u/DigPristine9215

I’m a new CRC with about 6 months of experience, and during these past months I’ve made mistakes on several different occasions. It’s mostly been small errors that were easily resolved, or errors that resulted in minor PDs. But recently I made a quite major mistake that’s not very good at all. I just want to hear other CRCs experience and the mistakes they’ve made, so I can gauge just how “dumb” I am haha 😬

So, what mistake did you make as a CRC that caused the biggest issue or was so bad, it got you fired?

I’m 25F, and I feel like I’d relate more with someone that’s 18/19 than other 25 years olds.

For one, I have just started my first real job/career at 25 years old after graduating. I’ve only been in my career for about 3 months, while other 25 year olds have mostly settled into their careers and have at least 2-3 years of experience. They also make much more money than me, have savings, have their own apartment, big group of friends, relationships, etc and I feel like I’m just starting out because I’ve always struggled with everything.

I’ve never had a relationship. I’ve dated guys casually because I could never get commitment from them. Every single person I meet my age and even young is either already in a relationship, or have had past relationships. I don’t even technically have an ex because you can’t count casual situationships with guys who never made it official. I have tried to put myself out there, but it never led to anything. I’ve tried dating apps, but I could never really get into it because it always just felt so forced to me and I just would never feel that interested in anyone I talk to on a dating app enough to want or go through the effort of meeting them in person, no matter how attractive. I also am so afraid of meeting a guy on a dating app and him thinking I’m a catfish. I never use filters or photoshop or anything, I just personally think I look better in pictures than real life and I also just in general am not very fond of my appearance.
Then, when I do go out, I either get asked out by guys I don’t find attractive, guys that are weird (by weird I don’t mean “unattractive”, I mean they were saying/asking weird things), or guys I can clearly tell are just players and wanting to use me for my body.
I will admit, I’m also socially anxious and awkward. I try to be extroverted, but it’s just not who I am so it never comes across natural and then I end up embarrassing myself.
Anyway, I just don’t understand how everyone else seems to find relationships so easily, and for me, it feels like a full time job I’m failing at. I’ve given up at this point and I don’t even try anymore but I’m still embarrassed when people ask me about relationships and I lie and pretend like I’ve had relationships before because it’s so embarrassing to say that no guy has ever been interested enough in me to want to commit.

Anyway, with my lack of job experience/career, savings, and relationships, I just don’t feel like an adult. I don’t feel like I fit in with others around my age. Honestly, i lied, it’s not 18-19 year olds - I feel like im at the same stage as 15-16 year olds who are just starting to work and starting to date. It’s embarrassing how much I’ve tried and tried all my life and I’m still 10 years behind a majority of my age group. I know there’s others like me too, but it’s a small minority. I just feel like such a loser.

TLDR; I’m 25F but I feel like I’m behind in terms of careers, finances, and relationships compared to others my age. I’ve just started my job/career a few months ago, never had a relationship because men never want to commit to me, and I’ve tried so hard to get a bf but it’s just never happened. Other 25 year olds have already settled into their careers, have relationship experience or already in a relationship. I feel like I’m at the same stage as a teenager just starting to work and starting to date, rather than other people in their 20s who already have lots experience; they’re making more money, in more senior roles in their career, in serious relationships, etc. And I feel like a 25 year old teenager that’s late to the party even though I’ve been in the building this whole time.

Yes working sucks because it takes up 80% of your life, and as much as I hate that, I hate having to be a kiss ass and walk on eggshells around my bosses/colleagues above me.

For example, I got told by someone from another department, who is technically above me, for not communicating to her about a task that I couldn’t finish on time. Fine, my bad. I should have told her I can’t do it on time so she could find someone else. But it’s quite ironic her telling me off in front of everyone in our group chat for not communicating, when there’s been several instances of her not communicating critical, time sensitive information and no one saying sht to her. In one instance, my coworker and I had to rush to complete an event and my coworker had to drive all around to get all the supplies for the event because that btch didn’t confirm with us and tell us any of the details for the event that we had scheduled. We were the one that had to message her and ask “wtf is going on”. We managed to make it work but being left in the dark and completing an even you had no information about until 2 seconds earlier was a headache to manage, and my coworker and I were pissed but we couldn’t say anything to her about communicating this information earlier. We had to just take the bs and accept it. If we stand up for ourselves, our managers and other higher ups will use these instances to label us as difficult and “unable to work well with colleagues/team culture”.

Also, my f*king boss cannot handle an ounce of stress without turning into the grinch. Some days she’ll walk in in a happy mood, and other days she storms into the office pissed off and in a bad mood because she’s stressed about something. And then she’ll start taking it out on us, the ones below her, and nitpick teeny tiny minuscule issues that aren’t that big of a deal and don’t normally bother her. One time, she sent a picture in the group chat of my coworkers desk, saying we have to keep our desks tidy after leaving….i had to stare at the picture real hard to figure out what the “mess” was and guess what? It was a single plastic empty coffee cup on an otherwise perfectly clean and tidy table and office….

