u/LonginusUbik

It’s genuinely frustrating to take the time to write a clear post, only to have people in the comments arguing against points you never even made. It feels like a lot of users just skim the title, pick a few words from the first paragraph, and fill in the rest themselves. You can explicitly write "I do not think X," and the top comment will inevitably be someone telling you that your main problem is that you think X.

It totally defeats the purpose of asking for perspective when you have to spend your time clearing up misunderstandings. You end up defending yourself because someone cherry-picked half a sentence and ignored the actual context. People will even ignore basic stated facts—like specific logistics you deliberately clarified—just to make the story fit whatever narrative they have in their heads.

If you don't have the attention span for a few paragraphs, that’s completely fine, just keep scrolling. But it's wild that people will put the energy into typing out a long, confident response to a situation that wasn't even in the post. It takes two minutes to read the whole thing before hitting reply.

Me (30M) and my partner (31 FTM) have been together for four years, and we've been in couples therapy for the past few months. It was actually my suggestion, and I don't regret it at all. The experience has been eye-opening, and it's helped me recognize ways I can be a better partner.

At the same time, I've been struggling with something I didn't expect.

I've always wanted my relationship to be a peaceful part of my life. Life is already stressful enough, and I've always tried to make sure I'm not another source of stress for the person I'm with. So I keep wondering: if a relationship needs ongoing therapy just to function, is that a sign it's worth fighting for, or a sign that we're fundamentally incompatible?

I know a few months of therapy isn't a long time, and I don't expect years of patterns to disappear overnight. But after four years together, I still find myself surprised by things my partner says or does that I thought we'd already understood about each other.

It also feels like he often overcomplicates situations where I'm trying to keep things simple. Therapy has helped us unpack those moments, but sometimes I wonder whether we're solving problems that naturally come with relationships, or constantly managing differences that may never really go away.

I don't regret starting therapy, and I think it's made both of us more aware of ourselves. I'm just struggling with the idea that a relationship might require this much maintenance. Has anyone else felt this way?

TL;DR: My partner (31 FTM) and I (30M) have been in couples therapy for a few months, and while it's been genuinely helpful, I'm struggling with the idea that our relationship seems to require so much ongoing work. After four years together, I still feel like we're having issues that I thought we'd already understand about each other. How do you tell the difference between a relationship going through a normal rough patch and one that requires more maintenance than it's healthy to sustain?

We've been together for 4 years, we're non monogamous, and we're in couples therapy. One thing that has been our focus is sex. His libido is very high, mine isn't, but we're trying to make it work, with one thing we're trying is me being more "dominant" since he enjoys this dynamic, and I'm willing to give it a try.

In my mind, we are taking the first steps with this, we've had a date to talk and try new things but, since our routine is pretty busy, we still didn't explore more of this.

In our last session, he was already worried if it didn't "work out", what if I found out I was really "vanilla" and just had a low sex drive, and wondered about having another relationship to "cover" this.

I was pretty down by this. I do understand his feelings, but I felt hurt that while I was trying something new for me to make our relationship better, he was already expecting failure.

This is not the first time this happened, where I am trying something for us only for him to not care and not give me support.

I have a pretty difficult time expressing my feelings, but I tried this time, talking about how I felt hearing him say this.

My partner shut me down completely.

I don't even remember what he said, I just remembered him rudely interrupting me and I just started sobbing. The therapist tried to calm me down, but I just cried and kept mostly silent during the session.

He justified it saying he felt "attacked" and when he does that he strikes back, and also he had a bad day.

That happened yesterday, and I still have to hear an apology from him. Not the first time something like this happens and... I am tired. Tired of having to hear him apologize, tired of him turning things around and it all being about his trauma or bad day or whatever it is, its always something

I came across an instagram reel (damn algorithm) where a poly psychiatrist was talking about "not having time to be polyamorous".

I got curious and decided to watch it.

The therapist was addressing the whole "I don't have time for multiple partners" argument. But her defense was entirely based on the wild assumption that "monogamous" people dedicate absolutely all of their free time to their one partner. All the examples she gave to counter the time issue were things like monogamous couples always going to social gatherings together, attending every single family event as a unit, etc., etc.

I was honestly surprised listening to her, because things like having individual friends, personal hobbies, a demanding career, or just wanting some solitary downtime didn't even enter her equation. Her baseline for managing time seemed completely devoid of a life outside of romance.

It made me realize something deeply ironic. A lot of polyamory discourse revolves around the idea that monogamous people put too much pressure on finding "the one" and make that relationship the absolute center of their universe. But from the outside looking in, it seems like polyamorous people are the ones who make relationships their entire personality and full-time job.

