u/Kittykatmazda07

So there is this guy  (we will call him K) who I met about 5 years ago during my spring semester of community college. I met him through a girl I’ve known for a long time since we did art classes together in elementary school. He seemed like a nice chill guy. Eventually he started following me on Instagram, andwould comment on some of my posts. At the time I was trying to get over a crush on a guy (we will call him Ice box) who basically rejected me, so I didn’t have interest in like dating anyone or whatever because it takes me a very long time (id say at least a year) to get over a crush. I don’t think he did so either, I actually told him via dm I had no rom com feelings for him. He said same thing. Eventually, I believe he deactivated his Instagram account (this was like 4.5 years ago maybe). So, I go on to live my life, running in to him only once my Junior year of university not thinking much of it aside from a friendly reunion like I would with anyone else I know from school or whatever.
I’ve had 3 more crushes since then (2 of them being pretty mild, but I had one on a guy we will call cooler ended up being super intense leading to bad heartbreak and friendship ending). Cooler was the last crush ive had on anyone the heartbreak hit me so bad, that I did some deep self-reflection and realized having a crush is very crushing because 9.9/10 they don’t want anything to do with me anymore, and the happy giddy delusional feelings I get with a crush aren’t worth it.
I haven’t had a crush on anyone in particular for about 2 years, and I’ve tried to avoid anymore crushes since then because when I crush on someone, it gets very intense to the point of limerence. I tend to fantasize our life together and want to show my love and care for them. I have trouble with social ques and knowing when someone is not into me/ knowing when to stop (unless they directly tell me to).
Last year I would constantly make drawings and journal about me and a man who hides his face under a mask (think of guy fawkes or the money heist masks) and would wear a hoodie and pants. It was fun for me because I had no idea who the guy was. It made me feel hopeful, and not have any pressure to shoot my shot with anyone in particular. And I could imagine him as my dream man too.
But now, I can’t stop thinking about K. It’s been going on for about a month now, I am tempted to reach out to him. I think he is using a different account on Insta now, but I have a feeling this is the same guy. Heck I reactivated my main Instagram page just because Since his account was public, I went tot follow him, but after about 4-5 hours I unfollowed him since he didn’t follow me back, and I think his following went up a bit. See why I hate having a crush I overanalyze everything.

But I still can’t stop thinking about him. I think I’m starting to like him because he is catholic like me, and my curiosity is running wild.
Of course, I’d like to get to know him more before any sort of dating happens and see if I actually do like him. But I am afraid to reach out because I don’t think I can handle another crushheartbreak because it ruins me. I can’t perform work as well, I cry a lot, and lose the urge to live. Also, since he’s Catholic, it may make me question my faith more. I have even prayed that If I am to never marry anyone to get rid of this desire for a lover/husband. But it has never left my mind. I have prayed to God that if this man is not for me to please remove him from my mind, but he’s still here. Maybe I’m not praying hard enough. Idk
I have never dated anyone before I am a 25-year-old virgin who is born to be a lover girl but forced to be a girl boss. I am also scared to date too because I fear I might miss being single and seeing all those Tikoks that brain wash me into thinking that all men are bad and that having a boyfriend is embarrassing. I believe I am on the Autism spectrum hence why I have trouble with social skills sometimes, get very very intense feelings and don’t understand a lot of things about dating and question the way society is and much more

And just seeing everyone else my age I went to school with getting married and even having kids. Yes it’s a normal thing to do, but it just makes me irrationally mad but I also feel like I’m better than everyone for still being single because I could be like a jester in the kings court. When I do find my soulmate, I personally would wanna keep my relationship private just because why would I need to post it to anyone (besides family of course)? I feel like I’m just seeking validation from others who don’t know me very well/ have never even met before.

I’m just so lost. I feel like I wanna go ahead and try to reach out just to get this crush over with. But I’m just scared of get heartbroken again and spiraling into madness. Plus I am trying to learn from my past mistakes too. Yes I am happy single, and I love myself and don’t wanna settle for less. But there is this part of me that really longs for a man. A man to hold me, kiss me, travel across the country and world with, and become a better person with. Have any of you felt this way? What would you guys do in this situation?