So while my manager can come into work and have a bad day and take it out on us, the rest of us have to be sweet and nice and always have a smile on our face no matter the type of bad day we’re having.

I have been in supervisory positions, and I’ve never treated those below me the way I’ve been treated by those above me. These type of managers/bosses seriously have some deep narcissistic qualities to think they can do whatever they want and the rule they enforce doesn’t apply to them.

On top of all this bullshit, I’ve been doing so much unpaid overtime because of urgent tasks that need to be completed within a certain time frame, but they won’t approve overtime for me. But if i dont do the time-sensitive task, thatll just cause me more issues and make my job harder and also piss off clients and other people from other departments.

I wish we could change the culture so that we can tell our managers when they’re being a fking a-hole (in a professional way of course), without risking not being liked by higher ups and increasing chances of getting fired for “lack to fit to workplace culture/environment” or whatever other bullshit.

Like, let me do my job and tell people to F off whenever I have to.

I hold soooooo much resentment towards my mom for a host of reasons. She was abusive towards her kids growing up, especially her daughters (my sisters and I). My older siblings dealt with the brunt of the abuse but I still remember some things here and there as a child. She’s old now, and so she’s not nearly as toxic now chaotic and abusive as she was when I was younger. She’s a lot better now, a lot nicer and takes care of me. But I still hold so much resentment over my childhood. Over the abuse I dealt with. Over the fact that I was even born in the first place. My mom has 8 kids with an abusive man, who abused her and my older siblings. She finally left after I was born, the youngest. But because of the abuse my older siblings dealt with from our dad and then from my mom and being raised by a single mother, every single one of my siblings and I have a host of mental health issues because of the way we grew up.

So, whenever I bring this up to my mom. About how she had kids with an abusive man and ruined all her kids’ life because of the abusive and traumatic environment they were raised in, and that after she became a single mom, a lot of the responsibility fell on my older siblings to take care of the younger ones, and that all the trauma my siblings and I have dealt with was because of her poor life choices, she gets so upset and starts crying. If I bring up specific instances I remember as a child, or things my older siblings have told me, she will start crying and saying it’s a lie. And none of them are true and my siblings are lying and I’m not remembering things correctly.

She basically thinks she’s the perfect mom that did nothing wrong. And that we’re ungrateful for being so hard on her and making all these accusations and that she had it so hard and we don’t appreciate all the stuff she did for us. And that she was being abused by her husband and she did the best she could to raise us. But I don’t care! We all still had an abusive horrible shitty childhood because of our upbringing. No one forced her to marry that man and no one forced her to stay and have 8 kids with than man. She was raised in a happy healthy family with mommy and daddy that spoiled her and loved her. She had no excuse to have such a bad taste in men. She didn’t grow up with early childhood trauma and abuse. She ruined the lives of 8 kids because of who she married, and then how she treated us after she left the abusive man. My oldest brother turned out exactly like my abusive dad, and although I don’t remember my abusive dad, I didn’t escape him because I dealt with my abusive brother. And he himself dealt with a lot of abuse from our dad, and the pressure of having to take care of all the younger siblings after my mom left with all of us. He got PTSD, addiction, depression, etc and I grew up with an angry man like that as my brother. And then an angry abusive mom too.

But when I bring this stuff up to my mom, she makes me feel like I’m the bad guy. That I’m lying and none of it is true and my siblings are all lying. And she was a perfect mom that did nothing wrong and were ungrateful kids.

I’m just so sad and angry and hurt and I’m just so mad at my mom for the shitty life I was given. I’m so mad that I was born. I was given nothing in this life. Grew up poor, ugly, unhappy. I am just so mad because I did not need to be born. Why couldn’t she have left him earlier? Why couldn’t she have aborted me? And now I know we can’t change any of that it’s impossible but the least that I want is just an apology. Some accountability. I want her to say that yeah she feels bad and that we didn’t have a good childhood and she could’ve made better choices and that she wasn’t perfect. That’s all I want. But I’ll never get that. I have so many mental health issues because of adults in my life (mom, dad, brother) who made horrible choices and hurt me. And now I’m left to deal with the aftermath, and I won’t even get any accountability from these people let alone an apology.

Like today, I had a delivery. Buzzer codes not working so i have to go down to open the door for the delivery guy. He was right outside the elevator so he comes in with my delivery i asked if it was mine and he said yeah. He seemed kinda annoyed maybe cause he had to try the buzzer code several times and my package was heavy. In the elevator he didnt even look at me or talk or say anything else, we just got off and he asked me which unit and then brought it there and left it outside my door, snapped a picture and left. He didn’t ask if I needed help bringing it in or anything, didn’t even say bye or just anything.

