u/Frhaegar

I'm genuinely curious about how my brain works.

I don't care about chasing trends or becoming the next viral thing or receive compliments. I'm 100% okay with living my life in my own pace, with my own rules.

I don't need to look richer or prettier or cooler. None of that.

But it'd make me feel so powerful when I'm accepted by people/organization. Just being accepted into joining them (in their social circle/project/work).

And the opposite, I cannot take rejection lightly. To the point that I wanna quit the planet.

Sometimes I stare at random people in public and wish they were my friends.

Not long ago, I reached out to a band who was looking for a vocalist. I didn't apply. I was done with band audition. I was hurt. Instead I only asked them, "Is it easy to find a singer who's willing to write their own lyrics? Did you receive many applicants?"

Three weeks later, they responded, "No, it's already hard looking for a singer. Even more so a screamer."

Should I try making them listen to my demo?

I'm not gonna try to fit their genre though. So in anyway, we won't match.

I think their genre is more like sing-scream type, with fry technique.

Normally that's what I do, but recently I want to go 'heavier'.

But still, should I make demos and just put myself out there again and get disappointed?

Does Cakewalk have tools like manual EQ or compressor ? Not just random FX presets ?

Can you retake vocals as much as you want without paying for premium ?

In terms of audio quality, is it loud enough ? Not compressed for web/mobile app ?

I really wish I didn't have this feeling of wanting to be in a band. It only brings me pain and misery cause no one wants me in their band.

Yes, I know, I'm not perfect or anything. I just... wanted to find "my people".

Just looking at metal bands who had changed vocalists and they all sound different.

It seems like every screamer has their own preference on how much scream they want, how much energy they put, how much air is used, how narrow or wide the mouth is, how low or high, how quiet or loud, and a tiny fraction of their natural speaking voice might add some spice to the final sound.

There's no wrong or right. As long as it doesn't hurt, I guess.

Just wondering if they fear more if their riffs are hard to work with or that they fear the singer/songwriter isn't skilled enough to match their riffs?

I know that any metalhead would tell me that metal music isn't always brutal.

I know it too cause I listened to metal songs about motivation to live, motivation to reach dreams, etc.

However, if you know that the band you're applying to has the 'dark' choices of influences, wouldn't you feel the pressure of writing brutal songs too?

And I think I'm not capable. I might give up.

I'm kinda disappointed, knowing that the number 1 metal vocalist that I adored for years... turned out often layering their vocals in the studio.

And all this time, I've been trying to sound like this person!! No wonder I kept failing. No wonder why I could never ever ever scream perfectly because I had the wrong 'teacher'.

Vocals are often overproduced in the studio versions.

I mean, I get it, they want to recreate the sound in their imagination. It's not illegal but it gives the wrong expectations for the fans who wanna learn.

Also I never really went to the concert of this person. I only ever listened to the studio versions. If they sound bad in YouTube live videos, I simply assumed, it's the sound quality of the person who recorded it.

But maybe they actually sound terrible in live concert and make the fans feel disappointed.

They have 12 years of work with the previous vocalist but they still play older songs. Is it cause the songwriter/manager wants more royalty cut?

It doesn't make any sense that a band produces a new album and then goes on tour and only pick 1 or 2 songs from the new album.

Why don't they play the whole album live?

I have decided a date for when I finally upload the files and click "publish" on the distributor's site. But I know that it'll take time for the album to be globally available. Now from this publish date, how long do I give them the buffer? I don't really have any special date or numbers. Cause for me, I only need to "work on the album" up until the publish date.

Back when I posted whatever, almost all my friends saw it.

Then I started my professional content journey and I planned far ahead and only posted automatically around a certain time.

And suddenly nobody seemed to care anymore.

Well, of course it might depend on the quality of my posts too but...

Today I accidentally clicked share right away, and I didn't wanna undo it cause I didn't care anymore if it'd reach anyone.

But suddenly my friends came back?

Not sure if it's about posting time or they genuinely liked what I just posted... or IG handles the scheduled posts differently.

I've been singing for nearly 2 decades and while it doesn't automatically mean that I'm good at it, I'm still struggling with breath control. I can do pretty much every singing technique that exists, but I'm at beginner level of them all. 🤣

Everytime I try recording myself singing, it's NEVER EVER EVER been perfect. Like I'd always make small mistakes. The more takes I do, the worse it gets cause I stress over it and I lose focus.

But I've been learning instruments for 1 year and I'm already good enough. Two hands playing. Left playing bass, right playing treble. I can do it smoothly right away without too many takes. Well, of course if we ignore the tempo and little string buzzing but overall I play nicely. I enjoy my own playing.

It's like the feeling when you watch a concert, their playing makes you feel alive. But in here, I am listening to myself.

