u/Final_Minimum1443

I am seeking insight and wisdom regarding my custody proposal. My goal is to have the children four days a week. For mediation, I am considering two options: a 'Monday–Wednesday & Saturday' rotation followed by 'Sunday–Wednesday,' or a 'Sunday–Wednesday' followed by 'Monday–Thursday' schedule.

My long-term goal is to transition to a '6-on/8-off' work-custody rotation once my youngest reaches Kindergarten, assuming my workplace becomes more lenient with the '3-consecutive-shifts' rule. I plan to propose that change at that time.

Should I offer to give up my Saturdays now to secure this? We currently split weekends, and I am concerned about how much difficulty giving them up might cause me down the road. While it isn't guaranteed that work will continue to allow four shifts in a row, I have successfully maintained this schedule for the past year.

I have a mediation form asking if I have been involved in a violent situation with my ex, and I'm unsure how to answer. Prior to the divorce, my ex punched me in the ribs, slapped my face, threw my belongings out, and smashed glass objects. During our marriage, they also slapped me in the head. I don’t have legal documentation—only myself and a few family members as witnesses. I worry that if I am fully honest, my ex will weaponize my words. They previously left me based on false accusations of cheating and are highly manipulative, often claiming I was the abusive one. While I have made verbal jokes that could be perceived as abusive, I am conflicted about how much to disclose.

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Now that the divorce and custody papers have been filed with the court, mediation should begin soon. I need to finalize custody schedules to include in the parenting agreement. My plan is to bring three to five to six different versions to the mediation session.

For the past year, the schedule has given me (Dad) Monday through Wednesday and every other Sunday. Mom has had Thursday through Saturday and every other Sunday. The exchange occurs at 8:00 PM.

The current schedule is our 'last resort' if we cannot reach a new agreement. It is the primary issue preventing us from appearing before a judge.

My proposed options are:

Option A: Mon/Tue/Wed/Sat, followed by Sun/Mon/Tue/Wed.

Option B: Sun/Mon/Tue/Wed, followed by Mon/Tue/Fri/Sat.

Option C: Thu/Fri/Sat, followed by Sun/Mon/Thu/Fri.

Option D: Wed/Thu/Fri/Sat/Sun, followed by Thu/Fri.

Option E: Monday through Thursday.

Option F: Current Schedule: (Status Quo).

I'm looking for dyslexia and reading comprehension apps. I'm trying to decide whether to let my child simply enjoy the summer and 'lightly touch base' for five weeks using apps and books. I am also considering whether to start tutoring now or wait until the fall. Any advice, suggestions, or app recommendations?

I’m feeling a bit defeated, but I’m still moving, so I can’t complain too much. Over the last few weeks, I’ve worked out very little because the whole household got hit hard with both viral and bacterial infections. It made the rounds several times, and I was sick for two and a half weeks. Even now, I still have a cough and some congestion.

I tried working out last week and the week prior, but I just didn't have the energy; the stamina simply wasn't there. I managed two days last week and one the week before. This week, I’ve done one session so far, and I felt great afterward. However, I came home congested on Thursday night and took some prescribed medication, which left me feeling so groggy the next morning.

I usually work out at 5:00 AM. My goal for June is to transition to the gym by 4:30 AM for 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of weights, followed by a running goal in mid-June. I might have to push that back to July, but we’ll see.

Between the cold and the exhaustion, my diet slipped, too. On Monday, I plan to make a real effort to get back on track. My goal is three days of strenuous cardio for the next two weeks, then bump it up to four. In four weeks, I want to start waking up at 4:10 AM to get that full hour in at the gym.

How do you tell your ex that you have filed for divorce? My ex initiated the process and was the one who initially left. Fast forward a year later: we have completed the one-year separation period. After a few hiccups, I was finally able to file today and coordinated with the Sheriff's Office to serve her. I want to be decent and give her a heads-up that the paperwork has been filed and that the Sheriff will likely be coming by next week to serve her. What should I say?

Called off of work today when I arrived. Court can notarize papers. Work has a free library. 40 min drive to the Courthouse. Papers printed and filled. No children today no babysitting concerns. Time to file. Here we go!

