u/Fantastic-Season8640

What do I do?

Mind you, not a single tarot / astrological / psychic forecast I have ever read has come true, never. I wanna keep believing in magic but it’s hard to do when nothing ever comes true. I’ve been promised love, good karma, revenge on those who wronged me, success, health, abundance etc. so many times, and nothing. I am loosing faith. And yet when (in the past) I have given my charts and my BaZi and other things to different AIs, I was told my charts or the fact that I was born under the first solar eclipse of the 21st century made me special.

I am hoping somebody here would be able to give me advice. Offer any words of wisdom. The last 10 years of my life have been filled with on and off depression and desires to die, even during supposedly good periods. Haven’t had a truly good periods since 2021-2022. 10 years ago I got diplopia that doctors still can’t figure out. I can’t see without ridiculously heavy and thick glasses, it is the worst. I was 14, and due to being harassed at school, and all the shit that was happening at home, parents fighting, me becoming my mothers emotional help, therapist, punching bad and more, etc. I got severely depressed and stressed, and my vision began to double. I have been her emotional-crap carrier (especially when it comes to her horrible relationship with my father) ever since, not to mention all the endless emotional and mental abuse I had to face from both my “loving” parents.

In 2021, I was in my second year of university, and I was about to begin my 3d year of studies, but I had to quit uni and come back home because my father was fired. As I found out later, they fired him for stealing big sums from the company that was feeding him and his family. This man has had the audacity to call me ungrateful and a piece of shit after I couldn’t even finish my education because of what he did.

I’ve been stuck here, living with my parents ever since. In the last 5 years, I have had to face extreme loneliness, betrayal, lies, gossip, heartbreak, best friends ghosting my existence like I don’t matter, other best friends ending up horrible people to the point where I had to break up with them (my best friend in the whole wide world ended up being a cruel zionist who makes jokes about kids being bom*ed), guys never being interested in me unless they were creepy fuckboys (I have been single for 10 years), my health worsened, my diplopia, I got kyphosis, I’ve switched so many jobs and have been broke countless times, or whenever I had money I couldn’t enjoy it because I was working myself till exhaustion, my mental health took a new plummet down into hell, my ADHD and depression are the worst they’ve ever been.

This April I was fired (they told me to sign the resignation letter) from my job after I got diagnosed with neurosis, apparently they couldn’t let me just work from home, so they told me to quit, even though I did the work of at least 3 people for them, while getting payed for the work of one. For the last 2 years I’ve been looking for a job in London, wanting so truly to move there, seeing signs and even having a BaZi AI tell me London is perfect for me, for countless reasons, but in February-march, I stopped applying for jobs and gave up because I got tired of hearing negative shit from my mother (anything negative she’s ever said about me always manifested, even if it wasn’t true), she kept on telling me how I am wearing rose coloured glasses and how I’ll never find s job in London because it’s unrealistic.

For the last year and a half I’ve been studying Italian in order to get into a university in Italy for free (you can study for free if you know the language), not because I initially wanted to, but because mother made me study it, since its the “only realistic way” out of our country. So, my focus shifted from London, to Italy. I recently took my exam and I freaked out so bad during it that I forgot everything I knew and probably flunked it. I’m still waiting for results. I am terrified.

I recently turned 25. To recap?
No close real friends nearby, the only real ones I have all live overseas now, and everyone is too tired to text. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had stress-free or guilt-free fun
No romance or love in my life, I literally don’t remember what it feels like to be loved, kissed, held, to cry on a guys shoulder, its been 10 fucking years of bad luck and unreturned love and sheer nothingness
No job and about 2 dollars on my card. I have a small business which could be profitable but I don’t even work on it because I fell so behind my initial 2026 plans that it’s freaking me out and I avoid it due to guilt and panic.
No bedroom of my own, I have been sleeping on a 12 year old couch all these years that I’ve been stuck here
Not even normal eyesight or healthy posture, and I’m too tired and lazy to do anything about it, I am exhausted. I have to wear 18-prism glasses and my optometrists expects me to have the discipline to stare at dots on a wall for 25 minutes every day because it *might* help me a little bit. I have a bump on my neck which I can’t get rid of cause I cannot afford physio therapy.
No degree to my name.
My burnout has turned into full blown laziness and avoidance and I avoid both working on my small business, working out, reading, looking for a job, answering messages from people and much more. I avoid all of life and then hate myself for it, and then continue avoiding it.
I have no motivation to live whatsoever, on my worst days the only thing that stops me from killing myself is the thought of not wanting to traumatise my little sister, whom I love so so much, I would never want to her hurt and so I stay here, for her.

And mind you, what I shared here is just the tip of the iceberg I managed to type out without loosing my cool due to the memories. I would be so upset about how shitty my life is if the world was in a better place, but it’s not. War, genocide, the planet is literally burning, plants and animals dying everyday and going extinct, human trafficking, PDFiles everywhere, the world is in a disgusting condition. Opening the news literally makes it feel like we’re all doomed.