If your concept of freeing up time relies entirely on cutting down shared events with one partner just to slot in another,while completely ignoring the rest of human existence (work, hobbies, platonic friendships), aren't you the one overvaluing romantic relationships? Between the shared Google Calendars, the endless "processing" conversations, and scheduling "intentional time," you aren't dismantling the intense focus on romantic relationships; you're just multiplying the administrative workload of them.

It really seems like they are the ones who focus disproportionately on romantic relationships to the detriment of everything else, not (healthy) monogamous people.

To doido pra fazer uma tatuagem nova, ai vi um tatuador de confiança que tá com uma promoção boa, 150 reais a tatuagem até 12 cm

Show de bola, já tava até escolhendo o desenho.

PORÉM

To com uma infestação de barata na casa, já coloquei veneno por conta própria e nada, vou chamar a detetizadora, fiz orçamento.

300 reais

E veja, eu até tenho dinheiro para fazer os dois, o grande problema é aquela vozinha da responsabilidade financeira buzinando no ouvido. A tatuagem é um luxo que eu não preciso fazer agora e, logicamente, gastar "apenas" 300 para resolver um problema real da casa é muito mais sensato do que torrar 450 no total.

Enfim, vou fazer o que tem que fazer, mas ter juizo com as coisas é mt chato, especialmente quando vejo gente endividada curtindo a vida e eu aqui tentando viver dentro dos meus meios

Sou terceirizado em um orgão publico municipal. Por algum milagre, entrei sem indicação politica. Contudo, com as eleições chegando, estou sendo cobrado de superiores que eu participe de reuniões de um deputado federal. Sei que isso configura assédio eleitoral, mas gostaria de saber de modo mais concreto no que posso me amparar e fazer sobre isso.

Sei que posso perder o emprego por conta disso. Dispenso conselhos que não sejam legais.

Não dá para justificar R$ 450 em um jogo assumidamente incompleto, e a versão completa ser R$ 100 mais cara.

Não dá, mas se GTA VI for um sucesso (spoiler: vai ser), isso vai se tornar ainda mais padrão, mais escancarado. Se antes DLC que liberava conteúdo que já existia era mal visto, hoje as empresas nem fazem questão de esconder.

E o preço é só parte da história. Agora estamos chegando ao ponto de vender uma "edição física" que nem sequer inclui o jogo em mídia física, apenas um código para download dentro da caixa. Você compra uma caixa vazia, perde o mercado de usados, perde parte da preservação do jogo e ainda paga mais caro por isso.

O problema não é GTA VI ser caro. O problema é a indústria olhar para o maior lançamento da década e concluir que pode cobrar mais, entregar menos propriedade ao consumidor e ainda bater recordes de vendas.

Por isso GTA VI deveria fracassar. Só que não vai acontecer. E quando GTA VI vender dezenas de milhões de cópias, a lição que a indústria aprenderá não será "faça jogos melhores", mas "descubra até onde você consegue empurrar o consumidor".

EDIT: O pior inimigo do gamer é ele mesmo.

EDIT 2: Queria agradecer a galera que tá discutindo namoral, papo tá bom.

Quero deixar claro uma coisa: sim, é claro que tem muita falcatrua que deixa tudo ainda mais ineficiente, afirmar o contrário seria burrice. Mas, mesmo em um cenário de corrupção mínima, as coisas talvez não fossem tão eficientes quanto gostariamos que fossem.

Digo isso porque tive um contato, ainda que superficial, com a gestão pública na educação municipal, e essa experiência foi suficiente para me mostrar o tamanho da complexidade envolvida. Às vezes as pessoas falam como se bastasse "investir mais em escolas" ou "administrar melhor o dinheiro". Na prática, o orçamento precisa se dividir entre reformar escolas antigas, construir novas unidades, manter as que já existem, contratar professores e equipes de apoio, adquirir materiais e acompanhar as constantes mudanças nas exigências pedagógicas, tecnológicas e legais da área da educação.

O que mais me chamou atenção foi perceber que praticamente toda decisão envolve abrir mão de alguma outra coisa. E mesmo quando há recursos disponíveis, ainda existe a questão da capacidade de execução. Reformas, construções e manutenções dependem de equipes técnicas, planejamento, licitações e fiscalização. Além disso, uma Secretaria de Obras, pelo menos no caso que observei, não trabalha apenas para a educação: ela também atende demandas da saúde, infraestrutura urbana, drenagem, contenção de encostas e diversos outros setores. Os mesmos profissionais e estruturas precisam dar conta de necessidades que surgem simultaneamente em todo o município.

Isso não significa que não exista desperdício, má gestão ou corrupção. Eles existem e devem ser combatidos. O ponto é que, depois de ter visto um pouco desse funcionamento por dentro, ficou difícil enxergar a gestão pública como algo que se resolveria apenas com bom senso ou soluções aparentemente óbvias. Muitas vezes o gestor não está escolhendo entre uma opção boa e uma ruim; está escolhendo entre várias prioridades legítimas, sabendo que não há orçamento, pessoal e capacidade operacional suficientes para atender todas ao mesmo tempo.

