u/Maleficent_Radio_674

Edit: I just saw the typo in the title. 😑 Sorry!!

I felt called to deity worship because the more I learned about ancient times, the more angry I got about the removal and destruction of these temples and pagan worship by the church

The more that I studied and learned about it, the more I also learned what these deities, specifically goddesses, represented back then. The divine feminine. The antithesis to the church and patriarchal values that put women under everyone unlike before when in many places, women were leaders and honored as goddesses as well because they not only had the power to grow an entire human being inside themselves but some forms of paganism placed women in the center of their worship and temples. Which was a direct threat to the church.

Because of learning that, and more goddesses who were forgotten to history, especially because religion forced it away and punished the devotees as devil worshippers. They destroyed their places of worship and history related to them. I despise everything religion has stolen from us. And they became symbols of it. Inanna, Ashe'rah, Ishtar, Venus, Hekate, Persephone, Aradia, and more. These were deities that specifically represented the power of women. And I related to those symbols and their strengths they were associated with. The hidden symbols of witchcraft that were symbols also associated with them.

I believed that as their worshipper who were devoted to recognizing them again after they were overshadowed by religion. I thought they looked after their followers. Ones who saw how they were demonized for being women of strength and confidence.

I romanticize them, believing that they old stories of cruelty and selfish actions were intentional damage by the patriarchy to encourage converting.

I defended them and their well-known stories. But I was so wrong. Every time I asked them for help, especially in an urgent situation, there was always a quid pro quo. What I was willing to give in return. And it was always traumatizing. I finally realized that my blind faith in them was misplaced. I couldn't keep paying with my stress and well-being in every one of those situations.

So I let go. I stopped. I made sure they knew that they won, and I lost. That can take the win and satisfaction. I will stay away, and I've accepted full defeat and no attempts to fight against any of it. They're powerful, and I am not. I hope that they'll accept the satisfaction of my defeat and sorrow, and I leave their temple and worship peacefully. I won't ever question or ask them of anything because I know it's not worth it. I give them the win and move away so I'm never their next victim again.

That's when I remembered why I was skeptical of deity worship whenever they came up in readings. And people speaking of deities known to be cruel and no concern for humans, ie. Loki

I'm finally in a place where I feel more comfortable and at home

But I'm struggling with the being a full witch again and filling my life with it, the way it was my whole personality because I felt so much better as a witch and happily showing a life that is unapologetically witchy. I'm having trouble involving witchcraft and embracing it again because I couldn't separate it from deity worship and the depression I dealt with as a result of stopping it

But I want to return to my witchy life and back to spiritual and atheist. I don't practice god worship. I practice being my spiritual teams focus and guided by them. Because they've always shown love for me, even when they've been harsh or critical. I know they look out for me, including my grandma, who has always looked over me and practically raised me in an abusive home that we both had to survive.

I found a nice one but I can't afford it right now. It's a pretty blue case on Amazon that has the bottles stacked so I can see the names and don't have to keep sorting through them to make sure I don't forget one or mix them up.

I'm looking for something similar but cheaper, under $20

My psychiatrist left for her own practice and I've had to wait weeks to finally see a psychiatrist next week that's covered under my insurance

I can't stand it anymore. I'm literally trying and can't do anything. I take seroquel 350mg. I've been up since last night

The safety to ask ask genuine questions and learn has been ruined by these miserable losers who refuse therapy and healthy coping mechanisms to verbally tearing apart an individual who asked for grace and education.

I guarantee there will be some under this post lol just waiting for them to buzz over like flies who just filled themselves up on dog shit for lunch

Loved the show and the cast. Really emotional and inspirational

I definitely thought given Edwin's threat, Emma would be prepared. I thought she made a fake announcement of giving Paula the company to make her see that Jim Fairley was always using her for their family's revenge. I still hope that's the plot they go with

Especially because she knew that Paula was still seeing Jim and no Fairley can be trusted. Including Edwina. I would love is she did it to sus him out and confirm his intentions. And then hopefully Paula will understand and see. And that the surprise on her face was because of the baby announcement. Because that complicates things

The rich of America have been thirsting for the times of royalty and rich nobles, and all of them have peasants, which makes up 99% of the country.

They treat the poor like it's their own moral failing for being so. Generational wealth and nepotism have never been more prominent and beneficial to a life free of struggle. Everyone else is forced to struggle by design. Not just a failing economy.

Truly believe they've been angry at democracy and everything the declaration of independence stands for. They yearn for the old monarchies again, when only the rich benefited like an exclusive club. They don't want more people becoming rich. They like the idea of being divinely "chosen" to be wealthier and more powerful than the poor. They feel cheated from that system. And they're angry about it.

They never liked sharing and hoard their wealth. It's theirs, so why should they pay taxes for other people. They like having people to look down upon and treat like slaves. They'd love returning to ancient Rome with actual slaves.

Now, all the rich who aren't the most rich and powerful are acting like the nobles in Versaillies when ordered to show their papers proving their nobility or they'd be kicked out. New nobles are looked down on as less than and unworthy. They had to be born into it.

The current "nobles" are trying to impress the rich and secure their place in the court of wealth, with grand gestures showing off wealth.

"I do have papers proving my nobility! I don't want to leave court where everything is beautiful and easy and rich and special."