What the fuck do I do? Because I have tried everything, astrology, magic, spells, rituals, manifesting and then fully detaching from what I want, playing as if, writing letters to my future self etc. I have no hope left. Is there anything good that’s coming in my life? Anything? Love hopefully? Or. Job where I am not abused and overworked? Anything that would give me joy or hope or would feed my soul? Will I make it to Italy this year? Or London? Because according to all western astrology and BaZi experts, I should’ve had my dreams come true at least 3 years ago, every year since then, with every fucking year and transit my sign / placements are promised the best of things and all I get is shit, shit and more shit. Anytime something good happens, it falls apart very quickly after. I am tired. Please tell me something good is coming.

What do I do?

Mind you, not a single tarot / astrological / psychic forecast I have ever read has come true, never. I wanna keep believing in magic but it’s hard to do when nothing ever comes true. I’ve been promised love, good karma, revenge on those who wronged me, success, health, abundance etc. so many times, and nothing. I am loosing faith. And yet when (in the past) I have given my charts and my BaZi and other things to different AIs, I was told my charts or the fact that I was born under the first solar eclipse of the 21st century made me special.

I am hoping somebody here would be able to give me advice. Offer any words of wisdom. The last 10 years of my life have been filled with on and off depression and desires to die, even during supposedly good periods. Haven’t had a truly good periods since 2021-2022. 10 years ago I got diplopia that doctors still can’t figure out. I can’t see without ridiculously heavy and thick glasses, it is the worst. I was 14, and due to being harassed at school, and all the shit that was happening at home, parents fighting, me becoming my mothers emotional help, therapist, punching bad and more, etc. I got severely depressed and stressed, and my vision began to double. I have been her emotional-crap carrier (especially when it comes to her horrible relationship with my father) ever since, not to mention all the endless emotional and mental abuse I had to face from both my “loving” parents.

In 2021, I was in my second year of university, and I was about to begin my 3d year of studies, but I had to quit uni and come back home because my father was fired. As I found out later, they fired him for stealing big sums from the company that was feeding him and his family. This man has had the audacity to call me ungrateful and a piece of shit after I couldn’t even finish my education because of what he did.

I’ve been stuck here, living with my parents ever since. In the last 5 years, I have had to face extreme loneliness, betrayal, lies, gossip, heartbreak, best friends ghosting my existence like I don’t matter, other best friends ending up horrible people to the point where I had to break up with them (my best friend in the whole wide world ended up being a cruel zionist who makes jokes about kids being bom*ed), guys never being interested in me unless they were creepy fuckboys (I have been single for 10 years), my health worsened, my diplopia, I got kyphosis, I’ve switched so many jobs and have been broke countless times, or whenever I had money I couldn’t enjoy it because I was working myself till exhaustion, my mental health took a new plummet down into hell, my ADHD and depression are the worst they’ve ever been.

This April I was fired (they told me to sign the resignation letter) from my job after I got diagnosed with neurosis, apparently they couldn’t let me just work from home, so they told me to quit, even though I did the work of at least 3 people for them, while getting payed for the work of one. For the last 2 years I’ve been looking for a job in London, wanting so truly to move there, seeing signs and even having a BaZi AI tell me London is perfect for me, for countless reasons, but in February-march, I stopped applying for jobs and gave up because I got tired of hearing negative shit from my mother (anything negative she’s ever said about me always manifested, even if it wasn’t true), she kept on telling me how I am wearing rose coloured glasses and how I’ll never find s job in London because it’s unrealistic.

For the last year and a half I’ve been studying Italian in order to get into a university in Italy for free (you can study for free if you know the language), not because I initially wanted to, but because mother made me study it, since its the “only realistic way” out of our country. So, my focus shifted from London, to Italy. I recently took my exam and I freaked out so bad during it that I forgot everything I knew and probably flunked it. I’m still waiting for results. I am terrified.

I recently turned 25. To recap?
No close real friends nearby, the only real ones I have all live overseas now, and everyone is too tired to text. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had stress-free or guilt-free fun
No romance or love in my life, I literally don’t remember what it feels like to be loved, kissed, held, to cry on a guys shoulder, its been 10 fucking years of bad luck and unreturned love and sheer nothingness
No job and about 2 dollars on my card. I have a small business which could be profitable but I don’t even work on it because I fell so behind my initial 2026 plans that it’s freaking me out and I avoid it due to guilt and panic.
No bedroom of my own, I have been sleeping on a 12 year old couch all these years that I’ve been stuck here
Not even normal eyesight or healthy posture, and I’m too tired and lazy to do anything about it, I am exhausted. I have to wear 18-prism glasses and my optometrists expects me to have the discipline to stare at dots on a wall for 25 minutes every day because it *might* help me a little bit. I have a bump on my neck which I can’t get rid of cause I cannot afford physio therapy.
No degree to my name.
My burnout has turned into full blown laziness and avoidance and I avoid both working on my small business, working out, reading, looking for a job, answering messages from people and much more. I avoid all of life and then hate myself for it, and then continue avoiding it.
I have no motivation to live whatsoever, on my worst days the only thing that stops me from killing myself is the thought of not wanting to traumatise my little sister, whom I love so so much, I would never want to her hurt and so I stay here, for her.

