u/GraceDaysThree

I feel kinda discouraged right now. I have 422 followers but before this, I got a range of 800-300k views on my tiktoks which I was ok with. My last TikTok got 157 views and my newest one has 24 views. I get WAY more views of my ig reels with way less followers.

I never switched up my content. Why is this happening? Is there anything I can even do?

My sister(who tends to be very paranoid about how she’s being perceived) gave me her Aoba Seragaki cosplay back in August but come time when I want to wear it to a con in a few days, she changed her mind and doesn’t want me to have it anymore. If you know the game he’s from.. you know the game. She says “I heard people go up to Aoba cosplayers and do weird things so the answer is no.” I do not know where she heard that.

I understand her concern and that it’s her cosplay but I also feel like we shouldn’t not do things because we’re afraid of how others would react. I very much appreciate her concern but I’m an adult and I’m not going to be alone and I have people who I know will defend me there with me.

I guess I’m just slightly irritated because I wanted to wear this cosplay for a while now. I really wish she told me that she didn’t want me to wear it sooner. I would’ve bought my own if I knew she changed her mind but the con is in 4 days and it won’t arrive in time. I just want more opinions on this.

In the fall, I’ll be entering my second year of college. I can’t keep taking Ubers to class. I’m transferring to another university in a different city once I get my associates and I feel like I really need a car before then. My mom is too nervous to teach me herself besides taking me to an empty parking lot(which is helpful for learning how to park) but not on the road. My dad is willing to teach me on the road but when he does, I don’t learn anything and regressed in my driving skills because he gets way too angry and screamed at me for every little mistake I made. He’s done this for all of my sisters. I have just bitten the bullet and let him teach me anyway because “at least someone is teaching me.” But I never progressed in my skills because I was more focused on not making him mad.

I was making mistakes that I wasn’t making back when I was a sophomore in high school and in drivers ed. Luckily I have my permit so all I need is the experience.

I’m trying to save enough money so I can pay for my own driving classes. They’re expensive but I know that I’m about to be 19 and I’m becoming an adult who has places to be so some sacrifices need to be made. I just really want this. Sigh. I feel like I’m behind for not having it earlier(like when I was in high school). But it was out of my control.

One of my biggest goals is to one day judge a cosplay competition. Big or small con, I don’t care. Participating in craftsmanships competition have my entire heart for a few years now and judging one would make me so very happy because I am OBSESSED with seeing the craftsmanship that goes into cosplays. Like when I’m at competitions, I get on my hands and knees looking at the details of other competitor’s cosplays (with permission of course). Like you’d think I’m a judge lol. Just a person whose special interest in making cosplays.

Obviously the passion is there but obviously if passion was enough, everyone would be a cosplay judge. I know for most cons, they invite you as a judge and for some smaller ones, they have applications for judges. What goals do I need to reach/what is the main criteria to be a judge. Thanks in advance!

I(18) was in an uber today on my way to meet a friend and I sorta felt iffy afterwards. The driver was a man that looked way older than me. I’m in college but most people think I’m a freshman or a sophomore in high school. I kept looking up at the rear view mirror and kept catching him staring at me. It was creepy.

Later on, he asked me where I was going and when I said “a restaurant”, he asked me if I was gonna be alone… which creeped me out because why do you care? Past uber drivers have asked where I’m going but they never asked if I’m gonna be alone. I said “No. With a bunch of my friends” even though it was just one of my girlfriends. He looked a bit disappointed and said “oh…” When we got closer to the restaurant, he asked how old I was. I’ve had uber drivers ask how old I was before but it’s always an older driver saying “oh, you’re the same age as my grandchild!” Or “And you’re in college? You look so young.” But the way he said it felt weird and predatory. I told him my age and he said “Oh. I just wanted to get your Instagram.” I lied and said I had a bf and he wouldn’t like it. I do not have a boyfriend lol. And he looked disappointed again.

I think… if I was an obviously older woman, it wouldn’t be as weird. But I looked like a kid. I’ve always been very scared of men and I guess thats why the whole ride scared me. Especially since I am in his car and at his disposal. The sex trafficking rate in my city is also really high…

It could’ve been way worse obviously but it really freaked me out. But then I was like “maybe he was just trying to make small talk or it was just a shot in the dark?” I dunno… am I freaking myself out?

I’m very worried about my twin sister. She stopped going to her college classes and says that the career she wants “doesn’t align with college and that she much rather work towards it now.” Which I understand. She wants to be a tattoo artist and there’s some tattoo schools in our state. Our parents said they’ll support her financially. But all she needs to do is apply but she just… hasn’t. I keep reminding her but she hasn’t done it yet. She doesn’t do much of anything. Just lays on the couch and plays video games all day. Thats been her routine for about a month now. She says she feels lost on what to do but she doesn’t try anything out.