Apologies for any mistakes as english is my second language.

First, some context.
My dad is not a bad father or a bad man. He was never abusive and made sure I had the best life I could have.

BUT

He often was a difficult person to be around. He could be very rude for no reason, and my mom once used to describe him as a "pitbull". He could be very sweet, but any perceived slight would cause him to tear you down with words. Other times, he could just be very grating, minimizing your views to prioritize his own.

He sometimes acted like my life was an extension of his. More than one time he had to cancel trips he planned because he disregarded things like my school calendar.

This, amongst many other things I experienced with him and stories that my mom told me about the earlier years of their marriage, made me take a stance of healthy distance from him. I love him, but being with him is a russion roulette, could be good, could be very bad.

So, a few months ago, I started living on my own after years of living with my mom. I had some carrer changes that made this possible and necessary.

The consequence being that I now have less time for some things. I have to take care of my apartment now (cleaning, cooking etc), which I have to do on weekends, and also just have a social life and other obligations.

I would expect my dad to realized that. He does not.

I used to see him every other weekend when I lived with my mom. Since moving out, that has naturally changed to about once a month.

He frequently asks when I'm going to see him. When I do visit, he asks why I'm not staying the whole weekend. He often tells me how much he misses me. He also worries that there's "something wrong" with me.

Any of those things, by themselves, would be perfectly fine. But because of our history, they feel loaded.

There isn't anything wrong with me. My life just changed.

I've explained this to him multiple times. I've told him that I have more responsibilities now and less free time than before. He has even offered to help me with chores around my apartment, despite me never asking for help. I know he means well, but it annoys me because it feels like he keeps looking for a problem that doesn't exist.

I should also mention that I've never been much of a family person. I enjoy being left alone and always have. I don't need frequent contact with people to feel close to them.

What frustrates me is that it feels like whatever time I give is never enough. Instead of just enjoying the time we do spend together, the conversation often turns into why I don't visit more often or stay longer.

TL;DR: My dad isn't a bad person, but he's always been difficult and can be emotionally manipulative. Since moving out on my own, I've gone from seeing him every other weekend to about once a month because I have more responsibilities and less free time. He constantly asks when I'm visiting, why I don't stay longer, worries that "something is wrong" with me, and even offers help I never asked for. I've explained multiple times that nothing is wrong, my life just changed, but it feels like he refuses to accept that.

Queria o Neymar em plena capacidade de jogo nessa Copa.

Com ele machucado, e se não jogar até o Brasil ser eliminado, o Neymar Hipotético seguirá vivo na mente dos fanboys de todo o canto. O papo vai ser "ganharíamos 2026 se Neymar tivesse bem", ignorando que ele nunca fez nada de bom nas outras Copas também.

Enfim, torço para uma recuperação rápida dele.

Eu passei muito tempo da minha vida sem escrever ficção. Enveredei para caminhos mais acadêmicos e "sérios" e acabei deixando as histórias de lado.

Recentemente encasquetei de escrever um conto de terror para uma convocatória que vi no instagram, e está sendo maravilhoso ficar com a trama na cabeça! Pensando nela e em suas possibilidades...eu sentia falta dessa sensação!

My algorithm is still poisoned from when I tried to understand poly.

Anyway, this person talks about having a spreadsheet with information about all 8 people, tracking their working hours, allergies and such, and try to fit dating one or the other according to their time.

They also say that they work, take care of their house, and has a social life of their own, even if the video doesn't expand on that.

Listening to it, it felt like the person had an organization fetish, if that's a thing. It felt like they liked the feeling of being able to handle it all instead of the relationships themselves.

As I get older, I realize more and more how lonely being a man is, and how most people don't really care about that and minimizes any complaints about this condition.

One thing that strikes me the most about this is that I feel, most of the time, we're expected to handle everything by ourselves, our feelings and everyone else's, but the moment we need something from someone, we become "too much", and people act like we can't do anything by ourselves.

I came across an Instagram post where, in the comments, a lot of men were talking about this exact same thing, that they felt they were only as good as their usefulness, and that needing help is a big no no.

And, of course, a lot of replies were downplaying this and calling the men crybabies.

I feel like this is such a consistent claim between men that I feel crazy when people act like this is not a big deal, like everyone is trying to gaslight us into thinking that this is not the case at all, even if we, in different ages, countries, and backgrounds, often feel the same

EDIT: This is not about dating. I have very close friends, a social life, a relationship and go to therapy. Please refrain from making assumptions about my personal life.