u/Responsible_Tap_8284

I’ve been playing Minecraft for years and played in basically every way: hardcore, normal/hard, servers, speedrunning, maps, etc etc.

But I had never tried peaceful mode.

Anyways, me and a friend started a realm with a central focus on building. We main peaceful but switch to easy when we need mob materials. AND WHAT A BREATH OF FRESH AIR. I can just build for hours without worrying abt resetting the clock every 10 minutes or so, or creepers coming up, or torch proofing, etc etc.

I know a lot of people (past self included) might say that peaceful takes away the challenge of the game, and I’d say it depends. I’ve been playing this game so long, the combat has become pretty standard (except trial chambers love those) Anyways, I think the point of Mc is to pick your challenge, in this world it’s making cool builds. So instead of fighting mobs, the challenge is making a neat design.

TL;DR: Tried peaceful mode after 13 years, is now favorite mode

i have good pics on my acc, my worst pics are on my alt
u/excitementcute7109

Why do I have to fight for my right to live? I miss the fact that I lost my childhood to this, and I’m losing my early adulthood too. Dysphoria cripples me to the point of being unable to walk, I wish I was joking. I don’t trust my body enough to carry me around, and I get scared of collapse.

I lie down and wait for the hormones to work but I’m scared they won’t. I’m 3 months on hrt, my face from the front is good, from the side everything is messed up. It’s like god played a cruel joke on me and made everything just right except for one important thing.

I don’t want ffs, I just want to live and not worry about surgery. I feel like medical intervention, beyond hrt, is just reinforcing the idea of that I could never naturally have the correct body.

I spent all day in a dysphoria-ridden stupor, could barely do anything except lie down and fixate on my flaws. I regularly get suicidal over these things, I hate my body and it makes me want to get revenge. What better revenge is there than suicide? I don’t believe I am my body, my body is a seperate entity from myself, and it’s a malicious one.

It takes everything from me and it hurts so badly. I haven’t gotten to live and I fear I never will. I can’t even know if I’ll make it through this year. The only thing giving me hope is that one day, with hrt, I may be comfortable in my body.

Sometimes the dysphoria leaves for a bit but then it comes back stronger. I get a taste of what it’s like to be “almost normal” then it comes back in and ruins it. I hate it so much. I hate having a body.

It is literally just a method of torture. I feel distressed due to my body, then in return, my body produces somatic symptoms that make me feel sick, making me suffer physically. I only feel anger when I see that man in the mirror, sometimes I see her and it makes me feel a bit better before it fades away.

I guess it’s entirely dependent on my mood. But he forces a mood shift with physical symptoms. Nausea, dizziness, inability to eat, insomnia, inability to talk, brain fog, when that happens and I get stressed (for a myriad of other reasons), my self image falls apart and I see him again.

The only person I want to hurt is the one I have to see every time I see a reflection. I dont want to hurt myself, but self harm is an unfortunate side effect of punishing him.

I’m scared and I know I sound crazy. I don’t have anyone. Even my doctors don’t know what they’re doing and I might need to switch to diy. I’m just taking it day by day but it’s already hard enough to survive.

So I was on the lowest dose they offer apparently (0.2ml weekly), I switched to doing that every 5 days because I heard about the half life.

I got my dosage doubled and my doc told me to put off doing a blood test until a year from now when my levels stabilize!? Isn’t that dangerous? She also said to switch to doing 7 days a week and to not use vials more than a month.

I could be wrong but this feels like negligence.

Btw I am SUPER sensitive to E which is why I’m worried abt increasing it without testing. I have b cups at 3 months, completely different sexual function, literally everything already. I don’t want to introduce something dangerous for my body.

I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know who to talk to because I’m concerned about my health any my transition.

tw: self harm/suicide

my dysphoria is crippling, I’m supposed to start a job in a few days and i don’t even know if ill be able to do it.

I get physically sick looking at myself, it makes me so nauseous i can’t even eat sometimes. If this keeps up all I can do is end it but I don’t want to.

I’ve been on hrt for 3 months and I feel like I look so masculine, I know that’s a short time but it’s unbearable. I genuinely cannot tell what I look like, my body/face will bend and morph when I look at it.

The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that if I don’t pass I can kill myself. There’s always an out. Recently I started thinking about cutting for the sole reasoning of punishing my body, I know this is bad, and I haven’t started but I’m scared I will.

I know how easy it is to end it and all it takes for me is one impulsive decision and i’m done. I’m so scared. I can’t even talk to my family about transition either and it hurts so bad. They all know and they don’t support although they respect my autonomy.

I don’t even know what to do. I barely have the energy to eat anymore or do anything at all. Dysphoria is a curse.

I don’t have energy to do anything and it makes getting any help whatsoever so incredibly difficult. What do i do, how do people deal with dysphoria.

I’ve been doing it my whole life, didn’t realize it wasn’t normal until probably today lol. Like EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING has life, nothing is inanimate even if I can recognize that it is.

