u/Fantastic-Season8640

I used to dance professionally and these costumes I have left over (from my childhood) are very high quality, the pink and cream ones were handmade just for my dance ensemble. My mother is threatening to give them away if I don't sell them in the next month, and I can't let that happen since they're so expensive. I'm located in Azerbaijan, and sadly Etsy doesn't work here. Could anyone be so kind as to advise me on what to do?

I used to dance professionally and these costumes I have left over (from my childhood) are very high quality, the pink and cream ones were handmade just for my dance ensemble. My mother is threatening to give them away if I don't sell them in the next month, and I can't let that happen since they're so expensive. I'm located in Azerbaijan, and sadly Etsy doesn't work here. Could anyone be so kind as to advise me on what to do?

Mind you, not a single tarot / astrological / psychic forecast I have ever read has come true, never. I wanna keep believing in magic but it’s hard to do when nothing ever comes true. I’ve been promised love, good karma, justice and karma on those who hurt me, success, health, abundance etc. so many times, and nothing. I am loosing faith. And yet when (in the past) I have given my charts and my BaZi and other things to different AIs, I was told my natal chart, my BaZi astrology or the fact that I was born under the first solar eclipse of the 21st century made me special. 

I am hoping somebody here would be able to give me advice. Offer any words of wisdom. The last 10 years of my life have been filled with on and off depression and desires to die, even during supposedly good periods. Haven’t had a truly good periods since 2021-2022. 10 years ago I got diplopia that doctors still can’t figure out. I can’t see without ridiculously heavy and thick glasses, it is the worst. I was 14, and due to being harassed at school, and all the shit that was happening at home, parents fighting, me becoming my mothers emotional help, therapist, punching bad and more, etc. I got severely depressed and stressed, and my vision began to double. I have been her emotional-crap carrier (especially when it comes to her horrible relationship with my father) ever since, not to mention all the endless emotional and mental abuse I had to face from both my “loving” parents.

In 2021, I was in my second year of university, and I was about to begin my 3d year of studies, but I had to quit uni and come back home because my father was fired. As I found out later, they fired him for stealing big sums from the company that was feeding him and his family. This man has had the audacity to call me ungrateful and a piece of shit after I couldn’t even finish my education because of what he did.

I’ve been stuck here, living with my parents ever since. In the last 5 years, I have had to face extreme loneliness, betrayal, lies, gossip, heartbreak, best friends ghosting my existence like I don’t matter, other best friends ending up horrible people to the point where I had to break up with them (my best friend in the whole wide world ended up being a cruel zionist who makes jokes about kids being bom*ed), guys never being interested in me unless they were creepy fuckboys (I have been single for 10 years), my health worsened, my diplopia, I got kyphosis, I’ve switched so many jobs and have been broke countless times, or whenever I had money I couldn’t enjoy it because I was working myself till exhaustion, my mental health took a new plummet down into hell, my ADHD and depression are the worst they’ve ever been.

This April I was fired (they told me to sign the resignation letter) from my job after I got diagnosed with neurosis, apparently they couldn’t let me just work from home, so they told me to quit, even though I did the work of at least 3 people for them, while getting payed for the work of one. For the last 2 years I’ve been looking for a job in London, wanting so truly to move there, seeing signs and even having a BaZi AI tell me London is perfect for me, for countless reasons, but in February-march, I stopped applying for jobs and gave up because I got tired of hearing negative shit from my mother (anything negative she’s ever said about me always manifested, even if it wasn’t true), she kept on telling me how I am wearing rose coloured glasses and how I’ll never find s job in London because it’s unrealistic.

For the last year and a half I’ve been studying Italian in order to get into a university in Italy for free (you can study for free if you know the language), not because I initially wanted to, but because mother made me study it, since its the “only realistic way” out of our country. So, my focus shifted from London, to Italy. I recently took my exam and I freaked out so bad during it that I forgot everything I knew and probably flunked it. I’m still waiting for results. I am terrified. 

I turned 25 late June. To recap?

