u/Direct_Muffin9293

i had applied for masters abroad, got in a great uni in the states, did everything on my own, went through a a lot of stress, only to receive the offer and not even get a smile or even a mere congrats from my family.

mom did congratulate me and said nice things but as always my dad and sis didnt even say anything like not even a smile on their face, as this wasnt the number 1 uni of the world, i got so sad and disappointed.

In my previous (toxic) relationship, my ex used to lie to me a lot, hide things from me, and I later found out he used to mock/disrespect, me behind my back with friends too. After the breakup I realized many things he told me were false.

Now I’m in a healthy relationship with someone who is actually honest and caring. He includes me, introduces me to friends, reassures me, etc. But whenever he goes out with friends, I get feel angry, anxious, upset, or left out. I never want to feel such way and i always want him to be happy and have fun but i just cant stop feeling this way. I never truly understood why I reacted this way until yesterday.

I realized that maybe my brain now automatically associates “boyfriend with friends” with being mocked, disrespected, lied to, or made a fool of, even though I have no evidence that my current boyfriend is doing anything wrong. And i really dont want him to be pressured under the weight of my traumas

it’s been 2 years to our relationship and i never thought that i could get any trauma and be so deeply affected from my past relationship that would linger on for so long, is this normal?

In my previous (toxic) relationship, my ex used to lie to me a lot, hide things from me, and I later found out he used to mock/disrespect me behind my back with friends too. After the breakup I realized many things he told me were false.

Now I’m in a healthy relationship with someone who is actually honest and caring. He includes me, introduces me to friends, reassures me, etc. But whenever he goes out with friends, I get feel angry, anxious, upset, or left out. I never want to feel such way and i always want him to be happy and have fun but i just cant stop feeling this way. I never truly understood why I reacted this way until yesterday.

I realized that maybe my brain now automatically associates “boyfriend with friends” with being mocked, disrespected, lied to, or made a fool of, even though I have no evidence that my current boyfriend is doing anything wrong. And i really dont want him to be pressured under the weight of my traumas

it’s been 2 years to our relationship and i never thought that i could get any trauma and be so deeply affected from my past relationship that would linger on for so long, is this normal?

In my previous (toxic) relationship, my ex used to lie to me a lot, hide things from me, and I later found out he used to mock/disrespect me behind my back with friends too. After the breakup I realized many things he told me were false.

Now I’m in a healthy relationship with someone who is actually honest and caring. He includes me, introduces me to friends, reassures me, etc. But whenever he goes out with friends, I get feel angry, anxious, upset, or left out. I never want to feel such way and i always want him to be happy and have fun but i just cant stop feeling this way. I never truly understood why I reacted this way until yesterday.

I realized that maybe my brain now automatically associates “boyfriend with friends” with being mocked, disrespected, lied to, or made a fool of, even though I have no evidence that my current boyfriend is doing anything wrong. And i really dont want him to be pressured under the weight of my traumas

it’s been 2 years to our relationship and i never thought that i could get any trauma or get so deeply affected from my past relationship that would linger on for so long, is this normal?

for context i had a relationship that lasted for 3 years, a very toxic one. he used to lie to me, went out with girls without my knowledge, used to make fun of me behind my back with friends.

currently im in a relationship (21f, 23m) with a guy for around 2 years, pretty healthy and mature relationship. however whenever he does anything with his friends, going out, playing games, i get too upset and anxious, i never want to feel such way, i always want him to be happy and have fun. but this feeling of being upset shows on my face. and weve had fights as well. but my boyfriend never expresses anything, he never got upset or angry with me ever since the past 2 years.

until today we had an argument and eventually he said he somewhat feels pressured by all this, i realised that i feel such way because my brain thinks that he might be betraying me, talking shit about me or mocking me whenever he is with is friends just like my ex did even tho i have no proof of this. i just wish he wouldve expressed any of that in the beginning, he never got upset or sad or angry at me even once in 2 years , i feel if he told me how he felt instead of suppressing his feelings to avoid conflicts and emotional conversations , ive woudlve done something to make this better but now he’s just accumulated all of the pressure and feels a lot of burden.

