u/Possible_Kitchen1404

assalamu alaykum everyone! what are your thoughts on marrying a visa holder (specifically from desi countries)? is this something that is advised? i am a US citizen, born and raised in the US and i'd honestly prefer a US citizen due to cultural compatibility reasons, but it seems US citizens are hard to come by and those that i do see aren't interested in me. i am seeing mainly visa holders of F1 and H1B visa holders reaching out to me, and i'm not sure if i should consider them based on the stories i've heard of men marrying women for green cards and then dumping them after. is this something common? many of them i find are seemingly ready to marry me without really asking anything or trying to get to know me, which makes me suspicious. also another thing i was concerned about is the possibility of them being deported, as i definitely want to stay in the US.

after talking to several visa holders i don't usually click with them or really like them much (probably due to cultural differences) but my family insists i consider them due to the fact that they've struggled to make it in the US, vs a citizen man who may have had everything handed to him. also they keep telling me it would be a good deed if i helped someone get citizenship, or if i helped provide housing for him while he gets his footing. my family is really pushing me to get married, and as visa holders are the main people reaching out they are encouraging me to consider them and saying it would be good for me.

i'm not sure what to do. what are your thoughts?

salam, i have been searching for marriage but i don't feel i am attractive enough for it. i see women who get married and they just seem so sophisticated. i don't even feel like a woman, i feel like a little girl. i have a baby face, big eyes, chubby cheeks, and am very short. no one believes me when i tell them my age. they think im in high school, sometimes even middle school. and my personality doesn't help at all. i am giggly, affectionate, love chasing butterflies, blowing bubbles, rainbows, putting bows in my hair.

lots of women call me "cute", "pretty" but i am really struggling in the marriage scene. i think i am "girl pretty", not guy pretty. is this a thing? like, i think my look and qualities would appeal to other women in a platonic way. im sure most women, if asked objectively, would love to be friends with a bubbly butterfly chaser who loves flowers. and i think this is why women, in general, like me and think im pretty. im feminine in a "little girl" sort of way. but i don't think men would be drawn to this. i think they'd want someone more grown up/mature. i don't look like an adult at all. these men are looking for a wife, not a little sister

so when i say "im not attractive enough for marriage", i think women who think im pretty get confused because they don't realize theres a difference between girl pretty and guy pretty. does anyone get me? or does anyone have tips on how i can look my age lol

i find myself really really wanting to be married. i am on several apps, have been searching for years, but i get rejected by everyone i'm interested in :(( its been maybe like 30-40 guys at this point who have rejected me

i think about marriage 24/7. almost never a moment goes by im not thinking about getting married, how to find someone, how to make myself more attractive to potentials, whether anyone would pick me etc. i spend time searching up couples content, vlogs, couples channels online. my biggest aspiration is to become someone's wife and a mother. i don't think about anything else and my life feels pointless if i'm not married.

at the same time though i don't feel like i have anything to offer in a marriage. i am obese, i am not pretty or beautiful, and i'm really quiet and shy. at work or at events i barely talk at all. sometimes i think i look hideous and i'm disgusted by my appearance. i don't think anyone could genuinely like me. i think if someone were interested in me, it would only be because they couldn't find anyone better.

can anyone else relate??

salam, sorry if this kind of post is not allowed here! i have struggled with my appearance for a long time now and honestly consider myself unattractive. i wish i was prettier, but i hear a lot of people saying being attractive takes a lot of work , its not effortless etc. can someone please explain exactly what work this takes? how does someone become conventionally attractive/hot?
i've tried lots of things, but pretty doesn't seem to come naturally to me. i've tried working out, makeup, skincare, hair products, but they either do nothing at all or actively make me look worse
i am good however at making things look pretty, like art or decorating things, but i'm not sure why that doesn't translate to me 🫠
anyone have any tips??