1. No close real friends nearby, the only real ones I have all live overseas now, and everyone is too tired to text. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had stress-free or guilt-free fun.
2. No romance or love in my life, I literally don’t remember what it feels like to be loved, kissed, held, to cry on a guys shoulder, its been 10 fucking years of bad luck and unreturned love and sheer nothingness.
3. No job and about 15 dollars on my card. I have a small business which could be profitable but I don’t even work on it because I fell so behind my initial 2026 plans that it’s freaking me out and I avoid it due to guilt and panic.
4. No bedroom of my own, I have been sleeping on a 22 year old couch all these years that I’ve been stuck here
5. Not even normal eyesight or healthy posture, and I’m too tired and lazy to do anything about it, I am exhausted. I have to wear 18-prism glasses and my optometrists expects me to have the discipline to stare at dots on a wall for 25 minutes every day because it *might* help me a little bit. I have a bump on my neck which I can’t get rid of cause I cannot afford physio therapy.
6. No degree to my name. (Thank you for being a thief dad)
7. My burnout has turned into full blown laziness and avoidance and I avoid both working on my small business, working out, reading, I am lazily looking for a job, not answering messages from people for weeks on end and much more. The only thing my depression hasn’t ruined is my hygiene routine. I avoid all of life and then hate myself for it, and then continue avoiding it.
8. I have no motivation to live whatsoever, on my worst days the only thing that stops me from killing myself is the thought of not wanting to traumatise my little sister, whom I love so so much, I would never want to her hurt and so I stay here, for her.

And mind you, what I shared here is just the tip of the iceberg I managed to type out without loosing my cool due to the memories. I would be so upset about how shitty my life is if the world was in a better place, but it’s not. War, genocide, the planet is literally burning, plants and animals dying everyday and going extinct, human trafficking, PDFiles everywhere, the world is in a disgusting condition. Opening the news literally makes it feel like we’re all doomed. 

What the fuck do I do? Because I have tried everything, western astrology, Chinese astrology, magic, spells, rituals, manifesting and then fully detaching from what I want, playing as if, writing letters to my future self etc. I have no hope left. Is there anything good that’s coming in my life? Anything? Love hopefully? Or a job where I am not abused and overworked? Anything that would give me joy or hope or would feed my soul? Will I make it to Italy this year? Or London? Because according to all western astrology and BaZi experts, I should’ve had my dreams come true at least 3 years ago, every year since then, with every fucking year and planetary transit my sign / placements are promised the best of things and all I get is shit, shit and more shit. I used a BaZi Ai once and told it my full story and it told me that if I put in the work, I will make it to London (which is full of water energy) and it will heal me, since not only do I have a lot of fire in my chart, I also live in the land of fire (Azerbaijan) and I am severely burned out. I was convinced that back then, my dream would come true

. Anytime something good happens, it falls apart very quickly after. I am tired. Please tell me something good is coming. 

Every time I ask for advice people flood me with Pinterest quotes such as “don’t give up!” And “keep going!” (Brilliant pieces of advice, apparently untreated depression is that easy to get rid of), or they tell me its all temporary and it’s simply the dark night if the soul (how can a dark night last so fucking long), or some other fluffy BS that only makes me feel worse. I am tired. I am not doing shit yet I am tired, I am existing and not doing much on the daily yet I am as exhausted as a construction worker at the end of a long week. And nothing anyone says helps. No online stranger, astrologer, tarot reader, nobody. Nothing anyone has ever said worked.

I’ve been going THROUGH it. The last 10 years have been tough. The last 5 have been extra tough. But since February, it’s been HELL. I’m not gonna go into the details like I used to but I’m hoping something good will come into my life with this transit. I need hope.

What do I do?

Mind you, not a single tarot / astrological / psychic forecast I have ever read has come true, never. I wanna keep believing in magic but it’s hard to do when nothing ever comes true. I’ve been promised love, good karma, revenge on those who wronged me, success, health, abundance etc. so many times, and nothing. I am loosing faith. And yet when (in the past) I have given my charts and my BaZi and other things to different AIs, I was told my charts or the fact that I was born under the first solar eclipse of the 21st century made me special.

I am hoping somebody here would be able to give me advice. Offer any words of wisdom. The last 10 years of my life have been filled with on and off depression and desires to die, even during supposedly good periods. Haven’t had a truly good periods since 2021-2022. 10 years ago I got diplopia that doctors still can’t figure out. I can’t see without ridiculously heavy and thick glasses, it is the worst. I was 14, and due to being harassed at school, and all the shit that was happening at home, parents fighting, me becoming my mothers emotional help, therapist, punching bad and more, etc. I got severely depressed and stressed, and my vision began to double. I have been her emotional-crap carrier (especially when it comes to her horrible relationship with my father) ever since, not to mention all the endless emotional and mental abuse I had to face from both my “loving” parents.

