u/Old_Acanthisitta9477

I have a roommate whom had to be scolded into showering. I dont believe that they wash their hair as they always have a very strong oily hair smell to them.

They are also a bigger person.

Its come to the point where I dont use common areas at all unless I have to. The smell of them is very strong and you can smell it from the front door. They also produce an incredible amount of garbage. They fill two contractor bags with trash every week which fills the bin, which means if I put any trash in the bin they leave a filled to the brim contractor bag by the front door. This has caused a build up of trash in my place.

They have not washed their sheets in a year, which has a very intense smell that you can smell from outside of their room.

When they do their laundry the smell sticks to the clothes in the next load and if I hang my coat on the coat rack the smell sticks to MY coat.

They've also broken my expensive mop from the single time theyve ever mopped their room by stomping on it. They've also broken my vacuum and now say that they cant clean because I'm not providing these things.

Im worried that theyll be unable to move out as a landlord might not care for their smell, nor will they find roommates willing to tolerate it. Which means longer in my place stinking it up.

ETA: it is my home so I cant just leave it. I shouldve clarified in the post ahead of time. Otherwise I definitely wouldve left by now.

Ive only just recently learned that this isnt how everyone lives, but ive struggled with deluding myself into believing ive done bad things and simply forgot. Or ill have the mental image of it happening and I know LOGICALLY it didnt happen. I know its irrational, but I cannot stop thinking about it. Ill go over things over and over and over. Ill vomit from it. Im sure im preaching to the choir rn.

But my biggest problem is I often end up feeling undeserving. Either due to my own failures or perceived failures or just my character as a whole. As a kid I was often punished by not having meals. Often having to steal food because it could span a week or more at a time. Or my parent just leaving and not coming back for x amount of time. Usually a week or more. As a result, I think, if I eat while having a hard time mentally I will immediately become extremely anxious and vomit. As a result I will avoid eating or limit to one meal a day because in my head if I eat it will bring on the anxiety and if I vomit the anxiety will go away. Or if I sleep I will feel better so I find myself sleeping an excessive amount. I feel like I cannot escape my head which is always working against me. I convince myself ive done something bad that I would never do and just didnt know it.

And im always punishing myself. I dont work because im sure it will lead in failure, I dont drive because im sure it will lead to failure, eating is doable, keeping the food down isnt. I used to be artistic but now it brings me anxiety to even draw because the items cost money I dont deserve to spend and if it isnt PERFECT then I will feel ill from it.

Just venting I guess. Im just tired of being this way.