And now I feel like shit because if I were pretty, he would’ve been much nicer and more talkative. He would’ve asked if I needed help bringing it in. He would’ve told me to have a nice day or something like that. It wasn’t even the end of the day or anything, the day had just started so it’s not like I can blame it on the fact that he was just tired or whatever. And also even if he was tired, if a guy finds a really beautiful attractive girl, it doesn’t matter how tired they are, they still show interest and flirt or something. It’s not like I’m even interested in him, I’m just upset because it means I’m not pretty. I didn’t have makeup up and my hair was a mess. If I was naturally beautiful, this wouldn’t have happened.

This is why I never go out and have fun or literally do anything where I can be perceived by the guys, because if they don’t show special interest in me or are not extra nice to me, then I assume it’s because I’m not pretty enough. But as much as I try to avoid any situation where this could potentially happen (so I lock myself up in my room and never go out unless needed), it’s still inevitable.

How do I stop getting upset about situations like this? Idk but I feel like extremely 10/10 beautiful girls live in this other reality where every single guy that lays their eyes on them to fall to their knees. And all I want in life is to be extremely attractive. It sound so narcissistic of me but I promise I’m not, I just want to feel special. I want to feel like I have at least something going for me.

TLDR: All I care about is being extremely 10/10 attractive. And I expect that those girls get attention from every single guy that sees them so when it doesn’t happen to me it worsens my BDD because I think it’s because I’m not attractive enough.

So I just recently started my first corporate job post grad about 3 months ago. I really like my coworkers and I love my job, but the on-boarding/training has been subpar. I was trained a little bit here and there, so everything I learnt was just taught in bits and pieces here and there. There is no standard training SOP or checklist.

For example, just recently my two managers sent a message to me and my coworker (the one primarily responsible for training me) to ask who was responsible for a particular thing. I responded and said that I am. Mg manager asked if I had been trained on a specific task for that particular thing because that task hadn’t been done and it should’ve been completed. I was so confused because I had never heard of that before, and she also texts our main group chat for all employees to remind everyone how this specific task must always get done. Anyway, I’m annoyed and confused cause that was the first time I’d been hearing it. My coworker that’s training me responded to her and said no I haven’t trained her on that because I just learned how to do that thing last week but that she’ll complete the task and train me. The both the managers respond and say that that task isn’t a new task we’ve always done it, and [another employee] trained everyone on how to do that and how she’s sure she and the other manager have also shown everyone how to do it. So, basically they were accusing my coworker of lying about not being trained on that. My coworker responded and said she must have missed the training while she was transitioning into her/our role because the person training her was the one mostly doing it, and she apologized for missing it and that she’ll train me and not forget it moving forward. I was still annoyed because all of this is because of the lack of structured/standardized training procedures. I tried my best to keep my cool and I said that I had never heard of that task before and that it wouldn’t have happened if I asked to be trained on more things for that platform (where the task is completed), but that once I’m trained I won’t forget it moving forward. I basically put the blame entirely on me and how I should’ve figured out I needed to be trained on something I had never heard before so they could clearly see how absurd that sounds and how there was nothing I could’ve done to prevent this. Also, my coworker training me started 6 months before me so it’s lot like she’s that much more experienced either. And her and I’s lack of training is on the managers, not us.

Also, when I first started the job, I asked management to have regular check ins during my training period so we can discuss my progress and what I need to be trained on and my performance and where it can be improved. I asked for a specific checklist of everything I need to learn so I don’t miss anything.

They said okay and that they’d let me know once they have the company training procedures and then I just never heard from them about that again. I got too busy with work and learning so many different things I didn’t bring it up also because I didn’t want to be pushy.

So now, looking back, this whole entire situation would have never happened if there was a standard checklist of everything someone in my role needs to be trained on.

I actually decided to create a checklist, an Employee Training Log, where it lists the tasks, whether the task was taught, the date the employee was trained, initials of the trainer, if the employee’s competency on that task was verified, and the date the employee’s competency on that task was verified.

We have weekly meetings with our site staff, and during our next meeting, the managers said they’d go over and train us again on how to do that task that I wasn’t trained on.

I want to show my managers this employee training log I created because we clearly do not have one at the company, and it’ll help with onboarding. We’ll also be hiring someone else with my job title soon, and I’ll be responsible for training them, so I want to show my managers this training log I created and say how this can help avoid situations like this in the future and how it will be helpful training the new employee when it’s my time.

But…I’m afraid they’ll look at it the wrong way and think I’m trying to one up them and act like I’m better. Obviously that’s not what I’m trying to do, but im bothered by how often they’ve assumed I know how to do something I’ve never been trained on. And I don’t like the way I feel when there’s mistakes like this because of me, regardless of whether or not it’s my fault.