Idk how to explain it because I don’t actively think about the personalities that things have; bc object personalities are a lot harder to read than people personalities. It’s weird bc I can recognize some things, but I can’t put it into words. I can sense the “feel” of something but I can’t explain it if someone asked, it’s not something I can put it words sometimes.

However, I can describe somethings, especially things I’m around a lot, or was around a lot as a kid. A lot of my stuffed animals as a kid “turned evil” and I was super paranoid around them. Still get this sometimes but it’s usually just the environment and I can’t label exactly what feels wrong.

Sometimes something just feels bad to me, like its personality is harmful so I have to stay away even if there’s nothing wrong. It’s like a gut feeling, even if I know logically everything is fine.

Idk it’s kind of exhausting, I feel like I have to hold the reins on my brain all the time. Another thing is that I feel like objects retaliate, like if I do something bad then they turn bad and want to hurt me. So, I always have to control my behavior so that I don’t face retaliation. I know logically this isn’t true but my brain likes to be funny.

warning: i talk about suicide and substance abuse. Also transphobia and internalized transphobia. Please be warned i really don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but i need to get this off my chest.

I’m up at 3am again because dysphoria won’t shut up, my side profile looks wrong. I fucking hate it. I wish i started transitioning a long time ago but my damn parents wouldn’t have even let me.

My father stopped talking to me, i mean we never really talked much in the first place but as soon as he found out i was transitioning he decided to talk to me as much as possible. debating my existence and what not

My mother pretended like she supported me because she knew i had issues with her alcoholism and wanted to repair our relationship. As soon as I told her i wasn’t going to talk with her until she sobered up she outed me to my whole family, who are all christian. She was trying to get me kicked out of my house (I live with aunt and uncle who are orthodox). Even told my aunt that she shouldn’t want “that stuff” around her 3 yo kid, implying that i’m some deviant or something. My own mother.

I don’t have very many friends anymore, people fake support then slowly fade off. I guess part of it is my fault too, I distance myself too much.

I just want to feel connected in my body and comfortable. Hrt has allowed me to achieve that sometimes but my side profile still makes me so uncomfortable, other parts of my body too. Like my brain will just pick things to focus on and then it’s all I see. I don’t even know what I look like half the time because my mind cannot keep a consistent picture.

I saw myself today while brushing my teeth and almost threw up. Felt like I got punched in the stomach.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that if I don’t pass years from now I’m going to end it. I don’t want people to say “oh there’s so much to live for etc etc” like yes, I know. But what does it matter if I can’t enjoy anything. I know passing isn’t mandatory for everyone but it is for me. Plus I was already gonna end it anyways but decided “fuck it I’m gonna try hrt” (and yeah it worked pretty well) I want to go stealth and never have to think about this again. I want to forget I’m trans in the first place and just live my life but everyday I have to wake up and face the fact that that’s unrealistic.

I have to cover everything and hide away or just completely dissociate to cope with being read as male.

And still I absolutely hate trans people, i have so much internalized transphobia it’s disgusting. When I see a clocky trans woman i pray to god i never end up like that. It’s disgusting and i hate myself for it.

also i fucking hate tttt with a passion never ever go on there it made everything worse. the brainworms are eating me alive.

rant over thanks for reading

tl;dr: parents suck, losing friends sucks, dysphoria sucks, internalized transphobia sucks, pessimism sucks

So I just turned 18 and I’m getting interviewed for starbucks tmrw. I’m pretty confident I’m gonna get the job but I am worried abt one thing, just how lgbtq friendly are the staff?

Like I know that sounds like a dumb question but I live in VA and I’m currently boymoding. I’m worried abt getting clocked quickly bc I honestly just look like a super girly guy right now, like feminine androgynous. I heard the ppl that work there are usually pretty cool tho so hopefully that’s true😭

Also never really worked a customer service job before so hopefully things are fine. Idek what I’m doing i just need money and I always wanted to be a barista lmao.

edit: i’m mtf, 2 month hrt anniversary was yesterday

So I voiced trained for about two months, stopped for a bit, then started again.

I realized I was talking in a forced male voice, and when I let it drop I ended up the in andro range, just below my practiced voice.

It’s actually more comfortable to do this now, and trying to do a stereotypical guy voice takes more effort than anything. When I talk naturally my voice just sits higher.

Is this normal or is it strain, how can I tell if it’s strain?

I can still talk deeply but my guy voice is gone and I can’t find it, it feels unnatural like I’m doing voice impressions.

- Got outed to family but I’m alive

- Finished summer course for credit

- Applied to 5 jobs in a day

- About to get my license (FINALLY)

- Took 8th hrt shot today

- Starting college in like 3 weeks

- Boobies

- Getting on elden ring to do my rl1 club run with no upgrades whilst I eat coffee icecream

I thought I was gonna die 2 days ago when I got outed but now things are alright yay.