salam!! 🤍 i'm not very good at writing reddit posts so i'm really sorry if this is all over the place lol. i'm in my mid twenties and i've been seriously looking for over a year now and i think recently my family has really been pushing me to get married. i am not super pretty (honestly i think i'm really ugly) so i don't get much interest from men. the only men i really get interest in are visa holders, who are seemingly ready to marry me asap, which makes me suspicious of their intentions. i was raised in the us and really want someone who was also raised in the west, for cultural compatibility reasons. but most if not all of the american men are rejecting me outright. listen, even before my search, i never thought i was someone a man could want, so i'm honestly not surprised. but i don't click with the men i meet who have visas so i usually end up declining them. my family always tells me about how i'm getting older now, i should be married by now, just grab someone and marry him, im being too picky, etc. i'm not sure what to do now. tbh with all the men rejecting me, i feel like i don't have much a choice in the matter. i feel like my family guilts me whenever i decide to say no to someone. i almost feel relieved when someone says no to me, because my family won't have anything to say then. should i marry someone who i don't like? i feel like i can't get anyone better. i talked to my family about wanting a us citizen, but my family just said a citizen wouldn't pick me. i think they're right. i know those men have a lot of options and they wouldn't pick an ugly girl.

can anyone help me?

hi everyone, i wrote a post on here earlier about having intense attachment to my therapist where i think her constantly and always wanting to talk to her and missing her in between sessions. my therapist knows about this. however, i haven't told her yet that i compare myself to her intensely and wish i was as pretty as (amongst other things). i feel she can't relate to what i experience. is this something that can affect my therapy, and should i let her know ??

i have experienced this with other people as well, where i like someone intensely and then end up comparing myself to them constantly

i see my therapist once a week and i try to give her an overview of what happened during the week and how i feel. every week i feel i have like 900 things i need to tell her and i can never get through it all. has anyone else experienced this???

hi everyone, i have had my period for almost 3 weeks now, but my mom doesn't really support me seeing a doctor for this. my mom tbh doesn't fully believe in medical care as she thinks doctors are just out there to make more and more money off us by randomly diagnosing us and giving meds. however she is extremely anxious about my period lasting for this long, as i've never faced this issue before. she thinks if i go to a doctor they will diagnose/label me with something and then give me meds which will wreck havoc on who knows what. and tbh, i know if i go and they do end up saying i have something (like pcos) she will completely freak out. she wants me to look up home remedies to fix the period myself, so the doctors don't say i have something. i have a primary care appt next month (the soonest they had available) so i was thinking of just mentioning it to them there. does anyone know how i can handle this?

hi everyone, i have had my period for almost 3 weeks now, but my mom doesn't really support me seeing a doctor for this. my mom tbh doesn't fully believe in medical care as she thinks doctors are just out there to make more and more money off us by randomly diagnosing us and giving meds. however she is extremely anxious about my period lasting for this long, as i've never faced this issue before. she thinks if i go to a doctor they will diagnose/label me with something and then give me meds which will wreck havoc on who knows what. and tbh, i know if i go and they do end up saying i have something (like pcos) she will completely freak out. she wants me to look up home remedies to fix the period myself, so the doctors don't say i have something. i have a primary care appt next month (the soonest they had available) so i was thinking of just mentioning it to them there. does anyone know how i can handle this?

salam, i am in my mid twenties and i get frustrated sometimes with my mom. so basically i have been using codes for my therapy which cover the session cost temporarily and today my therapist said it's not very helpful to go into deeper topics and she recommends i go through insurance with the copay. she said she needs to know soon if i plan to continue. i really really would like to do it as i feel therapy would benefit me and i am struggling with sadness and anxiety so if it were up to me 100% without a doubt i'd do it. the only issue is my mom. i brought it up to her many times now and at first she said its too expensive. (for context, i am planning on paying for it using my own money that i earned). then later on we walked outside together and she started telling me this whole thing about how all solutions are inside of me and we don't need outside help. i just need to control my thoughts and think positive, and if i do so, i will have no problems. theres 168 hours a week snd if i spend 1 hour w my therapist being positive and the rest 167 hours being negative its no use. she also said she doesn't see my improving (my therapist said this is because therapy can bring up strong emotions). i brought this up to my therapist, and she offered to talk to her to address her concerns, and we did that but my mom's mind hasn't changed. i just don't know what to do now.

another thing is, i have had my period for almost 3 weeks now , but my mom is not supportive of me going to the doctor. she said i should just think positive and it will go back to normal. she said she is thinking positive on her end, but if im convinced i need to see a doctor then it wont work. i need to tell myself i don't need a doctor, my period is normal and will go away on its own. she said if i go to a doctor they will diagnose/label me with something and give me meds which will wreck havoc on who knows what

i am unsure on what to do at this point, as i know islamically we are supposed to obey parents. (i have even heard a scholar say we are supposed to always obey parents). can anyone please help me?

