u/Old_Acanthisitta9477

Just a vent. I am not going to talk to them nor help them. Just yapping in a subreddit full of people who might get what i mean.

My mother is mentally ill. Seems to think she isnt or minimizes it. She often ends up homeless and i usually take her in until she turns on me and leaves and im left with an absolutely destroyed room.

This last time she came to the conclusion that she is a psychic and that not only is my aura dark and evil, but i am messing with dark forces that will only make my aura worse. (My only guess to what the dark forces are is maybe playing warhammer. Otherwise im pretty boring.) She then said how every single bad thing that has ever happened to her including before my birth is my fault and that I am not spiritually her child. She left the room she was staying in so damaged that it will cost me thousands to fix it and thats if I do the work myself.

There's no helping that. But I have found that she is once again homeless. Living in her car and driving around the woods. She got rid of her dog because her new bf att didn't like the dog. So shes just alone in a car and mentally unwell.

I feel bad for her. I have a sense of responsibility to take care of her. She's terrible, a headache at best, and i dont particularly like her nor does she like me. She will not be coming into my home again. But it is hard fighting that instinct to take care of her. I think she should be in a home, but she isnt all that old and tends to initially come off and stable. She absolutely is not. She is paranoid and has delusions. I wish she was safe somewhere.

Your prices dont matter. Your skill doesn't matter much either.

What matters is your following/advertising/getting people to look. Is there a pool of people willing to buy what you're selling. You could be the best artist in the world and no one will buy your underpriced art because you dont have a following, or people seeing your art. There's no advertising, theres no one looking at it to buy.

You could draw stick figures and if enough people like it someone is willing to spend 50 bucks on it.

Posting and asking here will not give you a good answer. You will just get a vague idea of what a handful of people on one subreddit will like.

Find a niche, build a following. Look at the people who make similar work to yourself and price what you want. There are plenty of pools out there. You can draw anime, but there are a ton of anime artists out there. What do you do that will set you apart from them? Is there a particular Fandom? A faction in a video game? Personified fruit or kitchen appliances? Do it. Someone will want their own microwave-chan.

While skill doesnt necessarily matter, it DOES help to continuously work on your skills. Learn the fundamentals. Its an absolute must.

ETA: if anyone has advice they want added here lmk. The point of this post isnt to criticize beginners, but to give general advice.

I havent been able to sleep very much in the past few months. I never had a problem with sleep up until then, but now I cant sleep until about 4am, and even then its very difficult to fall asleep. Just to get up at 7-8am.

I get tired, but without any kind of distraction actively keeping my mind busy I get stuck in thought loops and the anxiety hits. Melatonin doesn't help as I'm already tired. Yes, speaking to a doctor would be ideal, but i am currently unable to do so.

Im in my 30s, so I understand that this is very late, but still.

I've always been afraid of driving. I took drivers Ed in high-school, but never got my license because I'm terrified. I know the rules of the road. I read the driver's manual multiple times. Other people don't follow the rules which, naturally, scares the hell out of me. The possibility of potentially harming someone is scary too. Even in passenger seat I imagine any variation of terrible accident happening. I have thus avoided it for YEARS.

Today I got my permit and drove. Terrifying, but felt awesome after. Felt completely different than being a passenger as I felt a little more in control.

Guess the point is not to let fear dictate major life events.

Tw for eating discussions and vomiting.

Im sorry im so active here. I am once again asking another question. Maybe someone else deals with this.

So, I generally always think I'm in trouble. I wake up every day and spend most of the day combating this. I know, logically, I didn't do anything and more often then not my mind will try to twist innocent things into some kind of crime which I will spend a considerable amount of time talking myself down from.

But certain absolutely nonsensical things can make a well managed day into a spiral. The steam checkout page, going to the store and a big one is the sensation of being full.

I have to have a coffee in the morning (I don't even like coffee, but i feel like if i dont have a coffee then my day will be bad.), one small meal around mid day and an energy drink for dinner. If I have more than that I will panic about unrelated things usually whatever has been the current theme with me. If my one meal is big and I feel full it will be especially bad. Im never panicked about the food, or a purchase. I dont know why these things in particular make the thoughts worse.

I also vomit whenever im panicked so it doesn't help.

I don't have a problem with food. Like im not worried about my weight or anything. The only thing I can think of is lack of food was used as a punishment when I was a kid.

Does anyone else go through this? Any advice?