he is already burdened under this weight of my trauma and i dont want him to feel such way because of me. he says he loves me a lot, and never wanted things to get messed up and cried about it a lil too but he says hes just unsure and doesnt know what to do. i understand him completely but i just wish for him to be more expressive about his feelings, even now he’s saying that there’s no fault of mine and he is the one who messed things up and is unsure

i feel like walking away from this as i dont want to put burden on him anymore just because I have unhealed trauma but this is just to tough knowing both of us love each other a lot

I (21F) recently realized that my previous relationship may have affected me more deeply than I thought. My ex used to lie a lot, hide things, disrespect me behind my back with friends, and after the breakup I found out many things he told me were not true. I think that completely damaged my ability to feel safe in relationships, even though I didn’t realize it at the time.

I’ve now been with my current boyfriend (23M) for 2 years. He’s actually a much gentler and more honest person, but recently we’ve been having issues because I get anxious whenever he goes out with friends, plays games with them, or now recently drank beer with them. He told me honestly himself, but it still triggered me badly.

The worst part is I know my reaction is not fully rational. I think when he’s with his friends, my brain immediately assumes they’re disrespecting girls, mocking me, talking badly about me, or that I’m being made a fool again somehow. Even if I have no evidence. all these things happened with my ex.

we had a lil fight and he said that he feels emotionally pressured sometimes because I get upset over these things, and honestly I understand his side too. He still includes me in things, calls me, shares things openly, etc., so I know he’s not behaving like my ex did. But my nervous system still reacts the same way.

also My boyfriend doesnt say anything, never expresses anything, never got upset or angry with me which i feel is something bad as i never get to know what is he feeling to do something about it. i feel if he expressed these things in the beginning, it wouldve been much better by now, i dont blame him, all this has happened because of me only i know, but not something i would want to do to him ever

i cant even think ill ever be able to get over this anxious feeling and i love him so much i really dont want to spoil his life and make him carry the weight of my traumas, im thinking it would be better to end the relationship. has anyone else been in such a situation and how did you deal with such a heartache of separating with the person you love the most?

TL;DR: My toxic past relationship left me with major trust/anxiety issues that are now affecting my current healthy relationship. My current boyfriend is honest and caring, but I get anxious whenever he goes out with friends or drinks because my brain assumes I’m being disrespected or lied to again. He says he feels emotionally pressured sometimes, and I understand his side too. I love him deeply but I’m scared my unresolved trauma and anxiety will eventually ruin the relationship, and I’m wondering if i should end things to protect his peace

i’ve had almost no real friends my whole life. a few people here and there, but never a best friend, never a close group, never sleepovers, hangouts, or the kind of friendships where you feel truly included.

i’ve always been kind and loyal to people, but i rarely got the same energy back. most days i’ve accepted it as just a part of my life, but some days it hurts a lot.

i wish i could experience simple things like laughing with friends, late night talks, random hangouts, or just having one real offline friend. it feels like i missed out on such a normal human experience. also im talking about real physical friendships.

and please, i’m not looking for advice on how to make friends. i just wanted to say this somewhere because sometimes the loneliness feels really heavy.

ive had no friends all my life, some years i had a few friends, but no bestfriend, no hangouts, no sleepovers , ablsolutely nothing. ive always been kind and sweet and loyal but i never received the same respect i dont know why. most days im okay with this but some days it just hits so hard. and please i dont need any knowledge on how to makr friends or anything, i do know it but ive just accepted this as a part of my life.

i actually dont even have a single friend and i wish to experience things like hangout, chilling anf laughing with friends, night stay, and i want real offline friends, which ive never received, i just dont know how to deal with this feeling, it feels miserable sometimes

my boyf says he’s 80 percent sure he wants to be with them. we got in a fight as im ready to leave my parents for him and he doesn’t reciprocate the same, i felt bad.

we’re young right now, but i wouldnt want to continue this if our lifestyle pattern after marriage doesnt align, he says abhi se kyu sochu shadi ke bare me abhi boht time hai. everyone in his family knows about me.

why do indian men want to be with their parents all their life, i mean even i love my parents i will still do everything for them after marriage but why are men like this?

what should i do how to deal with this

21F, 23M

I told my boyfriend that after marriage, I want only both of us to live our own house, and not move in with his parents. (In our culture, it’s very common for sons to continue living with their parents after marriage and for the wife to move into their house.)

