tw// implied sa, corrective sa
This is more like something im wondering, no clue if its true. But since theres this societal, very harmful stereotype that asexual people can be fixed, does that mean that theyre are people who wanna "fix" asexuals like Chasers? Horrible but my faith in humanity as a trans person is so low, i could imagine it being a thing.
Ich sehe das immer wieder mal und leute hier sind viel zu nett oder unwissend. ich gebe mal ein beispielpost:
Wie zeige ich das ich ein safe space bin zum Daten von (insert Group of Transpeople)
Ich Cisperson möchte Trans personen auf Dating apps zeigen das ich sie ranlassen würde falls ihr versteht das ich meine... Ich bin ein ALLY. (mansplaining von Ally)Dieses Thema ist so wichtig für mich weil ich so oft Trans personen habe die ein Stück von meinem Johannes haben wollen und ich kann ja nicht nein sagen? So als ALLY. es passiert so OFT ihr glaubt es garnicht. In Real life und in echt. Obwohl ich in einer Kleinstadt wohne finden mich zufällig alle Transgenderinas. Es ist nur zufall das alle meine alten Partner trans waren... Es wäre ja so schwer für diese zu verstehen, ohne das ich ICH LIEBE TRANSSEXUELLE in meiner tinder bio hätte. Gibt mir bitte Validation das ich kein schlechter Mensch bin oder Tipps & Tricks um besser meine natürliche Anziehung zu "Stereotyp von Transperson" zu verdecken unter dem Mantel von Aktivismus und wusstet ihr schon was ich für ein guter Mensch bin?
ich hoffe der Text bringt rüber wo das Problem liegt. Hört auf euer Bauchgefühl und fragt euch was für Hilfe ihr gerade an wem gibt.
I was wondering if there are any good books (besides the lesbian masterdoc) that shine a light on comphet through a therapeutical or trauma based lense, for more complex cases
About Adult grooming. Well im 24 and someone off of my local trans messaging group messaged me after i asked for kink events in the city. my impression from the group is that its not dingy, more like a 700 people group where people share questions and events going on. This person was also in my Reading Club that recently made. Usually i would add people without profiles bc other Clubs would do that as well. anyways, im gonna call her Ally. She sometimes wrote in my Group but didnt have time to come to the Reading club. Shes also an performance artist, and seemed normal. Honestly i didnt expect her to be 33, but that came out later.
She was sad that she couldnt come last time, so i offered to make the date next time oriented by her, she said she has to look out for it. When i later asked for local kink groups i had a message from her. She told me theres barely anything kink-wise in the city besides the place she was going to, and told me about the annoying leader etcetera. she also said:"The only way is to independently find a play partner...", said 10 mins into texting. wasnt sure if she was trying to imply anything, so i ignored it. but three days later, she asked me to get to know eachother with a drink(:3). And i was like, hell yeah, even tho i didnt know what she looked like, because she was also texting frequently in the trans group, so to speak, a real person. Also i cant lie i was wishing for something interesting in my life to happen, so i thought yeah, lets meet. she wanted to meet that night. while texting, i felt like i had a question, so i asked: whats your age.
She was 33, i am 24. My phone died and she panicked, asking me if the age gap was bad. Deep down, hell yeah it was. I am simply not interested in older people, and i felt very uncomfortable. i mean i didnt even know how smart it was to meet up with a stranger at 10 am.
I felt uncomfortable, so i said we should meet in the day instead, bc i felt pressure bc she was in my reading club. But i could keep it short there. Meet up, hear about her performance art etcetera. Jumping to the date, at first i think she thought i was a girl, bc we were talking about how much some accents are ass, which i agreed with, but she said "girls with that accents are okay tho". Later she asked me for my Pronouns, and i said he/him. Nothing really said, so i wasnt sure she meant me. Anyways: she did a couple of thinks there
- She asked me about my kinks, bc she brought the topic up and when i said i was more dominant it felt like she switched up by saying she was a verse.
