u/Savvy_Biscuits

I know it technically already exists with characters like Peridot from Steven Universe and Lilith from The Owl House. But that’s not really the kind of rep I’m taking about.

As a kid, I saw coming-of-age stories where the main character gets a crush for the first time. Over and over again. It happened in Harry Potter, my favorite book series as a child. Harry falls for Cho Chang. It happened in Gravity Falls, when Dipper gets a crush on Wendy. It is presented like a rite of passage.

Once you get a crush, you know you’re growing older and starting to become a teenager.

Yeah, that never happened for me.

I kept waiting and waiting but it never happened. I thought I was a late bloomer. I thought it would come eventually. When I was asked about who I liked, I just made someone else. Celebrity crush? Just choose a conventionally attractive man and move on. Crush in school? Choose a boy that was half-decent and move on.

Yup, I‘ve decided. It’s that one. I will have a crush on that one, I believe.

Yeah, that’s not how crushes work. And it took me a long, long time to get that.

The point is there has to be more aromantic and asexual representation in kid’s media and specifically in kid’s media. Because once you reach adulthood, you might have already spent years thinking there was something wrong with you.

I mean, I texted the Crisis Text Line, because I was having thoughts of suicide. They had returned after a period of absence. I told my mom, because I felt it was the right thing to do.

Now she’s texting me infographics of the benefit of walks on mental health. Yes, I know Mom. But I have depression. It’s a mood disorder. It might help, but that’s not gonna fix it.

She thinks me getting a job will somehow fix things. Get out of the house, socialize. But that will just drain my energy and get me to burnout faster, just like what happened before I had those thoughts. It’s a bad idea. I know it’s a bad idea to isolate yourself when depressed, but it’s not a choice I’m making. It’s just hard to feel like I’m a burden on everyone around me.

Of course, she doesn’t want me taking antidepressants or going to therapy. Y’know, real treatment. I know she means well, but I really think this advice will get me killed. It’s hard to have everyone tell you what to do with your mental health, when you know it’s wrong. I know what I need, but when no one agrees? And you just doubt your own judgement in of itself?

Ugh.

I have a headache. I‘m exhausted. I didn’t sleep well last night at all. And ranting about this already made me feel way better than going out. I was just miserable, but outside.

I just don’t think she gets it. I’m kinda disappointed. I saw this coming, but I just wish it could be different.

After our talk, she said, “I’m sorry you feel that way. I wish I knew how to help you.”

Listen, maybe? Instead of trying to fix it right away? I just need someone to listen. I guess that’s why I’m here.

I feel fatigued. Just awful really, all over. I think I need to see a psychiatrist.

I would love your opinion on this.

My aunt had a wedding a little while back. I didn’t go.

I didn‘t go, because my mother—before it happened—toward me that the dress code required that the women wear dresses. I said no. I didn’t go. My sibling did. My mother did. I did not go.

I did not go, because I had to draw the line somewhere. I decided I would draw it here. It was a small thing, but it was a form of rebellion. At the time, I wasn’t trying to make a political statement or a kind of silent protest. It just bothered me.

Why would you want me there if I couldn’t go as I was? I felt like a prop. And I hated having my picture taken, because I hate being forced to smile and be shoved into photographs I don’t want to enter. Of course, if I make a fuss, I look like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

I am an asexual woman. However, I do plan to have a female partner one day. To her, that might as well make me gay. In my mind, it starts with the dresses. Sure, I say. I’ll bite my tongue and wear it. Grit my teeth and bare it. Put up with it and just do what as they say.

But what about my future partner?

I have to draw the line somewhere, and I’m starting early. Because it starts with dresses, but it might end with being told to tell others that my partner is a just a friend. Or maybe being told not to bring her at all. Or being told to hide our wedding rings.

I refuse to not be myself anywhere I go, and I will not have others demand me to be someone else either. Because if you don’t love me for who I am, then I don’t need to be at your wedding.

You don’t want me. You just want who you wish I could be. That’s not unconditional love.

A part of me doubts myself. Is it really a big deal? Is it worth it to miss someone’s wedding, a once in a lifetime event, because I don’t want to wear a dress. It seems small. It feels like a small problem.

But then again, if it isn‘t such a big deal to force myself to wear one, then why is it such a big deal if I don’t wear one? I don’t think I’m the problem here.