So there is this guy  (we will call him K) who I met about 5 years ago during my spring semester of community college. I met him through a girl I’ve known for a long time since we did art classes together in elementary school. He seemed like a nice chill guy. Eventually he started following me on Instagram, andwould comment on some of my posts. At the time I was trying to get over a crush on a guy (we will call him Ice box) who basically rejected me, so I didn’t have interest in like dating anyone or whatever because it takes me a very long time (id say at least a year) to get over a crush. I don’t think he did so either, I actually told him via dm I had no rom com feelings for him. He said same thing. Eventually, I believe he deactivated his Instagram account (this was like 4.5 years ago maybe). So, I go on to live my life, running in to him only once my Junior year of university not thinking much of it aside from a friendly reunion like I would with anyone else I know from school or whatever.
I’ve had 3 more crushes since then (2 of them being pretty mild, but I had one on a guy we will call cooler ended up being super intense leading to bad heartbreak and friendship ending). Cooler was the last crush ive had on anyone the heartbreak hit me so bad, that I did some deep self-reflection and realized having a crush is very crushing because 9.9/10 they don’t want anything to do with me anymore, and the happy giddy delusional feelings I get with a crush aren’t worth it.
I haven’t had a crush on anyone in particular for about 2 years, and I’ve tried to avoid anymore crushes since then because when I crush on someone, it gets very intense to the point of limerence. I tend to fantasize our life together and want to show my love and care for them. I have trouble with social ques and knowing when someone is not into me/ knowing when to stop (unless they directly tell me to).
Last year I would constantly make drawings and journal about me and a man who hides his face under a mask (think of guy fawkes or the money heist masks) and would wear a hoodie and pants. It was fun for me because I had no idea who the guy was. It made me feel hopeful, and not have any pressure to shoot my shot with anyone in particular. And I could imagine him as my dream man too.
But now, I can’t stop thinking about K. It’s been going on for about a month now, I am tempted to reach out to him. I think he is using a different account on Insta now, but I have a feeling this is the same guy. Heck I reactivated my main Instagram page just because Since his account was public, I went tot follow him, but after about 4-5 hours I unfollowed him since he didn’t follow me back, and I think his following went up a bit. See why I hate having a crush I overanalyze everything.

But I still can’t stop thinking about him. I think I’m starting to like him because he is catholic like me, and my curiosity is running wild.
Of course, I’d like to get to know him more before any sort of dating happens and see if I actually do like him. But I am afraid to reach out because I don’t think I can handle another crushheartbreak because it ruins me. I can’t perform work as well, I cry a lot, and lose the urge to live. Also, since he’s Catholic, it may make me question my faith more. I have even prayed that If I am to never marry anyone to get rid of this desire for a lover/husband. But it has never left my mind. I have prayed to God that if this man is not for me to please remove him from my mind, but he’s still here. Maybe I’m not praying hard enough. Idk
I have never dated anyone before I am a 25-year-old virgin who is born to be a lover girl but forced to be a girl boss. I am also scared to date too because I fear I might miss being single and seeing all those Tikoks that brain wash me into thinking that all men are bad and that having a boyfriend is embarrassing. I believe I am on the Autism spectrum hence why I have trouble with social skills sometimes, get very very intense feelings and don’t understand a lot of things about dating and question the way society is and much more

And just seeing everyone else my age I went to school with getting married and even having kids. Yes it’s a normal thing to do, but it just makes me irrationally mad but I also feel like I’m better than everyone for still being single because I could be like a jester in the kings court. When I do find my soulmate, I personally would wanna keep my relationship private just because why would I need to post it to anyone (besides family of course)? I feel like I’m just seeking validation from others who don’t know me very well/ have never even met before.

I’m just so lost. I feel like I wanna go ahead and try to reach out just to get this crush over with. But I’m just scared of get heartbroken again and spiraling into madness. Plus I am trying to learn from my past mistakes too. Yes I am happy single, and I love myself and don’t wanna settle for less. But there is this part of me that really longs for a man. A man to hold me, kiss me, travel across the country and world with, and become a better person with. Have any of you felt this way? What would you guys do in this situation?