u/Mondain_the_Wizard

Anyone else just get overwhelmed with time itself? I am watching people get older and because of this, I feel the burden of having to maximize every waking moment with them - but I don't even know what the hell that means...does that mean a deep impactful moment should characterize every interaction?

Therefore no matter what, there is ALWAYS a feeling of an opportunity missed...something not living up to its potential. ALWAYS.

In my video games, if things didn't work out or try something new, I could reload saved game. Sadly, linear time doesn't work like that; the seconds I even spend typing this are gone to the oblivion of linear time and there is never, never anyway to recapture it; time is the most destructive force in the universe.

No matter what I do I have that bittersweetness over how time runs on unchecked and obliterates the innumerable opportunities that could have taken place, things never said or done. It gives me overwhelming melancholy and even panic attacks.

Sorry if this is confusing but it's the only way I know how to articulate this.

Anyone feel similar to this when it comes to "time"?

I am a daily edible user and was wondering how effective it is to head off tolerance build up by mixing product? For example, with gummies I try to mix between Wana and Jams brands, or instead of gummies use chocolate, etc.

Does this in any way make tolerance build more slowly? I know it will build eventually and a t-break will be needed...but I'm stubborn and will do that only when my 25 mg daily intake is stymied and diminished to a point it's not workable.

Thx.

Title says it all. I work in a family business with dad (age 77) and uncle (age 84). They have been partners over 60 years and have built a legacy for themselves. They can barely walk and have other health issues - however like so many men (m included), they have not found any purpose outside of their work; their purpose is to leave a business legacy to the heirs when they're gone.

All of their relationships and toil will fade into memory; after 2 generations it then fades into oblivion as though it never happened - except pictures and financial statements. And even then, it's meaningless because the passage of time obliterates all context and their passion.

I am age 51. And while grateful to them for the legacy they are leaving, I I can't help but think that the same will happen to me. I am fossilizing just like them and after enough time, there is no memory - or what memory there is, no one who comes after me can comprehend the work or relationships or the things that matter to me (Eccle 1:11).

But let's suppose they did - what benefit is that to me?? I won't be around to appreciate it or find any semblance of satisfaction for my "toil under the sun". It's all just a fart in the howling wind of time.

I am a Christian and I take my faith seriously; I believe in the eternality of the soul of truth faith in Christ, and I am grateful to God for his love and concern - even though I'm no more significant than an innumerable subatomic particle.

But still, these things overwhelm me with sorrow and, quite frankly, piss me the hell off to no end.

Thx for letting me vent.

I love the CoDA fellowship and it has helped my wife and I manage the tumultuous relationship with our Borderline adult daughter.

At the same time, I take cannabis edibles to help with anxiety and depression. To be honest, it has kept me from relapse back to opiates and alcohol. Of course it's preferable to be abstinent from all drugs - but right now it is what it is and keeping me from worse things.

It is common for those from AA or NA to find their way to CoDA. For that reason, I keep my weed use to myself knowing how some people scoff at the notion of "Cali-sober"... but I was wondering if there are any others in the room like me.

God bless.

I have often said in meetings that they should find a way to recognize "non-consecutive" days of use.

It's great that the program recognizes "consecutive" clean days and it's awesome whenever someone celebrates a "birthday". However, I have learned that as an addict, I'm extremely susceptible to shame.

So after breaking a years-long chain of consecutive clean days, the shame is overwhelming. Furthermore, that demonic voice says "well, since you broke the chain, you might as well make it a hell of a bender" and go on a spree of active addiction.

Just something I noticed my psyche does and I wonder if anyone else has fucked up thoughts like this.

Maybe to curb those relapse sprees of addiction, some allowance can be made for those "non-consecutive" days to minimize that shame - and help addicts get back on the wagon.

Dealing with this right now.

I have been blessed with a business and a part-time gig working in finance at a school. I'm also very active in my church.

Yet I take edibles 2x daily. On days I work it's 5 mg in the AM; it helps me disassociate somewhat yet remain able to function. Then after work I take about a 15 or 20 mg - so dosing in AM and PM. Weekends it's a bit more.