"Outside, there's only peasants and dirt. It's awful in comparison. Sure, i could survive comfortably, but it's nothing like Versaille. And being out of it means I'll never rise up again to them"

"Look at all the Birkin bags I have on a shelf. The poor yearn for it. Look at me promoting anything that's unethical and hurts the poor. I don't care for them and don't care if it hurts them or they don't like it. That solidifies my place in court. I'm that distant from the poor. If I'm accused of being out of touch with the masses, that means I'm closer to wealth than poverty. Because I'm divinely chosen. By generational wealth and nepotism. And a disdain for the poor. I hit all the marks. They love my sociopathic treatment of the poor. They'll introduce me to more of the court and make more money and rise in ranks."

The fact they even discusses a president's grown child named Baron in the same way as a prince of a kingdom, being married off to an actual princess, is scary.

The trouble is, the nobles in Versaillies were having so much fun they didn't realize when they were too close to the edge. I hope for another revolution and public accountability

What is my life anymore. Why am I holding on. I'd rather be dead than this. Everyday I keep going and fighting. For what. That one day I'll have a good life that's not guaranteed? 30 years of this and I still can't find a reason to keep going. I just want to quit. Stop. It's not worth it anymore. I don't want a system that keeps me alive. I want to die. I don't have any friends in the area. I'm scared to have friends. They've hurt me too. Idk what I'm trying to do anymore

This is my first full year on meds and the heat sickness is awful. Any tips or help is appreciated

With all due respect to people who do worship deities and work with them.

Edit: Thank you all for your responses. Validating and also a lot to think about and digest. I'm going to share it below, but obviously, don't bother reading unless you've got time and energy to. Thanks again!

--‐--------------------------

I think part of my question is because before I moved to specific deity work, I had discovered worshipping the divine sacred feminine. Matriarchal society that women lead, create, and maintain like a harmoniously balanced solarpunk ecosystem; the goddess as a representation of the divine sacred feminine and all the powers we possess; the stories of women from ancient times to now that convince me we were born to be divine beings on earth; deeply connected to the moon, the ocean, the seasons, and the elements in ways that can't be explained through science although we get closer every day. (Parthenogenisis)

The more I learned, the more I "hailed the goddess within." The goddess to me was a whole. The mother earth and her daughters (us) living in harmony (or at least as much as we can in a patriarchal world)

But that's also when I started learning about different goddesses and the different aspects the embody to pray to or ask for guidance. I hesitated for a while because I stopped practicing Hinduism as a kid after not relating to it anymore. But felt seen in the symbols and meanings others. I heavily related to the dark goddesses that were villainized and feared by men but represented the natural cycles of death. Obviously, Inanna, Ishtar, Isis, Venus, Aphrodite as representations of the divine feminine. But then Hekate, Persephone, Nyx, Bast, Hela, Lilith, Medusa, Eris, Baba Yaga, The Morrigan. I felt called to all of them. Stepping far away from the patriarchal confinement of what women are expected to be. It was healing and empowering to be who I chose, not what I was assigned to be from childhood. If you want to believe I'm the monster, go ahead. I'll be the monster and enjoy it. (Yes, I grew up abused in a patriarchal home and was treated like a monster from birth. They never counted on me embodying it instead continuously trying to prove my worth)

But I forgot the stories of their ways and toying with humans to demand a price for their intervention. which, although saved me, left me traumatized. My own my fault because I over romanticized them and wanted to see them as past relics of womanhood and championing the return of matriarchal society. Even the goddesses of spring and life and the hearth. I saw two sides of me and felt accepted. I refused to acknowledge that they could be anything but protective beings.

Thanlfully, my spiritual team (ancestors, angels, guides, spirits, etc) are far more loving, kind, and thoughtful. Consistent and supportive. Despite my overwhelming episodes of bitterness and feeling betrayed because I conflated the deities and the universe with my spiritual team. Also my fault and deeply grateful for their continued understanding and unconditional love.

I think I'm going to explore the different kinds of witchcraft. Find what calls to me. Idk if there's an online quiz that's accurate. For right now, I stay peacefully with my spiritual team who have always been by my side, before I even knew it. They really guided me and held me through my worst days. So I owe them a lot. And can't wait to see my grandma and fur babies again because I know theyre up there with them.

Idk just lonely and missing human connection

I'll add mine once again

BIRRHHNAAHH BRRAAANNNM

The motel is $80. I only have $77. $5 would cover the total amount and taxes

My cashapp is: $kleio888

I can also share my Zelle and PayPal privately if you message me. Please help me

I posted about it in the neighbors' section of the Ring app. Not many responses. Was honestly surprised how many Maga lived here. Just hiding in plain sight until trump was elected

I have my suspicions since there's a house down the road with a blue lives matter flag. I gave him a dirty look while walking my dog

I don't care. Because I'll put up more. If I don't stand for something, then I stand for nothing. And my conscience won't allow me to sit passively just because it doesn't directly affect me. I'm going to put up more and this time I'm putting up cameras facing them

Fuck ICE

Black Lives Matter

Free Palestine

***also note that there's another floatilla on it's way to Palestine right now with people aboard. Please keep your eyes on them. They aren't giving up despite the violent torture and imprisonment from past attempts to deliver aid and food. Neither should we.****