Has this ever happened to you? Where something small felt big? I just feel like this whole scenario has bigger implications.

For me, it’s like this. On one hand, fans are going to do whatever they want, and I can’t really stop them. I can’t say I like it, but fanfiction kinda operates on a don’t like, don’t read basis.

However, asexual people are sorely underrepresented in media to the point where most don’t even know we exist. We are in desperate need of more asexual representation, and when we get it? It really matters. I kinda feels like a bit of an insult. They’re like, well, if they don’t like romance or sex what do I do with them? They’re boring. I have to ignore their sexual orientation to make interesting stories.

It’s a real mindset that’s really damaging. It sends the message that life is empty if you don’t have either of these things, which inspires a lot of unnecessary shame. And for people on the ace spectrum, it sends the message that our stories aren’t worth telling, which leads directly to prejudice and discrimination against us.

I guess I would encourage fanfiction writers to write stories that stay true to the ace identity of the character. It might be different, but it means a lot for people like us. There’s a lot more to life than romance and sex. Not to mention, platonic love can be just as deep and meaningful.

To me, there are two types of Christians. 

There are the “normal” Christians and the scary Christians. 

The “normal” Christians are just that—normal. Sure, they might go to Church. But outside of Church, you will never see them pray. You never see them read the Bible. Unless you asked, you would never know they were Christian at all. You see, because they seem normal.

Then there’s the scary Christians. They don’t believe in dinosaurs. Abortion is a sin. Women must obey their husbands. God hates gay people. He also happens to conveniently hate everything they hate. They don’t take vaccines and pretty much everyone hates them but themselves. Evolution is a hoax and all that. 

“Normal” Christians HATE being compared to scary Christians. They’re the first to say that not all Christians are like that. They certainly don’t hate gay people. They believe in women’s rights. They believe in science and think the scary ones are no good. 

But when people criticize their religion, it never seems to be them we’re talking about. It’s always someone else. Well, their religion isn’t the scary one. It’s those other ones. Those other Christians. They’re doing religion wrong. They’re not real Christians. They don’t actually follow Jesus. Jesus kicked ass. He was Santa Claus and Mother Teresa and Gandhi all rolled into one. 

That’s called No True Scotsmen, isn’t it? You have a problem with a Scotsmen? Well, they’re not a true one! 

The problem is that this isn’t true. Puritans, Christian fundamentalists, and evangelicals. Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, they’re all Christians. And they’re not doing religion wrong. They’re not any more or less Christian than them. 

The “normal” Christians might think they’re not truly following Jesus, but… the scary ones will think the same thing. But who is right? Well, both of them. And neither of them. 

What is a Christian? Anyone who says they are, I suppose. There is no universal set of rules that decides what makes someone Christian or not. If you tried to use the “Good Book”? Well, good luck. The Bible is full of contradictions. It is literally impossible to do exactly what it says. Under that measure, no one is a true Christian. 

In my mind, religious extremists are not bad Christians. They’re bad people. There‘s a difference.

The problem with “normal” Christians is just that. They’re normal. They’re the good ones. They don’t believe they have to change. But isn’t either Christian like that? It’s always someone else who’s the problem. It can never be their own religion. Just once, I’d like to meet a Christian that can be criterial of their own personal faith. Their own denomination. 

Because if you don’t take the criticism of religion seriously, you might find out you were never one of the “normal” ones after all. I wish Christians would be more self-critical. No one is incapable of evil. There is no institution beyond critique. And I think if they really took the time to question their religion (beliefs, leaders, texts, places of worship, etc.) more progress would be made. 

I’ve noticed this even in sane, otherwise moral people who happen to be Christians. They’re supposed to be the good guys. But I believe that real change starts with yourself. You have to look inside and challenge your beliefs, Christian or not.

To me, there are two types of Christians. 

There are the “normal” Christians and the scary Christians. 

The “normal” Christians are just that—normal. Sure, they might go to Church. But outside of Church, you will never see them pray. You never see them read the Bible. Unless you asked, you would never know they were Christian at all. You see, because they seem normal.

Then there’s the scary Christians. They don’t believe in dinosaurs. Abortion is a sin. Women must obey their husbands. God hates gay people. He also happens to conveniently hate everything they hate. They don’t take vaccines and pretty much everyone hates them but themselves. Evolution is a hoax and all that. 