- Invited me into a trans gay sauna. i said no, not yet, then asked me again.
- On the topic of chasers, she said she gets called one bc her type is transmascs?😭 And people "are too fast to label people, just bc thats their type"
-invited me to her artist collective, and my dumb ass said yes, while i just wanted to get it over with
- also probably insinuated if i wanna go move into a flatshare with her, cause i mentions i dont like my part of the city, and she asked "do you thinka bout flatshares?"
-said she was poly, and searching for new people, talking about dating apps.
She generally was i guess the pushy type? and i cant lie i couldnt just be my normal self. she also told me i must have audhd, like her😭
I honestly was just going through alot, and i felt bad for saying no, but now im kinda seeing some weird things, she wanted to meet every other three days since, tells me how much it regulates her anxiety to see me? and i dotn fucking know how to get out of this mess.
She got me by criticizing my local queer scene, which made me feel seen, also i felt like i couldnt confirm that she was talking about me. She was also very activist like, going to all of these protests, so i trusted her in the moment but, my devise is why the fuck does it beed to be someone ten years younger, early in their transition? Shes also telling me some weird stuff about what would suit me or that my hair looks mushroomy, which lowkey made me insecure but it was so stupid, so i fifnt take it seriously.
Shes actually pretty known in the scene and was the first person to introduce me into my citys queer scene, but my gut feeling is like hell nah.
mentally i feel chained, like i know i need to end this before it gets bad, but i dont know what to tell her without causing problems. i feel guilty as hell bc i dont wanna cause harm to a trans girl, and she told me she went through stuff like that but isnt this all weird as hell? i also feel bad for considering kicking her out of my reading group but i dont want her there.
What should i do?
Hi! Im not gonna say my name here but i have had an idea: i want to make a openly accessible, downloadable paper for the screening process when talking to a person, in regards to them being a chaser or not.
I wanna masterlist all red flags in regards of chasers for transmascs, also add tactics that are used and just generally document what is out there. of course i have gotten my own experiences, but i would like to hear other peoples experiences on here. if you have red flags, that youre aware of for either the obvious chaser or general knowledge to pass down to me, dm me on this account. i will source it and write it into the document.
nowadays chasers are adapting and have their own little creative ways to deceive you, and also have been seen in t4t spaces. some want to detransition you, some want you to be inbetween, some are just there for the moment and some want to groom you into a boundary-free relationship. being completely sure is something you can never be as long as you havent met the person in person, or known them for long. but the red flags are endless, so to have an overview, and a screening progress, being safe might become easier. if you feel comfortable, you can also add personal stories and i will see if i can spot red flags myself.
it will be in english.
Thank you for listening
honestly im just wanna hear some i havent yet. the ones which are hidden gems‼️. be so kind to a balding fat guy with a love for music and drop some recommendations
God i remember my ex. he was like:" Other people you let do whatever you want, why not me?"
Or when i had two shitty friends who both body shamed me as a joke and i told one of them to stop and that *** said:"You let her talk to you like that, so why not me?"
Anyone else had this before?😭
Hey hat hier jemand ne ahnung wie sich so verschiedene Verhütungsmittel mit Testo nehmen auswirken? Pflaster, Spirale, Generell Pille danach.
You know when the song is like more of an optimistic tune as if youre seeing the morning sun rising. as an example Dire Dire Rocks from Jaques Rocque. i guess its more screamo but you get the vibe when youre listening to the song. please spare me some recommendations. tldr/ please optimistic sounding midwest emo songs
Hey so i would like to meet fellow creative, caring, friendly, empathetic individuals who are my age (23-27). Im socially conscious and vegan, so i prefer someone who is leftist (161) and also atleast vegetarian. im from hamburg and queer.