And mind you, what I shared here is just the tip of the iceberg I managed to type out without loosing my cool due to the memories. I would be so upset about how shitty my life is if the world was in a better place, but it’s not. War, genocide, the planet is literally burning, plants and animals dying everyday and going extinct, human trafficking, PDFiles everywhere, the world is in a disgusting condition. Opening the news literally makes it feel like we’re all doomed.

What the fuck do I do? Because I have tried everything, astrology, magic, spells, rituals, manifesting and then fully detaching from what I want, playing as if, writing letters to my future self etc. I have no hope left. Is there anything good that’s coming in my life? Anything? Love hopefully? Or. Job where I am not abused and overworked? Anything that would give me joy or hope or would feed my soul? Will I make it to Italy this year? Or London? Because according to all western astrology and BaZi experts, I should’ve had my dreams come true at least 3 years ago, every year since then, with every fucking year and transit my sign / placements are promised the best of things and all I get is shit, shit and more shit. Anytime something good happens, it falls apart very quickly after. I am tired. Please tell me something good is coming.

What do I do?

Mind you, not a single tarot / astrological / psychic forecast I have ever read has come true, never. I wanna keep believing in magic but it’s hard to do when nothing ever comes true. I’ve been promised love, good karma, revenge on those who wronged me, success, health, abundance etc. so many times, and nothing. I am loosing faith. And yet when (in the past) I have given my charts and my BaZi and other things to different AIs, I was told my charts or the fact that I was born under the first solar eclipse of the 21st century made me special.

I am hoping somebody here would be able to give me advice. Offer any words of wisdom. The last 10 years of my life have been filled with on and off depression and desires to die, even during supposedly good periods. Haven’t had a truly good periods since 2021-2022. 10 years ago I got diplopia that doctors still can’t figure out. I can’t see without ridiculously heavy and thick glasses, it is the worst. I was 14, and due to being harassed at school, and all the shit that was happening at home, parents fighting, me becoming my mothers emotional help, therapist, punching bad and more, etc. I got severely depressed and stressed, and my vision began to double. I have been her emotional-crap carrier (especially when it comes to her horrible relationship with my father) ever since, not to mention all the endless emotional and mental abuse I had to face from both my “loving” parents.

In 2021, I was in my second year of university, and I was about to begin my 3d year of studies, but I had to quit uni and come back home because my father was fired. As I found out later, they fired him for stealing big sums from the company that was feeding him and his family. This man has had the audacity to call me ungrateful and a piece of shit after I couldn’t even finish my education because of what he did.

I’ve been stuck here, living with my parents ever since. In the last 5 years, I have had to face extreme loneliness, betrayal, lies, gossip, heartbreak, best friends ghosting my existence like I don’t matter, other best friends ending up horrible people to the point where I had to break up with them (my best friend in the whole wide world ended up being a cruel zionist who makes jokes about kids being bom*ed), guys never being interested in me unless they were creepy fuckboys (I have been single for 10 years), my health worsened, my diplopia, I got kyphosis, I’ve switched so many jobs and have been broke countless times, or whenever I had money I couldn’t enjoy it because I was working myself till exhaustion, my mental health took a new plummet down into hell, my ADHD and depression are the worst they’ve ever been.

This April I was fired (they told me to sign the resignation letter) from my job after I got diagnosed with neurosis, apparently they couldn’t let me just work from home, so they told me to quit, even though I did the work of at least 3 people for them, while getting payed for the work of one. For the last 2 years I’ve been looking for a job in London, wanting so truly to move there, seeing signs and even having a BaZi AI tell me London is perfect for me, for countless reasons, but in February-march, I stopped applying for jobs and gave up because I got tired of hearing negative shit from my mother (anything negative she’s ever said about me always manifested, even if it wasn’t true), she kept on telling me how I am wearing rose coloured glasses and how I’ll never find s job in London because it’s unrealistic.

For the last year and a half I’ve been studying Italian in order to get into a university in Italy for free (you can study for free if you know the language), not because I initially wanted to, but because mother made me study it, since its the “only realistic way” out of our country. So, my focus shifted from London, to Italy. I recently took my exam and I freaked out so bad during it that I forgot everything I knew and probably flunked it. I’m still waiting for results. I am terrified.