“Normal” Christians HATE being compared to scary Christians. They’re the first to say that not all Christians are like that. They certainly don’t hate gay people. They believe in women’s rights. They believe in science and think the scary ones are no good. 

But when people criticize their religion, it never seems to be them we’re talking about. It’s always someone else. Well, their religion isn’t the scary one. It’s those other ones. Those other Christians. They’re doing religion wrong. They’re not real Christians. They don’t actually follow Jesus. Jesus kicked ass. He was Santa Claus and Mother Teresa and Gandhi all rolled into one. 

That’s called No True Scotsmen, isn’t it? You have a problem with a Scotsmen? Well, they’re not a true one! 

The problem is that this isn’t true. Puritans, Christian fundamentalists, and evangelicals. Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, they’re all Christians. And they’re not doing religion wrong. They’re not any more or less Christian than them. 

The “normal” Christians might think they’re not truly following Jesus, but… the scary ones will think the same thing. But who is right? Well, both of them are right. And neither of them. 

What is a Christian? Anyone who says they are, I suppose. There is no universal set of rules that decides what makes someone Christian or not. If you tried to use the “Good Book”? Well, good luck. The Bible is full of contradictions. It is literally impossible to do exactly what it says. Under that measure, no one is a true Christian. 

The problem with “normal” Christians is just that. They’re normal. They’re the good ones. They don’t believe they have to change. But aren’t ”normal” and scary Christians both like that? It’s always someone else who’s the problem. It can never be their own religion. Just once, I’d like to meet a Christian that can be critical of their own personal faith. Their own denomination. 

Because if you don’t take the criticism of religion seriously, you might find out you were never one of the “normal” ones after all. I wish Christians would be more self-critical. No one is incapable of evil. There is no institution beyond critique. And I think if they really took the time to question their religion (beliefs, leaders, texts, places of worship, etc.) more progress would be made. 

I’ve noticed this even in sane, otherwise moral people who happen to be Christians. They’re supposed to be the good guys. But I believe that real change starts with yourself. You have to look inside and challenge your beliefs, Christian or not.

I’m an atheist, but I know next to nothing about Christianity despite being raised Christian. My question is why all of these Christian denominations seem to hate each other? I’m generalizing, of course. But there’s so much in-fighting.

To me, Protestants and Catholics are practically the same thing. They both love Jesus, right? So who cares. Then I learned that a bunch of Christians got upset when John F. Kennedy, the first Catholic president, got elected? Like they were flirting with the enemy or something?

It‘s all terribly confusing to me. I kinda see all of them as the same thing. To me, as a fanfiction girlie, it’s like seeing people kill each other over their favorite origin of life headcanon. In my head, it’s all kinda fiction. It just kinda comes off as ridiculous.

Can’t we all agree to disagree and just vibe? Who knows who’s right, so shouldn’t we all just be nice to each other? Of course, this is organized religion we’re talking about at the end of the day, right? If I were to look closer at it, it might just be about control... and power. Like it usually is. We can never really have nice things, can we?

I’m just starting to get into writing fanfiction, but I’ve been reading it for a long, long time.

I was wondering if any of you can tell me how to best write an OC character. I know I sometimes tend to avoid fanfics with an OC major character, because I often feel like they don’t fit in too well with the rest of the universe. How do I avoid this, especially when I’m writing about the child of a ship in the fandom?

It’s complicated, isn’t it?

Because on one hand, it was having six fingers that singled him out as being a freak, got him bullied, and led to him being rejected by his classmates. But on the other hand, it has now become such a significant part of his identity that it is the source of his nickname “Sixer” (first from Stan, then from Bill). It is his symbol on the Zodiac. It is what he used to decorate the cover of his Journals, the most defining part of his legacy.

I think his feelings about his hands are complicated, but they’ve become such a defining part of his identity that I think to suddenly lose them might give him a serious identity crisis. But technically, it would help him assimilate better into society and blend in. Ford, however, at this point in his life, feels like he has embraced his weirdness and sees it as a strength and not a weakness.

I get the feeling that it isn’t really his fingers he has a problem with, but the way others treated him because of it.

