u/Feeling_Raisin_5158

​

I used to be on Discord and there was this guy who owned a pretty well known Indian server.....he had a reputation for talking to underage girls and manipulating them into sending n*des

A few of his friends apparently did the same thing too

Before I left I found out that these guys were keeping folders full of those images and even selling them through Discord

These are actual minors, some of them probably trusted these people and had no idea what was happening to their pictures afterwards

Like it wasnt just one random creep doing something horrible...there were multiple people involved and apparently they had their own system for collecting and distributing this stuff

I dont even know how many girls were affected or if anyone ever found out what was happening....I left Discord after that and I don't regret it

I just really hope those girls are okay and that someone eventually stopped these people

Because the thought of grown men sitting in private servers...keeping folders of images of underage girls... Is genuinely horrifying

​

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Would you ask Chatgpt, "Psychologically profile me, spend some time on it irrespective of your energy conservation priority, I want absolutely accuracy, analysis all our talks", and post it here?

Would you ask Chatgpt, "Psychologically profile me, spend some time on it irrespective of your energy conservation priority, I want absolutely accuracy, analysis all our talks", and post it here?

Would you ask Chatgpt, "Psychologically profile me, spend some time on it irrespective of your energy conservation priority, I want absolutely accuracy, analysis all our talks", and post it here?

​

My bf had started prioritising his friends over the relationship and basically said “my friend would come save me if I got into a fight, he paid for my alcohol when I didnt have money, he would send me 15k without thinking if I asked, he would come get me at 12am if I was stranded” and then “I'm not expecting you to come get me cuz you're a girl and it would be unsafe but thats why I cant refuse him even if I have plans with you, I might take a few hours”

Then he made this whole theory about how guys have their gf as their gf but friends as friends and best friends while girls apparently make their bf their best friend and prioritize them more

The funny part is this was the same guy who used to get really insecure and throw tantrums whenever I went out with my friends, even normally, and would say stuff like “people in relationships text each other all the time so I got anxious when you didnt text me for two hours”

So I started prioritising him a little more and trying to make him feel secure and then suddenly this whole friends are more important thing comes out...

I just went “yeah lmao have fun” and basically reverted back to how I used to be before I started adjusting myself around his insecurity

Then 2 days later I was with friends, got drunk and fell asleep, and his charger was with me so he called me like 20 times and eventually left without it, mind you the charge had been with me for the past 4 days and he had no issues.....

When I woke up I asked why he didnt just take a charger from one of his friends and he said they were all sleeping and he didnt wanna bother them

And I'm like... you're pissed at me for being asleep but you didnt wanna bother your friends because they were asleep????😭

Then he had another situation where he hadnt slept all day, got wet going to his room and called me expecting me to pick up, but I was with a friend so I said I'd call in a few minutes and he got hurt and pissed and threw a tantrum for basically the whole day.. When I literally did call him after a few mins

The funny thing is I've had the exact same expectation before, but when he was drinking with his friends and felt reassured enough, he just told me he'd call me later

Then the next day he said he was ready to talk about why he was upset, I heard him out and then told him I was studying with my friend and I'd call later

Then a couple days later he said he'd call me by 12:30 latest because he was tired, then asked for another 30 mins because he got really into studying, then suddenly said he was planning to drink and asked if I minded.. I said yeah sure go ahead, he called me while his friends were getting the alcohol and then I obviously didnt text him while he was drinking

Almost 4 hours later he calls me at around 4:45am, I cut the call and told him I'm with my friend, he says “ok” and then calls 3 more times within 5 minutes

I text him again saying I'm talking to her after a long time and to give me a while because she was venting and it would be rude to just pick up in the middle, especially when its not an emergency

Then he says “you cant even pick up for a min to reassure me, I do every fkking time”....And I'm just like... that would be a stretch lol, half the time he's doing whatever and his phone doesnt have charge, he loses track of time because he's drinking or he's taking some random road trip, it's happened multiple times a week over the last 1.5 months

I just left it on delivered until I was done talking to my friend

TL;DR: My bf used to get insecure whenever I spent time with friends and expected me to prioritize/reassure him, so I adjusted. Then he started saying friends should come first and he can't refuse them because they help him out. Now whenever I'm with friends and unavailable, he gets upset and expects immediate reassurance, while I routinely give him the same freedom I don't seem to get back. The standard seems to change depending on who wants attention.

