u/Complete_Mine5530

I’m looking to buy my first pair second hand!

I am disabled and can’t really wear combat boots anymore, it’s mostly sneakers.

However, I remember trying on a pair about 2 years ago and being able to walk in Docs comfortably. I couldn’t afford them at the time.

My PUMA sneakers are a 10, her Docs are a 10. I buy my sneakers just very slightly big to account for foot swelling. I could wear a 9 1/2 but then if my feet swell I’d have no room.

Someone on FB marketplace is selling a pair for $40 that look almost new. She said they’re only worn a few times.

I’m gonna scrape together the funds (hopefully) because I’d love to have a stylish pair of shoes for the first time in almost 10 years. It’s legit been nothing but sneakers (and they have to be a certain kind).

I asked her to hold them for me as long as she can.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is it because I’m feeling less pain?

I went from masturbating/having sex a handful of times a year to sometimes doing it 3 times a day.

To be fair I did leave a traumatic relationship and am now in a loving one, so that might contribute some.

However I used to be in physical pain, even when masturbating in my old relationship or after sex I’d bleed, have spasms in my vaginal area or sometimes even a sharp pain during sex or masturbation.

I’ve noticed while on the Benlysta slowly over time that stuff went away.

I think maybe my drive improvement might have to do with mental stuff. But the pain was gradual and got better over time.

I used to also have prolonged pelvic inner hip pain after an orgasm and now, I feel BETTER in that area.

I know it’s crazy, but knowing I can still have normal sex even if it isn’t always is such a huge relief. Lupus and trauma have taken so much from me.

They want me to see a hematologist now. I’m terrified, my best friends dad growing up had lupus and died from a blood clot.

They said a lot of my blood work looked okay, my inflammation even improved since being on benlysta but these markers have been high now 3 times in a row which means it’s time to see a specialist.

My Anti-Cardiolipin Ab, gM has been elevated to 39 and 40 more than once. Is this really bad? I guess it’s not really bad as so far I was told no restrictions.

But I’ve known more than one person to die of blood clots with lupus so it was one of the scariest things I could’ve heard today.

I’m also worried even if it doesn’t kill me, if it gets worse will it affect my quality of life. Will I still be able to fly? Go on road trips?

I’m visiting my long-distance girlfriend for the first time in six months. We’ve been together for almost a year, and during previous visits she has been incredibly understanding about my inability to have sex because of both pain and the trauma from my last relationship. I just wasn’t physically or emotionally ready.

I’ve now been on Benlysta for a while, and taking a muscle relaxer at night has helped me sleep better and reduced my morning stiffness. Between the decrease in pain, getting proper rest, and finally feeling emotionally ready, I feel like I’m in a place where I actually want to have sex.

Since we started dating, I was also diagnosed with hidradenitis suppurativa. Unfortunately, I triggered a mild flare on my pubic mound by shaving the other day because, for the first time in years, I wanted to feel sexy. It’s only a couple of small bumps under the skin, nothing open or infected, but it has really shaken my confidence.

I had worked so hard to accept my body, including the stretch marks, the scars from lupus, past dermatillomania flares, the injection marks, the weight gain from medications, and everything else. Having something new appear the day before I leave has left me feeling rattled.

I guess what I’m hoping to hear are stories from people who have fulfilling sex lives while living with lupus, or from those whose partners genuinely don’t care about the scars and changes our bodies go through because of chronic illness.

My girlfriend treats me like a goddess and she says she won’t care, but I think we all know we can get in our heads anyways.

I worked hard to fade my scars with treatments, lost 10 pounds, and finally got myself to a place of cautious confidence. Now it feels like that confidence has been knocked down all over again.

Lesbian relationship if this makes any difference in your answer

I have a very mild flare, under skin not open on my pubis mound.

I shaved recently and albeit stupidly…but I’m seeing my long distance girlfriend for the first time in 6 months and I wanted to feel sexy (dumb)

This is the first time I’ve shaved in almost a year.

It isn’t very bad, under the skin I do have a LITTLE razor burn but the actual HS spots don’t hurt at all.

How risky is it to have sex? Like if we’re rolling around,sweaty etc will that make it worse? Will it hurt

I’ve never actually had sex since being diagnosed and certainly have never had sex with any kind of flare.

I have lupus, been on Benlysta for almost a year now and am finally feeling well enough joint wise to have sex again. My girlfriend very nicely has waited due to my joint pain, so this would be our first time and I just don’t want her to be grossed out, I don’t wanna risk making them worse etc

Have any of you used this for your bikini area? Did it make things worse than shaving?

Ones like Heidi and stuff when she’s a little older are fine

But I remember Curly Top being one of my favorites as a kid (I love Animal Crackers and I Grow Up song) They show her dancing with no top on, they have Shirley asking a grown man to marry her, they have footage of her with a wedgie on the beach zoomed in on her butt. They have Shirley straddle the man and sit on his groin area and bounce while he’s in bed.

What the hell?!? I remember these movies being so wholesome as a kid. I knew she suffered abuse off camera but I just don’t remember the actual movies being so bad.

Only one I found appropriate was Heidi and The Little Princess.