I recently turned 25. To recap?
No close real friends nearby, the only real ones I have all live overseas now, and everyone is too tired to text. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had stress-free or guilt-free fun
No romance or love in my life, I literally don’t remember what it feels like to be loved, kissed, held, to cry on a guys shoulder, its been 10 fucking years of bad luck and unreturned love and sheer nothingness
No job and about 2 dollars on my card. I have a small business which could be profitable but I don’t even work on it because I fell so behind my initial 2026 plans that it’s freaking me out and I avoid it due to guilt and panic.
No bedroom of my own, I have been sleeping on a 12 year old couch all these years that I’ve been stuck here
Not even normal eyesight or healthy posture, and I’m too tired and lazy to do anything about it, I am exhausted. I have to wear 18-prism glasses and my optometrists expects me to have the discipline to stare at dots on a wall for 25 minutes every day because it *might* help me a little bit. I have a bump on my neck which I can’t get rid of cause I cannot afford physio therapy.
No degree to my name.
My burnout has turned into full blown laziness and avoidance and I avoid both working on my small business, working out, reading, looking for a job, answering messages from people and much more. I avoid all of life and then hate myself for it, and then continue avoiding it.
I have no motivation to live whatsoever, on my worst days the only thing that stops me from killing myself is the thought of not wanting to traumatise my little sister, whom I love so so much, I would never want to her hurt and so I stay here, for her.

And mind you, what I shared here is just the tip of the iceberg I managed to type out without loosing my cool due to the memories. I would be so upset about how shitty my life is if the world was in a better place, but it’s not. War, genocide, the planet is literally burning, plants and animals dying everyday and going extinct, human trafficking, PDFiles everywhere, the world is in a disgusting condition. Opening the news literally makes it feel like we’re all doomed.

What the fuck do I do? Because I have tried everything, astrology, magic, spells, rituals, manifesting and then fully detaching from what I want, playing as if, writing letters to my future self etc. I have no hope left. Is there anything good that’s coming in my life? Anything? Love hopefully? Or. Job where I am not abused and overworked? Anything that would give me joy or hope or would feed my soul? Will I make it to Italy this year? Or London? Because according to all western astrology and BaZi experts, I should’ve had my dreams come true at least 3 years ago, every year since then, with every fucking year and transit my sign / placements are promised the best of things and all I get is shit, shit and more shit. Anytime something good happens, it falls apart very quickly after. I am tired. Please tell me something good is coming.

What do I do?

Mind you, not a single tarot / astrological / psychic forecast I have ever read has come true, never. I wanna keep believing in magic but it’s hard to do when nothing ever comes true. I’ve been promised love, good karma, revenge on those who wronged me, success, health, abundance etc. so many times, and nothing. I am loosing faith. And yet when (in the past) I have given my charts and my BaZi and other things to different AIs, I was told my charts or the fact that I was born under the first solar eclipse of the 21st century made me special.

I am hoping somebody here would be able to give me advice. Offer any words of wisdom. The last 10 years of my life have been filled with on and off depression and desires to die, even during supposedly good periods. Haven’t had a truly good periods since 2021-2022. 10 years ago I got diplopia that doctors still can’t figure out. I can’t see without ridiculously heavy and thick glasses, it is the worst. I was 14, and due to being harassed at school, and all the shit that was happening at home, parents fighting, me becoming my mothers emotional help, therapist, punching bad and more, etc. I got severely depressed and stressed, and my vision began to double. I have been her emotional-crap carrier (especially when it comes to her horrible relationship with my father) ever since, not to mention all the endless emotional and mental abuse I had to face from both my “loving” parents.

In 2021, I was in my second year of university, and I was about to begin my 3d year of studies, but I had to quit uni and come back home because my father was fired. As I found out later, they fired him for stealing big sums from the company that was feeding him and his family. This man has had the audacity to call me ungrateful and a piece of shit after I couldn’t even finish my education because of what he did.

I’ve been stuck here, living with my parents ever since. In the last 5 years, I have had to face extreme loneliness, betrayal, lies, gossip, heartbreak, best friends ghosting my existence like I don’t matter, other best friends ending up horrible people to the point where I had to break up with them (my best friend in the whole wide world ended up being a cruel zionist who makes jokes about kids being bom*ed), guys never being interested in me unless they were creepy fuckboys (I have been single for 10 years), my health worsened, my diplopia, I got kyphosis, I’ve switched so many jobs and have been broke countless times, or whenever I had money I couldn’t enjoy it because I was working myself till exhaustion, my mental health took a new plummet down into hell, my ADHD and depression are the worst they’ve ever been.

This April I was fired (they told me to sign the resignation letter) from my job after I got diagnosed with neurosis, apparently they couldn’t let me just work from home, so they told me to quit, even though I did the work of at least 3 people for them, while getting payed for the work of one. For the last 2 years I’ve been looking for a job in London, wanting so truly to move there, seeing signs and even having a BaZi AI tell me London is perfect for me, for countless reasons, but in February-march, I stopped applying for jobs and gave up because I got tired of hearing negative shit from my mother (anything negative she’s ever said about me always manifested, even if it wasn’t true), she kept on telling me how I am wearing rose coloured glasses and how I’ll never find s job in London because it’s unrealistic.

For the last year and a half I’ve been studying Italian in order to get into a university in Italy for free (you can study for free if you know the language), not because I initially wanted to, but because mother made me study it, since its the “only realistic way” out of our country. So, my focus shifted from London, to Italy. I recently took my exam and I freaked out so bad during it that I forgot everything I knew and probably flunked it. I’m still waiting for results. I am terrified.