In 2021, I was in my second year of university, and I was about to begin my 3d year of studies, but I had to quit uni and come back home because my father was fired. As I found out later, they fired him for stealing big sums from the company that was feeding him and his family. This man has had the audacity to call me ungrateful and a piece of shit after I couldn’t even finish my education because of what he did.

I’ve been stuck here, living with my parents ever since. In the last 5 years, I have had to face extreme loneliness, betrayal, lies, gossip, heartbreak, best friends ghosting my existence like I don’t matter, other best friends ending up horrible people to the point where I had to break up with them (my best friend in the whole wide world ended up being a cruel zionist who makes jokes about kids being bom*ed), guys never being interested in me unless they were creepy fuckboys (I have been single for 10 years), my health worsened, my diplopia, I got kyphosis, I’ve switched so many jobs and have been broke countless times, or whenever I had money I couldn’t enjoy it because I was working myself till exhaustion, my mental health took a new plummet down into hell, my ADHD and depression are the worst they’ve ever been.

This April I was fired (they told me to sign the resignation letter) from my job after I got diagnosed with neurosis, apparently they couldn’t let me just work from home, so they told me to quit, even though I did the work of at least 3 people for them, while getting payed for the work of one. For the last 2 years I’ve been looking for a job in London, wanting so truly to move there, seeing signs and even having a BaZi AI tell me London is perfect for me, for countless reasons, but in February-march, I stopped applying for jobs and gave up because I got tired of hearing negative shit from my mother (anything negative she’s ever said about me always manifested, even if it wasn’t true), she kept on telling me how I am wearing rose coloured glasses and how I’ll never find s job in London because it’s unrealistic.

For the last year and a half I’ve been studying Italian in order to get into a university in Italy for free (you can study for free if you know the language), not because I initially wanted to, but because mother made me study it, since its the “only realistic way” out of our country. So, my focus shifted from London, to Italy. I recently took my exam and I freaked out so bad during it that I forgot everything I knew and probably flunked it. I’m still waiting for results. I am terrified.

I recently turned 25. To recap?
No close real friends nearby, the only real ones I have all live overseas now, and everyone is too tired to text. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had stress-free or guilt-free fun
No romance or love in my life, I literally don’t remember what it feels like to be loved, kissed, held, to cry on a guys shoulder, its been 10 fucking years of bad luck and unreturned love and sheer nothingness
No job and about 2 dollars on my card. I have a small business which could be profitable but I don’t even work on it because I fell so behind my initial 2026 plans that it’s freaking me out and I avoid it due to guilt and panic.
No bedroom of my own, I have been sleeping on a 12 year old couch all these years that I’ve been stuck here
Not even normal eyesight or healthy posture, and I’m too tired and lazy to do anything about it, I am exhausted. I have to wear 18-prism glasses and my optometrists expects me to have the discipline to stare at dots on a wall for 25 minutes every day because it *might* help me a little bit. I have a bump on my neck which I can’t get rid of cause I cannot afford physio therapy.
No degree to my name.
My burnout has turned into full blown laziness and avoidance and I avoid both working on my small business, working out, reading, looking for a job, answering messages from people and much more. I avoid all of life and then hate myself for it, and then continue avoiding it.
I have no motivation to live whatsoever, on my worst days the only thing that stops me from killing myself is the thought of not wanting to traumatise my little sister, whom I love so so much, I would never want to her hurt and so I stay here, for her.

And mind you, what I shared here is just the tip of the iceberg I managed to type out without loosing my cool due to the memories. I would be so upset about how shitty my life is if the world was in a better place, but it’s not. War, genocide, the planet is literally burning, plants and animals dying everyday and going extinct, human trafficking, PDFiles everywhere, the world is in a disgusting condition. Opening the news literally makes it feel like we’re all doomed.

What the fuck do I do? Because I have tried everything, astrology, magic, spells, rituals, manifesting and then fully detaching from what I want, playing as if, writing letters to my future self etc. I have no hope left. Is there anything good that’s coming in my life? Anything? Love hopefully? Or. Job where I am not abused and overworked? Anything that would give me joy or hope or would feed my soul? Will I make it to Italy this year? Or London? Because according to all western astrology and BaZi experts, I should’ve had my dreams come true at least 3 years ago, every year since then, with every fucking year and transit my sign / placements are promised the best of things and all I get is shit, shit and more shit. Anytime something good happens, it falls apart very quickly after. I am tired. Please tell me something good is coming.

What do I do?