She has no friends and says that she really wants them. Me and my mom have found events specially made to where she could make friends. And she’ll express interest at going and then she’ll back out without trying. She’s horribly anxious and she’s neurodivergent. I invite her out with my friends but she always says no.

It’s not like we aren’t trying to get her help. We’ve given her many resources but she just doesn’t want it. She has tried to take her life and I call for an ambulance, they take her to the hospital for about two days, and then they don’t keep her in a mental institution because “this place is for people really struggling and she doesn’t belong here.”

Once she gets there, she tells them that she doesn’t want to die and that she’ll do better. But she never does. This has been going on for years and I don’t know how to help her anymore. Every time we try to get her to face reality, she screams at us. And sometimes she screams at random. Like my family will be sleeping and we’ll wake up to her screaming. So we all walk on eggshells. I ask her why she does this and she says she doesn’t know. And that it just comes out. But she hasn’t always done this. So I’m confused.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve been going through a lot recently but I haven’t really unpacked it because I’m worrying about her. All my family does is worry about her. I transfer to a university out of town very soon(my time at community college is almost up) and I’m terrified to leave her because I’m the only person our age that she talks to. I don’t want her to be alone. I would give ANYTHING just for things to be normal again. I would give anything for her to just be ok.

I flirted with someone(I was obviously rejected but that’s not my main concern) who i had no idea was friends with my ex girlfriend. And I’m just now learning that a lot of my friends are friends with that person and I’m afraid that they’re telling people and then everyone will hate me and call me a bestie bouncer(is that the female equivalent of a homie hopper?). Sigh fml I’m so stupid

I love my mom but she’s one of those people unfortunately. She’s always on the phone for the longest talking shit to god knows who about her coworkers and their business. And she gets really mean about it too. When I hear her talk to others, she doesn’t really have much to say except for talking bad about other people and situations that have nothing to do with her. Even her children. Before we learned better, me and my sister have shared DEEP secrets with her and have said “I only want you to know this.” She agrees to it and later on, here comes someone asking about that deep secret we told her not to share. We confronted her and she got really pissy. So we just made the mutual agreement to not tell her anything personal anymore.

She has gotten me in trouble with that before. I told her something that one of my ex friends did that I didn’t agree with/wasn’t comfortable with(drug use). She told someone WHO KNEW A MUTUAL FRIEND OF OURS, who told that friend and then that friend told my ex friend what I said. And it was this whole thing.

I love my mom but I haven’t confided in her about anything really in a long time. I trust her but I don’t, y’know?

Frankly, I’m(18F) sick of it. My older sister(26F) is a person who is very quick to anger over very small things and has issues with keeping her composure. We have different moms and were raised in separate households so we’re VERY VERY(emphasis on the word very) different and we clash every time we see each other.

While we were on vacation over the weekend, we went to a restaurant that she didn’t want to eat at but everyone else did. She was super pissed and made sure we all knew. I said “Well we’re here now so let’s just see what we can eat.” You’d think I called her out of her name the way she lashed out on me. Like SCREAMING AT ME IN THIS TINY RESTAURANT. I was laughing and telling her to chill which probably made her more mad and she started yelling at me to leave her alone. Which I did lol. I don’t want to be screamed at.

My dad told her we’ll try the appetizers and if we don’t like them, we’ll leave and go to the restaurant she wants to go to(we ended up devouring the appetizers and stayed there) and she still wasn’t ok with that so she stormed out the restaurant and ate alone at the one she wanted to go to. It’s just stupid… she barely sees us and she eats all alone because she doesn’t want to try something new.

On the way back to the airport, she lost her phone in the rental car and blamed us. She was mad because we didn’t go back to the rental car to look. Our plane departed at 11:30. It was 10:50. We were already at the airport waiting for our flight and we took public transit… we obviously didn’t have time to go back. I get being upset but if it were me, I’d have no one to blame but myself. And my dad told her that he already filed a claim on the phone so she’ll get it back in a few days. He gave her another phone to use in the meantime.

5 hours later when we got home, her boyfriend came to pick her up(thank god). She was STILL mad at us for not going back. Her and my dad got into a screaming match(well my dad was just talking and she was the one screaming). She then ranted to my mom about it afterwards and THE CRAZIEST PART TO ME: I DIDN’T EVEN SAY ANYTHING OR LOOK AT HER. I JUST HAPPENED TO WALK PAST AND SHE GOT MAD AT ME AND TOLD ME TO LEAVE HER ALONE. Sister… I am just walking past… chill out. Her boyfriend was sitting next to her and the only word I could use to describe his face was “dissociation.”

