u/Final_Minimum1443

​I have a small support network where I live, consisting of my mom, my ex, and their mom. I also know some of the neighbors since my children spend time with them at the pool during the summer.

​I am currently separated and in the process of going through the legal routes for divorce and custody.

​I applied to a program through my hospital where they pay for me to bridge my LPN to an RN. My mom offered to help watch the children while I am in school. Over the summer, it was one 12–13 hour day every other week, plus 6 to 7 hours once a week. It was a lot for her. This semester, the commitment is 12–16 hours every week—the longest being Wednesdays, when she watches them for 10 to 12 hours.

​Things were set, though there was some miscommunication: my mom thought fall clinicals would be at the same time as my summer clinicals, but they are four hours longer this fall.

​The major issue now is that the week before school started, my mom was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma in a lymph node. At the moment, it doesn’t seem to be spreading according to her ultrasound. However, she has to go for a PET scan on a day I have school. I am probably going to take off that day, but we are only allowed two absences a semester. Fortunately, school was able to allow me to make up my clinical hours this Thursday.

​The school wasn't able to change my clinical hours, which I had a feeling would happen. Over the summer, they wouldn't switch someone whose workplace wouldn't accommodate them, and that person had to drop out. There are day and evening cohorts. The day cohort has clinicals on Tuesdays and Thursdays, while the evening cohort has them on Wednesdays and Saturdays. The reason they wouldn't switch me was that information had already been sent to the clinical sites.

​Standard daycare is not an option for my family. My youngest child has a resolved heart condition but cannot walk, requiring specialized in-home care and mobility support. My oldest child struggled emotionally with school last year due to recent moves, the divorce, and family illness—which contributed to them being retained. They desperately need routine and emotional stability at home right now.

​A classmate suggested I reach out to the Department Chair of the Nursing Program, which I did yesterday. I’m not sure if I should also reach out to my program liaison at school. The majority of the clinical sites are at my place of employment or another site affiliated with the hospital where I work.

​I’m feeling stuck on what to do next. Should I give up and accept having clinicals on Wednesdays? I am open to doing off-site rotations and simulations on Wednesday if I could just be added to a Thursday clinical (though that might be hard, as it’s the only group at a facility not affiliated with my hospital) or the Saturday clinical group.

​Financially, I am currently rebuilding my savings and do not have out-of-pocket funds to hire private care. I applied for FAFSA, grants, and scholarships at the start of the program, and I am relying on those funds arriving to afford a nanny who can handle my youngest child's physical needs. Because the tuition itself is paid for by my employer, I signed a contract obligating me to stay with them for a year after I graduate or pay back the money if I withdraw.

​Am I missing anything, or have I done all I can do? Any advice?

I couldn't change the clinical date. Worst-case scenario: I have to get through 14 days of clinicals, and then hopefully I can change to a day I don't have my children next spring.

It leaves a lot up in the air. My mom, who agreed to watch the children, has ongoing, pending cancer issues, so childcare is uncertain.

Right now, she completed an ultrasound, and things look "okay." She still needs a PET scan to rule out metastasis. Currently, she watches my children 16 hours a week (including two hours when they are asleep).

One of my children has some ongoing medical issues. The plan is for my mom to watch them as long as she can before treatment starts. Hopefully, I can obtain the $10,000 financial aid and $1,000 grant, along with some scholarships.

I have to look for someone to come to the house and help out while I'm at school. I am still going to work 72 hours and apply for FMLA. It makes me nervous not knowing yet when treatment will start. If my children get sick, it puts a lot of things up in the air.

I am hoping to finish the program. It is going to be hard because my children help me mentally, and I'll only see them 3 to 4 days over a 14-day period.

I don't know what I am going to do, and I really need some advice.

I am a nursing student in a bridge program with 32 weeks left. My employer paid for the program upfront.

I am divorced, and my custody agreement strictly states that only family members can watch my children (no outside babysitters allowed). My mom has been watching the kids while I am in school, but she was recently diagnosed with cancer and needs to start treatment. Because of this, she may no longer be able to care for them.

I might have to miss my first day of clinical this semester, and I may not be able to continue the program. I really don't want to drop out, especially with work paying for it. Has anyone navigated something similar, or does anyone have advice on what my next steps should be?

I feel like the worst dad. My youngest is nearing two and constantly cries, probably my own creation due to holding him a lot, or tries to bang his head. I was feeling completely empty this evening, though I managed to bounce back. I really cherish the moments when my son climbs on my back or cuddles next to me at night to sleep.