salam, i am in my mid twenties and i get frustrated sometimes with my mom. so basically i have been using codes for my therapy which cover the session cost temporarily and today my therapist said it's not very helpful to go into deeper topics and she recommends i go through insurance with the copay. she said she needs to know soon if i plan to continue. i really really would like to do it as i feel therapy would benefit me and i am struggling with sadness and anxiety so if it were up to me 100% without a doubt i'd do it. the only issue is my mom. i brought it up to her many times now and at first she said its too expensive. (for context, i am planning on paying for it using my own money that i earned). then later on we walked outside together and she started telling me this whole thing about how all solutions are inside of me and we don't need outside help. i just need to control my thoughts and think positive, and if i do so, i will have no problems. theres 168 hours a week snd if i spend 1 hour w my therapist being positive and the rest 167 hours being negative its no use. she also said she doesn't see my improving (my therapist said this is because therapy can bring up strong emotions). i brought this up to my therapist, and she offered to talk to her to address her concerns, and we did that but my mom's mind hasn't changed. i just don't know what to do now.

another thing is, i have had my period for almost 3 weeks now , but my mom is not supportive of me going to the doctor. she said i should just think positive and it will go back to normal. she said she is thinking positive on her end, but if im convinced i need to see a doctor then it wont work. i need to tell myself i don't need a doctor, my period is normal and will go away on its own. she said if i go to a doctor they will diagnose/label me with something and give me meds which will wreck havoc on who knows what

i am unsure on what to do at this point, as i know islamically we are supposed to obey parents. (i have even heard a scholar say we are supposed to always obey parents). can anyone please help me?

how do you do it 😭🥲 my bleeding has been a medium-heavy flow the past few days and i fill up a pad every few hours. i don't think you can have the blood on you while praying so i make wudu each prayer and change the pad each prayer. but how do you get it off you!! i feel it's impossible to get off. i keep washing and washing and washing but there is always some left. it takes so much time too before prayer washing it away trying to be clean for prayer.
i worry my prayers aren't valid, i hope allah forgives me 🥲

hi everyone, sorry if this type of post is not allowed here. i am currently 4'11 155 lbs (in the obese range) and have been trying to lose weight for the past few years but have not had much success. i have tried cutting out junk food, and trying various forms of exercise, such as running, basketball, weight lifting, hiking, but nothing seems to work. i am extremely dissatisfied with my body and i feel i look hideous and disgusting. i wish to be beautiful, and the preoccupation with my appearance plagues my entire day, everyday. i spend a lot of time trying to figure out why exactly i am not attractive, and what i can do to improve, and i feel a big portion of it is due to being overweight.

one of the reasons i want to lose weight is so that i can find a partner. i only seem to like men who are out of my league, and obviously none of them are interested in me back. i'd like to improve my appearance and fitness level so i can get someone who i'm interested in to like me. i also consider myself unattractive, mostly due to my weight. but as i mentioned nothing seems to work for me. do i just accept that i'm unattractive and weight loss isn't for me? my friends and family constantly bring up my weight and criticize me, saying i look fat and men would have to settle for me due to my weight. i think i'd get treated better if i lost weight, and over the years i've come to believe that i deserve to be treated poorly due to my weight.

i know a lot of you will tell me to see a doctor. what can a doctor do to alleviate my situation, besides prescribing meds? my family doesn't fully support medical care, as they don't trust the medical system. they seem to think doctors will make up diagnoses and prescribe meds only to get more money. they also think i should be positive and work on my health on my own instead of going to a doctor. i'm not sure how to talk to them about this as they'd get upset if i go to a doctor and they end up saying i have pcos or something. is there anything else i can do?

has anyone else been able to lose weight despite being in a situation like mine?

assalamu alaykum everyone! what are your thoughts on marrying a visa holder (specifically from desi countries)? is this something that is advised? i am a US citizen, born and raised in the US and i'd honestly prefer a US citizen due to cultural compatibility reasons, but it seems US citizens are hard to come by and those that i do see aren't interested in me. i am seeing mainly visa holders of F1 and H1B visa holders reaching out to me, and i'm not sure if i should consider them based on the stories i've heard of men marrying women for green cards and then dumping them after. is this something common? also another thing i was concerned about is the possibility of them being deported, as i definitely want to stay in the US.

after talking to several visa holders i don't usually click with them or really like them much (probably due to cultural differences) but my family insists i consider them due to the fact that they've struggled to make it in the US, vs a citizen man who may have had everything handed to him. also they think a US citizen is more likely to want to continue living with parents after marriage vs a man from abroad who's family may not even be in the US.

