u/Spare-Wafer-3693

Moi!

I live in the UK, I'd like to get my boyfriends mom something to thank her for letting me to stay 2 weeks at her house (I had previously spent a week before and got her some vegan chocolates)

I do not know a lot about her, I know she loves the beatles and is vegan. What's a good gift?

The only thing I know she dislikes is mugs, as she has gotten mad at how many my partner owns

Trying to learn how to please my partner better and because of the uk's laws I'm unable to buy the subscription. Even then, i'd prefer to pirate it because I pirate anything. Anyone know anywhere where I can find the content? Specifically the wlw ones? Thanks!!

First of all, I'd like to acknowledge that I know this sounds like a bit, but there was this specific hxh asmr video me and a group of friends listened to back in 2020 constantly about hisoka sucking your toes on subway.

A lot of it was sort of suggestive? I don't remember if it was made unironically but hisoka does go "mmmmmmmmmmmmmh show me your toesss" before sucking them.

I can't find the video now and I'm pretty sure it was deleted but i remember it having about 100k views? wondering if anyone knows what I'm talking about?

Bike ended up being too big for her so she couldn't stop the bike and went down a hill and fell. I don't remember what else.

There was another book by the same author where she goes to school and plays marbles.

I think it belonged to my parents (so 1970s ish)

(I know I talk weird, it's been mentioned, hopefully the context clears up why.)

First of all. I would like to clarify that this is not a dating/relationships advice.

I am aware that where I stand is unhealthy and I should not pressure a relationship with him.

Some important context, I’m in my mid 20s, transgender, autistic and I grew up in an "online" cult (I was part of a real cult, but I got my orders from my parents who got their orders from their cult leader through emails, skype and later zoom. This meant I almost did not interact with anyone outside of family up until I was 18 when I left). I was also a victim of grooming multiple times. Online and In real life.

I recall growing up without getting crushes (partly because I was around family, partly because I was always uncomfortable when my parents pushed me to "crush" on my cousins or any female relative and partly because I didn't wanna be a boy in the relationship) and even when I left the cult, my crushes were far and few between.

I'd maybe crush on someone like once a year for like a few weeks. I considered myself aromantic because of how infrequent they were. It's not because I didn't meet people, I met a lot of people. I would say that I've befriended over 50 people since leaving the cult.

Fast forward to last year I meet a guy online and we're in a situation where we're both into the same thing. He's also really chatty, I'm chatty too but usually I find myself carrying conversations or at least talking more, and while over the time of us being friends, it has balanced out to the point it's me 1:1 him instead of 1:2.

I remember thinking he was special mainly because as bad as it sounds, his lack of trauma. A lot of the people I bonded with were traumatised to a degree, and despite him being trans, he just wasn't. But other than that he was just another friend I spoke to and video called with from time to time.

About 3 months later, I notice myself developing a crush on him. I laugh it off because it isn't a thing that happens to me. I don't develop crushes on people that easily but I did note it down in my journal.

3 months after that, I came to the conclusion that I was in love with him. I'd do the mature thing I'd do if I ever developed a crush on someone. I'd tell them in a way that doesn't make it obvious, but sort of gives me a conclusion of if they'd date me.

I soft-balled doing that a few times. I knew I was talking to a bi man who heavily preferred men, so it was an uphill battle, and in my what if scenario he basically said I wasn't really his type and also he didn't want to date someone who didn't live in his country.

This was a clear rejection and while I grieved it for a few weeks, I expected to get over it after that. Like never truly get over it but enough for me to move on. I did everything you're supposed to. I soft ghosted him for a bit... Told him I was too busy for our usual stuff. We went from video calling daily to once a week.

And now it's been about a year and... I haven't gotten over it, in fact it's gone worse. It's gone to obsession. Whenever he shows me his exes or people he finds hot I mould myself and wonder what I can do to look like them.

I'd literally detransition if that made him happy. I'd rejoin my cult. I'd put myself through irreversible harm just for him to choose me. I keep daydreaming and daydreaming and wondering if there's anything I can do to make him like me. I'd literally do whatever it would take for us to be together.

I want to isolate this man from all of his friends and ruin his life so he could be with me... I want to use all the typical abuser tactics with him.

I want him to ruin my life and choose me. I literally would be okay with being a murder victim of his or anything and even then I'd plan it because I wouldn't want any harm to fall on him. He's just the perfect mythical man who shouldn't exist. And I know it's bad. and I know it's wrong. And I know nothing I do would ever change how he feels about me, and I know that I should be happy that we're friends. That we talk all the time and I truly do platonically love him. I know my obsession isn't love. I know this is how a predator talked about their prey. I just don't know what to do about it.

(I know I talk weird, it's been mentioned, hopefully the context clears up why.)

First of all. I would like to clarify that this is not a dating/relationships advice.

I am aware that where I stand is unhealthy and I should not pressure a relationship with him.

Some important context, I’m in my mid 20s, transgender, autistic and I grew up in an "online" cult (I was part of a real cult, but I got my orders from my parents who got their orders from their cult leader through emails, skype and later zoom. This meant I almost did not interact with anyone outside of family up until I was 18 when I left). I was also a victim of grooming multiple times. Online and In real life.