for hobbies im like currently into writing poetry and illustrating stuff. i can talk about music for hours and have an affinity for dressing up more alternative. im forced to keep my natural haircolor but im itching to color it again. i also would say im very optimistic and like people who are gentle. im extroverted and would be open to talk or go hiking:) currently im about to embark on a Ausbildung for game design (its on the rocks, but pretty sure thats whats gonna happen).
tw// toxic relationships
recently read that theres some bad apples you might meet when youre t4t that "know how dysphoria works, which is a way they manipulate you". honestly when i heard about it i was so fascinated with it, because its so horrifying & cruel. im wondering how that would look like? honestly i can see how that even happen to me once. i was talking to a girl and she always told me my voice will be better asap im on t. i did get insecure. it was shortlived, of course. but i really wanna know how they do it so i can save myself this mess.
tw// toxic relationships
recently read that theres some bad apples you might meet when youre t4t that "know how dysphoria works, which is a way they manipulate you". honestly when i heard about it i was so fascinated with it, because its so horrifying & cruel. im wondering how that would look like? honestly i can see how that even happen to me once. i was talking to a girl and she always told me my voice will be better asap im on t. i did get insecure. it was shortlived, of course. but i really wanna know how they do it so i can save myself this mess.
Im trying to plan my exit from a very bad friend currently and i need courage to make it through with my decision to end it. i really need to hear what happened when your abusers saw that you ended the relationship. would you be so kind?
I keep seeing people who say they met their spouse on a dating app and are married for a long time each time someone criticizes for an app, example hinge, tinder, bumble even fucking grindr.
im sorry but if youve ever found someone to date on there who was at least a bit normal, you hit the lottery. in my opinion if you date men, you should be aware of how lots of them think regarding dating apps. literally searching for vulnerable people to hook up with.
that brings me to the conclusion: do not date for romance on dating apps, ffs. atleast as long youre thinking clearly.
other question: are there apps to have actual safe hookups with? apps that actively monitor its user base and have a good reputation?
aus gründen ist das bei mir eine option gerade die ich mir überlegen muss. fragt mich nicht wieso. soll ich das im letzten monat mit immer kleineren dosen "ausschleichen", oder ist das egal? ich hab gute normale werte (pre t)
i dont need drugs i just depersonalize
Okay im using Chasers in this context as less someone who fetishizes you sexually, more in a being friends/dating you for social capital. Im newer to the community but i keep seeing these situations. Theres an amount of progressive Cis people, men or women, who want to be in proximity to transmascs/ trans men to be backed up if they come under fire.
as an example lots of radfems/terfs/swerfs are like "trans men are better men than men." And just generally project a new age stereotype of the smol uwu bean onto unexpecting transmascs, and if you dont know better, you might even feel safe around them. Those people masquerade their transphobia under the guise of feminism. may even demonize you for having hair, being bigger-boned, or speaking up. or just straight up engage in gender affirming sexual harassment by commenting or sexualizing certain androgynous characteristics.
generally they see you as a subgroup instead of actual men, or if you get close to achieving cis ideals, they resent you. but they will stay close friends with trans people in our community so you cant say anything. Also they turn around and fight tooth and nail against transfems and trans women.
hell ive seen this in queer circles as well. i went to a local queer bar who had a sticker listing different quirky trans people groups like "slayqueen trans women" and "hot butches" and then "submissive tboys". i mean i know that submissive tboys exist but well could be taken the wrong way, kind of a pseudo progressive view? later on i got misgendered by someone who was sitting next to an organizer. so to hell with me i guess?
also ive seen that with a couple of cis women who date trans men and make couple content. it always focuses on the guy being trans. "Get ready with me while im on a date with my TRANS boyfriend with a VAGINA." the worst thing is that i see these women dating very progressive trans creators who are actually siding leftist and even get into heat for unpopular opinions that are so leftist it gets them dogpiled.
i dont know why its so normal for people to do that to us. Maybe because were so invisible that our guards are rather superficial?
i would maybe classify this thing as performative allyship with trans men/ trans mascs. stay focused and look up if your friend actually sees you as what you are.