​

My bf had started prioritising his friends over the relationship and basically said “my friend would come save me if I got into a fight, he paid for my alcohol when I didnt have money, he would send me 15k without thinking if I asked, he would come get me at 12am if I was stranded” and then “I'm not expecting you to come get me cuz you're a girl and it would be unsafe but thats why I cant refuse him even if I have plans with you, I might take a few hours”

Then he made this whole theory about how guys have their gf as their gf but friends as friends and best friends while girls apparently make their bf their best friend and prioritize them more

The funny part is this was the same guy who used to get really insecure and throw tantrums whenever I went out with my friends, even normally, and would say stuff like “people in relationships text each other all the time so I got anxious when you didnt text me for two hours”

So I started prioritising him a little more and trying to make him feel secure and then suddenly this whole friends are more important thing comes out...

I just went “yeah lmao have fun” and basically reverted back to how I used to be before I started adjusting myself around his insecurity

Then 2 days later I was with friends, got drunk and fell asleep, and his charger was with me so he called me like 20 times and eventually left without it, mind you the charge had been with me for the past 4 days and he had no issues.....

When I woke up I asked why he didnt just take a charger from one of his friends and he said they were all sleeping and he didnt wanna bother them

And I'm like... you're pissed at me for being asleep but you didnt wanna bother your friends because they were asleep????😭

Then he had another situation where he hadnt slept all day, got wet going to his room and called me expecting me to pick up, but I was with a friend so I said I'd call in a few minutes and he got hurt and pissed and threw a tantrum for basically the whole day.. When I literally did call him after a few mins

The funny thing is I've had the exact same expectation before, but when he was drinking with his friends and felt reassured enough, he just told me he'd call me later

Then the next day he said he was ready to talk about why he was upset, I heard him out and then told him I was studying with my friend and I'd call later

Then a couple days later he said he'd call me by 12:30 latest because he was tired, then asked for another 30 mins because he got really into studying, then suddenly said he was planning to drink and asked if I minded.. I said yeah sure go ahead, he called me while his friends were getting the alcohol and then I obviously didnt text him while he was drinking

Almost 4 hours later he calls me at around 4:45am, I cut the call and told him I'm with my friend, he says “ok” and then calls 3 more times within 5 minutes

I text him again saying I'm talking to her after a long time and to give me a while because she was venting and it would be rude to just pick up in the middle, especially when its not an emergency

Then he says “you cant even pick up for a min to reassure me, I do every fkking time”....And I'm just like... that would be a stretch lol, half the time he's doing whatever and his phone doesnt have charge, he loses track of time because he's drinking or he's taking some random road trip, it's happened multiple times a week over the last 1.5 months

I just left it on delivered until I was done talking to my friend

TL;DR: My bf used to get insecure whenever I spent time with friends and expected me to prioritize/reassure him, so I adjusted. Then he started saying friends should come first and he can't refuse them because they help him out. Now whenever I'm with friends and unavailable, he gets upset and expects immediate reassurance, while I routinely give him the same freedom I don't seem to get back. The standard seems to change depending on who wants attention.

​

My bf had started prioritising his friends over the relationship and basically said “my friend would come save me if I got into a fight, he paid for my alcohol when I didnt have money, he would send me 15k without thinking if I asked, he would come get me at 12am if I was stranded” and then “I'm not expecting you to come get me cuz you're a girl and it would be unsafe but thats why I cant refuse him even if I have plans with you, I might take a few hours”

Then he made this whole theory about how guys have their gf as their gf but friends as friends and best friends while girls apparently make their bf their best friend and prioritize them more

The funny part is this was the same guy who used to get really insecure and throw tantrums whenever I went out with my friends, even normally, and would say stuff like “people in relationships text each other all the time so I got anxious when you didnt text me for two hours”

So I started prioritising him a little more and trying to make him feel secure and then suddenly this whole friends are more important thing comes out...