It really sucks around holidays because I can't enjoy the day. Its come to the point where I worry about eating before its even time to eat.

About last spring during a haircut we noticed a big circular bald spot about the size of a golf ball on the back of my 12 year olds head. Naturally, we immediately set a doctors appointment. They did bloodwork, said everything came out perfect, but they suspect alopecia because theyre round patches. We have a dermatologist appointment set, but its still a few months away.

The biggest patch grew back in the middle, but is growing, and ive noticed several smaller patches around his ears.

He doesnt seem too bothered by it as long as he can wear a hat to school. But I cant imagine this is easy for a 12 year old. Is there anything I should be doing to better support him? Would taking him to a barber maybe help?

Hes a generally anxious kid, so i want him as comfortable as possible. Eta: we are a pretty open with our feelings family. So i have asked him what I can do for him and he just wants a bigger hat collection lol. But maybe some outside perspective can help.

My mom has always been a problem. Its pretty obvious to just about anyone who is around her regularly. Shes always changing friend groups or hangs out with shady people because of it.

Shes delusional. Constantly the victim. If you told her the sky was blue and she thought it was purple she would scream at you, blow up your phone and tell everyone you mutually knew that you punched her, robbed a bank and someone needs to stop you.

I'm in my 30s. Ive dealt with this my entire life. She has claimed things like my husband hits me, that I hit her, that I chase her around screaming at her. That she raised my eldest for the first year of his life (we didnt even live in the same state.) That I neglect my children or do drugs. Really just all sorts of wild and wacky stuff that doesnt make any sense to people who know me.

She has done this to jobs Ive worked at where coworkers would ask me what was happening and I would have no idea as we werent speaking at the time.

Her current thing is claiming i stole away her chance at her ex, that im abusive, I'm stealing from her and im denying her her medications. I dont know how i could have possibly done any of these things. But her claims are never founded on logic.

Basically, every perceived slight by her requires a severe punishment. When I was a kid it would be lack of food for days, or having all my things put outside, or have her friends call me to insult me/threaten me. Now that im an adult she cant do these things, but tries to drag my reputation through the mud or tries to have family not talk to me, threatens me with lawsuits, police, going to agencies in general. She once went to my son and said " im putting your dad in jail and you'll never see him again." Then proceeded to scream out an open door ' help! He's hitting me!' While my husband wasnt even on the same floor not even interacting with her. I know it sounds convenient that I forgot why she was mad at him, but it could literally have been anything. People tend to walk on eggshells speaking with her, but even then you will likely still offend her.

Ive had enough of it. I just want to be left alone. I want my children left alone. Im tired. I dont want to deal with being afraid of what she will claim next or being afraid that her friends might show up at my house.

My siblings suggested a restraining order and are willing to speak in court to back me up. But im skeptical that it will go through.

My hope is at the very least a restraining order would show ' see? Shes just trying to harass me again.'

I feel a little embarassed for being so active here, but maybe my question will help other people.

How do you explain this whole thing to people? Without sounding dramatic?

My life is generally good. I am not unappreciative of the good things in my life. I think the good in life is probably what keeps me going.

But sometimes its hard living this way.

My spouse tries to understand, but takes it personally sometimes or gets offended. They remind me that things are good. Theres no reason for me to say things like that.

I understand its hard to conceptualize things like this is you arent going through it. I dont want to offend people or make them think I'm miserable. Its just hard. I dont know if its even worth explaining if it causes others distress.

My mother is mentally ill. I know it isnt her fault, but she also doesn't try to get help unless she thinks it will get her what she wants.

Recently, shes quit therapy because shes talking yo fb psychics whom have told her my aura is bad, im messing with dark forces and only my brother is her real child

Because of this she is often making horrendous decisions that leave her homeless or in need of help. I help her for as long as she needs. If shes sick Im the one talking to her doctor, if she needs a place to live I give her a place to live. Every single time when shes done needing my help she will leave and tell anyone and everyone made up things that ive never done. Shes often paranoid and delusional so I assume that she believes all this, but its just so depressing.

This time she claims that i ignored her during a mental health crisis (i was there the entire time talking to doctors, making sure shes fed and going to her appointments), that she raised my eldest son for the first year of his life (we lived in a different state so idk how that would even be possible.) And that I ruined her chance at a relationship with her ex that she stalked and harassed for two years who had absolutely no interest in her. I dont even know how I could have possibly done that.