I recently turned 25. To recap?
No close real friends nearby, the only real ones I have all live overseas now, and everyone is too tired to text. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had stress-free or guilt-free fun
No romance or love in my life, I literally don’t remember what it feels like to be loved, kissed, held, to cry on a guys shoulder, its been 10 fucking years of bad luck and unreturned love and sheer nothingness
No job and about 2 dollars on my card. I have a small business which could be profitable but I don’t even work on it because I fell so behind my initial 2026 plans that it’s freaking me out and I avoid it due to guilt and panic.
No bedroom of my own, I have been sleeping on a 12 year old couch all these years that I’ve been stuck here
Not even normal eyesight or healthy posture, and I’m too tired and lazy to do anything about it, I am exhausted. I have to wear 18-prism glasses and my optometrists expects me to have the discipline to stare at dots on a wall for 25 minutes every day because it *might* help me a little bit. I have a bump on my neck which I can’t get rid of cause I cannot afford physio therapy.
No degree to my name.
My burnout has turned into full blown laziness and avoidance and I avoid both working on my small business, working out, reading, looking for a job, answering messages from people and much more. I avoid all of life and then hate myself for it, and then continue avoiding it.
I have no motivation to live whatsoever, on my worst days the only thing that stops me from killing myself is the thought of not wanting to traumatise my little sister, whom I love so so much, I would never want to her hurt and so I stay here, for her.

And mind you, what I shared here is just the tip of the iceberg I managed to type out without loosing my cool due to the memories. I would be so upset about how shitty my life is if the world was in a better place, but it’s not. War, genocide, the planet is literally burning, plants and animals dying everyday and going extinct, human trafficking, PDFiles everywhere, the world is in a disgusting condition. Opening the news literally makes it feel like we’re all doomed.

What the fuck do I do? Because I have tried everything, astrology, magic, spells, rituals, manifesting and then fully detaching from what I want, playing as if, writing letters to my future self etc. I have no hope left. Is there anything good that’s coming in my life? Anything? Love hopefully? Or. Job where I am not abused and overworked? Anything that would give me joy or hope or would feed my soul? Will I make it to Italy this year? Or London? Because according to all western astrology and BaZi experts, I should’ve had my dreams come true at least 3 years ago, every year since then, with every fucking year and transit my sign / placements are promised the best of things and all I get is shit, shit and more shit. Anytime something good happens, it falls apart very quickly after. I am tired. Please tell me something good is coming.

What do I do?

Mind you, not a single tarot / astrological / psychic forecast I have ever read has come true, never. I wanna keep believing in magic but it’s hard to do when nothing ever comes true. I’ve been promised love, good karma, revenge on those who wronged me, success, health, abundance etc. so many times, and nothing. I am loosing faith. And yet when (in the past) I have given my charts and my BaZi and other things to different AIs, I was told my charts or the fact that I was born under the first solar eclipse of the 21st century made me special.

I am hoping somebody here would be able to give me advice. Offer any words of wisdom. The last 10 years of my life have been filled with on and off depression and desires to die, even during supposedly good periods. Haven’t had a truly good periods since 2021-2022. 10 years ago I got diplopia that doctors still can’t figure out. I can’t see without ridiculously heavy and thick glasses, it is the worst. I was 14, and due to being harassed at school, and all the shit that was happening at home, parents fighting, me becoming my mothers emotional help, therapist, punching bad and more, etc. I got severely depressed and stressed, and my vision began to double. I have been her emotional-crap carrier (especially when it comes to her horrible relationship with my father) ever since, not to mention all the endless emotional and mental abuse I had to face from both my “loving” parents.

In 2021, I was in my second year of university, and I was about to begin my 3d year of studies, but I had to quit uni and come back home because my father was fired. As I found out later, they fired him for stealing big sums from the company that was feeding him and his family. This man has had the audacity to call me ungrateful and a piece of shit after I couldn’t even finish my education because of what he did.

I’ve been stuck here, living with my parents ever since. In the last 5 years, I have had to face extreme loneliness, betrayal, lies, gossip, heartbreak, best friends ghosting my existence like I don’t matter, other best friends ending up horrible people to the point where I had to break up with them (my best friend in the whole wide world ended up being a cruel zionist who makes jokes about kids being bom*ed), guys never being interested in me unless they were creepy fuckboys (I have been single for 10 years), my health worsened, my diplopia, I got kyphosis, I’ve switched so many jobs and have been broke countless times, or whenever I had money I couldn’t enjoy it because I was working myself till exhaustion, my mental health took a new plummet down into hell, my ADHD and depression are the worst they’ve ever been.