TL/DR: managers got upset because I didn’t do a task they thought I was already trained on. I wasn’t trained on it and the person training me also wasn’t properly trained. I created an employee training log with a checklist of all tasks someone in my role should know how to do, which’ll make the onboarding process much easier for everybody. I want to bring this up to my managers at our next meeting, and say how we can avoid situations like this using a training log. But, I don’t want them to think I’m trying to one up them and tell them how to do their job.

If you do stand up for yourself because a coworker or your boss is just being a difficult b*xh, or because of something that wasn’t your fault at all, then suddenly you’ll be labeled as combative and can’t accept accountability and difficult to work with and then you can be fired. I want to be able to stand up for myself and tell my managers they’re being unreasonable without worrying about losing my job.

I even reviewed the HR manual at my job, and you can be fired if you don’t get along with other people at work. I usually get a long with most people very well, and I’m very good at taking accountability for things that were truly my fault. My problem is I am not the type of person that can handle attitude from others or being reprimanded for something not my fault at all. But nooooo I have to be a suck up and kiss everyone’s ass even if they’re a completely idiotic c*nt with a stick up their ass. I can control myself in the situation and try to ignore it but sometimes my attitude will come out and you’ll be able to tell I’m annoyed. It’s extremely difficult for me to be happy go lucky when someone pisses me off.

For example, I’ve just stared a new job 3 months ago. Just today I got a message from my boss in a gc with her, the other boss, and the coworker training me. My boss asked who was responsible for something, and I said I was and she asked if I had been trained on this task and that this task hadn’t been done and how it should’ve been done. My coworker responded and said no she hadn’t trained me on that task because she had recently learned how to do it herself just a few days ago. Both of the bosses respond saying how it’s not a new thing and we’ve always done it and so-so trained everyone and how she’s sure her and the other boss have also showed how to do it with everyone. Basically - accusing her of lying about when she was trained on it. My coworker apologized and said that she must have missed the training while she was transitioning into her role. I was pissed by their response even if it wasn’t directed towards me because I just didn’t like how pissy they were and for basically accusing my coworker. Also, why do two bosses need to gang up and message us about this when one is enough?

But what also pissed me off is that this entire situation could’ve been avoided if they had listened to me when I first started. When I first started a few months back, I brought jt up to management about how I’d like to have regular check ins to go over my training progress and just see how I’m doing and what parts of my performance is good and what needs to be worked on, as well as a list of everything I need to be trained on so I know I’m not missing anything. They said okay….and then never brought it up again and I got so busy with work I didn’t bring it up again but also I didn’t want to be too pushy.

Sooo…if they had a proper onboarding process this whole situation could’ve been avoided. If they had a proper training manual with a list of all tasks that need to be taught to someone who’s training for a role, with a checklist beside everything that’s been taught and when it was taught, then we wouldn’t go around assuming that someone has been trained on something, or accusing someone for lying about being trained on something. And this whole situation could’ve been avoided.

Anyway, I’m just frigging pissed I can’t say that to my bosses or else I’ll be “combative” and “argumentative” for pointing out their stupidity and lack of proper onboarding. I tried to control myself the best I could but all I basically said was that I had never heard of that task before because no one told me anything about it but that I should’ve asked to be trained on more things for that website and maybe this wouldn’t have happened but that I’ll remember to do it once I’ve been trained moving forward. That was the nicest way I could respond but I’m just still so pissed off and I know I have to just deal with this shit in life and I shouldn’t let this stuff bother me but goddd I can’t take it anymore.

I live in Canada. I just posted on the personal finance Canada sub asking for advice on saving/investing after a bankruptcy. Specifically, I said that I recently filed for bankruptcy and now I want to make smarter financial decisions so I’d like to save and invest my money. And that I want to open a TFSA GIC (guaranteed investment certificate) account but I’m wondering if that would affect my bankruptcy payments or if my savings will be taken away from me. My monthly bankruptcy payments depend on my monthly income which I have to report every month so just not sure how it works if I start saving and investing some of my income.

One person responded and said that they should take away my savings. Someone else responded with just a 🤡 emoji, someone else commented frig off. I responded to the person who said they should take away my savings, and asked him if I took his money and that it was none of his f*ng business cause I was upset someone was judging me instead of answering the question I had. And then someone else responded and said something about how “dude asked for opinion and then spazzed hour after getting an opinion” which is such bs I never asked for an “opinion” I asked a specific question that has a specific answer. I wasn’t looking for anyone’s random general opinion about my situation.

Then, I got banned from the sub because of violating their rule for making posts generated by AI….WTF? I literally wrote out the post myself in like 5 mins I didn’t use any ChatGPT or other AI so idk wtf is wrong with the moderators or if they’re really that brainrotted they think any post with proper grammar and punctuation must be written by AI.