Mind you, not a single tarot / astrological / psychic forecast I have ever read has come true, never. I wanna keep believing in magic but it’s hard to do when nothing ever comes true. I’ve been promised love, good karma, revenge on those who wronged me, success, health, abundance etc. so many times, and nothing. I am loosing faith. And yet when (in the past) I have given my charts and my BaZi and other things to different AIs, I was told my charts or the fact that I was born under the first solar eclipse of the 21st century made me special.

I am hoping somebody here would be able to give me advice. Offer any words of wisdom. The last 10 years of my life have been filled with on and off depression and desires to die, even during supposedly good periods. Haven’t had a truly good periods since 2021-2022. 10 years ago I got diplopia that doctors still can’t figure out. I can’t see without ridiculously heavy and thick glasses, it is the worst. I was 14, and due to being harassed at school, and all the shit that was happening at home, parents fighting, me becoming my mothers emotional help, therapist, punching bad and more, etc. I got severely depressed and stressed, and my vision began to double. I have been her emotional-crap carrier (especially when it comes to her horrible relationship with my father) ever since, not to mention all the endless emotional and mental abuse I had to face from both my “loving” parents.

In 2021, I was in my second year of university, and I was about to begin my 3d year of studies, but I had to quit uni and come back home because my father was fired. As I found out later, they fired him for stealing big sums from the company that was feeding him and his family. This man has had the audacity to call me ungrateful and a piece of shit after I couldn’t even finish my education because of what he did.

I’ve been stuck here, living with my parents ever since. In the last 5 years, I have had to face extreme loneliness, betrayal, lies, gossip, heartbreak, best friends ghosting my existence like I don’t matter, other best friends ending up horrible people to the point where I had to break up with them (my best friend in the whole wide world ended up being a cruel zionist who makes jokes about kids being bom*ed), guys never being interested in me unless they were creepy fuckboys (I have been single for 10 years), my health worsened, my diplopia, I got kyphosis, I’ve switched so many jobs and have been broke countless times, or whenever I had money I couldn’t enjoy it because I was working myself till exhaustion, my mental health took a new plummet down into hell, my ADHD and depression are the worst they’ve ever been.

This April I was fired (they told me to sign the resignation letter) from my job after I got diagnosed with neurosis, apparently they couldn’t let me just work from home, so they told me to quit, even though I did the work of at least 3 people for them, while getting payed for the work of one. For the last 2 years I’ve been looking for a job in London, wanting so truly to move there, seeing signs and even having a BaZi AI tell me London is perfect for me, for countless reasons, but in February-march, I stopped applying for jobs and gave up because I got tired of hearing negative shit from my mother (anything negative she’s ever said about me always manifested, even if it wasn’t true), she kept on telling me how I am wearing rose coloured glasses and how I’ll never find s job in London because it’s unrealistic.

For the last year and a half I’ve been studying Italian in order to get into a university in Italy for free (you can study for free if you know the language), not because I initially wanted to, but because mother made me study it, since its the “only realistic way” out of our country. So, my focus shifted from London, to Italy. I recently took my exam and I freaked out so bad during it that I forgot everything I knew and probably flunked it. I’m still waiting for results. I am terrified.

I recently turned 25. To recap?
No close real friends nearby, the only real ones I have all live overseas now, and everyone is too tired to text. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had stress-free or guilt-free fun
No romance or love in my life, I literally don’t remember what it feels like to be loved, kissed, held, to cry on a guys shoulder, its been 10 fucking years of bad luck and unreturned love and sheer nothingness
No job and about 2 dollars on my card. I have a small business which could be profitable but I don’t even work on it because I fell so behind my initial 2026 plans that it’s freaking me out and I avoid it due to guilt and panic.
No bedroom of my own, I have been sleeping on a 12 year old couch all these years that I’ve been stuck here
Not even normal eyesight or healthy posture, and I’m too tired and lazy to do anything about it, I am exhausted. I have to wear 18-prism glasses and my optometrists expects me to have the discipline to stare at dots on a wall for 25 minutes every day because it *might* help me a little bit. I have a bump on my neck which I can’t get rid of cause I cannot afford physio therapy.
No degree to my name.
My burnout has turned into full blown laziness and avoidance and I avoid both working on my small business, working out, reading, looking for a job, answering messages from people and much more. I avoid all of life and then hate myself for it, and then continue avoiding it.
I have no motivation to live whatsoever, on my worst days the only thing that stops me from killing myself is the thought of not wanting to traumatise my little sister, whom I love so so much, I would never want to her hurt and so I stay here, for her.

