u/MuchAddress1906

My girlfriend has beautiful dark skin! Very dark! She is a fully black woman. I, however, am a very white looking mixed man!

My girlfriend at any opportunity she can get will insult me for being pale or for being white. Sometimes she'll even say rlly subtle things so theres some deniability ["you have white ppl hair it can't be fixed" (not a thing btw)(and my hair is curly)(and wtf)]. Hell, one time she outright said (she's an artist) "I'm gonna colour your skin darker bc you'd look better with darker skin." Which is disgusting to say! If id said that to her [the other way around] (i would NEVER say smth like that to anyone) she'd obviously be insanely insulted. Yknow, bc that's a shitty thing to say.

Anyway, I finally could not handle hearing it anymore (I've given her more gentle warnings that I dislike it in the past), and I like seriously told her off. I avoided insulting her, and attempted to explain why it was so upsetting, but she seems to think I'm over reacting.

I think it'd be inappropriate to be making the comments she has towards someone who is fully white, but in my case I've told her before im insecure about being as white in appearance as I am because no one believes me when I say I'm mixed. Which I am, my parents are both half black, half white, i just got all the white ppl genes ig. My family often makes fun of me for being the palest person in our family, and people discredit me as a liar when I say im mixed. She knows im insecure about this, and don't take "jokes" about it very well.

Actually, she also discredits anything i say as a mixed person because I look so white. Mind you, people can usually tell from my facial features im "non distinctly some kind of mixed" as someone once put it, and i have seen and heard how my family has been treated, so its not like I dont know anything, but she often refuses to have any conversations about anything like that with me because im "too white".

I believe even a white person could have nuanced conversation on the topic, but this isn't about that rn, its abt her a) being really cruel to me bc my skin is pale and I have some white features, b) he acting like im ONLY white [which ppl have done my whole life and makes me feel like im only half of a whole person]

Anyway, am I just over dramatic (and need to aplogize for getting upset with her), or is she being rude ?

Pretty much, I was with this girl, ♤, for a few months before I broke up with her because she would get extremely upset whenever I made new friends, man, woman, nb, didn't matter, everyone seemed to be a threat in her mind. We went a few months without talking and she sent me a quick "happy v-day" message and I responded and we ended up friends again. She insisted she doesnt get jealous like that anymore and admitted to her behaviour when we were together being unhealthy and obsessive. We talk daily abt wtvr and she tells me pretty much everything and I do the same.

The other ex I've just started being friends with again now, ☆, I had a very intense relationship with before having even met ♤. We broke up because the relationship was flat out toxic and we were immature high schoolers at the time. Ended with a heated argument and mutual blocking. She unblocked me recently and I reached out to check in on her (its been more than a year since we last talked) and we started chatting and are both in much healthier mental situations now so we agreed to tried to be friends. Thats been going really well, we call once a week as like a weekly update thing and chat occasionally in between. She's got a new partner now she's very happy with too!

♤ has a relatively stressful life so I don't put pressure on her to always be friendly with me or talk to me as regularly as she does, but I mentioned to her that ☆ and I are talking regularly again and I consider her a friend again ♤ started getting really distant. She's been short with me, and not interested in telling me anything, cares for nothing I say, acts like I won't care abt anything she says. All around very much building some sort of wall between us and won't tell me why. I have been attempting to interact with her the same as usual, and sometimes shes fine, but when its ☆ and i's weekly call night ♤ is seemingly upset with me the whole day prior and the next few days after. Even back when I first mentioned wanting to try to reach out to ☆ again ♤ actually sent me a couple paragraphs of text as to why she doesnt like that and she doesnt trust ☆ and she doesnt want me talking with more ppl.

This whole situation is not helped by me struggling significantly with social cues and requiring people to be completely literal and direct with me or I will be confused. ♤ has not be direct with me at all about this whole thing, even in that paragraph from just before I reached out to ☆, she seemed to dance around the core of the issue. Me needing direct communication is something ♤ is very aware of.

Tl;dr: ♤ (most recent ex of mine who i am friends with now) has been distant/rude with me seemingly in direct relation to me becoming friends with ☆ (ex from before ♤) again after a year + of not talking her.

My questions being, what can I do to improve this situation? Why is this happening anyway? And am I atm doing something wrong here thats causing/contributing to this?