But singing... honestly I start to wonder if I've ever been destined to be a singer.

My mom named me after her favorite singer.

It's like I'm scared of telling people something that I usually never said, "I'm busy from Mon-Fri."

(The context is they wanna meet up and ask when I will be available)

Like I'm scared if the universe considers me brag about it and somehow then takes it away from me as a punishment.

I guess I'm still traumatized by the previous job. They made us wait 4 months, made us do training in a city a bit far, we had to take trains + a lot of walk everyday. A real train, not subway, a 1-hour train to another city. Every single day for two weeks.

And then promised everyone good contracts. (At first they were gonna give us a temporary contract of 6 months, but at the end of training, they said everyone works great so everyone gets a permanent contract).

But just 3 days after our real work started, they let go of 2 people. The following week, me and another. The next week, 2 more people.

Even though I've already got a job right now, been working for 1 month, I still don't feel confident enough to admit that I've got a job.

Life is short and there's nothing more that I want in this life than to join a band, play on a gig. But I guess I'm not made for it.

I'm not even mad that no band wants to take me. I admit I am not good enough. If I were them, I wouldn't take myself either.

But it's the constant rejection that I can't take anymore. It ruined me mentally.

If I wanted to get in shape or had a fitness goal and everyday my entire body's aching, then that's all on me. I am the one in control of the situation. No matter how hard the challenges I might face when reaching a personal goal, I am in control.

But a band is not in my control. My fate is in their hands. I can't control what other people want.

I know. Nobody owes me their eyes or thumbs to engage with my posts. Nobody has any reasons to care about what I post.

And I of course will keep going no matter how many times I feel disappointed. Without this, I have nothing else. Without this, I'd just spend my time playing games or scroll endlessly. I need this to keep me productive and... really, I'd have nothing else to post on my social media.

Other people would post their travels or luxurious dinner. Here I just stay at home with my imaginative worlds...

My last artwork which I'm so proud of, spent so much time making, only got 3 views. 3 views after 24 hours!!

I feel so great everytime I finish something, then after posting it, my world is shrinking.

I'm not afraid of failing. I think I've gone through that many times.

Just feeling alone in the world.

I remember back in my day, I was one of the first people who owned a phone with a front-facing camera, which supposedly could be used for video calls. It was something that was more than a phone could normally do. You could see the person on the other side talking to you through screens!

Nowadays, every phone is equipped with so much features. I can pay groceries with my phone. Pay bus tickets as well. I can order food, clothes, instruments, electronics, cabinets, all through my phone and they'd arrive at my door.

I can make music, draw/design, write novels, stream movies, play some heavy high quality realistic-looking games, etc. Cameras that are crystal clear (though we might doubt the software's over processing, but most of the time, it's fine). Yet people might discard it just because it's not an iPhone. Not the brand new iPhone that came out one minute ago. It's a cheap Android.

Obviously I'm doing it for myself, no one forced me to. There's a band looking for a vocalist, they finished some instrumentals and they'd welcome the new vocalist to add lyrics + vocals however they want.

I just thought that this was a good opportunity. Even if they might not take me or my song, it could still be a fun experiment.

Sometimes as a singer, I don't feel comfortable to sing the words of others, if the lyrics are too offensive or something. So yeah, why not? I had finished writing a whole album, surely it wouldn't be hard to write a few more songs...

I managed to finished half, I felt so good yesterday... but today I doubt that it's good.

Désolée si ce n'est pas un bon endroit pour poser cette question. C'est juste que j'ai comencé à travailler à distance comme une freelancer depuis 3 semaines and j'avais besoin de modifier les activités. Mais jusqu'à maintenant, la validation n'est pas encore validée par l'organisation de la ville, seulement validée par INSEE.

So, I tried my luck to message every band ad who's looking for a vocalist (I'd accept any band or any project as long as the genres match my preference).

This time I got nothing on my profile. I'm not showing my videos/demo first and I respectfully ask them if they got some songs (or song ideas from their influences) that I can learn and try and then show them.

The first reply that I got :

"How old are you? Are you male or female?"

And of course they ask for my demo.

I don't want to give demos because they could judge the entire music. They could simply dislike the songs that I choose, you know what I mean? Instead of judging my vocals. And they could judge my whole appearance before hearing my voice.

Well, I don't know if you compared it to a high quality condenser mic in a real studio and other expensive gear setup, but for someone like me with a humble bedroom setup and cheap gear, piezo pickup is way way much better.

Also, I own a custom plucked string instrument where I myself decided to choose the tuning as well as string type, I was worried if my small experiment was a failure.

Cause in real life, it sounds sort of bad, like some notes sound off or not vibrating enough. But with the piezo pickup, every note sounds perfect as if it was a carefully made expensive instrument.