And mind you, what I shared here is just the tip of the iceberg I managed to type out without loosing my cool due to the memories. I would be so upset about how shitty my life is if the world was in a better place, but it’s not. War, genocide, the planet is literally burning, plants and animals dying everyday and going extinct, human trafficking, PDFiles everywhere, the world is in a disgusting condition. Opening the news literally makes it feel like we’re all doomed.

What the fuck do I do? Because I have tried everything, astrology, magic, spells, rituals, manifesting and then fully detaching from what I want, playing as if, writing letters to my future self etc. I have no hope left. Is there anything good that’s coming in my life? Anything? Love hopefully? Or. Job where I am not abused and overworked? Anything that would give me joy or hope or would feed my soul? Will I make it to Italy this year? Or London? Because according to all western astrology and BaZi experts, I should’ve had my dreams come true at least 3 years ago, every year since then, with every fucking year and transit my sign / placements are promised the best of things and all I get is shit, shit and more shit. Anytime something good happens, it falls apart very quickly after. I am tired. Please tell me something good is coming.

What do I do?

Mind you, not a single tarot / astrological / psychic forecast I have ever read has come true, never. I wanna keep believing in magic but it’s hard to do when nothing ever comes true. I’ve been promised love, good karma, revenge on those who wronged me, success, health, abundance etc. so many times, and nothing. I am loosing faith. And yet when (in the past) I have given my charts and my BaZi and other things to different AIs, I was told my charts or the fact that I was born under the first solar eclipse of the 21st century made me special.

I am hoping somebody here would be able to give me advice. Offer any words of wisdom. The last 10 years of my life have been filled with on and off depression and desires to die, even during supposedly good periods. Haven’t had a truly good periods since 2021-2022. 10 years ago I got diplopia that doctors still can’t figure out. I can’t see without ridiculously heavy and thick glasses, it is the worst. I was 14, and due to being harassed at school, and all the shit that was happening at home, parents fighting, me becoming my mothers emotional help, therapist, punching bad and more, etc. I got severely depressed and stressed, and my vision began to double. I have been her emotional-crap carrier (especially when it comes to her horrible relationship with my father) ever since, not to mention all the endless emotional and mental abuse I had to face from both my “loving” parents.

In 2021, I was in my second year of university, and I was about to begin my 3d year of studies, but I had to quit uni and come back home because my father was fired. As I found out later, they fired him for stealing big sums from the company that was feeding him and his family. This man has had the audacity to call me ungrateful and a piece of shit after I couldn’t even finish my education because of what he did.

I’ve been stuck here, living with my parents ever since. In the last 5 years, I have had to face extreme loneliness, betrayal, lies, gossip, heartbreak, best friends ghosting my existence like I don’t matter, other best friends ending up horrible people to the point where I had to break up with them (my best friend in the whole wide world ended up being a cruel zionist who makes jokes about kids being bom*ed), guys never being interested in me unless they were creepy fuckboys (I have been single for 10 years), my health worsened, my diplopia, I got kyphosis, I’ve switched so many jobs and have been broke countless times, or whenever I had money I couldn’t enjoy it because I was working myself till exhaustion, my mental health took a new plummet down into hell, my ADHD and depression are the worst they’ve ever been.

This April I was fired (they told me to sign the resignation letter) from my job after I got diagnosed with neurosis, apparently they couldn’t let me just work from home, so they told me to quit, even though I did the work of at least 3 people for them, while getting payed for the work of one. For the last 2 years I’ve been looking for a job in London, wanting so truly to move there, seeing signs and even having a BaZi AI tell me London is perfect for me, for countless reasons, but in February-march, I stopped applying for jobs and gave up because I got tired of hearing negative shit from my mother (anything negative she’s ever said about me always manifested, even if it wasn’t true), she kept on telling me how I am wearing rose coloured glasses and how I’ll never find s job in London because it’s unrealistic.

For the last year and a half I’ve been studying Italian in order to get into a university in Italy for free (you can study for free if you know the language), not because I initially wanted to, but because mother made me study it, since its the “only realistic way” out of our country. So, my focus shifted from London, to Italy. I recently took my exam and I freaked out so bad during it that I forgot everything I knew and probably flunked it. I’m still waiting for results. I am terrified.