I recall growing up without getting crushes (partly because I was around family, partly because I was always uncomfortable when my parents pushed me to "crush" on my cousins or any female relative and partly because I didn't wanna be a boy in the relationship) and even when I left the cult, my crushes were far and few between.

I'd maybe crush on someone like once a year for like a few weeks. I considered myself aromantic because of how infrequent they were. It's not because I didn't meet people, I met a lot of people. I would say that I've befriended over 50 people since leaving the cult.

Fast forward to last year I meet a guy online and we're in a situation where we're both into the same thing. He's also really chatty, I'm chatty too but usually I find myself carrying conversations or at least talking more, and while over the time of us being friends, it has balanced out to the point it's me 1:1 him instead of 1:2.

I remember thinking he was special mainly because as bad as it sounds, his lack of trauma. A lot of the people I bonded with were traumatised to a degree, and despite him being trans, he just wasn't. But other than that he was just another friend I spoke to and video called with from time to time.

About 3 months later, I notice myself developing a crush on him. I laugh it off because it isn't a thing that happens to me. I don't develop crushes on people that easily but I did note it down in my journal.

3 months after that, I came to the conclusion that I was in love with him. I'd do the mature thing I'd do if I ever developed a crush on someone. I'd tell them in a way that doesn't make it obvious, but sort of gives me a conclusion of if they'd date me.

I soft-balled doing that a few times. I knew I was talking to a bi man who heavily preferred men, so it was an uphill battle, and in my what if scenario he basically said I wasn't really his type and also he didn't want to date someone who didn't live in his country.

This was a clear rejection and while I grieved it for a few weeks, I expected to get over it after that. Like never truly get over it but enough for me to move on. I did everything you're supposed to. I soft ghosted him for a bit... Told him I was too busy for our usual stuff. We went from video calling daily to once a week.

And now it's been about a year and... I haven't gotten over it, in fact it's gone worse. It's gone to obsession. Whenever he shows me his exes or people he finds hot I mould myself and wonder what I can do to look like them.

I'd literally detransition if that made him happy. I'd rejoin my cult. I'd put myself through irreversible harm just for him to choose me. I keep daydreaming and daydreaming and wondering if there's anything I can do to make him like me. I'd literally do whatever it would take for us to be together.

I want to isolate this man from all of his friends and ruin his life so he could be with me... I want to use all the typical abuser tactics with him.

I want him to ruin my life and choose me. I literally would be okay with being a murder victim of his or anything and even then I'd plan it because I wouldn't want any harm to fall on him. He's just the perfect mythical man who shouldn't exist. And I know it's bad. and I know it's wrong. And I know nothing I do would ever change how he feels about me, and I know that I should be happy that we're friends. That we talk all the time and I truly do platonically love him. I know my obsession isn't love. I know this is how a predator talked about their prey. I just don't know what to do about it.

(I know I talk weird, it's been mentioned, hopefully the context clears up why.)

First of all. I would like to clarify that this is not a dating/relationships advice.

I am aware that where I stand is unhealthy and I should not pressure a relationship with him.

Some important context, I’m in my mid 20s, transgender, autistic and I grew up in an "online" cult (I was part of a real cult, but I got my orders from my parents who got their orders from their cult leader through emails, skype and later zoom. This meant I almost did not interact with anyone outside of family up until I was 18 when I left). I was also a victim of grooming multiple times. Online and In real life.

I recall growing up without getting crushes (partly because I was around family, partly because I was always uncomfortable when my parents pushed me to "crush" on my cousins or any female relative and partly because I didn't wanna be a boy in the relationship) and even when I left the cult, my crushes were far and few between.

I'd maybe crush on someone like once a year for like a few weeks. I considered myself aromantic because of how infrequent they were. It's not because I didn't meet people, I met a lot of people. I would say that I've befriended over 50 people since leaving the cult.

Fast forward to last year I meet a guy online and we're in a situation where we're both into the same thing. He's also really chatty, I'm chatty too but usually I find myself carrying conversations or at least talking more, and while over the time of us being friends, it has balanced out to the point it's me 1:1 him instead of 1:2.

I remember thinking he was special mainly because as bad as it sounds, his lack of trauma. A lot of the people I bonded with were traumatised to a degree, and despite him being trans, he just wasn't. But other than that he was just another friend I spoke to and video called with from time to time.

About 3 months later, I notice myself developing a crush on him. I laugh it off because it isn't a thing that happens to me. I don't develop crushes on people that easily but I did note it down in my journal.

3 months after that, I came to the conclusion that I was in love with him. I'd do the mature thing I'd do if I ever developed a crush on someone. I'd tell them in a way that doesn't make it obvious, but sort of gives me a conclusion of if they'd date me.

I soft-balled doing that a few times. I knew I was talking to a bi man who heavily preferred men, so it was an uphill battle, and in my what if scenario he basically said I wasn't really his type and also he didn't want to date someone who didn't live in his country.

This was a clear rejection and while I grieved it for a few weeks, I expected to get over it after that. Like never truly get over it but enough for me to move on. I did everything you're supposed to. I soft ghosted him for a bit... Told him I was too busy for our usual stuff. We went from video calling daily to once a week.