Letter came in the mail from the insurance explaining I used it for estrogen, which is confusing, because I thought I had never used my dad’s insurance. My mom probably put it in when she picked up my needles once (she’s semi supportive)

Anyways; I don’t know what’s to do. I know for a fact I will kill myself if I have to get off, or if they make me. I’ve been trying to be independent but I don’t live with either of my parents (live w aunt and uncle, who also found out), I don’t even have a job or license, I don’t have anyone to teach me driving regularly even though I try so hard to find time. At least I have my permit I guess.

What scares me is my aunt and uncle told my dad after they found it in the mail, I don’t know what to do anymore. If I get kicked out or have to move in with my dad I’m not gonna make it.

It sucks because I actually want to live now, hrt gave me hope to live and it feels like thats all being stripped away. I dont want to become a statistic but I have enough self respect to not allow myself to suffer. If things come to it I have a plan, nice quiet spot in the woods with my favorite songs to listen to one last time.

It genuinely feels like my life is falling apart, I don’t want to die but I might and it’s terrifying. I was given a small taste of living and it feels like it’s close to being stripped away. Being trans is rough, at least if I make it out of this one I’ll have a story to tell, but I’m not so sure I will.

All of a sudden I’m a spectacle and not a human being, even though I’ve been on E for two months. I’m just someone that is confused and screwing up their life apparently. All it took to flip the switch in their minds was a little slip of paper; it makes me sick.

Edit: my dad texted me this:

You’ll never lose me. I’m your dad. But it’s not a political issue or a preconceived bias. It’s a rampant spiritual issue. When people take themselves out from underneath the protection of God they try to look for answers elsewhere. They put their faith in other things to fill the void. That’s why the influx of trans stuff and hormone replacement has been so prevalent with the overall fall of society. It’s the new thing to fill a void with people who are hurting.

In my field alone I see doctors quick to inject young men and women who haven’t even figured out who they are yet with hormones that in all likelihood will affect them for the rest of their lives. Not to mention the effects on the psyche. Thats not an opinion it’s just real life. I had to step over dead bodies of kids caused by someone who thought they were making themselves better by taking hormones and trying to be something they weren’t.

For someone who won’t even take a multivitamin or creatine or magnesium I just found it hard to believe you’d be okay injecting a synthetic female hormone into your system. But I’m glad you finally told me the truth.

I love you. I always will love you. You have a great future ahead of you. You are still growing as a person and figuring out who you are. I’ve been there. Not ever to the extent where I wanted to pretend to be a chick but that wasn’t popular when I was growing up so who knows what hat I would have fallen for.

Don’t be so quick to discount the life experiences and real truths of people who have experienced many things that you have yet to experience. Right now this may seem like nothing to you. Years from now I know you’ll understand.

Title basically says it all, I have insomnia and I’m assuming it’s from quitting prozac, also comes with headaches but the sleep is the worse oart. Had anyone else experienced this? How long did it last?

Just want to be sure, I’ve already been on hrt for a little bit but I’m trying to figure out what it usually feels like. I never considered myself someone that has bad bottom dysphoria, but it could be a case of “im so too used to it i wouldn’t even know”

I hate how it looks, sex was always meh but I loved being intimate (kissing, cuddling, ESPECIALLY NAPPING TOGETHER). I hate just having to see it every day and be reminded of it. Recently I’ve developed breasts and when I remember they’re on my body, it literally just feels normal, however, my genitalia feels abnormal, almost the complete opposite feeling from my breasts. Masturbation was almost always a chore unless I could avoid typical stroking and what not. Masturbating w a vibrator, or focusing on butt stuff kinda makes the feeling go away a bit but I still feel like shit when my genitalia is involved. I hated (and STILL hate) how people would find that part of my body hot, or ask about it when I don’t want it there at all. I’m well endowed, and I’m tired of men getting jealous of me because I never asked for it in the first place. Hopefully it shrinks, thank god the erections have calmed down on hrt those were awful. Seeing it there makes me feel like a guy, and I’m not a guy so it hurts.

Okay sorry for the rant my brain is going a million mph rn lol

TL;DR: My genitalia makes me feel like shit. Makes me want to cry sometimes.

my fav is Almost Perfect, by Brian Katcher, close second is Detransition, Baby! by Torrey Peters

Whipping Girl by Julia Serano is a great nonfiction book too!

Anyone else have favorites??

I might have PE, hopefully not but it’s possible. Just wondering if it will affect breast development over time.

So yes I love having boobs, just bought my first bra. But one thing I noticed is that it doesn’t feel like I’m getting a crazy euphoria feeling? I am excited for them to grow more ofc, but I just AM and it feels nice and normal.

I expected having breasts to be a shock but it literally just feels like a part of my body that should have always been there. Hrt is awesome, I’m so happy with everything so far!!

So I take 4mg/weekly of estradiol valerate injections, I hear a lot of people get underdosed, considering upping it to 6mg (i’m 50 days on at this point) but like i already look more feminine and i have boobs now so clearly it’s working.
I’m just worried about not getting maximum effects. I’m honestly going to ask my doc about it bc there’s enough in the vial at the end of each month to be taking more.