I recently turned 25. To recap?
No close real friends nearby, the only real ones I have all live overseas now, and everyone is too tired to text. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had stress-free or guilt-free fun
No romance or love in my life, I literally don’t remember what it feels like to be loved, kissed, held, to cry on a guys shoulder, its been 10 fucking years of bad luck and unreturned love and sheer nothingness
No job and about 2 dollars on my card. I have a small business which could be profitable but I don’t even work on it because I fell so behind my initial 2026 plans that it’s freaking me out and I avoid it due to guilt and panic.
No bedroom of my own, I have been sleeping on a 12 year old couch all these years that I’ve been stuck here
Not even normal eyesight or healthy posture, and I’m too tired and lazy to do anything about it, I am exhausted. I have to wear 18-prism glasses and my optometrists expects me to have the discipline to stare at dots on a wall for 25 minutes every day because it *might* help me a little bit. I have a bump on my neck which I can’t get rid of cause I cannot afford physio therapy.
No degree to my name.
My burnout has turned into full blown laziness and avoidance and I avoid both working on my small business, working out, reading, looking for a job, answering messages from people and much more. I avoid all of life and then hate myself for it, and then continue avoiding it.
I have no motivation to live whatsoever, on my worst days the only thing that stops me from killing myself is the thought of not wanting to traumatise my little sister, whom I love so so much, I would never want to her hurt and so I stay here, for her.

And mind you, what I shared here is just the tip of the iceberg I managed to type out without loosing my cool due to the memories. I would be so upset about how shitty my life is if the world was in a better place, but it’s not. War, genocide, the planet is literally burning, plants and animals dying everyday and going extinct, human trafficking, PDFiles everywhere, the world is in a disgusting condition. Opening the news literally makes it feel like we’re all doomed.

What the fuck do I do? Because I have tried everything, astrology, magic, spells, rituals, manifesting and then fully detaching from what I want, playing as if, writing letters to my future self etc. I have no hope left. Is there anything good that’s coming in my life? Anything? Love hopefully? Or. Job where I am not abused and overworked? Anything that would give me joy or hope or would feed my soul? Will I make it to Italy this year? Or London? Because according to all western astrology and BaZi experts, I should’ve had my dreams come true at least 3 years ago, every year since then, with every fucking year and transit my sign / placements are promised the best of things and all I get is shit, shit and more shit. Anytime something good happens, it falls apart very quickly after. I am tired. Please tell me something good is coming.

What do I do?

Mind you, not a single tarot / astrological / psychic forecast I have ever read has come true, never. I wanna keep believing in magic but it’s hard to do when nothing ever comes true. I’ve been promised love, good karma, revenge on those who wronged me, success, health, abundance etc. so many times, and nothing. I am loosing faith. And yet when (in the past) I have given my charts and my BaZi and other things to different AIs, I was told my charts or the fact that I was born under the first solar eclipse of the 21st century made me special.

I am hoping somebody here would be able to give me advice. Offer any words of wisdom. The last 10 years of my life have been filled with on and off depression and desires to die, even during supposedly good periods. Haven’t had a truly good periods since 2021-2022. 10 years ago I got diplopia that doctors still can’t figure out. I can’t see without ridiculously heavy and thick glasses, it is the worst. I was 14, and due to being harassed at school, and all the shit that was happening at home, parents fighting, me becoming my mothers emotional help, therapist, punching bad and more, etc. I got severely depressed and stressed, and my vision began to double. I have been her emotional-crap carrier (especially when it comes to her horrible relationship with my father) ever since, not to mention all the endless emotional and mental abuse I had to face from both my “loving” parents.

In 2021, I was in my second year of university, and I was about to begin my 3d year of studies, but I had to quit uni and come back home because my father was fired. As I found out later, they fired him for stealing big sums from the company that was feeding him and his family. This man has had the audacity to call me ungrateful and a piece of shit after I couldn’t even finish my education because of what he did.

I’ve been stuck here, living with my parents ever since. In the last 5 years, I have had to face extreme loneliness, betrayal, lies, gossip, heartbreak, best friends ghosting my existence like I don’t matter, other best friends ending up horrible people to the point where I had to break up with them (my best friend in the whole wide world ended up being a cruel zionist who makes jokes about kids being bom*ed), guys never being interested in me unless they were creepy fuckboys (I have been single for 10 years), my health worsened, my diplopia, I got kyphosis, I’ve switched so many jobs and have been broke countless times, or whenever I had money I couldn’t enjoy it because I was working myself till exhaustion, my mental health took a new plummet down into hell, my ADHD and depression are the worst they’ve ever been.