I just went “yeah lmao have fun” and basically reverted back to how I used to be before I started adjusting myself around his insecurity

Then 2 days later I was with friends, got drunk and fell asleep, and his charger was with me so he called me like 20 times and eventually left without it, mind you the charge had been with me for the past 4 days and he had no issues.....

When I woke up I asked why he didnt just take a charger from one of his friends and he said they were all sleeping and he didnt wanna bother them

And I'm like... you're pissed at me for being asleep but you didnt wanna bother your friends because they were asleep????😭

Then he had another situation where he hadnt slept all day, got wet going to his room and called me expecting me to pick up, but I was with a friend so I said I'd call in a few minutes and he got hurt and pissed and threw a tantrum for basically the whole day.. When I literally did call him after a few mins

The funny thing is I've had the exact same expectation before, but when he was drinking with his friends and felt reassured enough, he just told me he'd call me later

Then the next day he said he was ready to talk about why he was upset, I heard him out and then told him I was studying with my friend and I'd call later

Then a couple days later he said he'd call me by 12:30 latest because he was tired, then asked for another 30 mins because he got really into studying, then suddenly said he was planning to drink and asked if I minded.. I said yeah sure go ahead, he called me while his friends were getting the alcohol and then I obviously didnt text him while he was drinking

Almost 4 hours later he calls me at around 4:45am, I cut the call and told him I'm with my friend, he says “ok” and then calls 3 more times within 5 minutes

I text him again saying I'm talking to her after a long time and to give me a while because she was venting and it would be rude to just pick up in the middle, especially when its not an emergency

Then he says “you cant even pick up for a min to reassure me, I do every fkking time”....And I'm just like... that would be a stretch lol, half the time he's doing whatever and his phone doesnt have charge, he loses track of time because he's drinking or he's taking some random road trip, it's happened multiple times a week over the last 1.5 months

I just left it on delivered until I was done talking to my friend

​

I used to be on Discord and there was this guy who owned a pretty well known Indian server.....he had a reputation for talking to underage girls and manipulating them into sending n*des

A few of his friends apparently did the same thing too

Before I left I found out that these guys were keeping folders full of those images and even selling them through Discord

These are actual minors, some of them probably trusted these people and had no idea what was happening to their pictures afterwards

Like it wasnt just one random creep doing something horrible...there were multiple people involved and apparently they had their own system for collecting and distributing this stuff

I dont even know how many girls were affected or if anyone ever found out what was happening....I left Discord after that and I don't regret it

I just really hope those girls are okay and that someone eventually stopped these people

Because the thought of grown men sitting in private servers...keeping folders of images of underage girls... Is genuinely horrifying

I used to be on Discord and there was this guy who owned a pretty well known Indian server.....he had a reputation for talking to underage girls and manipulating them into sending n*des

A few of his friends apparently did the same thing too

Before I left I found out that these guys were keeping folders full of those images and even selling them through Discord

These are actual minors, some of them probably trusted these people and had no idea what was happening to their pictures afterwards

Like it wasnt just one random creep doing something horrible...there were multiple people involved and apparently they had their own system for collecting and distributing this stuff

I dont even know how many girls were affected or if anyone ever found out what was happening....I left Discord after that and I don't regret it

I just really hope those girls are okay and that someone eventually stopped these people

Because the thought of grown men sitting in private servers...keeping folders of images of underage girls... Is genuinely horrifying

​

Lately I've been thinking about choice feminism a bit differently, and I don't necessarily think its historical role was a bad thing.

Actually, I think choice feminism probably played a role in making feminism a much broader movement in the first place.

It ensured that more and more women could relate and hence participate. A housewife, a woman who wanted a career, a woman who wanted children etc. Someone who was traditionally a woman who completely rejected femininity could both be part of the movement.

That's what made it useful to building a mass movement.