Anyway, I’m so frustrated because this isn’t the first time I’ve made a post on Reddit genuinely asking for advice about a specific question or situation, and then I’ll get people completely ignoring my question and choosing to focus on the bankruptcy part and dragging me for it. I don’t want to get into the personal reasons that got me into that situation, but I wasn’t mentally doing well at the time and honestly im still not but im on medication now which helps me manage my symptoms a bit better. I already feel like shit, I’ve had a horrible and abusive upbringing, I’ve dealt with a lot of horrible situations my entire life has been a series of unfortunate events. And now that I’m trying to do better, im getting backlash and judgement from people who think they’re holier than thou and the most morally righteous people on earth.

When I see the comments and just what people say about those extremely 10/10 attractive people (like 1% of population attractive level, like Doutzen Kroes or Adriana Lima), everyone says how they look like an angel, or they look like a God, or how superior and amazing their genetics are. There’s even several clips I’ve seen of Adriana Lima sayings “thank you to my mom and dad for their amazing DNA” and it just makes me feel like utter sub human shit. Because I’m not attractive. I grew up ugly, I have horrible features with thin lips and small eyes and crooked nose and big face and masculine/square jaw that makes me look like a man and I have a very flat midface with no cheekbone projection. When I compare my face and bone structure to those extremely attractive people, I look deformed. I don’t even look human.

On top of that, beautiful people are just so nice to look at. As much as I hate it, it makes sense why society is so obsessed with beauty. Even I find myself in awe when I see someone who has en extremely attractive face. I wish my face was attractive not just for other people but for myself too. When I see extremely attractive people, I get so jealous they get to see their face everyday. And they’re so attractive it makes sense why I see comments of people saying they look like an angel or a god or wtv because they’re so good looking it’s hard to believe they’re even mortal.

Anyway, I cant stop thinking about how I’m an ugly inferior being because of my looks. I feel like I shouldn’t even be alive and i feel bad for anyone who has to look at my face. Im so disgusted when i see my face I cant ever imagine any guy liking me and they havent ever. Im 25 and ive never had a relationship and it’s not a surprise im disgusting to even look at let alone touch.

I am 25 years old, female, and am diagnosed with treatment resistant depression, GAD, ADHD, and body dysmorphic disorder. I’m current on 20 mg Adderall and 300 mg Venlafaxine.

I’ve tried sertraline, escitalopram and now on Venlafaxine and none of them have helped with my depression or anxiety. When you read the advice about depression, everyone tells you to go for a walk, hang out with friends, start a new hobby, try something you’ve always wanted to, etc etc. But how can I do these things when I don’t feel any joy at all while I am? Nothing makes me happy or excited. I could be given a 5 million dollar check tomorrow and I’d still be like 😐….But let’s say I forced myself to go out for a walk every single day, and hang out with friends at least once a week, and read and do other hobbies, etc would that eventually help with my anhedonia? Or is anhedonia only able to be treated by medication/rTMS/ECT/etc? I feel like a lot of my other mental health issues, which could probably be alleviated with lifestyle changes, aren’t able to be treated because I’m just so apathetic. I literally cannot find joy in anything even if I try I just can’t. My emotions just feel muted - except anger. I’m always irritated and angry. I’m either numb or angry. I don’t know how I’m expected to continue life for another 50+ years when I don’t even know what I’m living for and nothing brings me joy at all.

EDIT: But also, I may or may not have BPD. I had a suicide attempt a few years ago after a breakup, and the psychiatrist at the hospital said I have BPD. She never officially diagnosed me or even referred me to any psychiatrist because apparently I wasn’t “bad enough”. She just gave me a list of books about BPD to read. Idk if I do have BPD or not, but let’s say I do, could that be the reason why my depression is untreatable?

I’m just curious and I’d like to learn more about the opioid problem in Canada. I live in Vancouver, and if you’ve been here, particularly in the Granville/East Hastings area, you see a whole street of homeless people that are clearly on hard drugs like fentanyl or crack cocaine or meth or wtv. There’s always an OD and I always see ambulances on the east Hastings street trying to revive someone from an OD. It’s really sad to see and I’m just wondering why they’re not arrested because I feel like in prison, they’d at least get some sort of help - they wouldn’t get access to the drug and it’d force them to become clean. But also, I’m wondering how they’re getting these drugs too? Police can clearly see the whole street is filled with people on these hard drugs so they can do some investigation to find the people selling this stuff. And they’re all on that one street too so where ever they’re getting these drugs from must be nearby. I’m also confused on how they’re even affording to buy these drugs from drug dealers cause clearly they’re homeless and don’t have money so is someone just handing them out for free or what?

Anyway these are all probably stupid questions but I’m just curious and hoping someone can educate me cause I’m confused.