So what do you think? Would he try to get his extra fingers back? Would he keep them like it is? Or would he go through an emotional journey of weighing whether it’s better to keep them off versus get them back. Maybe he would try and see what it was like for a little bit just out of curiosity. He is a scientist, after all. But I ultimately think he would try to get them back.

But almost definitely, he would suspect there was a supernatural cause and investigate. “Improvement” or not, non-consensual body modification is bound to cause psychological distress.

I’ve been trying to get into reading again and would like to see myself represented in the main characters that I read. So I was wondering if you have any good book recommendations for characters that are asexual. I’m okay with any genre, but would prefer a short read at this time to help ease me back into it.

Thank you!

Why are you a furry?

What do you like about being a furry? How has being a part of the furry community benefited your life?

I ask, because I tend to frequent a lot of fandom spaces. I read fanfiction, look at fanart, and listen to fan songs on YouTube. I’ve been in the Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, and Undertale/Deltraune fandoms. I feel like there is a lot of overlap between us and you all.

I am a member of the LGBTQ+ community, and I know a lot of you are too. I think I ended up in these spaces as an awkward and shy kid who didn’t yet know she was queer and had trouble making friends. I would come here, because it allows me to see stories I couldn’t in mainstream culture and gave me more of the things I loved.

My first fandom was Harry Potter. As a child, I was often lonely. Therefore, the Harry Potter books were my friend. Wasn’t I excited to learn that I could engage with the thing I loved beyond books and movies. Fanfiction, of course, and fandoms in general tend to be seen as cringe. I think you can relate to the feeling.

We just have a lot in common, I think. However, I never ended up as a furry. I wonder why. One of my favorite movies as a kid was Zootopia. I just liked the world-building of the city. It felt lived-in and like the creators really thought out what it would be like for such a diverse population of animals to live together. It felt like a sandbox where a million stories could be happening all at once. I heard that an attraction to anthropomorphic animals often gets people into being a furry. I kinda have a thing for Nick Wilde, but I think that’s mostly his voice, lol.

I guess the point of this post is that I could easily see me in another life, if I went down a different road, being a furry. It just kinda makes sense. I wonder why I didn’t.

So why are you a furry? As a kid, I was taught that being a furry was weird and cringe, but as I got older I let it go. They‘re not really hurting anyone, so what’s the problem?

What was your experience with becoming a furry, and how has the community impacted your life? Please feel free to share your experiences. All of them are much appreciated. Thank you!

I remember this feeling in middle school.

In elementary school, parties were all about having fun. It was eating snacks and dancing. It was listening to cheesy pop songs and jumping up and down like sugar-crazed lunatics. I felt like everyone else.

Then after, everything changed.

Now parties were different. People were grinding on each other. They wore short dresses and heels. People looked at your body weird. Something changed in the people around me that I didn’t share.

I’m not sure I liked the change.

It’s hard to describe, but when I was younger, bodies felt more neutral. I could tell when one person was meant to be more attractive than another, but it didn’t really mean anything.

Now it does.

Now if a body is not attractive, then it must mean there are others than are less so. I guess I just wanted to go back to a time where sex was a boogey man you heard rumors about in the lunch room, instead of whatever it turned into when I got older.

The world of sex is inescapable, and sometimes I wish it didn’t exist at all. I guess I part of me selfishly wishes everyone else wants the same.

A child will not treat women like they are inferior on their own. They have to learn it from somewhere.

The most effective tool to enforce misogyny is religion. If you can get someone to believe there is a god, then you can get them to believe it wants women and men to be treated differently.

The religion itself is the problem. If we allow these communities to spread misogynistic beliefs, they will influence policy that affects everyone. It leaves the most negative impact on women, of course. The idea that everyone is entitled to their own religious beliefs is an excuse that allows this misogyny in religion to go unchallenged. But this isn’t an isolated group making choices for themself. They’re making choices for others too.

Who celebrated when Roe v. Wade was overturned in the United States? It was the same one-issue voters that treated abortion like it was a sin. It was the Christian right. It is because of this decision that women across the nation are dying. The state of women’s healthcare is at a point where it is worse than it was in the 1970s. And these people will not stop there. They won’t stop until abortion is banned in all fifty states.