Maybe it's because of my age (51) and the circles I hang out in, there's not many like me.

Any other Gen Xers who have a very busy work life and partake daily? Sometimes even work high?

I have been in many situations where a person is yammering on without end and I did not cut them off because I saw no way to do that without coming across like an asshole.

Anyone have a method of ending these conversations without causing offense?

I love my kids, but when they were young I couldn't wait for them to grow up. I was stressed and just didn't enjoy it. Now they are older and I look back and think I wish I enjoyed those times in the pool with them more, or should gone in it with them more often, etc. I bring up this specific example because now every time I go in my pool, my mind assaults me with thoughts like this

But it's not just raising my kids...

This poisonous, sickening bittersweet nostalgia also hits me every time I look at photos of family vacations, events, etc. where in that moment I oftentimes was stressed and wanted to be anywhere else - and now wish I didn't feel like that at the time and enjoyed the moment more.

It's gotten so bad that I've put all my photos out of sight temporarily.

I try to help myself by remembering one of my favorite passages of Scripture:

Do not say "why were the former times better than these?" For it is stupid to say such things (Ecc. 7:10).

Yet it still bothers the hell out of me...

DAE think like this?

Growing up nothing made me feel good. Every activity and even times with friends was neutral at best, or as something to just get through -like eating a fucking bowl of raw cauliflower or broccoli.

I first smoked weed at age 21. The way it made me feel compelled me to swear an oath to myself that it was my intention to this all day, every day, for the rest of my life. Getting high was the only thing I looked forward to doing; everything else was to be endured.

I have taken long breaks in between, but after a few months clean (and years even) that comprehensive indifference to all things always drove me back to using. While 12-step meetings helped give me the sobriety breaks, there was nothing else I came to look forward to. Hence, chronic relapse. And now that edibles are around and attitudes have changed, I can give by 51 year old lungs a break - so it's easier to use.

Any other anhedonian-driven middle aged addicts?

I have discovered that every morning, I still get a good buzz from micro dosing a 5 mg edible...gives me energy and my mind is still functional. Then in the afternoons I might take a 10 or 15 mg edible when the day is done, and it still hits me pretty well. I have done this for the past year and so far I have not needed to take more - and I'm grateful for this because I often read that tolerance is like a never-ending escalator.

Does anyone else have this experience? If so, have you been a daily user on low doses for a long period of time and still find it to be the case?

Now before anyone says I am "lucky", genetics also gave me bad anxiety / depression, severe myopia (nearsightedness), crooked teeth and a prostate that has gone nuclear for many males in my family once they get into their their upper 50s (and I'm 51).

So I guess all of us have blessings (and cursings) when it comes to the lottery of genetics...

I was wondering what other people's experiences who micro dose daily and also take SSRIs. I am on Prozac and very small amount if Wellbutrin.

I have found that a 5 mg edible in the AM (I'm usually up at 7 AM) and a 5 mg in afternoon usually work well for me. I have 2 full time jobs and schedule is hectic and stressful. I find the dosage makes me feel detached to where things don't bother me as much, and yet I'm not too stoned to do my job, which is accounting.

Has anyone done something similar to this, but for a long period of time?

And another question: does your psychiatrist (if they know) give you shit about it?

I am going to Universal Studios Orlando in a couple days. I am taking my 17 year old daughter. Truly, I am very blessed and grateful to be able to this...

Simultaneously, ever since I booked the trip in February, my anxiety has increased the closer it's come time to go. To comfort myself, I'm reminding myself that by this time next week I will be back at my house and my routine and my bed and work (it's a short trip - only 3 days)...

While cognitively I am grateful, the dread and anxiety I have far outweighs it - which makes me even feel guiltier for even feeling that, etc. spiral, spiral...

Anyone else like this? Want to know that when I'm bopping through airports in a few days I'm not the only one who dreads being there.