I just wanna preface this by saying I am not the type of person that constantly is like “woe is me” “im so ugly” every 5 minutes. I rarely mention how I’m insecure to my best friend. Maybe like once in a blue moon I’ll say something along the lines of “im not attractive enough for him” or “he’s out of my league” or just something about how I’m not that pretty and I do it because I genuinely don’t think I’m very pretty, but also i say these things out loud/to others because I have a constant stream of negative thoughts about myself all day every day and sometimes i forget im around others or that i shouldnt say these things about myself in front of others and i blurt it out (but then immediately regret afterwards)

Anyway, so when I very rarely ever do say something like that, my best friend never comforts me or anything. I’m not trying to compliment fish, but the reason I’m pointing it out is because when I make insecure remarks around my other friends or other people, they’re so quick to be like “are you crazy nooo wtf you’re so pretty….etc etc etc” so you’d think my best friend would do the same but nope, she just ignores it or changes the topic. This friend also has never complimented me, and I always compliment her especially whenever she makes insecure remarks about being unattractive/average.

She also is the type to constantly point out other peoples’ appearance and make fun of them. She’ll search up people from our high school and make fun of them and say things “omg imagine if you had a kid and they turn out looking like that” and just says really awful things. I always felt uncomfortable when she would say these things because it got me thinking that if she talks that way about others what does she think or say of me?

And she has very high physical standards for women and what she considers an attractive woman. And also, her beauty standard is “blonde hair and blue eyes” as what she considers the epitome of beauty, and Im not blonde/blue eyes so obviously she doesn’t think I’m beautiful. So it’s made me realize that the reason she doesn’t correct me or compliment me is cause she doesn’t think im beautiful and she doesn’t want to “lie” to me.

I’m just not sure how to feel about this. It really hurts me and it confirms that I’m not that beautiful. I do get asked out constantly and randomly get told that I’m pretty, but I only get told im pretty by old people and they just say it cause they’re being nice and I’m young not cause I’m pretty, and I never get checked out or asked out by a decently attractive man. So obviously I’m not that attractive because I can’t attract attractive men. I know beauty is subjective but I wish I could be the type of beautiful that is so attractive that at least 90% of the population would find you attractive. And I know those type of people are extremely rare and not common but I still wish I could’ve been born looking that good.
Also, considering that beauty is subjective, I’m like average looking AT BEST, so maybe like 20-30% of the population would find me attractive. So I personally want a best friend that genuinely thinks I’m beautiful. I don’t want a best friend that thinks I’m unattractive and stays silent when I tear myself down.

Anyway I don’t know how I feel about having her as my best friend. She doesn’t even have to say that I am beautiful when I (very rarely) mention something bad about my looks. As a best friend and as someone who always claims they’re the “mom friend” and the “mentally stable” one, she could comfort me without mentioning anything about my looks so she doesn’t have to lie and say I’m pretty. She could say that I “shouldn’t talk badly about myself like that”, or “you have to be more confident” or “it’s not good for you to think those thoughts” etc etc etc. She literally has a graduate degree in psychology and I feel like she of all people should know this. Again when I do very rarely talk badly about my appearance, i do so impulsively so I’m not like I’m planning this out and testing her and putting her on trial constantly. It’s just something I’ve noticed over time and it’s getting to me because she’s supposed to be my best friend. She’s supposed to support me and comfort me and lift me up as a best friend. But she never does.

I just wanna preface this by saying I am not the type of person that constantly is like “woe is me” “im so ugly” every 5 minutes. I rarely mention how I’m insecure to my best friend. Maybe like once in a blue moon I’ll say something along the lines of “im not attractive enough for him” or “he’s out of my league” or just something about how I’m not that pretty and I do it because I don’t think I’m very pretty and I feel like I need to hint occasionally to others that I know I’m not pretty so people don’t think that I think that I’m all that if you know what I mean (I have BDD, so I’m very aware of all of my flaws).

Anyway, so when I very rarely ever do say something like that, my best friend never comforts me or anything. I know I said that I am not trying to compliment fish, but the reason I’m pointing it out is because when I make insecure remarks around my other friends or other people, they’re so quick to be like “are you crazy nooo wtf you’re so pretty….etc etc etc” so you’d think my best friend would do the same but nope, she just ignores it or changes the topic. This friend also has never complimented me, and I always compliment her especially whenever she makes insecure remarks about being unattractive/average.

She also is the type to constantly point out other peoples’ appearance and make fun of them. She’ll search up people from our high school and make fun of them and say things “omg imagine if you had a kid and they turn out looking like that” and just says really awful things. I always felt uncomfortable when she would say these things because like whooo cares? I never understood why she was so critical of other people’s appearance cause I personally never care or pay enough attention to others. So it got me thinking that if she talks that way about others what does she think or say of me?