This April I was fired (they told me to sign the resignation letter) from my job after I got diagnosed with neurosis, apparently they couldn’t let me just work from home, so they told me to quit, even though I did the work of at least 3 people for them, while getting payed for the work of one. For the last 2 years I’ve been looking for a job in London, wanting so truly to move there, seeing signs and even having a BaZi AI tell me London is perfect for me, for countless reasons, but in February-march, I stopped applying for jobs and gave up because I got tired of hearing negative shit from my mother (anything negative she’s ever said about me always manifested, even if it wasn’t true), she kept on telling me how I am wearing rose coloured glasses and how I’ll never find s job in London because it’s unrealistic.

For the last year and a half I’ve been studying Italian in order to get into a university in Italy for free (you can study for free if you know the language), not because I initially wanted to, but because mother made me study it, since its the “only realistic way” out of our country. So, my focus shifted from London, to Italy. I recently took my exam and I freaked out so bad during it that I forgot everything I knew and probably flunked it. I’m still waiting for results. I am terrified.

I recently turned 25. To recap?
No close real friends nearby, the only real ones I have all live overseas now, and everyone is too tired to text. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had stress-free or guilt-free fun
No romance or love in my life, I literally don’t remember what it feels like to be loved, kissed, held, to cry on a guys shoulder, its been 10 fucking years of bad luck and unreturned love and sheer nothingness
No job and about 2 dollars on my card. I have a small business which could be profitable but I don’t even work on it because I fell so behind my initial 2026 plans that it’s freaking me out and I avoid it due to guilt and panic.
No bedroom of my own, I have been sleeping on a 12 year old couch all these years that I’ve been stuck here
Not even normal eyesight or healthy posture, and I’m too tired and lazy to do anything about it, I am exhausted. I have to wear 18-prism glasses and my optometrists expects me to have the discipline to stare at dots on a wall for 25 minutes every day because it *might* help me a little bit. I have a bump on my neck which I can’t get rid of cause I cannot afford physio therapy.
No degree to my name.
My burnout has turned into full blown laziness and avoidance and I avoid both working on my small business, working out, reading, looking for a job, answering messages from people and much more. I avoid all of life and then hate myself for it, and then continue avoiding it.
I have no motivation to live whatsoever, on my worst days the only thing that stops me from killing myself is the thought of not wanting to traumatise my little sister, whom I love so so much, I would never want to her hurt and so I stay here, for her.

And mind you, what I shared here is just the tip of the iceberg I managed to type out without loosing my cool due to the memories. I would be so upset about how shitty my life is if the world was in a better place, but it’s not. War, genocide, the planet is literally burning, plants and animals dying everyday and going extinct, human trafficking, PDFiles everywhere, the world is in a disgusting condition. Opening the news literally makes it feel like we’re all doomed.

What the fuck do I do? Because I have tried everything, astrology, magic, spells, rituals, manifesting and then fully detaching from what I want, playing as if, writing letters to my future self etc. I have no hope left. Is there anything good that’s coming in my life? Anything? Love hopefully? Or. Job where I am not abused and overworked? Anything that would give me joy or hope or would feed my soul? Will I make it to Italy this year? Or London? Because according to all western astrology and BaZi experts, I should’ve had my dreams come true at least 3 years ago, every year since then, with every fucking year and transit my sign / placements are promised the best of things and all I get is shit, shit and more shit. Anytime something good happens, it falls apart very quickly after. I am tired. Please tell me something good is coming.

What do I do?

Mind you, not a single tarot / astrological / psychic forecast I have ever read has come true, never. I wanna keep believing in magic but it’s hard to do when nothing ever comes true. I’ve been promised love, good karma, revenge on those who wronged me, success, health, abundance etc. so many times, and nothing. I am loosing faith. And yet when (in the past) I have given my charts and my BaZi and other things to different AIs, I was told my charts or the fact that I was born under the first solar eclipse of the 21st century made me special.

I am hoping somebody here would be able to give me advice. Offer any words of wisdom. The last 10 years of my life have been filled with on and off depression and desires to die, even during supposedly good periods. Haven’t had a truly good periods since 2021-2022. 10 years ago I got diplopia that doctors still can’t figure out. I can’t see without ridiculously heavy and thick glasses, it is the worst. I was 14, and due to being harassed at school, and all the shit that was happening at home, parents fighting, me becoming my mothers emotional help, therapist, punching bad and more, etc. I got severely depressed and stressed, and my vision began to double. I have been her emotional-crap carrier (especially when it comes to her horrible relationship with my father) ever since, not to mention all the endless emotional and mental abuse I had to face from both my “loving” parents.