She still harasses him. Today she sent him a mile long spam text about how its all my fault that they arent together and how her current boyfriend whom ive never met hates me because im evil?? I guess?? and if he were a real boyfriend material man he would do something about me.

Its just so fucking depressing. I've taken year long no contact periods with her, but at this point im just fucking done with her. I cant help her get better and I wish she would let me or at least just like me.

Ive posted about my mother before. She also has ocd. Recently, shes been living in my house. She frequently reassurance seeks and will dump any and all responsibilities in order to seek out a person who will give it to her if you dont she will flip out on you. She recently found a boyfriend who tells her what she wants to hear, but the caveat is he doesnt like dogs. So she has had the grand idea of getting rid of ger senior dog in order to be around him more. I expressed disappointment with her choice, saying the dog is already 13 years old, and shes only been seeing this guy for a month or two. Its irresponsible.

She also quit her therapy and medication due to meeting fb psychics. Whom have told her I am not spiritually her child and am corrupted with a bad aura due to messing with " dark forces." I reminded her to please continue with her therapy and her medications.

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She reacts somewhat predictably, I dont give her the time of day so she keeps going and going. I have only recently old her of my own problems as I grew up in a household where you dont talk about it. She proceeds to tell me that all of my obsessions and magical thinking are real and true. Im an irredeemable piece of shit and every bad event thats unrelated to me is my fault. (I struggle with magical thinking. She knows this.)

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I know shes just a rotten person who hides behind a diagnosis. I know what shes saying isnt true. Im not even angry I'm just frustrated. Disheartened, I guess. Who does that to someone? Ive shown my siblings the text exchange and they dont understand what ive said wrong either. I really dont know what ive said to warrant any of that.

I did end up telling her that she has to find somewhere else to live. But recently, my father in law died. He was a great guy and my husband and I are gutted. Ive been having a hard time, and I know hes been having it worse so I'm trying really hard to not emotionally burden him. So I guess reddit is going to hear about it.

I have a roommate whom had to be scolded into showering. I dont believe that they wash their hair as they always have a very strong oily hair smell to them.

They are also a bigger person.

Its come to the point where I dont use common areas at all unless I have to. The smell of them is very strong and you can smell it from the front door. They also produce an incredible amount of garbage. They fill two contractor bags with trash every week which fills the bin, which means if I put any trash in the bin they leave a filled to the brim contractor bag by the front door. This has caused a build up of trash in my place.

They have not washed their sheets in a year, which has a very intense smell that you can smell from outside of their room.

When they do their laundry the smell sticks to the clothes in the next load and if I hang my coat on the coat rack the smell sticks to MY coat.

They've also broken my expensive mop from the single time theyve ever mopped their room by stomping on it. They've also broken my vacuum and now say that they cant clean because I'm not providing these things.

Im worried that theyll be unable to move out as a landlord might not care for their smell, nor will they find roommates willing to tolerate it. Which means longer in my place stinking it up.

ETA: it is my home so I cant just leave it. I shouldve clarified in the post ahead of time. Otherwise I definitely wouldve left by now.

Ive only just recently learned that this isnt how everyone lives, but ive struggled with deluding myself into believing ive done bad things and simply forgot. Or ill have the mental image of it happening and I know LOGICALLY it didnt happen. I know its irrational, but I cannot stop thinking about it. Ill go over things over and over and over. Ill vomit from it. Im sure im preaching to the choir rn.

But my biggest problem is I often end up feeling undeserving. Either due to my own failures or perceived failures or just my character as a whole. As a kid I was often punished by not having meals. Often having to steal food because it could span a week or more at a time. Or my parent just leaving and not coming back for x amount of time. Usually a week or more. As a result, I think, if I eat while having a hard time mentally I will immediately become extremely anxious and vomit. As a result I will avoid eating or limit to one meal a day because in my head if I eat it will bring on the anxiety and if I vomit the anxiety will go away. Or if I sleep I will feel better so I find myself sleeping an excessive amount. I feel like I cannot escape my head which is always working against me. I convince myself ive done something bad that I would never do and just didnt know it.

And im always punishing myself. I dont work because im sure it will lead in failure, I dont drive because im sure it will lead to failure, eating is doable, keeping the food down isnt. I used to be artistic but now it brings me anxiety to even draw because the items cost money I dont deserve to spend and if it isnt PERFECT then I will feel ill from it.

Just venting I guess. Im just tired of being this way.