This won’t stop abortions. It will just prevent safe abortions. Now women, and people with a uterus, cannot access healthcare unrelated to abortions on the case it might be used to cause one. Doctors will not perform live-saving care out of fear it will be used against them. In fact, doctors with the most restrictive abortion laws are fleeing out of fear. The laws are written to be vague to create fear toward women having autonomy over their bodies.

And Christians cheered it on. Why? Because their religion told them they were saving innocent babies from women who can’t keep their legs closed. I never use the term “pro-life.”

It is a lie. They don’t care about life. They are pro-forced birth.

Religion is the problem, and there will be no solution that does not involve targeting it directly. What this will be? I don’t know. But with such a steady voting bloc of misogynists, women’s rights will always be under attack in the United States and all across the globe.

I know stories like this exist all across the globe, so I was wondering what can be done about this issue? What are your experiences with this topic?

It is common in fandom spaces for fans of a piece of media, whether it be a TV show, movie, or work of literature, to show interest in having a redemption arc for a character. This character tends to be a villain. They are often sympathetic or tragic. I have often enjoyed reading stories by fan creators that write redemption arcs. I think it’s interesting to see what it would take for a bad guy to go good. See the consequences of their actions. Make real and lasting change for the better. Maybe even join the good guys.

However, I read a post on Tumblr that stated the idea of a redemption arc is based in Christianity. They claimed that, for a villain to have a happy ending, they didn’t want them to be redeemed. They wanted them to be happy.

I’m not the most familiar with Christianity or how it has influenced secular works of fiction. But is this true? This is the first I have ever heard of this, and I’m curious to hear your thoughts.

What is the difference? What is the difference between being redeemed and being happy? As an atheist, it somewhat disturbs me that Christianity might have had such a major impact on my perception of fiction without my knowledge.

The more I think about, the more it appeals to me. I think I have had pregnancy anxiety for a long time. I did NOT want to get pregnant. There is this cultural expectation that pregnancy is something that every woman wants. It’s like her opinion on the matter is something to overcome rather than be respected.

Oh, you’ll change your mind. Oh, I used to think that way too.

But pregnancy is scary. Especially in the United States, where they’re stripping reproductive rights all the time.

I think there is still this enduring belief that the ultimate goal of a woman is to be an incubator. But I don’t want that for myself at all. And I’m afraid that even if I choose not to have sex, someone will take the choice from me and I might get pregnant against my will.

I can’t ask for medical advice for obvious reasons, but what do you all think? I never thought of pursuing birth control, because I believed it was for sexual active people with the ability to get pregnant. I have never had sex, nor do I want to. But the idea of having birth control feels empowering to me. I can get pregnant on my own terms.

As soon as I am able, I think I would like to start taking them.

Can anyone else relate to having pregnancy anxiety? I don’t think this is talked about enough. People make it seem like it is this natural, spiritual experience for women. But to me? It is horrifying. And why shouldn‘t it be? A parasite grows inside of you, stealing your nutrients, contorting your body to the extreme, then during an extremely distressing and painful process is forced out of you?

I haven’t even gotten into the long-term physical and psychological effects. Not to mention, at this point in my life, the idea of having a kid is the most terrifying of them of all. I can barely support myself, much less an entire human.

I went to a funeral recently.

The person who died was a religious man. He was an important member of the church where the funeral was held. It was (mostly) a nice ceremony. It seemed like this person was well-loved and admired by all that spoke about him.

The only problem was the… church of it all. All of the religious stuff just bothered me. I don’t know why, but all of it feels off to me.

It’s a lot of little things.

I never feel more atheist than when I am in a church. You really get a sense of just how much Christians genuinely believe that God is real, and that they will go to Heaven. It feels like I’m in a cult. I know that term is overused, but it can be hard to know the difference at times. The line is blurred. Nothing about it seems immediately harmful, after all.

Who cares if Christians believe they will go to Heaven when they die? What does it matter? A good person is a good person, no matter what they believe.

This was a Baptist church, and I’m not the most familiar with the different kinds of denominations. But I definitely feel like these people did not believe the same.

The man who passed away said he tried to get as many people as possible to accept Jesus Christ as their savior before he passed? That’s the part I feel uncomfortable with. I can accept that someone is a Christian. I find it hard to believe this man would accept that I was an atheist.

That statement, in of itself, is anti-atheist to me.