I feel so deeply for my oldest, who is being retained in kindergarten. At pickup they ran into her former classmates today, and she mentioned feeling embarrassed. Trying to balance my time between both of them is a constant struggle. All I keep telling my oldest is how proud I am of them that I love them.

I am feeling down because my second semester of nursing school starts back up next week. I will only get three full days with my oldest during this 14-week block. While I know that is more than some dads get, I am just really going to miss my kids. On days when I have afternoon or evening classes, I will only see my daughter long enough to drop her off at school. I just hope my youngest will understand. I feel defeated.

My child was retained in kindergarten. Over the summer, we have been working on phonics, math, reading, and first-grade material. They know their sight words, can write their full name and a few simple sentences, understand addition and subtraction, and can count to 100.

I feel for my child because they are in a tough spot right now. They mention that the work is too easy and that they have already done it, and they have noticed their former classmates moving on. I told my child that this year we are going to focus on being a leader, a mentor, and taking on a special role in the class.

As my oldest, they have been through a lot: two moves, our divorce, and a family member being sick. On top of that, missing their front teeth caused temporary speech delays.

I truly feel they could have moved forward to first grade. I am now trying to figure out how to keep them engaged, challenged, and passionate about school.

Any advice?

Wanted to get some real-world perspective from dads who have lived with different transition rhythms. I'm trying to weigh the trade-offs between these specific day patterns over our cycle. Important context on how these options are structured:

The days listed below represent full DAYS spent with the children (not just overnight counts). Every parenting block starts with an exchange at 8:00 PM the night prior and ends at 8:00 PM on the last day.

Example: If a block lists "Monday and Tuesday," my parenting time begins Sunday at 8:00 PM and ends Tuesday at 8:00 PM.

Here are the options for my days with the kids:

Option A: Days: Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday

Option B: Days: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday Option C (Asymmetric Split): Week 1: Sunday, Monday Week 2: Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday

The Dilemma & Trade-offs

Option A features a sequence covering early-week and weekend blocks (Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday), meaning exchanges hit right at the end of the work week and through the weekend.

Option B adjusts the mid-week block to include Wednesday (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday), shifting the cadence of the mid-week handoffs. Option C balances shorter early-week blocks with a longer 4-day stretch in Week 2, creating an asymmetric pattern.

For dads who have run similar day-to-day patterns—how do your kids handle these specific transition rhythms? How do 8:00 PM night-before handoffs impact your work, school routines, and weekend activities?

I am almost 40. I met someone at my complex after my separation. My child and their child hit it off and played together a lot. Once school started for the children, we didn't see each other again until June of this year. I knew they wanted to date me. They asked me out, I agreed, and we went on a date that led to us acting on some primal urges. We had a second date to watch a movie at their place, which led to more intimacy and staying for breakfast.

After a week apart, I decided I don't want to date anyone until my children are teenagers. I sent them a text explaining my decision and offered to follow up with a phone call later this week when we don't have our kids. They responded by asking to meet up in the middle of the week to talk.

Any advice to give?

I've known this person for over a year. We've been on a few dates, and I've stayed over at their place a few times. We also spend time together on playdates with our kids, which is how we met. I've met some of her family during other playdates over the past year, and now she wants to have dinner at a family member's house next week.

It's awkward because I live in what I call "Divorce Island"—a rental home community with a lot of divorced parents and families. The person I've been dating lives here as well, and her child is good friends with mine.

Part of me wants a relationship because she is a great person, but another part of me just wants to be alone. I feel like I have absolutely no energy to date or be in a relationship right now. Between work, raising the children, and being in school for the next year, my plate is completely full. I just want to focus on my kids. I'm not sure if I have the capacity to share my life and our family traditions with anyone else right now. I'm incredibly conflicted.

Do I end the relationship, or do I try to keep it going? What should I do?

I've known this person for over a year. We've been on a few dates, and I've stayed over at their place a few times. We also spend time together on playdates with our kids, which is how we met. I've met some of her family during other playdates over the past year, and now she wants to have dinner at a family member's house next week.

It's awkward because I live in what I call "Divorce Island"—a rental home community with a lot of divorced parents and families. The person I've been dating lives here as well, and her child is good friends with mine.

Part of me wants a relationship because she is a great person, but another part of me just wants to be alone. I feel like I have absolutely no energy to date or be in a relationship right now. Between work, raising the children, and being in school for the next year, my plate is completely full. I just want to focus on my kids. I'm not sure if I have the capacity to share my life and our family traditions with anyone else right now. I'm incredibly conflicted.

