u/KittiesandPlushies

It absolutely shocks me how many people stay in unhappy marriages when our days on this earth are so finite. I went to a family gathering recently, and the whole time a family friend just complained about how pissed she was that her husband was home (he works out of state and only comes home a couple days a month). She continued to complain about everything he did and was just annoyed by his existence. Don’t get me wrong, some of the complaints she had were absolutely valid, but that just made me even more confused. I just kept thinking I can’t imagine being married to someone I dread sharing a home and life with!

“Well, we have kids together…” so you want to model an unhappy marriage for your children so they can follow in your footsteps?

“Well we have a house together,” so a piece of property is worth your unhappiness?

“Well we have been together for so many years!” Are you trying to be the poster child for sunk cost fallacy?

My first marriage when I was young was utterly miserable and abusive, and I’m glad I got away. Divorce wasn’t easy, but neither was staying in a marriage that made me dread waking up each morning. Had I never left, I would’ve never met my current husband. I would’ve never known how it felt to be truly loved, adored, appreciated, heard, and cared about. I would’ve never known what it’s like to be in a marriage where love is reciprocated, household chores are fairly divided, and where we are always thinking about each other. I no longer feel perpetual stress, guilt, and fear taking years off my life. We have only been together 4 years, but even when we were going through extremely painful life experiences, we never took it out on each other.

My dad and my step mom have been married between 2 and 3 decades, and despite them having lifelong financial, family, and health issues, they always treat each other with love and respect. I’ve never even seen them angry with each other because they never do anything outlandish or inconsiderate, they just make the effort to be kind to each other.

Marriages have ups and downs, but everyone deserves a marriage where respect is the bare minimum. There’s never an excuse to be cruel, cold, uncaring, or disrespectful to the human you are sharing a life with, so why tolerate such behavior? Marriage isn’t a nonstop thrill ride of butterflies and passion, but it can be consistently loving and comforting if both people are committed to doing so. Happy marriages aren’t a pipe dream, and staying in an unhappy marriage isn’t honorable. Staying in a marriage where you are damaging each other with disrespect and sharp tongues also isn’t normal/appropriate.

So to all of the people I can’t say this directly to, I just need to get this off my chest: you’re supposed to like your spouse.

Hi there and I hope this question is okay! Due to personal dietary restrictions, I am trying really hard to cut down on dairy, but butter is the *only* thing I cannot find a good alternative for.

“Just get margarine!” I’ve tried, and now my fridge is a graveyard of different margarines I’ll never touch again. I can’t explain what it is, but margarine tastes so off to me and has my whole life. As an undiagnosed autistic child, I was a nightmare for my foster parents because I could instantly taste anything cooked with margarine and would go hungry rather than eat it.

I just want something creamy and salty without that artificial “butter” flavor that my tastebuds protest. I know I should just be less picky, but I struggle to maintain a healthy weight because I have and will go days without eating rather than eat something that tastes off to me.

I use butter for cooking, baking, frostings, spreading on toast, etc., so I would really appreciate any suggestions for alternatives! Thank you so much for reading this far!