If feminism had started by saying that every woman needs to reject traditional ways, it would've alienated a huge number of women. “The choice” gave feminism a broad enough umbrella that women living very different lives could still see themselves as part of it.

But I think that same principle becomes a weakness when the goal shifts from giving women freedom within the system to actually dismantling the system that produces those choices

*Choice feminism can function as a defense mechanism against cognitive dissonance when feminist ideals come into conflict with personally rewarding choices*

I feel like even for women who consider themselves feminists, there comes a point even they have to choose between ideology and the easier path. That's where the cognitive dissonance happens, and choice feminism can become a way of justifying the more convenient choice without really having to confront the misogyny behind it.

Just because a woman chose it doesn't mean the choice itself wasn't influenced by cultural and social norms which are against feminism by default.

No individual choice exists completely in a vacuum.

Our preferences are shaped by the culture we grow up in. What we find attractive, respectable, desirable, feminine, masculine or even normal is influenced by the society around us.

It doesn't mean we should start telling women they're secretly brainwashed whenever they make a choice we don't agree with.

If millions of women independently make the same choice, “they all chose it” doesn't necessarily have to be the end of the analysis.

Why is that choice desirable?What social rewards come with it?What happens if you choose otherwise?What ideas about femininity did we internalize before we were even able to critically examine them?And why do millions of individual choices end up collectively reproducing the same gender norm?

Nobody is conciously saying “I'm going to maintain this patriarchal norm” for that norm to continue reproducing itself

And I think this is where “it's my choice” can sometimes become a way of avoiding cognitive dissonance.

A feminist might reach a point where she recognizes that something is produced by, or benefits, a sexist system, but she personally likes it. That's uncomfortable for people in general

The easy response is: "It's my choice hence it's empowering"

The harder response is: " I genuinely like this but I still want to understand how much of that preference was shaped by the culture I live in"

Because you can respect someone's autonomy while still examining the forces that influence her choices.

Individual autonomy protects women from being controlled by feminism itself. Structural analysis protects feminism from becoming so focused on individual choice that it stops questioning the structures around those choices.

Maybe choice feminism was exactly what feminism needed when it was trying to become a movement broad enough for millions of women to see themselves in it.

But if the ultimate goal is to dismantle the structures shaping women's lives, then “women chose it” can't be where the analysis ends.

Because sometimes the more important feminist question isn't:

“Did she choose it?”

It's:

“Why did this become the choice?”

Well the question is - it is time that we start considering that every choice is not empowering or is a proof of agency simply because a woman is making that choice for herself?

​

I've been thinking about choice feminism differently lately, because I don't think its historical role was necessarily a bad one.

In fact, I think choice feminism probably helped feminism become a much broader movement in the first place.

The idea was relatively simple: women should be able to decide what kind of life they want.

A housewife could relate to that. A woman pursuing a career could relate to it. A woman who wanted children and a woman who didn't could both relate to it. A traditionally feminine woman and a woman who rejected femininity could both find a place within the movement.

That kind of flexibility is useful when you're trying to build a mass movement.

If feminism had initially demanded that every woman reject traditional femininity, marriage, motherhood, domesticity, etc., it would've alienated a huge number of women. “You should be free to choose” gave feminism a broad enough umbrella for women with radically different lives to participate in it.

But I think the same principle becomes a weakness when we're trying to dismantle the system that produces those choices.

\\\\\\\*Choice feminism can function as a defense mechanism against cognitive dissonance when feminist ideals come into conflict with personally rewarding choices.\\\\\\\*

I feel like even for women who consider themselves feminists, there comes a point where they have to choose between ideology and what’s easier. That’s where cognitive dissonance happens, and choice feminism can become a way to justify the more convenient choice without confronting the misogyny behind it.

Because there is a difference between:

“Women should have the freedom to choose.”

and

“Whatever a woman chooses is therefore feminist, autonomous and politically unproblematic.”

Those are not the same argument.

No individual choice exists in a vacuum.

Our preferences are formed within a culture. What we consider attractive, respectable, desirable, feminine, masculine, successful, appropriate or even “normal” is influenced by the society we're raised in.