Do I end the relationship, or do I try to keep it going? What should I do?

How many vacations do you take in a year? I recently came to the realization that life is too short and needs to be full of memories for the children.

​Our goals right now are to visit our annual vacation spot, take a day trip to get our Christmas tree, and plan an additional trip in December. I'd also like to do an overnight hotel stay in a city with the kids, along with one or two 3-day trips to the beach. Altogether, I really want to try to take two 3-to-4-day trips and one 7-to-10-day trip next year.

​I would love to do more, but budget-wise, I think this is all I can manage at the moment. I'm curious: how many trips do you take in a year with your children?

Vacation is finished. I took a nice break and stepped away from all the divorce stuff going on in my life, and I feel 1000% better mentally. I have sent a total of three mediation agreements during this separation with my ex—two to their attorney. The mediator from the court sent one at the end of June and mentioned they would get back to us at the end of July, if I recall, to see where we were with the agreement.

I am going to focus on the divorce case and see about an absolute judgment with the clerk. Since my ex didn't contest the divorce or the equitable distribution, the only thing they didn't do was waive their right to a hearing, so I have some extra steps to process the divorce with the court.

Regarding custody, I will give their attorney until the end of August before reaching back out to see what the plan is. My main question right now is about custody.

With this mental break, I don't mind the schedule for now. I can even take off Saturdays if something is going on with my son or daughter, given the work schedule I have set up at the moment. I only have every other Sunday. Eventually, when the youngest is a little older, I would like to trial a week-on, week-off schedule to see if that would be better for the children. My oldest has settled into our current custody schedule pretty well; knowing which days are with Mom and which days are with Dad really helps them.

With that said, I was considering a schedule change, since I lose a full weekend and my ex retains a full weekend. Once the attorney gets back to me, or if this goes in front of a judge, I want to add to the agreement that I get 28 days instead of 21 days of vacation time (Spring/Fall break and two weeks of summer vacation). This gives me an extra week in the summer, as well as the full weekend for MLK Jr. Day and Presidents' Day.

Does this sound like a reasonable request?

Almost 40, with one more year until the milestone. I have been separated since May 2025, and I just went on my first date since separating almost thirteen to fourteen months ago.

It was the most amazing experience of my entire life, and I am glad I committed to it. The woman was perfect. It was so nice to talk to someone my age. She was so kind-hearted and we just vibed really well. We vibed so well, in fact, that we reached an intense level of intimacy. It was great.

We initially met after my separation because she lived in my complex moved to after being seperated, and her child spent time with my child over that summer. I wasn't committed to dating and took a year just to get my head right—though some days, I don't think it even is yet.

A few days after the date, I came to a realization: I feel like I am being selfish. She has a weekday custody schedule, and I am currently in the midst of establishing my own. I work on the days she is child-free, and I really want to focus on my children when I have them. She also works during the week. Since I am in school until May of next year, I have a very tight schedule. With the way our schedules are set up, I feel like we can only date once a month. I can't go on a date with her again until the end of September when we both have time off. She said she is okay with it and feels it will all work out, but I still feel selfish.

Any divorced dads have a similar experience?

Location: North Carolina

I have been separated from my ex for 14 months. Six weeks ago, my ex retained an attorney. Since then, our communication has been restricted to a bare minimum—usually just simple verbal greetings or brief updates regarding the children's medication. I am planning to take the children on vacation, but my ex has not responded to my notices. I originally messaged them about this trip seven months ago. I have also made them aware of the plans through their new attorney based on our agreements. Still, I have received no response.

This trip is a set precedent. I took the children to the exact same location during the exact same week last year, and my ex agreed to the vacation at that time. I have a few questions on how to navigate this: To protect myself, should I send a short, simple email to their attorney with the trip details (location, contact information, etc.) so they can share it with my ex? Would providing this information protect me from an ex parte order filed by my ex and their attorney? If they suddenly say "no," would a judge likely view the trip as being in the best interest of the children, given the established precedent from last year?

Any advice would be appreciated!

There is currently no custody order in place. My custody action has been pending since May, and mediation did not result in an agreement. I notified my ex of these vacation dates by text approximately seven months in advance, and I also included the same dates in both proposed parenting agreements that were provided to opposing counsel. I have not received a response regarding the vacation.

My intent is simply to provide the itinerary and emergency contact information, and to document that advance notice was given. I also want to avoid any concern that I failed to communicate or withheld information while the case is pending.