He said he’s not expecting me to leave my parents and come live with his family, but he also said he has never seriously thought about this (leaving his parents) before and needs time.

The thing is, I feel like his mom puts a lot of emotional pressure on him. Even though I’ve only talked to her a few times, she constantly says things like “children should do a lot for their parents” and “parents should be known by their children’s names.” It has started feeling pressurizing even to me, so I wonder what effect it has had on him growing up. But whatever the reason be, I cannot compromise on this thing, i just cannot move in with his parents.

He says that even if I chose to live with his parents, I would get all the love, affection, freedom and princess treatment from them, which is not true at all, his mom has already taunted me slightly for not picking her call up immediately on my bday, even after i already apologised as i had guests over.

For me, this is a major compatibility issue and not something to “figure out later.”

I told my boyfriend that after marriage, I want only both of us to live our own house, and not move in with his parents. (In our culture, it’s very common for sons to continue living with their parents after marriage and for the wife to move into their house.)

He said he’s not expecting me to leave my parents and come live with his family, but he also said he has never seriously thought about this (leaving his parents) before and needs time.

The thing is, I feel like his mom puts a lot of emotional pressure on him. Even though I’ve only talked to her a few times, she constantly says things like “children should do a lot for their parents” and “parents should be known by their children’s names.” It has started feeling pressurizing even to me, so I wonder what effect it has had on him growing up. But whatever the reason be, I cannot compromise on this thing, i just cannot move in with his parents.

He says that even if I chose to live with his parents, I would get all the love, affection, freedom and princess treatment from them, which is not true at all, his mom has already taunted me slightly for not picking her call up immediately on my bday, even after i already apologised as i had guests over.

For me, this is a major compatibility issue and not something to “figure out later.”

I told my boyfriend that after marriage, I want only both of us to live our own house, and not move in with his parents. (In our culture, it’s very common for sons to continue living with their parents after marriage and for the wife to move into their house.)

He said he’s not expecting me to leave my parents and come live with his family, but he also said he has never seriously thought about this (leaving his parents) before and needs time.

The thing is, I feel like his mom puts a lot of emotional pressure on him. Even though I’ve only talked to her a few times, she constantly says things like “children should do a lot for their parents” and “parents should be known by their children’s names.” It has started feeling pressurizing even to me, so I wonder what effect it has had on him growing up. But whatever the reason be, I cannot compromise on this thing, i just cannot move in with his parents.

He says that even if I chose to live with his parents, I would get all the love, affection, freedom and princess treatment from them, which is not true at all, his mom has already taunted me slightly for not picking her call up immediately on my immediately, even after i already apologised as i had guests over.

For me, this is a major compatibility issue and not something to “figure out later.”

How do I make him understand that I need clarity about this now and that this is not a small thing for me?

TL;DR: I told my boyfriend I want us to live separately after marriage instead of with his parents. He says he needs time to think because he never considered this before, but for me this is a major compatibility issue and I need clarity now, not years later.

I told my boyfriend that after marriage, I want only both of us to live our own house, and not move in with his parents. (In our culture, it’s very common for sons to continue living with their parents after marriage and for the wife to move into their house.)

He said he’s not expecting me to leave my parents and come live with his family, but he also said he has never seriously thought about this (leaving his parents) before and needs time.