That doesn't mean women are mindless puppets. It doesn't mean every traditionally feminine preference is fake. And it doesn't mean we should start telling women that they're secretly brainwashed whenever they make a choice we dislike.

But it does mean that feminism should be able to ask why certain choices are so desirable and why some choices are made disproportionately by women.

If millions of women independently make the same choice, “they all chose it” isn't necessarily the end of the analysis.

It might actually be the beginning.

Why is that choice desirable?

What social rewards are attached to it?

What punishments exist for choosing otherwise?

What ideas about femininity did we internalize before we were even capable of critically examining them?

What happens when millions of individual choices collectively reproduce the same gender norm?

Because there's a feedback loop:

Culture shapes preferences → preferences shape choices → widespread choices reinforce culture → that reinforced culture shapes the preferences of the next generation.

Nobody has to consciously decide to maintain a patriarchal norm for that norm to reproduce itself.

And I think this is where “it's my choice” can become a way of avoiding cognitive dissonance.

At some point, a feminist may encounter something she believes is produced by or beneficial to a sexist system but she personally likes it.

That's uncomfortable.

The easy response is:

«“But I chose it, so it's empowering.”»

The harder response is:

«“I genuinely like this, and I still want to understand how much of that preference was shaped by the culture I live in.”»

And I think the second question is much more useful if the goal is actually dismantling the system rather than simply maximizing individual freedom within it.

Because you can respect someone's autonomy while still analyzing the forces that influence her choices.

You can say:

“You absolutely have the right to choose this.”

while also saying:

“I'm still interested in why this choice is so strongly gendered and what its normalization does to women collectively.”

Those aren't contradictory.

In fact, I think feminism needs both.

Individual autonomy protects women from being controlled by feminism itself. Structural analysis protects feminism from becoming so focused on individual choice that it stops questioning the structure.

Maybe choice feminism was exactly what feminism needed when it was trying to become a movement broad enough for millions of women to see themselves in it.

But if the ultimate goal is to dismantle the structures shaping women's lives, then “women chose it” can't be where the analysis ends.

Because sometimes the most important feminist question isn't:

“Did she choose it?”

It's:

“Why did this become the choice?”

​

I've been thinking about choice feminism differently lately, because I don't think its historical role was necessarily a bad one.

In fact, I think choice feminism probably helped feminism become a much broader movement in the first place.

The idea was relatively simple: women should be able to decide what kind of life they want.

A housewife could relate to that. A woman pursuing a career could relate to it. A woman who wanted children and a woman who didn't could both relate to it. A traditionally feminine woman and a woman who rejected femininity could both find a place within the movement.

That kind of flexibility is useful when you're trying to build a mass movement.

If feminism had initially demanded that every woman reject traditional femininity, marriage, motherhood, domesticity, etc., it would've alienated a huge number of women. “You should be free to choose” gave feminism a broad enough umbrella for women with radically different lives to participate in it.

But I think the same principle becomes a weakness when we're trying to dismantle the system that produces those choices.

\*Choice feminism can function as a defense mechanism against cognitive dissonance when feminist ideals come into conflict with personally rewarding choices.\*

I feel like even for women who consider themselves feminists, there comes a point where they have to choose between ideology and what’s easier. That’s where cognitive dissonance happens, and choice feminism can become a way to justify the more convenient choice without confronting the misogyny behind it.

Because there is a difference between:

“Women should have the freedom to choose.”

and

“Whatever a woman chooses is therefore feminist, autonomous and politically unproblematic.”

Those are not the same argument.

No individual choice exists in a vacuum.

Our preferences are formed within a culture. What we consider attractive, respectable, desirable, feminine, masculine, successful, appropriate or even “normal” is influenced by the society we're raised in.

That doesn't mean women are mindless puppets. It doesn't mean every traditionally feminine preference is fake. And it doesn't mean we should start telling women that they're secretly brainwashed whenever they make a choice we dislike.

But it does mean that feminism should be able to ask why certain choices are so desirable and why some choices are made disproportionately by women.