It’s sad because I don’t necessarily want Shirley’s talents to be forgotten, but the exploitation of this child is horrific. I fast forwarded through some of the films and shut one of them off when she had several men holding her up with their hands up her dress 🤮

I’m glad we were the last generation these films were marketed too. Definitely not wholesome.

I have recently decided to not have children, despite wanting them so deeply. I am a lesbian, so having a child naturally isn’t possible.

My current partner doesn’t want children. At first, I thought it may be a deal breaker once she told me. However the more I thought about it, the more I realized that…I don’t think I could do it anyways. It’s a nice dream…but it’s a dream.

As much as I love children, the meds I’m on can cause major birth defects and with all my health issues, fostering and adopting very likely isn’t an option for me.

I help take care of my nieces every summer and as much as I love it…it’s hard. I barely can take care of my self full time. How can I know I can give the love,attention and time my child would deserve?

My mom was very anemic for around year when I was a child. She slept constantly, didn’t feel good and just wasn’t able to be fully present for me. It stuck out in my memories because I missed my mom. She was there, but she wasn’t. Somedays with my lupus, that’s how I am.

I know if I had a child, I’d push myself. I’d do anything I possibly could to be present and available for them, just like I do in the summer with my nieces (which takes me a month to recover from).

Maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t want to essentially slowly put myself in an early grave by pushing my body past its limits to ensure my children’s happiness. I also don’t want to be a mom unless I can be the best mom I could be, and I know I won’t be able to.

My nieces have learned how I am, they understand my need for extra rest and such but even then it’s still hard and I still push myself even when I know they wouldn’t want me too. My niece once told me she felt guilty when I was in pain after a day out…I don’t want my child growing up with any guilt like that.

I don’t know I’m mostly just venting because it’s still hard for me to sit with this decision. Unless something happened to my nieces families and I had to take them, I’m pretty confident in this decision even though it hurts.

I have recently decided to not have children, despite wanting them so deeply. I am a lesbian, so having a child naturally isn’t possible.

My current partner doesn’t want children. At first, I thought it may be a deal breaker once she told me. However the more I thought about it, the more I realized that…I don’t think I could do it anyways. It’s a nice dream…but it’s a dream.

As much as I love children, the meds I’m on can cause major birth defects and with all my health issues, fostering and adopting very likely isn’t an option for me.

I help take care of my nieces every summer and as much as I love it…it’s hard. I barely can take care of my self full time. How can I know I can give the love,attention and time my child would deserve?

My mom was very anemic for around year when I was a child. She slept constantly, didn’t feel good and just wasn’t able to be fully present for me. It stuck out in my memories because I missed my mom. She was there, but she wasn’t. Somedays with my lupus, that’s how I am.

I know if I had a child, I’d push myself. I’d do anything I possibly could to be present and available for them, just like I do in the summer with my nieces (which takes me a month to recover from).

Maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t want to essentially slowly put myself in an early grave by pushing my body past its limits to ensure my children’s happiness. I also don’t want to be a mom unless I can be the best mom I could be, and I know I won’t be able to.

My nieces have learned how I am, they understand my need for extra rest and such but even then it’s still hard and I still push myself even when I know they wouldn’t want me too. My niece once told me she felt guilty when I was in pain after a day out…I don’t want my child growing up with any guilt like that.

I don’t know I’m mostly just venting because it’s still hard for me to sit with this decision. Unless something happened to my nieces families and I had to take them, I’m pretty confident in this decision even though it hurts.

I can’t make any transfers or pay on my credit card. Since yesterday night.

“Thinking on my feet, now there’s tears in my brain”

Or is she saying something else and I’ve misunderstood all these years?

I was just talking to someone about how I used to tell my ex she had to moisturize if she was going to hold my hand or finger me.

I have sensory issues, I can’t hold your hand if it feels like sand paper and skins coming off.

She worked in a daycare so obviously had to wash her hands a lot so to an extent it wasn’t her fault but also…I don’t know how she could stand it!

I offered alternatives of pinky holding or arm linking, but I couldn’t hold their hand when it was that flaky.

I also was NOT have rough hands like that with flaky skin on or IN my vagina.

She got in the habit of putting lotion on and her hands were fine except in the winter, we’d just not have sex much then or she’d use a finger condom.

Well someone told me it wasn’t my body and why did I care if she moisturized or not and it was wrong of me to force her to moisturize.

My current girlfriend has never had sex with anyone and she’s also hasn’t really “seen” much sex. So she also has no idea what her turn ons our etc

I’m 30 and she’s 29, I’m her first real girlfriend.

I’m…kinky to say the least and I of course will be fine having just vanilla sex at first because I usually do that with my partners anyways.

But I’m almost like “I don’t wanna scare this girl” down the line cause like even lesser experienced people I’ve been with before at minimum have read smut or watched porn or something in that realm and they KNOW a lot even if they haven’t done it themselves.

I also used to be a bit of a pillow princess my last relationship (ex was almost exclusively stone top) so I don’t have as much experience topping and I imagine I’ll probably be doing more of that with this relationship. So I’m worried I’ll be rusty.

Anyways I guess I’m just asking for advice from people who’ve maybe been in a similar situation. Sexual compatibility long term is important to me and I usually ask if the things I like are something that would interest a partner…this girl just doesn’t know!