This April I was fired (they told me to sign the resignation letter) from my job after I got diagnosed with neurosis, apparently they couldn’t let me just work from home, so they told me to quit, even though I did the work of at least 3 people for them, while getting payed for the work of one. For the last 2 years I’ve been looking for a job in London, wanting so truly to move there, seeing signs and even having a BaZi AI tell me London is perfect for me, for countless reasons, but in February-march, I stopped applying for jobs and gave up because I got tired of hearing negative shit from my mother (anything negative she’s ever said about me always manifested, even if it wasn’t true), she kept on telling me how I am wearing rose coloured glasses and how I’ll never find s job in London because it’s unrealistic.

For the last year and a half I’ve been studying Italian in order to get into a university in Italy for free (you can study for free if you know the language), not because I initially wanted to, but because mother made me study it, since its the “only realistic way” out of our country. So, my focus shifted from London, to Italy. I recently took my exam and I freaked out so bad during it that I forgot everything I knew and probably flunked it. I’m still waiting for results. I am terrified.

I recently turned 25. To recap?
No close real friends nearby, the only real ones I have all live overseas now, and everyone is too tired to text. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had stress-free or guilt-free fun
No romance or love in my life, I literally don’t remember what it feels like to be loved, kissed, held, to cry on a guys shoulder, its been 10 fucking years of bad luck and unreturned love and sheer nothingness
No job and about 2 dollars on my card. I have a small business which could be profitable but I don’t even work on it because I fell so behind my initial 2026 plans that it’s freaking me out and I avoid it due to guilt and panic.
No bedroom of my own, I have been sleeping on a 12 year old couch all these years that I’ve been stuck here
Not even normal eyesight or healthy posture, and I’m too tired and lazy to do anything about it, I am exhausted. I have to wear 18-prism glasses and my optometrists expects me to have the discipline to stare at dots on a wall for 25 minutes every day because it *might* help me a little bit. I have a bump on my neck which I can’t get rid of cause I cannot afford physio therapy.
No degree to my name.
My burnout has turned into full blown laziness and avoidance and I avoid both working on my small business, working out, reading, looking for a job, answering messages from people and much more. I avoid all of life and then hate myself for it, and then continue avoiding it.
I have no motivation to live whatsoever, on my worst days the only thing that stops me from killing myself is the thought of not wanting to traumatise my little sister, whom I love so so much, I would never want to her hurt and so I stay here, for her.

And mind you, what I shared here is just the tip of the iceberg I managed to type out without loosing my cool due to the memories. I would be so upset about how shitty my life is if the world was in a better place, but it’s not. War, genocide, the planet is literally burning, plants and animals dying everyday and going extinct, human trafficking, PDFiles everywhere, the world is in a disgusting condition. Opening the news literally makes it feel like we’re all doomed.

What the fuck do I do? Because I have tried everything, astrology, magic, spells, rituals, manifesting and then fully detaching from what I want, playing as if, writing letters to my future self etc. I have no hope left. Is there anything good that’s coming in my life? Anything? My soulmate hopefully? Or. Job where I am not abused and overworked? Anything that would give me joy or hope or would feed my soul? Will I make it to Italy this year? Or London? Because according to all western astrology and BaZi experts, I should’ve had my dreams come true at least 3 years ago, every year since then, with every fucking year and transit my sign / placements are promised the best of things and all I get is shit, shit and more shit. Anytime something good happens, it falls apart very quickly after. I am tired. Please tell me something good is coming.

What do I do?

Mind you, not a single tarot / astrological / psychic forecast I have ever read has come true, never. I wanna keep believing in magic but it’s hard to do when nothing ever comes true. I’ve been promised love, good karma, revenge on those who wronged me, success, health, abundance etc. so many times, and nothing. I am loosing faith. And yet when (in the past) I have given my charts and my BaZi and other things to different AIs, I was told my chart or the fact that I was born under the first solar eclipse of the 21st century made me special.

I am hoping somebody here would be able to give me advice. Offer any words of wisdom. The last 10 years of my life have been filled with on and off depression and desires to die, even during supposedly good periods. Haven’t had a truly good periods since 2021-2022. 10 years ago I got diplopia that doctors still can’t figure out. I can’t see without ridiculously heavy and thick glasses, it is the worst. I was 14, and due to being harassed at school, and all the sh*t that was happening at home, parents fighting, me becoming my mothers emotional help, therapist, punching bad and more, etc. I got severely depressed and stressed, and my vision began to double. I have been her emotional-crap carrier (especially when it comes to her horrible relationship with my father) ever since, not to mention all the endless emotional and mental abuse I had to face from both my “loving” parents.

In 2021, I was in my second year of university, and I was about to begin my 3d year of studies, but I had to quit uni and come back home because my father was fired. As I found out later, they fired him for stealing big sums from the company that was feeding him and his family. This man has had the audacity to call me ungrateful and a piece of sh*t after I couldn’t even finish my education because of what he did.

I’ve been stuck here, living with my parents flat ever since. In the last 5 years, I have had to face extreme loneliness, betrayal, lies, gossip, heartbreak, best friends ghosting my existence like I don’t matter, other best friends ending up horrible people to the point where I had to break up with them (my best friend in the whole wide world ended up being a cruel zionist who makes jokes about kids being un-alived), guys never being interested in me unless they were creepy f-boys (I have been single for 10 years, haven’t kissed anyone in 4.5 years), my health worsened, my diplopia, I got kyphosis, I’ve switched so many jobs and have been broke countless times, or whenever I had money I couldn’t enjoy it because I was working myself till exhaustion, my mental health took a new plummet down into hell, my ADHD and depression are the worst they’ve ever been.