I'm in my 50s and no longer smoke; now I just do edibles. I have tried moderating and I do well for a couple weeks, but then those days I have designated non-use days I dread and can't wait to get over with. So what I have come to realize that the real high is when I give myself permission to use - even when they go against the rules I set for myself.

My justification? My rules are like the U.S. Constitution and can be "amended" any time. Yeah, the lengths we will go to to give ourselves the permission to use, lol...

Question I have (especially edible users) is did you encounter this same situation, so instead chose a "middle path" of using daily - but using no more than a certain amount of MG, such as micro dosing no more than 5 MG a day?

I know it would be 100% better to just stick to my rules. I already feel shitty about myself for my personal failing...at the same time, I'm a fucking addict, so yeah...enough said.
Admitting that helps me tolerate myself.

Any edible users out there adopt such a "harm reduction" strategy?

God bless all of you and I'm thankful for this sub.

Question says it all, and I'm assuming I'm not the only one like this. I don't know why I remember things that cause pain easier than things that would make me feel good. Why is the brain more inclined to imprint that crap?

I love the Lord and have been a Christian for many years. I am a recent seminary graduate and have been involved in many ministry projects. I also partake of cannabis, specifically THC edibles. I take them several times a week after work.

My position is that so long as it is done in moderation, there is nothing wrong with it. However, most Christians say it's wrong because of its "mood-altering properties." Yet alcohol is praised for its mood-altering properties; specifically, wine is a blessing from God that "gladdens human hearts" (Ps 104:15) while drunkenness is explicitly condemned elsewhere (Eph 5:18). When Psalm 104:15 and Ephesians 5:18 are put side by side, this hints of a middle road... in other words, moderation - even of something mood altering.

With that in mind, I wonder if those moments of guilt and shame have more to do with how marijuana is shunned in church culture than anything Scripture has to say. And we all know how wrong church culture can be, whether it's big issues (like slavery) or minor issues (in the 1910s jazz music was condemned as Satanic!). These are things later generations of believers shake their heads at...could marijuana be one of those things?

Are there any other sincere Christians who smoke weed or use any of its derivatives (like edibles) and struggle with this same ambivalence?

During a 2.5 hour interview with 2 IRS people in our office, I asked if I could send all future correspondence (and requested documents) by email. That way I have a record of the exchange rather than relying on that agents own notes - which can be subjective.

Another reason is, admittedly, I'm one of those people who is more comfortable emailing / texting than talking, lol.

Thoughts on this? Or is dealing with the IRS better face to face?

Thx and please be kind; I am one of those neurotic people who compulsively second-guess themselves...

This is going to sound strange, but on days when I'm not working or have no other obligations, I hit a 12 Step meeting (usually N.A. - but also CO;
DA).

So my life consists of work / home / meeting; really have no social life because nothing really fills me the way a meeting does and keeps me clean "just that day". It also gets my ass out of the house so I don't feel like a loser being home all day (which is irrational and why I'm also in CODA).

Anyone else go to a lot of meetings to simply fill an hour of unstructured time like this 5 or even 6 days in the week - sometimes even 2 meetings on a really dead day?

To be honest, there are times I feel like an "other" from society because these meetings are the only social life I have - and even then there are times I just sit there and listen and don't talk to anyone so then I guess it's not much of a "social" life, lol..

God bless and grateful I can connect with others out there who might likewise feel like they don't fit in anywhere.

For others with social anxiety, anyone feel more comfortable staying the hell away from human beings rather than constantly wonder what is expected of me in any social situation? It might be a dark question but I wonder if anyone else identifies with this?

"Hell is other people."
Jean-Paul Sartre

For others with social anxiety, anyone feel more comfortable staying the hell away from human beings rather than constantly wonder what is expected of me in any social situation? It might be a dark question but I wonder if anyone else identifies with this?

"Hell is other people."
Jean-Paul Sartre

I went to a meeting tonight and arrived a minute or two before it started. It's in a small room and it was absolutely packed. So in front of everyone I just turned around and left.

I'm sorry if it's rude, but I really hate crowds and if I'm not comfortable, I don't think it would be helpful.

Can anyone relate to this?