The time apart feels better than time together. I’m seeing this as a very good sign that I’m healing and I can really tell a big difference between his toxic world and my world of peace and clean energy.

I feel bad for “abandoning” him in his world of chaos and sickness, but he is a grown man and his home life and reality is the one he created for himself and chooses every day. I cannot reach down into that cesspool to “rescue” someone who doesn’t see their life as the tragic rot that it is. I can’t help Someone who does not see how their choices harm others and themselves when they don’t care to understand anything beyond their own victimhood. I know now I am only strong enough to rescue myself. I will pray and hope the best for him, but he is not my responsibility. He never was and I never should have let myself slide into the darkness trying to chase down someone who was actively seeking out chaos as a way to avoid the void within. This is not my fight and he cannot not accept support without punishing the offering hand. I now see that my own childhood pains led me into his world and my ego somehow led me to believe I could help change him and his life. Basically, I was very lost and sick myself.

If you are feeling beaten down by your partner or ex, let go. Just let go. I know it sucks. The narrative of everyone “abandoning” them is painful, but it exists because they manifest it. They literally will not stop punishing you until you let them fulfill the prophecy they set upon themselves. They will destroy you to prove that they are unloveable. Perhaps enlightenment will settle upon them someday and they will seek proper help, but you can’t do it for them. You cannot love them enough. You cannot save them. Honestly, I think I am leaving him for good because I love him. Hanging on is torture for the both of us and I never want to be that source of pain again. Never again.

May we all find the peace and love we deserve 💕

….being a person can be so hard.
I’ve been thinking about where I’m at in life. Where you’re at in life. How I got here and how the heck to get to where we want to be.

I’m somewhere between knowing the path and walking it myself. I know what is right and true and healthy, but I am just baby-steps into actually living and embodying that in truth.

Knowing and doing: they are different. While discerning (or knowing) is the first step, the doing is a big part of *becoming*. Becoming leads to understanding, which gives us the capacity for compassion.

All these steps are all interconnected but also speak to respective parts of ourselves: our thoughts and beliefs, our identity, our soul….our purpose. It’s funny because I feel like I really need compassion ~~for~~ myself most when I stumble into the gap between knowing and doing, yet it eludes me until there is enough distance between the actual time my discernment is tested through my actions (or inactions) and I have gained perspective on that past moment.

Maybe this is the process of alignment? Being a whole person can be so complicated.

I hope you are healing. I hope you know you are loved.

I’ve been thinking about where I’m at in life. Where you’re at in life. How I got here and how the heck to get to where we want to be.

I’m somewhere between knowing the path and walking it myself. I know what is right and true and healthy, but I am just baby-steps into actually living and embodying that in truth.

Knowing and doing: they are different. While discerning (or knowing) is the first step, the doing is a big part of becoming. Becoming leads to understanding, which gives us the capacity for compassion.

All these steps are all interconnected but also speak to respective parts of ourselves: our thoughts and beliefs, our identity, our soul….our purpose. It’s funny because I feel like I really need compassion for myself most when I stumble into the gap between knowing and doing, yet it eludes me until there is enough distance between the actual time my discernment is tested through my actions (or inactions) and I have gained perspective on that past moment.

Maybe this is the process of alignment? Being a whole person can be so complicated. I hope you are healing. I hope you know you are loved.

Broken hearted people with good intentions, who were loyal but betrayed. Used up, thrown away, or replaced with someone lesser, by someone unworthy ….so, Why can’t we figure out how to meet up? Good for good? Might be my new motto.

Come here. Hold me tonight.

Someone who aligns their words with how they walk through this word. And their energy aligns with their true intentions.
Not asking for perfection, but transparency and genuine connection—always. A Real knows a Real One….Has to be real. Doesn’t have to be easy, but has to be real. Salt of the Earth. Need only apply.

I gave too much of myself away to blind foolish love. I thought building you up would mean we would be stronger, but you took the best of me and left me broken without even a shrug.
In truth, I feel like you robbed me; not just of materials or finances—you robbed me of feeling safe. You robbed me of confidence. You robbed me of hope and of my better senses.

You tried to steal my light! In the mirror I can see how it’s dimmed—evidence that you tried to take my very soul within. Yet this remains mine, as does the broken heart beneath my ribs. They will heal and grow despite the sin.

I will never forget how I gave you love and in return you gave me nothing but pain and confusion. The injustice of it all fills my chest with a tight cold chill. Like a demon claw trying to steal away my human will. You’ll not win this time you dark and hateful thing. Keep your 6s away from me.