In addition, it is a little bit of everything too. I can’t really enter these spaces without being made to participate. There were Christian songs. I didn’t sing any of them, but I feel like I was being an ass on purpose, even if I wasn’t. I refuse to even pretend to pray. Who am I talking to?

They use the word “god-fearing” to describe someone who is good. That’s a red flag to me. Do these people live their life in fear? That’s what motivates them? Why would you fear someone who you claim loves you?

Then, there’s the women.

More specifically, the treatment of women. This man called a woman a “big girl” when he first met her. He told a woman her lipstick was “too bright.“ He told another to keep her hair short. I heard none of the same comments about the men. It feels normalized to control what women do with their bodies here. I don’t like it.

People laughed, and it was a funny story. I didn’t. Am I too sensitive?

I don’t think so.

So yes, I felt very atheist. No one made me feel unwelcome, but I felt unwelcome anyway, y’know?

Can anyone else relate?

Hello, this is my first post on r/AskLGBT!

I am writing this post, because I am curious to hear about the experiences of xenogender people. I have always been curious about xeno people, because I find their identity so different from my own. However, it is difficult for me, as a cis person, to understand and conceptualize it.

If you are willing to share, I would be happy to listen to your personal experiences. In addition, I would appreciate any effort to help me better understand what it is like to be you. For example, on the LGBTQIA+ wiki, under the category of xenogender, it lists gender identities such as digigender, seagender, and catgender. I don’t know if anyone on this subreddit identifies with any of these, but I would love some insight into what it is like to do so.

Furthermore, it is typical for those who are xeno to use neopronouns such as ze/zir? How might these pronouns suit you, and how does that differ from a cis person?

Thank you for reading. Please feel free to share whatever you like.

I want to write a fanfic for a particular fandom. I have a lot of ideas, but don’t exactly have the writing skill to back it up. I read all of these well-made, clever fanfics on AO3, and it makes me feel insecure.

I don’t know if I have the best grasp on the characters, since there is some post-series reading content out there I don’t have access to. I’m afraid that I’ll write them out of character, and it makes me feel like I shouldn’t bother.

I know that everyone has to start from somewhere, but I’m afraid that if I write it, everyone will hate it. And that I’ll hate it. Compared to everyone else’s, it’ll just look bad. I’ve been in this fandom for years now, I feel like I should have more confidence being able to write these characters, but I don’t.

I’ve read countless fics at this point, but I don’t feel any better about being able to write them. What should I do?

I think the only thing that stopped him from going full evil was his desire to seek approval from the world that rejected him (or at least the one he had perceived to have rejected him). I mean, remember that comment about Rudolph? I think he roughly said that Rudolph should have burned down the whole workshop?

Resentful much, Stanford Pines?

All it would have really taken was Ford finding the idea of remaking the world and becoming a god too appealing for him to become a world-level threat. And even if I believe his desire to change the world was based more in self-interest than altruism, Stanford just had too much empathy for his fellow person. In addition, no matter how much Bill tried to snuff it out, he still cared deeply for his loved ones even if he believed at certain points they had betrayed him and couldn’t be trusted.

He had teetered on the edge of villainy, but never really quite passed over. What do you think held him back?

It sounds like a compliment, but I believe it is a form of benevolent sexism. Even positive stereotypes can be harmful, and I believe that the expectation for women to be more attractive than men is one of them.

As women, we are often made to feel like we are not enough. There is always something that is wrong with us. We‘re too fat. Too thin. Breasts too big. Not big enough. It never really ends.

That’s why we tell girls they’re beautiful and try to lift each other up by complimenting their appearance.

But doesn’t that just reaffirm that a woman’s value is based in her appearance. In love songs, most of what the guy sings about are the looks of the woman he “loves.” When complimenting the people of a nation, their men are strong or smart or capable. Their women are beautiful.

I think that even well-meaning people that want women to feel confident about themselves and their looks are accidentally part of the problem.

I’m not sure.

Should we be telling women they’re beautiful? Or should we try to challenge why women should have to be beautiful in the first place.

Maybe it’s okay to just be ugly. Would that be so bad? Why should appearance be what we value over all, especially for women. Isn’t that shallow?

The world will try to convince you that beauty is your value. They are wrong. Beauty standards were constructed by the patriarchy to waste women’s time.