I’m having a minor panic attack, and I’m not even sure why. I really don't want my children to go back to their mom's. My youngest is napping and my oldest is at school, so I’m trying to distract myself with cleaning. I could focus on my divorce filing paperwork after it was rejected by the court, but my head just isn’t in the right place for that. It was a quick three days. Our household has been hit by a virus for the last few weeks that comes in waves; the youngest had it this week, so I’ve been taking care of him. Last night, my oldest child and I had a great bonding moment over video games. Now, after three days of work, I’ll see them again, but I’m just dreading the drop-off tonight. I plan to take them out for ice cream after I pick my oldest up from school. Since they only have a few weeks of tutoring left, I have a little extra time with them. In a few weeks, my own school schedule starts up. Thankfully, it’s only one day a week when I have the kids. Because of my work schedule, I have to work one day when I have them on the weekends, so I’ll miss out on almost 20 hours one week and 4 hours the other. I keep telling myself it’s only for a year. Hopefully, I can obtain a 60/40 custody split. I just needed to post this because the anxiety is taking over and I can’t concentrate.

Any advice on explaining to my six-year-old that they will have a 'bonus year' in Kindergarten with their current teacher?

I filed and was rejected. Have to go back spend another $40 for more notarizing of paperwork. Then I am thinking of going to the Court instead of filing online. I planned to file two days after seperation but has been a 4 week event of back and forth. Filed online. Planning to just go to the Court and pray I can file next week.

Is there legal services out there where they don't represent you just file then be done. They do all the leg work. Does this exist?

All I need is a service that you put an e signature on. They notarize it all. File it with the Court. Then you do the rest. Why doesn't a service like that exist.

I filed, but I'm not sure if I did it correctly. Doing this on your own is not easy; it feels like they want to force you to hire a lawyer. There are so many old and new versions of these forms on the internet. Plus, the system doesn't clearly state which forms to upload—I believe it just asked for an 'affidavit.' I ended up submitting half of the packet because the other half of the information was already entered into the e-file system. I'm waiting to see if I just wasted $225.

Addendum:

Was rejected. The clerk reached out to me.

I was planning to reach out to the school regarding the proposal to not retain my child in Kindergarten. My child is 6, turning 7 this year, which means they would be 8 at Kindergarten graduation and 19 by high school graduation. They have already formed strong friendships and social connections in their current class.

Academically and behaviorally, my child is doing well. The only area of concern is reading and reading comprehension. I have found an Orton-Gillingham tutor in the area and plan to reach out to see if we can begin sessions this summer. I feel that with these specialized tutoring services, they can catch up.

We have been dedicated to extra support, including two to three days of extra work per week and after-school sessions. Additionally, my child began wearing glasses earlier this year to assist with focus and reading.

Any advice to give?

I’ve had time to reflect, though I often get caught up in my own thoughts and the doubts cast by outside opinions. I originally hoped to file after exactly one year of separation, but the process of notarizing and gathering the right paperwork caused delays. I’m now hoping everything is filed and notarized correctly so I can move forward with an absolute divorce.

Filing for custody will take a few more weeks, as I need to coordinate a trip to the courthouse; even then, it will be some time before mediation begins. I am nervous. As I mentioned, outside opinions are swaying me—people are telling me not to 'upset' my ex or the court by asking for more than a standard 50/50 split. Some have even called me selfish, saying it’s unfair to disrupt my ex’s life with a new schedule.

These comments have planted seeds of doubt regarding what I should ask for during mediation. With school starting soon, I realized that under the current arrangement, I won't see my oldest child for roughly 32 out of the 40 weeks of the school year. Proposing a rotating weekend schedule is difficult because the drop-off times conflict with the school day.

I struggle with feeling 'selfish,' but I know in my heart that not being present for at least two full days a week makes me worry. My children have a very tight bond with me and rely on my support. The only viable solution I can see is a 60/40 split.

Am I in the wrong mindset?

Am

I assume the recommendation for retention is intended to help my child succeed on future standardized tests and avoid being held back later on. While I have my own opinions on standardized testing, my oldest child is currently six years old, and I have tentatively agreed to the retention plans. It isn't set in stone yet, and I am considering whether we should instead invest in a tutor this summer and work extra hard to bridge the gap. Reading comprehension is currently the greatest challenge. We have been practicing with BOB Books and various phonics programs, as well as using RAZ-Kids and SplashLearn to aid with reading, writing, and sentence building.