Me and my mom both agreed that her boyfriend, who I do like, gives into whatever she wants because he’s afraid of upsetting her. Which is what she’s probably used to and went nuts when she didn’t get her away when with us. It’s just a mess. I hope she can change her ways. Lashing out over every inconvenience isn’t healthy. There’s a lot of crazy moments from my life so far that involve her throwing tantrums at tiny things but it’ll be 100 pages long.

I got accepted into one of the best universities in my state + my dream university!! (I’m in community college but I’m transferring). Cuz of that, my dad sat me down and talked about how all of the sneaky shit that I think I’m getting away with in college, he will find out and that I’m not sneaky. But he won’t elaborate on what he knows. Which is nothing.

Dude. If he knew all the shit I got up to when I’m not home, he would lose the little hair he has left. Ngl… it keeps me up at night. Him finding out things that I do that he wouldn’t like. Not to be vulgar but I’m still high off that adrenaline but literally yesterday, I kissed and dry humped 2 guys that I only knew for 30 minutes at a party. Me and my friends are getting drunk out of our minds at a sleepover. Do you know that, DAD?? I literally got a tattoo and the only reason he found out is because I was too excited to keep it a secret.

My grades never falter so all that other stuff shouldn’t matter.

Edit: I’ll take what y’all said into consideration. I guess. Thanks for caring enough to tell me the truth. Not used to that lowk so arigato. I genuinely posted this thinking it was normal because doing cheap thrills is the only thing that makes me feel something(in the least edgy way possible).

I’m not a whore. Or a drunk. I have been through a lot that has made me emotionally numb. I’m not gonna take the coward’s way out and delete this post. I’m gonna keep this post up to try to make myself feel shame and do better. Tbh, I still don’t see it fully but obviously something is wrong if so many people are saying it is.

I’ve also been sitting in the basement of my house for about 6 hours alone with nothing but my homework and own thoughts which probably isn’t helping but it’s making me more receptive tbh.

I got into a transfer program at my dream uni and it’s one of the best universities in my state. I told the rest of my family and they were hyped(my mom cried lol) BUT I TOLD MY GRANDMA AND SHE WAS LIKE “Oh… ok. Good” WITH THE BLANKEST EXPRESSION EVER. Even my mom looked at her upset and said “That was a very dry reaction.”

I wanted her to be proud of me the most so I waited until I could tell her in person and to be honest… her reaction really bummed me out a bit. Even if the rest of my family was very happy for me.

Later on she did say she was proud of me but I don’t know if she did because of what my mom said or not. I think she is proud of me but I dunno… I kinda expected more of a reaction from her. Because she’s like- big on education and has expressed joy at my other accomplishments…

I am the BIGGEST DUMBASS IN THE WORLD.

My quantitive literacy professor sent an email showing tests we had that were due that day and one of the test had the same long name as another one(the only difference being one word) I took the day before so I thought to myself “Oh I already did it.” SO I DIDNT BOTHER LOOKING AT IT. I SHOULDVE CHECKED TO SEE IF I DID IT JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE. MY GRADE WENT FROM AN 86 TO A 68 AND I NEED A 70 TO PASS.

I did the calculations and if I continue turning everything in, my grade will probably raise to an 80 but oh my gosh I feel so stupid. I don’t think my GPA will be tanked THAT badly because I do have A’s in all my other classes and I’ll still be above a 3.0(I’m in a program to transfer to my dream college and that’s the minimum gpa requirement).

Not even gonna bother my prof with the email. I need to hold myself accountable.

Bro I went to my first party in a long time(like a month and some change) last night. I danced with a few dudes but I danced with a really cute tall guy all night for the most part. I made the first move which… I do sometimes but for the most part I’m really shy.

A mosh pit started(to a song that I don’t even think was worth starting a mosh pit for😭) and the rumors about guys purposely shoving themselves into tiny girls are indeed true because some random guy shoved into me and I WASNT EVEN IN IT. But the guy I was with shoved him back. I felt like the beta and he was the alpha 🐺 it was nice and we kissed for a bit afterwards and I got his contact information

Ever since I got dumped a few months ago, I’ve been out of the dating scene(and party scene) and I’ll probably continue to stay out of the dating scene for a while but it was nice to party with someone and them not expect anything or be a creep. I’m so tired of creeps.

If literally every test I take online says I’m autistic, do you think I can say “Yeah. I am autistic” if someone were to ask? Just wondering.