what are your thoughts?

am i the only one who is sick of the way married people treat single people, especially in our community?? the second i open my mouth about marriage i'm bombarded with "do this, do that, lose weight, wear makeup, men want this, men want that, use the apps, don't use the apps, etc etc". it NEVER ends. and don't get me started on the cliche advice. "you need to love yourself before you love someone else" "work on yourself first" "you need to be happy on your own" that's nonsense. no one tells married people they need to "love themselves" or "be happy on your own" because the assumption is that their spouse makes them happy. married people are not told to "get hobbies" because people understand that their life now revolves around their spouse. yet for someone single putting in effort to get married is called "desperate". in fact, married people can coast through life getting praised and don't seem to get any unsolicited advice at all! i think thats because society views them as already "made it"

also the double standard of the way single people and married people are treated for saying basically the same thing. if a married person says "i wouldn't want to live without my spouse" the response they get is "aww! how romantic!" but if a single person says "i wouldn't want to live without a spouse" they are told to "work on themselves" or "be confident"

can anyone relate ???

for the past few months i have been feeling very very sad, on and off. some days are worse than others. i cry once a week at least. sometimes i have issues with focus and productivity at work. i don't want to hurt myself, but i feel like my life is meaningless. like i just feel purposeless. i sometimes struggle to take care of myself, like eating healthy or exercising because i just don't feel like i matter.

i feel like everyone minimizes me and doesn't take me seriously. i feel misunderstood by everyone and feel like i have no place anywhere.

i feel really stuck and don't know how to improve. nothing really helps. is there any hope for me?

assalamu alaykum. for the past few months i have been feeling very very sad, on and off. some days are worse than others. i cry once a week at least. sometimes i have issues with focus and productivity at work. i don't want to hurt myself, but i feel like my life is meaningless. like i just feel purposeless. i feel like everyone minimizes me and doesn't take me seriously. i sometimes struggle to take care of myself, like eating healthy or exercising because i just don't feel like i matter.

i feel misunderstood by everyone and feel like i have no place. not even in the deen, i don't feel accepted by other muslims or even by allah. i have always had a troubled relationship with the deen but lately have had trouble motivating myself to do acts of worship.

i feel really stuck and don't know how to improve. nothing really helps. is there any hope for me?

today is day 9 and my period is still going strong. not even spotting, a full flow. i've never experienced this before. i'm unsure what to do as i haven't prayed salah in so long. i follow the hanafi opinion and according to this school the max for a period is 10 days but what do i do then? pray while still having my period?

i'd appreciate any advice from anyone who may have experienced this 💕 or how i can make it stop lol

salam girlies, i used to have instagram way back in the day but i deactivated my account a few years ago due to the effect it was having on my mental health. i am a big fan of pinterest however, and have tons of boards for everything from outfit ideas to makeup to room decor to islamic reminders. however i was feeling a lot of fomo when it comes to instagram , as that seems to be the more popular platform and everyone i know has one. i was super bored yesterday at work so i decided to redownload it and make a new account on a whim lol. and wow there is a lot more content lol. on pinterest i see myself running into the same images every so often. however i feel like creators post the same content on multiple platforms, so idk if its worthwhile having more than one

i'm trying to decide whether or not to keep it, due to how easy it is to get addicted. i feel instagram is overstimulating honestly. i do like browsing some content so i thought of maybe deleting the app from my phone and keeping it on my ipad (that i don't use as often).

how do you ladies use social media? is it seen as weird to not have one?

my mom has a close friend who we visit every so often. they have a son and daughter who live there who are close to my age. i prefer not spending time with non mahrams so i'd rather spend one on one time with the daughter, preferably in a private spot such as her bedroom so i can take my hijab off. but whenever we go the son tries to hang out with us , and i don't know how to handle this as i'm uncomfortable hanging out in mixed settings. i'd feel bad just telling him to leave, as there's usually no one else our age for him to hang out with, and i don't want to come across as rude or like i'm rejecting him. sometimes their other brothers come visit from out of state, and they all go out together and expect me to tag along with them, but i'm not comfortable. i'd love to go out with the daughter only, or even just together with all the women, but i don't know how to suggest this without seeming like i'm leaving the others out

does anyone know how i can handle this? jazak allah khair 💕