And she has very high physical standards for women and what she considers an attractive woman. And also, her beauty standard is “blonde hair and blue eyes” as what she considers the epitome of beauty, and Im not blonde/blue eyes so obviously she doesn’t think I’m beautiful. So it’s made me realize that the reason she doesn’t correct me or compliment me is cause she doesn’t think im beautiful. And having BDD, another thing I do is constantly look for signs that I am/am not beautiful. And anything bad that happens to me must be because I’m ugly - so when a stranger is mean to me or someone doesn’t help me or let me get away with something then it must mean I don’t have pretty privilege so I’m ugly. So I’m constantly analyzing other people’s behaviour around me as a way to find proof of my ugliness.

Anyway, so when someone stays silent or hesitates to say anything when you say that you’re ugly, does that mean they think that too and they don’t wanna lie or don’t know how to respond?

I’m just not sure how to feel about this. Obviously I feel like she doesn’t think im pretty which really hurts me and it confirms that I’m not that beautiful. I do get asked out constantly and randomly get told that I’m pretty, but I only get told im pretty by old people and they just say it cause they’re being nice and I’m young not cause I’m pretty, and I never get checked out or asked out by a decently attractive man. So obviously I’m not that attractive because I can’t attract attractive men. I know beauty is subjective but I wish I could be the type of beautiful that is so attractive that at least 90% of the population would find you attractive. And I know those type of people are extremely rare and not common but I still wish I could’ve been born looking that good.

Also, considering that beauty is subjective, I’m like average looking AT BEST, so maybe like 20-30% of the population would find me attractive. And I personally want a best friend that genuinely thinks I’m beautiful. I don’t want a best friend that thinks I’m unattractive and stays silent when I tear myself down. So I don’t know how I feel about having her as my best friend.

I live in Canada have about 35k in debt across different banks (some line of credits and some credit cards). Some of these have gone to collections and one has even gone to a law firm for collections. Is it better for me to contact these banks and settle a minimum payment with them and try to pay it all back, or should I just do a bankruptcy or consumer proposal? I make about $25 per hour, and I don’t see my salary increasing anytime soon. I spoke to an LIT, and he said that my bankruptcy would cost about $400 per month for 21 months. If I do a CP, we could ask for around $300 monthly payments but they may not accept it and it could go up to $400-$500 per month.

Anyway, which option would be best if I want to rebuild my credit fast? If I speak to each of these banks and settle a minimum payment with each of them and start paying back all my accounts, would my credit score start to slowly increase right away? I’m afraid if I do a bankruptcy or consumer proposal I’ll be stuck with no credit and no way of ever getting loans for a long time. Also, I want to go back to school for a better paying profession and if I do a bankruptcy or CP, I won’t be allowed to apply for government student loans for at least 5 years and I just can’t imagine being stuck in my low paying job making 20-something per hour for the next 5 years (7 years if we count the years spent going back to school).

Anyway, can anyone give me advice I’m literally so bad when it comes to finances (clearly) and I don’t understand anything.

I’m 25, and I’ve never had a relationship. I’ve only had situationships with guys that couldn’t have cared less about me. The most recent one was on and off for over a year because I’d get mad at him for being just being straight up inconsiderate and constantly crossing boundaries, so I’d break it off and then after a few months he’d come back. And it just kept going like that until I finally decided to just delete my instagram so he couldn’t contact me again (throughout our entire time together he never asked for my number or FB or snap, or anything else, which again just shows you how little he gaf about me). I have my own issues that result in me attracting and entertaining these type of men but that’d be a whole novel and way too long for Reddit. Though, in my defence, they were the one that wanted me first and asked me out first. I’m just a people pleaser that can’t say no.

Anyway, one thing these situationships showed me was a small little glimpse of what it’s like to be in a relationship. I just want to hang out and cuddle with a guy and play video games or just go for a walk or watch a movie or bake together. I miss the excitement and the butterflies. And I think that’s one of the reasons why I’m still struggling to get over my last situationship. I just feel so bored all the time. Life bores me and everything bores me. But when I think of being with my ex situationship, it’s like all the colours of life just come back and I feel so happy and excited. But then that doesn’t last long because reality suddenly hits me and I remember that we’re no longer together because he was never that into me because I wasn’t beautiful enough for him to commit to and I’ll never ever see him again and one day he’ll marry someone much prettier and taller and funnier than me and I’ll never be able to have him or have anyone else like him because I’m only attractive enough to sleep with and will never be beautiful enough for my type of guys. And then I desperately want him back and I feel both shame/embarrassment for letting him treat me like an on-call hooker and also just pure grief and sadness and like life feels worthless and meaningless without him. hate my face and my personality. They both suck. My beautiful friends constantly have guys literally obsessed with them, or confessing their feelings, or guys that just never get over them and have true feelings for them. All I ever get is lust. I’m randomly approached by guys on the street, but my pretty friends usually aren’t cause they’re too pretty. Instead, they get guys that are truly interested in them and I get the ones that think I look easy for a hookup.