This April I was fired (they told me to sign the resignation letter) from my job after I got diagnosed with neurosis, apparently they couldn’t let me just work from home, so they told me to quit, even though I did the work of at least 3 people for them, while getting payed for the work of one. For the last 2 years I’ve been looking for a job in London, wanting so truly to move there, seeing so many signs and even having a BaZi AI tell me London is perfect for me, for countless reasons, but in February-march, I stopped applying for jobs and gave up because I got tired of hearing negative sh*t from my mother (anything negative she’s ever said about me always manifested, even if it wasn’t true), she kept on telling me how I am wearing rose coloured glasses and how I’ll never find a job in London because it’s unrealistic.

For the last year and a half I’ve been studying Italian in order to get into a university in Italy for free (you can study for free if you know the language), not because I initially wanted to, but because mother made me study it, since its the “only realistic way” out of our country. So, my focus shifted from London, to Italy. I recently took my exam and I freaked out so bad during it that I forgot everything I knew and probably flunked it. I’m still waiting for results. I am terrified.

I recently turned 25. To recap?
No close real friends nearby, the only real ones I have all live overseas now, and everyone is too tired to text. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had stress-free or guilt-free fun
No romance or love in my life, I literally don’t remember what it feels like to be loved, kissed, held, to cry on a guys shoulder, its been 10 f years of bad luck and unreturned love and sheer nothingness
No job and about 2 dollars on my card. I have a small business which could be profitable but I don’t even work on it because I fell so behind my initial 2026 plans that it’s freaking me out and I avoid it due to guilt and panic.
No bedroom of my own, I have been sleeping on a 12 year old couch all these years that I’ve been stuck here
Not even normal eyesight or healthy posture, and I’m too tired and lazy to do anything about it, I am exhausted. I have to wear 18-prism glasses and my optometrists expects me to have the discipline to stare at dots on a wall for 25 minutes every day because it *might* help me a little bit. I have a bump on my neck which I can’t get rid of cause I cannot afford physio therapy.
No degree to my name.
My burnout has turned into full blown laziness and avoidance and I avoid both working on my small business, working out, reading, looking for a job, answering messages from people and much more. I avoid all of life and then hate myself for it, and then continue avoiding it.
I have no motivation to live whatsoever, on my worst days the only thing that stops me from un-aliving myself is the thought of not wanting to traumatise my little sister, whom I love so so much, I would never want to her hurt and so I stay here, for her.

And mind you, what I shared here is just the tip of the iceberg I managed to type out without loosing my cool due to the memories. I would be so upset about how crappy my life is if the world was in a better place, but it’s not. War, gen*cide, the planet is literally burning, plants and animals dy*ng everyday and going extinct, human tra**icking, PDFiles everywhere, the world is in a disgusting condition. Opening the news literally makes it feel like we’re all doomed.

What the f do I do? Because I have tried everything, astrology, magic, spells, rituals, manifesting and then fully detaching from what I want, playing as if, writing letters to my future self etc. I have no hope left. Is there anything good that’s coming in my life? Anything? Love hopefully? Or a job where I am not abused and overworked? Anything that would give me joy or hope or would feed my soul? Will I make it to Italy this year? Or London? Because according to all western astrology and BaZi experts, I should’ve had my dreams come true at least 3 years ago, every year since then, with every f year and transit my sign / placements are promised the best of things and all I get is sh*t, sh*t and more sh*t. Anytime something good happens, it falls apart very quickly after. I am tired. Please tell me something good is coming.

I’m at the lowest point in my life. Turned 25, 7 days ago. No job, no love, no nothing. Not even eyesight. I genuinely don’t want to live anymore and I’m not even trying to get out of depression because I don’t want to live, so I don’t see a point. The last 11 days or so, I’ve just been existing. Not doing anything. Not trying to move forward. I feel like I’m cursed or something. My dreams are not working out. Everything feels pointless. Idk what to do.

I'd be very grateful if you guys could rate this new weekly routine I have created for myself. I recently lost my job due to some health issues, plus I have ADHD and I'm battling really strong anxiety and depression. Let's just say that my environment is not the best and motivation almost never exists for me. The last month or so has been extra hard, probably my lowest point rn, ngl. I created this new routine for myself last night and was hoping to get some opinions from fellow humans)

(P.S. JuneBorn is the name of my small fashion&art bsn)

(P.S.#2 showering, socialising, and dinner are not included because those things are very flexible in my life)

So I wanted your guys' opinion on my playlist, but I also wanted to talk about manifestation and subliminals in general.

