LOL FUCKING METS!
Allow me to regale you with the tales of July 5th, 2026:
You would think that after scoring 5 runs in the top of the 9th (thanks COOKIE CARRASCO), you would be able to cruise to an easy victory, being up 10-3.
Not the Mets. They are masters of torture. They will force you to experience pain and suffering unlike anything you have ever experienced.
A 7-run lead with three outs to go seemed like a challenge, and Huascar Brazoban decided to take it…by allowing 5 runs. All while getting just 1 out. Perhaps he was trying to tank his trade value before the end of the deadline…
Before you know it, it’s 10-8 in the blink of an eye! And the Braves are tomahawk chopping their way back into this game. But WAIT! It’s time for the Mets to bring in their closer: DEVIN WILLIAMS! He Strikes out Ossie Albies in an 8-pitch at bat…and then he TOO decides to make the game interesting.
A double to Matt Olson, a wild pitch to bring Olson to third, an infield hit where he can’t cover 1st because he’s too good for hustling…
10-9 Mutts
And now, the winning run is at the plate.
Williams proceeds to give up a 2nd pitch single (which actually becomes a double) to Dominic Smith.
Runners on 2nd and 3rd. 2 Outs.
1- Run game.
The Braves have sent 11 men up to the plate this inning.
At this point, Just give up the game-losing double, Devin. Put us out of our misery.
“HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAAAAY!!!”
Oh, good for you Devin. You finally managed to get Dom Smith to strikeout. I’m soooooo impressed.
Mets win 10-9.
Despite the pitching staff doing their best 2019 Edwin Diaz impression (against the Nats. You know, in which all hope and optimism died), the Mets managed to avoid complete and total humiliation. They improved their place in the standings by advancing to 26th in the league.
Like seriously, what do you fuckers want, a god damn sticker? You nearly blew a 7-run lead with less than 2 outs. Even in victory, the New York Mets can’t help but find new and creative ways to torture their fans, and entertain the baseball world.
Only LOLMETS could bring such an experience to their fans, crushing their hearts in a vice, finally letting go before it’s completely pulverized, and asking you to give them unconditional love.
This my friends, is not a healthy relationship. If you too are experiencing this in your personal life, do not hesitate to call the domestic violence hotline. Get yourself some help.
SAVE YOURSELF FROM METS BASEBALL!!!
I BEG YOU!!!