The thing is, I feel like his mom puts a lot of emotional pressure on him. Even though I’ve only talked to her a few times, she constantly says things like “children should do a lot for their parents” and “parents should be known by their children’s names.” It has started feeling pressurizing even to me, so I wonder what effect it has had on him growing up. But whatever the reason be, I cannot compromise on this thing, i just cannot move in with his parents.

He says that even if I chose to live with his parents, I would get all the love, affection, freedom and princess treatment from them, which is not true at all, his mom has already taunted me slightly for not picking her call up immediately on my immediately, even after i already apologised as i had guests over.

For me, this is a major compatibility issue and not something to “figure out later.” I don’t want us getting more emotionally invested only to later realize we want completely different lifestyles after marriage.

How do I make him understand that I need clarity about this now and that this is not a small thing for me?

I told my boyfriend that after marriage I’d prefer living separately. He said he needs time to think because he never imagined living away from his parents. He also said he’s not forcing me or expecting me to leave my family for his, but he says that if i chose to live with his parents, they will always love me a lot and do everything for me, treat me like a princess, which i dont agree to at all. and i told him that ill only marry if we have a separate house to live in

But honestly, I feel like his mom puts a lot of emotional pressure on him. Whenever I talk to her, she keeps saying things like “bachon ko maa baap ke liye bohot karna chahiye,” “maa baap bachon ke naam se pehchane jaane chahiye,” etc. We’ve barely talked 6-7 times in 2 years, but these topics always come up.

At first I ignored it, but after hearing it so many times, it started feeling weirdly pressurizing even to me, and I’m not even their child 😭 So now I keep wondering what effect this has had on him growing up. It feels like he genuinely believes he has to dedicate his whole life to serving them and setting an example as a son.

Recently on her birthday, she also taunted me twice for not picking up her calls immediately on my birthday two months ago, even though I had already apologized back then and called her back multiple times.

Now I’m confused whether I’m overthinking all this or if these are actual signs that living together later could become emotionally difficult.

my boyfriend’s mom called me on bday to wish me, but i was kinda sad at that time because of somethign, so i didnt pick up the call as i thought i wouldnt be able to talk properly, she called 2 times more. after 1-2 hours i called her back, 2-3 times, she didnt pick but then eventually when she picked up the call, i even said sorry that i courlnt pick ip that time as i haf some guests over and was busy with them. it genuinely didnt feel like a big deal at that time

Now fast forward to her birthday. I called her in the morning to wish her and she picked up immediately. Then she said something like:

“Dekha maine to ek hi baar mein phone utha liya tha. But jab maine D ko phone kiya tha usne kitni baar mein uthaya.”

(D is me.)

and i didnt know what to do or say but i just said sorry again and the explanation that i had guests over.

And idk, it just felt weird to me because why bring up such a tiny thing from two months ago, especially when I had already apologized back then?

The thing is, before this I genuinely used to think she was SO sweet and different from the typical Indian saasu mom stereotype. But after this comment I started wondering if she actually has that subtle taunting/passive-aggressive tone underneath.

Am I overthinking this or was that actually a little unnecessary?

i love burritos, need some good suggestions

(all this has happened over call/text)

Whenever I get upset or start crying, my boyfriend just repeats things like “I’m sorry” and “please don’t cry.” And that’s… basically it. If I ask him ki sorry ke alawa kuch nhi bolna tujhe when im crying so much, he says he doesn’t know what to say.

The problem is, it doesn’t make me feel comforted at all. It actually makes me feel more alone, like he’s not really with me in that moment. if i try to hang up he says dont go pls stay here dont cry alone but i just feel frustrated because hes not even doing anything, also he says mai karta hu terse ache se baat but ladai me muje nhi samaj aata kya karu

I’ve tried telling him that I need more than just “sorry.” I want understanding, something deep, that feels like it’s coming from his heart. But instead, he either says very generic things or tries to change the topic, like sending random reels or try to make me laugh or distracting me.

I don’t think he’s a bad person. I think he just genuinely doesn’t know how to handle emotions. But I don’t know if it’s fair that I keep feeling this way.