In 2021, I was in my second year of university, and I was about to begin my 3d year of studies, but I had to quit uni and come back home because my father was fired. As I found out later, they fired him for stealing big sums from the company that was feeding him and his family. This man has had the audacity to call me ungrateful and a piece of shit after I couldn’t even finish my education because of what he did.

I’ve been stuck here, living with my parents ever since. In the last 5 years, I have had to face extreme loneliness, betrayal, lies, gossip, heartbreak, best friends ghosting my existence like I don’t matter, other best friends ending up horrible people to the point where I had to break up with them (my best friend in the whole wide world ended up being a cruel zionist who makes jokes about kids being bom*ed), guys never being interested in me unless they were creepy fuckboys (I have been single for 10 years), my health worsened, my diplopia, I got kyphosis, I’ve switched so many jobs and have been broke countless times, or whenever I had money I couldn’t enjoy it because I was working myself till exhaustion, my mental health took a new plummet down into hell, my ADHD and depression are the worst they’ve ever been.

This April I was fired (they told me to sign the resignation letter) from my job after I got diagnosed with neurosis, apparently they couldn’t let me just work from home, so they told me to quit, even though I did the work of at least 3 people for them, while getting payed for the work of one. For the last 2 years I’ve been looking for a job in London, wanting so truly to move there, seeing signs and even having a BaZi AI tell me London is perfect for me, for countless reasons, but in February-march, I stopped applying for jobs and gave up because I got tired of hearing negative shit from my mother (anything negative she’s ever said about me always manifested, even if it wasn’t true), she kept on telling me how I am wearing rose coloured glasses and how I’ll never find s job in London because it’s unrealistic.

For the last year and a half I’ve been studying Italian in order to get into a university in Italy for free (you can study for free if you know the language), not because I initially wanted to, but because mother made me study it, since its the “only realistic way” out of our country. So, my focus shifted from London, to Italy. I recently took my exam and I freaked out so bad during it that I forgot everything I knew and probably flunked it. I’m still waiting for results. I am terrified.

I recently turned 25. To recap?
No close real friends nearby, the only real ones I have all live overseas now, and everyone is too tired to text. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had stress-free or guilt-free fun
No romance or love in my life, I literally don’t remember what it feels like to be loved, kissed, held, to cry on a guys shoulder, its been 10 fucking years of bad luck and unreturned love and sheer nothingness
No job and about 2 dollars on my card. I have a small business which could be profitable but I don’t even work on it because I fell so behind my initial 2026 plans that it’s freaking me out and I avoid it due to guilt and panic.
No bedroom of my own, I have been sleeping on a 12 year old couch all these years that I’ve been stuck here
Not even normal eyesight or healthy posture, and I’m too tired and lazy to do anything about it, I am exhausted. I have to wear 18-prism glasses and my optometrists expects me to have the discipline to stare at dots on a wall for 25 minutes every day because it *might* help me a little bit. I have a bump on my neck which I can’t get rid of cause I cannot afford physio therapy.
No degree to my name.
My burnout has turned into full blown laziness and avoidance and I avoid both working on my small business, working out, reading, looking for a job, answering messages from people and much more. I avoid all of life and then hate myself for it, and then continue avoiding it.
I have no motivation to live whatsoever, on my worst days the only thing that stops me from killing myself is the thought of not wanting to traumatise my little sister, whom I love so so much, I would never want to her hurt and so I stay here, for her.

And mind you, what I shared here is just the tip of the iceberg I managed to type out without loosing my cool due to the memories. I would be so upset about how shitty my life is if the world was in a better place, but it’s not. War, genocide, the planet is literally burning, plants and animals dying everyday and going extinct, human trafficking, PDFiles everywhere, the world is in a disgusting condition. Opening the news literally makes it feel like we’re all doomed.

What the fuck do I do? Because I have tried everything, astrology, magic, spells, rituals, manifesting and then fully detaching from what I want, playing as if, writing letters to my future self etc. I have no hope left. Is there anything good that’s coming in my life? Anything? My soulmate hopefully? Or. Job where I am not abused and overworked? Anything that would give me joy or hope or would feed my soul? Will I make it to Italy this year? Or London? Because according to all western astrology and BaZi experts, I should’ve had my dreams come true at least 3 years ago, every year since then, with every fucking year and transit my sign / placements are promised the best of things and all I get is shit, shit and more shit. Anytime something good happens, it falls apart very quickly after. I am tired. Please tell me something good is coming.