Anyway, I’m just so tired. I’m so exhausted. Im so bored with life. I wasn’t always like this. I used to be happier and i had goals and dreams and hobbies. I mean, even back then, i never had a guy truly interested in me and I never had a relationship. But I didn’t care back then so I was happier. Now I don’t feel that happy and nothing interests me or excites me, only dating a guy I really like excites me which makes me feel so male-centred I hate it. But also I’m too aware of my looks and I realize that a lot of the bad experiences I had in the past was because of my subpar looks. And that I’ll likely never get in a relationship unless I have an extremely amazing 10/10 personality to make up for my lack of looks. But I don’t. I am socially awkward and nerdy with a host of mental health issues that haven’t responded to any type of therapy or medications. So I’ll likely stay single and alone for the rest of my life while my mental health continues to deteriorate.

I have a Canadian passport but I was born in Afghanistan. I moved to Canada when I was 5 years old and haven’t been back there since, and I only hold a Canadian passport. But, since the US banned travellers from Afghanistan I’m worried I’ll have trouble at the border. I’m going to the US for only three days for a work trip and I really don’t want any kind of problems. I’m too afraid to even utter the word “work” for “work trip” because I’m afraid the second I say “work” they’ll get triggered and think I’m intended to work in the US and then demand I need a work visa. Anyway Idk I haven’t been to the US since before Trump so idek what it’s like at the border and how they’ll treat me. Also, I have foreign sounding last name but my first and middle name are technically “white” sounding names (technically my first name is also middle eastern but it’s still a very common white name), but my middle name is completely “white”. So I’m afraid that’ll raise suspicion because they’ll wonder why I have a white sounding name but was born in a non white country. Idk maybe I’m overthinking this but what was your border crossing experience if you have a Canadian passport but was born in a country that’s banned by the US?

Just curious! Share your experiences!

I am a new CRC at a private research facility, and right now I’m the lead/main coordinator for two different Major Depressive Disorder studies which I’m very happy about. Because I have a neuroscience degree, I am mostly experienced and interested in psychiatric/neurological studies. Just today though, I had to help my colleague, another CRC, with prescreening for her study. Her study is about cardiovascular disease and diabetes.

Anyway, as I’m going through the protocol and the inclusion/exclusion criteria, I am just so bored and not at all interested. Same thing goes for respiratory studies, or just another that’s not neuroscience or psychology related. Of course, I can still technically work on other types of studies, but I’m realizing I’d be miserable. I’m the type of person that just doesn’t do well with jobs/tasks I’m not interested in.

For now and at least until the next year or so, I will be working primarily on MDD, but I’m worried one day in the future my manager will put me on a study I have no interest in. Since I’m a new CRC, I have no idea how assigning studies to CRCs work. Could I ask my manager to only ever put me as the main coordinator for psychiatric or neurological studies, and not other types?

I love being a CRC and really thought this could be my permanent career, and I’d work hard and one day in the future work as a CRA. But I completely missed the fact that clinical research also includes other types of studies in fields I’m not interested in and I’ll either have to just force myself to deal with it or maybe focus on finding a career that is specifically psych/neuroscience related.

Most of the time, I don’t even get the typical physical symptoms of anxiety like racing heart and shaking, etc. Most of the time it’s just the thoughts in my head, and I don’t even know what they exactly are but it’s just like “something is wrong/something bad will happen” or I just start stressing about things have happened a long time ago so I’m used to it or things I’ve always had to deal with/isn’t something new. For example, I grew up with a single mom and in poverty. We never had money growing up and it was always a struggle. This is something I’ve deal with my entire life but then I start thinking about it and it stresses me out because i keep thinking about how its possible we could become homeless (even though it’s never happened we’ve always figured something out), or i start stressing about how i have and will have nothing in the future. While everyone else will inherit savings and property from their parents, i’ll have nothing at all and i wont be able to retire cause the economy is getting worse and will continue to get worse.

Anyway, if im not distracted I’ll go down a rabbit hole of all the things that have been wrong and are wrong in my life. And I begin to have an uneasy feeling. So I am constantly numbing out my brain by endlessly scrolling on social media. I don’t even do any of my hobbies like reading or painting or hiking because they aren’t distracting enough and my brain will begin to ruminate and I’ll just get an off feeling.

How do I stop distracting myself? Or better yet, how can I not feel anxiety when I’m not distracted? Why do I feel “off” or like something is just not right when I’m alone with my thoughts?

I will be filing for a bankruptcy. I know it’s different for everyone depending on income, but i’d still like to get a rough estimate. I live in BC, make $25 an hour, work about 37.5 hours per week, but the LIT I consulted with said my monthly payments would be $300 a month which is a lot of money I don’t know how I’d be able to afford it. I am single with no dependents so maybe that’s why, but it’s still quite high. Is that reasonable? Will different LITs give me different quotes?