Do you believe it is appropriate to send this notice to opposing counsel next week? If my ex says no and I still plan on taking the vacation, what issues may arise?

My vacation is officially 13 days away, and my ex-partner has neither responded to nor inquired about it. I notified them via text in February and have since communicated the details twice through their attorney. My ex did something similar last year, but they did not respond until four weeks before the vacation to acknowledge that it would be okay for me to take the children.

The fact that they have retained an attorney makes me feel that things have changed. According to my understanding, if a temporary custody order is filed, there is a 10-day window to respond; therefore, I am concerned that informing them too early might lead them to withhold the children. I am considering waiting until the Saturday I depart to notify them.

I am planning to record the conversation when I pick up the children and inform my ex that I will return them on Sunday night. We will have been separated for 14 months by the end of July. I filed for divorce and a formal custody plan 8 to 10 weeks ago, and my ex retained an attorney six weeks ago. For the most part, they agree with the proposed custody agreement, with only a few minor details remaining.

I am unsure if I should send a message to their attorney that Saturday to explain the vacation details and ensure their client is notified. Since my ex retained counsel, they have been largely silent regarding text messages. Our communication has historically been minimal, typically limited to weekly updates during exchanges regarding significant changes or long periods with the children.

This vacation is in the same location and during the same week as last year, and my ex took their own vacation the following week.

What steps can I take to protect myself? If this goes before a judge, can I demonstrate that I notified my ex via text seven months ago, alerted their attorney three times, and informed my ex in person, supported by a recording confirming their acknowledgment?

Last year, my ex agreed to vacation dates four weeks in advance. This year, I requested the dates seven months prior—specifically notifying them on February 4th—and followed up twice through their attorney (who was retained in June). Recently, my ex has refused to engage in conversation and has gone radio silence.

​I am considering sending one final message to confirm the dates. I am worried she will refuse, but I still intend to go. I considered informing her only on the day of the exchange to prevent potential court interference, but I am concerned that waiting until the last minute might look like a 'trap' or cause issues for the children. I am in a one-party consent state and could record her agreeing to the vacation on the day of the exchange, but I worry the court might view that as manipulative.

​This is the same week I took last year. Previously, if she disagreed with the dates, she would counter-offer for the following week; however, she hasn't done so this time. Additionally, she signed our child up for a class that overlaps with the week I have planned for our vacation.

​Should I send one final message to my ex or their attorney? I am considering sending a message that clearly states: "I am going on vacation on these dates. I have informed your client of these dates since February 4th, and here is the full itinerary/information."

​My biggest concern is that I am being set up for a trap; if I take the children without her explicit agreement, I worry they might file for temporary custody for "taking the children without permission." Given that I am pro se and we are in the process of certifying a custody agreement, should I attempt to obtain a 'Standing Order' from the Court to protect myself? Any advice?

Does anyone give pain medication early? I had a patient scheduled for 0640 with a Q4 order, and it is now 1037. I thought the medication was due at 1030, so I administered it, only to have the system alert me that it was too early. It has been a very busy day and I was rushing. How serious is it that I gave the medication 3–4 minutes early? Do I put a safety zone in?

Do any other single dads feel like dating just isn't a possibility until the kids are in high school or college?

I’ve been talking to a friend—she’s divorced, beautiful, and kind—but I’ve realized through our interactions this summer that we only ever see each other when I have my children and she has hers. It’s made me realize that if I want to date someone without the children involved, it can really only happen about one day a month.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that my life is currently split between work and my children, and I am fully okay with that. Prioritizing my children and being actively engaged in their lives is the most important thing to me right now. That said, I’ll admit I do miss the intimacy of a relationship and the companionship of a partner. I’m at a place where I’ve accepted my current reality, but I’m curious—are there any other single dads out there in the same boat?

My ex’s attorney indicated that they would send over a counter-proposal with an agreement after discussing the case with their client. I am encouraged that we might be able to resolve this without going to court. However, I am not sure if my ex is setting a trap. They seem to be working toward creating an agreement, yet I wonder if I should be wary.

Regarding the timeline of events: I first made my ex aware of the vacation plans seven months ago. I reminded them of the plans via their attorney three to four weeks ago, and again last week.

To date, I have not received an official response—either 'yes' or 'no'—regarding my request to take the children on vacation. At our most recent pickup, the ex said nothing, and the exchange proceeded as normal. If I take the children on vacation the following day and the ex asks why I am not returning them on the scheduled exchange day, what should I say or do?

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