u/KeenBTF

My background is that I have been emotionally abused my whole life so far. I am middle-aged.

I finished reading Session 2 yesterday and have been chewing on it since.

It seems to me that using the Santa Clause method of expressing needs is what emotional abusers do. "My need is a gift to you, you get the privilege of fulfilling it."

I havent listened to the third session because I am hung up on this and want to digest it properly.

I can't write out my whole story here, as it started in childhood and i am middle aged. Focusing on my marriage of 19+ years though, he has been abusive via coercion, isolation, making me change who i am, my hobbies, DARVO, name calling, insults, throwing things, grabbing people, raising his fist or bucking up like a rooster, saying insensitive things, etc.

I used to be very timid and obedient. Its how I was raised: the man is the head of the household and should be obeyed.

But I started to chafe under the weight of it. I started to rebel in small ways, like continuing a hobby that he told me "emasculates" him (wood working). I have always been verbally neutral, even when angry. I am Autistic and have little to no control over my volume when I am passionate or upset, but I would absolutely never swear or attack the other person.

But... I do now. Well, I still don't use personal attacks like he does, but I swear. He causes meltdowns by following me around when I tell him I need space to decompress, insisting that he has to explain himself. I'll scream for him to "Go the fuck away" or "shut the fuck up". If i go into a room and lock the door so he cant follow, he stands at the door talking at me. He'll text me if i dont respond.

I know that we are both broken children stuck in adults bodies. I can no longer leave as my support network is gone (my family straight up told me no when i asked for help leaving). Womens shelters wouldnt allow my two dogs and im not leaving them. I am also disabled and cannot work, but he makes too much for me to qualify for disability. He kept me from working for most of our relationship so I cannot get social security either. (We are in the US).

Our most recent blow up, i said i want to separate. Our only option is in-house separation, but i have no way to escalate it further.

We are both seeking therapists but I've been doing reading on my own as well. I have a growing fear that I have become abusive in response to the abuse I've been experiencing.

I am triggered when he raises his voice because it would always lead to personal attacks, so now I feel like *I* can raise my voice, but he cant. It immediately triggers a fight or flight response.

I now swear when I never did before

He said I am gaslighting him when I say he has a bad memory. But he absolutely has a history of saying things happened that didnt, because he has entire conversations in his head and then tries to hold me to those.

I have started to doubt his sincerity and say "no you're not" when he says he's sorry, because things have never changed after an apology.

I'm feeling sick thinking I am becoming what I hate.

Heat index tomorrow of 106-112°F. Stay inside if you can, take steps to keep cool if you have to go out.

Be safe, y'all ♡

I have CPTSD and am in an emotionally/religiously abusive marriage. He also needs therapy and I do not believe he does this on purpose, but it happens anyway.

Me, my husband, (both in 2023) and our teenage daughter (2025) have all attempted remote (online) therapy, and all ended poorly.

For him, the therapist (through Better Help) mostly didnt do much as far as my husband could tell, but he stopped therapy after the guy told him that I am a narcissist and that I am the problem person, without ever talking to me at all.

For me, I found a local independent therapist who specialized in CPTSD and Autism. She talked most of the time for the first two sessions, then 15 minutes after the next one was supposed to start, she called to reschedule. The same story next time, but it was canceled rather than rescheduled. After that, she ghosted me and I never heard from her again.

For our teen, I found another local one. He insisted on seeing her weekly, even though financially that was really hard to do. He never took notes or remembered anything about her, so he would ask her every session if she had pets, siblings, etc. At one point they did "cooking therapy" and he kept asking her to tell him he did a good job?? He creeped both of us out so we ended sessions. He has randomly texted me twice in the year and a half since then, with a "How are you doing?" Which I ignored.

I am feeling extremely gunshy about finding a new therapist for each of us, but I know we need help. Please help me know what to look for?

I recently asked for help with my 11-month-old puppy who persistently tries to engage our older dog and cat in play. She's not aggressive or hyper, but she can be annoying and ignores their signals that they're done interacting.

I was finally able to speak with a local trainer and wanted some outside opinions on a few pieces of advice she gave me. I'm trying to separate my reaction to the trainer from the actual advice.

The main points were:
• Feeding Beneful is causing the behavior and making my puppy hyperactive.
• An 11-month-old puppy should be sleeping 21 hours a day.
• For naps, she should be crated in a dark room away from everyone else.
• If she injures one of the smaller animals, "stuff happens."

For context, my puppy sleeps through the night and also naps throughout the day, but nowhere near 21 hours. More like 16 hours. My vet has no concerns about her food, and I don't consider her hyperactive. What are your thoughts on these recommendations? Do any of these raise red flags for you?

As a side note, I've actually started seeing improvement in my puppy's behavior recently (not using any of this advice), so I'm not posting from a place of crisis. I'm mostly looking for perspective on the advice itself.

For me it's Donald with his constant tantrums. I used to turn and run away when I heard he was near until I learned I could mute them. I do wish you could mute specific ones though.

In 2024 I applied for disability. I am legally disabled. I've been married for 20 years and worked small jobs off and on (mostly stayed home because my husband wasn't comfortable with me working at the time and I was raised to be a "good little wife" so i didnt stand up for myself) until we bought land in 2010 and i worked on our homestead. After two years i had to stop that as i developed POTS (around 2012). I tried to work a couple of different jobs but had to stop very shortly after getting each one. My last job was in 2013.

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When I applied for disability, I didn't (and still dont) understand the criteria etc. I was contacted 6 months after I applied and was told my husband made too much money (he made $600 a week for a family of four which was low enough to need SNAP). The guy on the phone said i needed to apply for the kind that is based on my work hours in the past, and that i needed to prove that i stopped working due to disability. I have no idea how to prove that as i never got diagnosed until 2019 because doctors said it was all in my head.