I am mostly concerned about the social aspect. My child has already made friends and established a "best friend" this year. While there is no guarantee these friendships will last forever, I feel bad about disrupting those bonds and having my child be the oldest in the class if they repeat the grade.

Has anyone else retained a child in kindergarten who turned seven during their second year? I would also appreciate any app recommendations that might help.

I am upset that I feel this way, but I need to vent. For my children, I handle the school fees, the lunches, and the projects. I’m the primary contact for teachers and, from what I can see, I’m the most involved in their schoolwork. I also cover the health insurance (with the exception of my youngest this year) and the majority of the medical bills.

I pay for all their extracurriculars and coordinate the fundraising. However, many of these activities happen to fall on the days my ex has the kids. While my family shows up to support them, I feel like I deserve more time with my children. It feels only fair to request that. It is incredibly frustrating that my ex is the one seen at these events while I am the one providing the foundation.

To make matters worse, my ex’s car was recently repossessed. Now, I’m sitting here worrying about who will be held responsible for the deficiency balance and if that burden is eventually going to land on me. My main priority is ensuring that no financial hiccups negatively trickle down to my children, but it's exhausting being the only one focused on their stability.

I’ll probably delete this don't want this negativity weighing me down, but I just needed to get it out. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of lopsided responsibility? I’m looking for some perspective from other divorced dads who have been the "foundation" while the other parent is the one "seen.

Are there any backup custody schedules you can recommend? People close to me are divided on the idea. Those who have been through a divorce discourage me from requesting this during mediation, claiming it’s unlikely to be accepted. However, I view mediation as a necessary step; if I didn’t try, I would regret not making the effort.

​I don’t foresee a formal custody arrangement being finalized until September. Currently, we follow a 4-3-4-3 schedule, but I plan to propose a 5-3-5-3 arrangement in the agreement I’m presenting at mediation.

​If that doesn’t go according to plan, what backup schedules could I offer?

​I have a few variables to consider: four to five days seems to be the maximum length of time my children can handle being apart from either parent. Additionally, I am looking for a schedule that allows me to see them for two half-days and one full day each week from May to May. I also want to avoid Tuesday night drop-offs and maintain our current Wednesday night drop-off routine. Any suggestions?

Hey! I went to the eye doctor a few weeks ago. My new contacts felt amazing at first. We lowered the sphere slightly because the provider and I agreed it might help with my headaches, and that plan actually worked.

I wore the trial pair for two weeks and then started on the box I ordered. However, I recently came down with a cold. The day I started feeling sick, my left eye just gave up—it felt like I was looking through a fishbowl whenever I had my contacts in. We bumped the sphere back up by -0.25. I went from a -5.50 to a -4.75, and now I’m at a -5.00. My vision is clear again, but as I’m letting my eyes adjust, I’ve noticed a weird swaying sensation. I’m wondering if the right eye needs to go up another step, too.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I finalized my summer vacation plans in January and subsequently enrolled the children in camp. On February 4th, I sent a message to my ex-spouse outlining the camp schedule and vacation dates; however, I received no response. I was intending to send a follow-up message this week or next to confirm these dates. My goal is to prevent a situation where my ex-spouse claims a lack of notice or refuses to agree to the vacation only after receiving the formal court summons. Since I have already paid for the vacation and provided initial notice on February 4th, is it legally necessary to send a second notice? If my ex-spouse eventually objects, am I still permitted to take the children on this vacation, given that we are staying within the state and no court order is currently in place?

This is not an isolated incident; my child has brought these topics up at least twice in the presence of both myself and another family member.

My family member mentioned it again: my oldest child attributes the divorce to "a phone." The context missing from that claim is that I withheld my phone as a boundary because my ex-spouse was constantly making baseless accusations of infidelity. My child also mentioned being told that I stole money during the marriage. However, the reality of our 10-year marriage (120 months) is that I was the primary financial provider for 108 of those months. My ex-spouse only covered the majority of the bills for roughly one year.

The financial strain we experienced was due to my ex’s refusal to agree to a budget, which led to a cycle of falling behind and relying on credit. While my ex is now telling our child that "online shopping" was the problem, the context is that my ex was actually the one making those frequent, uncoordinated purchases.