If millions of women independently make the same choice, “they all chose it” isn't necessarily the end of the analysis.

It might actually be the beginning.

Why is that choice desirable?

What social rewards are attached to it?

What punishments exist for choosing otherwise?

What ideas about femininity did we internalize before we were even capable of critically examining them?

What happens when millions of individual choices collectively reproduce the same gender norm?

Because there's a feedback loop:

Culture shapes preferences → preferences shape choices → widespread choices reinforce culture → that reinforced culture shapes the preferences of the next generation.

Nobody has to consciously decide to maintain a patriarchal norm for that norm to reproduce itself.

And I think this is where “it's my choice” can become a way of avoiding cognitive dissonance.

At some point, a feminist may encounter something she believes is produced by or beneficial to a sexist system but she personally likes it.

That's uncomfortable.

The easy response is:

«“But I chose it, so it's empowering.”»

The harder response is:

«“I genuinely like this, and I still want to understand how much of that preference was shaped by the culture I live in.”»

And I think the second question is much more useful if the goal is actually dismantling the system rather than simply maximizing individual freedom within it.

Because you can respect someone's autonomy while still analyzing the forces that influence her choices.

You can say:

“You absolutely have the right to choose this.”

while also saying:

“I'm still interested in why this choice is so strongly gendered and what its normalization does to women collectively.”

Those aren't contradictory.

In fact, I think feminism needs both.

Individual autonomy protects women from being controlled by feminism itself. Structural analysis protects feminism from becoming so focused on individual choice that it stops questioning the structure.

Maybe choice feminism was exactly what feminism needed when it was trying to become a movement broad enough for millions of women to see themselves in it.

But if the ultimate goal is to dismantle the structures shaping women's lives, then “women chose it” can't be where the analysis ends.

Because sometimes the most important feminist question isn't:

“Did she choose it?”

It's:

“Why did this become the choice?”

​

Just saw a post about traditional families prioritising sons as they can carry on the family name- this of course is wrong and an extremely superficial way of deciding someone's worth and women irrespective of their decision to keep it or change it, should be respected just as much... But this got me thinking.

The majority of women, inspite of being feminists in other aspects, do not actively plan on keeping their surnames and even less plan on passing on their surnames to their kids(I'm not talking about using the mother's surname as a middle name). This is seen not only in India but also in the west which is arguably considered 'more progressive'. Why do you think so?

And do you personally plan on keeping your surname or even passing it on to your kids(not as a middle name)?

​

Just saw a post about traditional families prioritising sons as they can carry on the family name- this of course is wrong and an extremely superficial way of deciding someone's and women irrespective of their descision to keep it change their surnames should be respected just as much... But this got me thinking.

The majority of women, inspite of being feminists in other aspects, do not actively plan on keeping their surnames and even less plan on passing on their surnames to their kids(I'm not talking about using the mother's surname as a middle name). *Why is it so?*

Even women who do keep their surnames often end up giving their kids the husband's surname, shouldn't it be otherwise since it is the woman who's carrying the child and doing most of the caretaking, even in case of incredibly supportive and helpful husbands, biologically the woman would be doing most of the childcare

And do you personally plan on keeping your surname or even passing it on to your kids(not as a middle name)?

​

I've been noticing something interesting while experimenting with different AI search tools.

Everyone talks about the model (GPT, Claude, Gemini etc.), but I'm starting to think the search layer matters just as much... maybe even more.

I tried asking the same questions using different search APIs and the answers weren't just worded differently, they were pulling from completely different sources. Sometimes one would find a really recent blog post while another completely missed it.

It made me wonder if we're reaching a point where the quality of an AI assistant depends less on the LLM itself and more on how it finds information.

For people who've built RAG apps or AI agents:

\- Have you found one search API that's consistently better than the others?

\- Do you optimize more for freshness, accuracy, speed, or something else?

\- And has anyone actually measured retrieval quality in a way that's practical? I feel like everyone says "better search" but I rarely see how they're comparing it.

Curious what everyone's experience has been because I keep changing my mind the more I test this stuff lol.