And now it's been about a year and... I haven't gotten over it, in fact it's gone worse. It's gone to obsession. Whenever he shows me his exes or people he finds hot I mould myself and wonder what I can do to look like them.

I'd literally detransition if that made him happy. I'd rejoin my cult. I'd put myself through irreversible harm just for him to choose me. I keep daydreaming and daydreaming and wondering if there's anything I can do to make him like me. I'd literally do whatever it would take for us to be together.

I want to isolate this man from all of his friends and ruin his life so he could be with me... I want to use all the typical abuser tactics with him.

I want him to ruin my life and choose me. I literally would be okay with being a murder victim of his or anything and even then I'd plan it because I wouldn't want any harm to fall on him. He's just the perfect mythical man who shouldn't exist. And I know it's bad. and I know it's wrong. And I know nothing I do would ever change how he feels about me, and I know that I should be happy that we're friends. That we talk all the time and I truly do platonically love him. I know my obsession isn't love. I know this is how a predator talked about their prey. I just don't know what to do about it.

(I know I talk weird, it's been mentioned, hopefully the context clears up why.)

First of all. I would like to clarify that this is not a dating/relationships advice.

I am aware that where I stand is unhealthy and I should not pressure a relationship with him.

Some important context, I’m in my mid 20s, transgender, autistic and I grew up in an "online" cult (I was part of a real cult, but I got my orders from my parents who got their orders from their cult leader through emails, skype and later zoom. This meant I almost did not interact with anyone outside of family up until I was 18 when I left). I was also a victim of grooming multiple times. Online and In real life.

I recall growing up without getting crushes (partly because I was around family, partly because I was always uncomfortable when my parents pushed me to "crush" on my cousins or any female relative and partly because I didn't wanna be a boy in the relationship) and even when I left the cult, my crushes were far and few between.

I'd maybe crush on someone like once a year for like a few weeks. I considered myself aromantic because of how infrequent they were. It's not because I didn't meet people, I met a lot of people. I would say that I've befriended over 50 people since leaving the cult.

Fast forward to last year I meet a guy online and we're in a situation where we're both into the same thing. He's also really chatty, I'm chatty too but usually I find myself carrying conversations or at least talking more, and while over the time of us being friends, it has balanced out to the point it's me 1:1 him instead of 1:2.

I remember thinking he was special mainly because as bad as it sounds, his lack of trauma. A lot of the people I bonded with were traumatised to a degree, and despite him being trans, he just wasn't. But other than that he was just another friend I spoke to and video called with from time to time.

About 3 months later, I notice myself developing a crush on him. I laugh it off because it isn't a thing that happens to me. I don't develop crushes on people that easily but I did note it down in my journal.

3 months after that, I came to the conclusion that I was in love with him. I'd do the mature thing I'd do if I ever developed a crush on someone. I'd tell them in a way that doesn't make it obvious, but sort of gives me a conclusion of if they'd date me.

I soft-balled doing that a few times. I knew I was talking to a bi man who heavily preferred men, so it was an uphill battle, and in my what if scenario he basically said I wasn't really his type and also he didn't want to date someone who didn't live in his country.

This was a clear rejection and while I grieved it for a few weeks, I expected to get over it after that. Like never truly get over it but enough for me to move on. I did everything you're supposed to. I soft ghosted him for a bit... Told him I was too busy for our usual stuff. We went from video calling daily to once a week.

And now it's been about a year and... I haven't gotten over it, in fact it's gone worse. It's gone to obsession. Whenever he shows me his exes or people he finds hot I mould myself and wonder what I can do to look like them.

I'd literally detransition if that made him happy. I'd rejoin my cult. I'd put myself through irreversible harm just for him to choose me. I keep daydreaming and daydreaming and wondering if there's anything I can do to make him like me. I'd literally do whatever it would take for us to be together.

I want to isolate this man from all of his friends and ruin his life so he could be with me... I want to use all the typical abuser tactics with him.

I want him to ruin my life and choose me. I literally would be okay with being a murder victim of his or anything and even then I'd plan it because I wouldn't want any harm to fall on him. He's just the perfect mythical man who shouldn't exist. And I know it's bad. and I know it's wrong. And I know nothing I do would ever change how he feels about me, and I know that I should be happy that we're friends. That we talk all the time and I truly do platonically love him. I know my obsession isn't love. I know this is how a predator talked about their prey. I just don't know what to do about it.

Hey, I haven't watched dr k in a while, does he have any videos on something like this?

I'm trans. When I put my mind to it I can focus. I can do the stuff I want to / can do.

I've noticed myself just doom-scrolling recently. Specifically stuff on transphobia, I don't really react or reply. It always makes me feel worse, it always loses me hours of my day. I am always exhausted afterwards.

I don't think I gain any pleasure from it? It solely works on making myself feel worse. I have trans friends who tell me to stop, I have cis friends who tell me to stop. I don't stop. I know people in real life. I have my own convictions and know they're incorrect.

There's an addiction to just seeing people who hate me ig? How do I stop that.