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Im so confused and at a loss for what to do. I want to be able to contribute something to my household but i cant work. I tried again this past october but it didnt work.

My 10 month old bully mix is a major chewer. Like, destroyed the "strongest stuffed toy on earth" in less than 10 minutes major. I need fast suggestions on what to buy for her before she literally chews the floor (again).

She wont chew her kong, only gets the treats out and then ignores it until its refilled. Bully sticks are expensive and last less than half an hour. I'm looking for something thats safe and very long lasting. She's chewing us out of house and home.

I bought a round baler/wrapper combo (bought several and its the same with all of them). Once I bale grass, I have to detach my tractor (225hp Challenger MT665), save, log out, log back in, and then the baler will kind of wrap the bale, as long as I don't attach my tractor to it. I say "kind of" because the bale doesnt look wrapped when its done, and it says its a hay bale even though I baled un-teddered grass. Even before "wrapping" it says its grass while baling, but then it says the completed bale is hay.

What am I doing wrong? :( I want my marshmallows all over the field

PS5

(To the mods, when I went to post this it says I have to "add the appropriate (correct) flair" but the only flair available are the default (NSFW, Spoiler, and Brand Affiliate) which are not applicable ones, so not sure what to do there)

Edit: the vanilla balers wouldnt wrap, so i downloaded a modded baler, and it wraps fine. Not sure what is going on with the vanilla ones

Looking to flood my daughter with cards for her sweet 16 birthday! She's into all kinds of things, from music, to art, to cats. Thanks in advance, and please let me know if you need more info! I've never made a request before

Accepted a contract for harvesting parsnips. I know, I know.

I'm 6 hours in and only 40% finished. I have game set to 0.5 speed.

I had to hire AI to harvest because I couldn't take it anymore.

I rented the equipment for $800, so I am getting $2200, minus any AI worker fees. They didn't even give me adequate equipment! The tractor isn't actually strong enough to pull the trailer of parsnips. 5mph is its max speed to go fully across the map to deliver.

Why on earth is it only $3k payment to begin with? It takes so many passes to harvest, its insane.

I wouldnt bother except I hate that the rest of the map goes stagnant unless I work it. Crops wither in the field, fields stay barren, etc. Where's the life? :(

I have a roller with the weeder attachment. I have cultivated, planted, rolled, limed, and fertilized 4 fields. Three are fine, but one says

Weed (growing) Weeder

So the roller didn't kill the weeds? Should I roll again? There are no visible weeds either when looking at it or in the map view with the weed filter

Has anyone here successfully kept a mango and/or avocado tree its whole life in a pot? I live in zone 8b-9a (right on the edge) and would like to have home grown mango and avocado, but sometimes it gets below freezing. I was hoping it would be possible to keep them in a large pot on wheels and move them in and out of my heated greenhouse (stays at 50°F min so my cactuses are happy).

Is this possible?

I live in a very large apartment complex (over 160 units spread through many buildings (8 units per building). The property is large and sprawled over steep hilly terrain.

I live in one far corner where there are three buildings, so 25 units. There is one single handicapped space there. There are at least 2-3 people who need this space.

I have contacted the office and filled out an accommodation request to have more handicapped spaces put in by our buildings. They stalled for six months, and are now saying they don't have to comply because they have the required number of spaces. I did not go out and count spaces around the property to know of this is true, but 95% of the spaces are on the opposite side of the very large property, which they very well know.

They say I can pay to put a handicapped parking sign up if I want but that I couldn't stop others with a disabled parking tag from parking there.

Is any of this legal in GA? Is it not required that each building be handicapped parking accessible?

For what it's worth, they knew that I require mobility aids when we signed. I'd seen there was one space and asked about it. They said they were planning to add more.

I have mobility issues and being in a calorie deficit makes my other symptoms far worse. My doctors over the years have put me on several meds that caused me to gain weight, which has made my mobility problems even worse. Being even slightly hungry is also a meltdown trigger (I am Autistic) after I was forced to go without food for a week during a hospital stay.

I don't know what to do but my life is in a spiral. I can't live like this.

I did get snails to help keep my tank clean, but the mystery snail digs up and eats all of my plants instead of the algae :') no one said this was a possibility, so here is my PSA:

Mystery snails will dig up and eat your live plants.

I spent so much on live plants and had it beautifully planted, all full and green. Now more than half are uprooted and floating, half eaten.

They also work fast. I watched it do it to my best plant and there wasn't anything I could do. Nerite snail doesnt touch the plants.

I provided after-school care for an 8 year old boy. First note is that I am Autistic, so this isn't against kids with the tism.

This was Monday-Friday from the time he got home from school to the time his mother got off of work, usually 3-4 hours a day, all school year.

He is a higher support needs boy who has to take a transport service home because he can't take the bus. Nearly every day I got an earful from the transport service about how difficult the boy was (wouldnt buckle, throwing things at the drover, screaming the entire ride, wouldnt get in/out of the car, etc). Sometimes after he got to my house he would be fine sitting and having a snack while reading or playing with toys. Most days though he would go sit on the hill behind my house and scream. Blood-curdling scream. I got reports from neighbors constantly. If you touched him at all, or of he thought you were going to, he would fly into a fury and bite, kick, and scream.

My whole family, and even my dogs, were miserable with him at our house.

He ended up causing me to have a mental breakdown. I told the mother that $300/month was not enough to be able to keep doing the job as I needed to be able to buy more supplies to care for him, and me, properly. She insulted me and went no contact and I haven't seen or heard from her since.

AITA for asking for higher pay, or should I have sucked it up and watched him anyway?

This happened years ago and it still preys on me.