I don't know how I have come to such a relaxed conclusion, Idk if it's the subliminals working or the fact that I had a mental breakdown yesterday, and usually breakdowns are followed by breakthroughs because they're almost like detoxes for the mind, but I had a very negative day yesterday*, and today while I was reorganizing my playlist, I've come to a conclusion which I will discuss below.

Now, first of all, I have had a few people tell me that they like my playlist and want a link to it anytime I post about it on here. So not only did I separate them into the daytime one and the one that I listen to before bed or during sleep, but I also made them unlisted, and I'm posting the links in this post so you guys can get them if you're curious.

☀️ https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3ddMsaXtkE0nM6Vfbtr_7EmuEko_kkdc&si=q9a09eguLiDpaFzu
🌙 https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3ddMsaXtkE140kPGn84pFCXht7uH2TV_&si=vY63HY4Vtdp1-ELd

Number two, which is what I wanted to talk about, is the idea that some subliminals are goated and so “you must” listen to them. In my case, I'm talking about subliminals by Guoba, Lucy Herzig, and AKUO. Now, I know that these subliminal makers are incredibly positive, strong and safe, and so this is not a post shading them at all. However, I have come to the conclusion that one must not be desperate when listening to subliminals, and that extends to not forcing oneself to listen to subliminals if they don't like the sound of them. Lucy uses very intense piano in her subliminals, and when I listen to them, I tend to get headaches because the piano was just too intense. Akuo uses very futuristic music that sounds like it's from a movie about a megapolis with flying cars lol, and Guoba uses songs that I sometimes find cringy. Yet, these are one of the subliminal makers that are always talked about, that they are safe, they're goated, they're amazing, and so I was forcing myself to listen to their subliminals, which may have positive affirmations in them, and they may be strong and effective, but my God, I do not like the music, so why am I forcing myself through this if I'm not enjoying the process? So, with all due respect to these three, but I have deleted them from my playlists. But then, my mind decided to take it a step further, and so I thought to myself: “if there are so many amazing boosters and general life subliminals, such as the ones about instant manifestation, miracles, good luck, desired life, desired abilotoes or appearance, etc. WHY are we even forcing ourselves to listen to subliminals that are about very specific things, like for example, eye color, body parts, acing an exam, specific features, etc. If one can easily shorten their playlist and just listen to the general ones about your desires coming true, your wishes coming true, etc., etc.

And so I just wanted your guys' opinion on this, because I know that one must enjoy the process. That's the part of manifestation, is that you should enjoy it and you should have fun with it instead of desperately trying every single trick in the book, desperately listening to every subliminal that is deemed amazing or goated by the community. You end up overwhelming yourself, and it's just not a great feeling. I've shortened my playlist, but I think I might shorten it even more by removing hyper-specific subliminals about, I don't know, eyes or hair or whatever, because logically, if I am manifesting through the self-concept of “my dreams and wishes always come true” why must I force myself through such a long playlist with all of my desires if I can just listen to a few subliminal that state that my desires come true, along with some boosters and extras? So yeah, I just wanted your guys' opinions, and I just wanted to share my links, because sharing is caring.

Happy manifesting everyone💗

_______________________

*lately I’ve been feeling strange and idk if it’s my subs and manifesting working but I’ve been extra lazy, introverted, and way too in the mood to shop (instead of getting to my tasks and working and studying). My mood has been either rare but strong breakdowns with non-stop tears or I’m calm af. Is this because now deep down I know it’ll work out / money is endless / I don’t have to try hard? Am I living in the end, or is this laziness and occasional negativity coming up to the surface like a detox?

I’m quite a clean freak (my mother raised me that way) so anytime I take something with me out of the house, I wipe it down when I get home after taking it out of the bag. My new book (which I was SO beyond excited to find, so this makes me kinda sad) has a typical soft matte cover, but for some reason, weird stains started appearing on it and they don’t go away after wiping it with either alcohol-free or alcohol-sprayed wipes. It almost looks like it’s sticky or dirty but it’s not. What do I do? Did I ruin it forever?

Ok so it’s no secret how annoying YouTube ads are, especially for overnight subliminals (anything that says overnight or meditation in its title should not have any ads in it, feels way too rude and illegal lol) and I spent a few hours researching how to bypass them for free.

This is not sponsored I swear, I’m just excited as fuck because I’ve been listening to my playlist ALL DAY with no stress and no mess. The app is called Video Lite. It’s free. You just have to sign in into your YouTube acc so you could listen to your sub playlist obvs. I’m not great with IT so I won’t waste your precious time explaining it, all I can say is that it’s 99% perfect. The only minor downside is that you can’t edit your playlist after you started listening to it (the way you could on YouTube), in the sense that you can’t skip certain videos or rearrange them - but then again not everyone has long playlists like me. And you can exit the app with your YouTube playlist still playing! Which makes it very practical.

Again, I swear I’m not sponsored or even an acquaintance of the person/team who created the app, I’m just really fucking excited about being able to listen to my playlist without dumb or creepy or scammy ads ruining the experience.

Happy listening everyone, may all our good wishes and kind manifestations come to life✨