u/Throwrafizzylemon

Has anyone here done a kind of burnout retreat?

I'm honestly just sick of it. I hate the grind I'm in at the moment and feel so stuck. I'm thinking about travelling, but I don't want to be rushing around ticking places off. I'd be happy staying somewhere for a month or so and just resting.

I've looked at retreats, but they all seem a bit hard out. I'm also so inflexible and I hate yoga. I know people say it's for everyone, but every position hurts and I end up having to modify everything. What I want is gentle stretching, painting or art classes, massages, nice cafés, walks, maybe a gym nearby.

It doesn't even have to be a retreat. It could just be a hotel or apartment somewhere nice where I can build my own little reset.

Has anyone taken themselves off somewhere and done something like this? Did it actually help?

At the moment I'm thinking maybe Chiang Mai, Pai, or Penang.

Let me know your experiences 🙂

Cmpletely changing your surname after marriage feels like giving up part of who you are. Your name is part of your identity it's how you've known yourself your entire life. When people completely drop it, it just feels strange to me.

Double-barrelling makes sense as a compromise, but completely replacing your own surname has always seemed weird.

This is probably only unpopular to cultures that change their last name

I feel like such a shit teacher.

Every lesson I write feels like it could be better because it probably could. Every time I sit down to improve something, I end up overwhelmed by how much there is to improve. I never feel like I'm "done."

Even when I'm supposed to be relaxing, I'm thinking about tomorrow's lessons, whether I explained something well enough, or what I should change.

I'm a teacher in New Zealand, and the last three years have been relentless. We've had repeated curriculum changes, so instead of refining lessons from previous years, we've been creating entirely new content over and over again. Now we're rewriting both our junior and senior programmes again.

One of the hardest parts is our assessment system. In NZ, our senior students are assessed against national achievement standards. On paper, the standards look straightforward, but actually interpreting them when it’s time to mark is another story.

I don't just want someone to tell me, "Teach this."
I want to know:

What does this standard actually mean?

What does an Excellence response genuinely look like?

Where is the line between Merit and Excellence?

Why would one student get Excellence while another doesn't?

As teachers, we're expected to make those judgments, but so much of that knowledge feels like it's passed around through conversations, workshops I never seem to know about , and "this is what I've heard" rather than having a single, clear source that explains the thinking behind the marking.

Sometimes I wish there were a place where I could simply say, "I don't understand this standard. Can someone walk me through it?" without feeling like I should already know.

I don't think people outside teaching realise how mentally consuming this job can be. I want to improve every lesson, every assessment, every explanation could be better. At some point you have to stop working and accept that what you've prepared is enough but I don't know how to switch that part of my brain off.

I feel like I’m addicted to my phone but not. For example I will be glued to my phone all day when I have the pressure of needing to do other things usually for work. However, when I’m on holiday I can leave my phone in the room/bag and read, do puzzles, not even think about it. It’s like I’m using it to procrastinate. Like when I don’t have work during schooo holidays for example I just do the things I want without stressing or procrastinating.

I don’t know if that’s addiction because I feel like an alcoholic or drug addict woukd still want those things regardless of situation? I could be wrong I don’t really u derstand.

Also I get coffee evey morning from a store, the store was closed for 1 month as the owner had a bereavement back home so I just stopped getting coffee and that was it didn’t think about it, but when the store is open I like have to get it.

I feel like I’m addicted to my phone but not. For example I will be glued to my phone all day when I have the pressure of needing to do other things usually for work. However, when I’m on holiday I can leave my phone in the room/bag and read, do puzzles, not even think about it. It’s like I’m using it to procrastinate. Like when I don’t have work during schooo holidays for example I just do the things I want without stressing or procrastinating.

I don’t know if that’s addiction because I feel like an alcoholic or drug addict woukd still want those things regardless of situation? I could be wrong I don’t really u derstand.

Also I get coffee evey morning from a store, the store was closed for 1 month as the owner had a bereavement back home so I just stopped getting coffee and that was it didn’t think about it, but when the store is open I like have to get it.

2 weeks ago I weighed 85kg now I weigh 81.6kg.

Help me understand this please it’s a things that’s happened the last 4 holidays. This time I didn’t hold back at all.

Drinking beer, full sugar beverage once a day (at home don’t drink alcohol or sugar drinks just water, tea, coffee).

buffet breakfast, lots of toast peanut butter, hash browns, Dahl, dam al, tempeh fruits

Lunch, wrap with chips, pasta

Dinner pasta, pizza

Snacks crisps, fruit,

Exercise: went to gym once, walked around resort didn’t go out resort (at home I’m walking all day up down stairs as I’m a teacher).

Why have I come back 3 kgs lighter

Previous holidays lost 2kg at 7 day inclusive I ate breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner.

Lost 7kg on 6 week trip to Brazil ate lots especially buffet restaurants.

Do I just need to live a holiday to loose weight?

Fyi my normal life.
Training 4x a week lifting weights and body weight, walking all day don’t sit during class at work, walking up and down stairs at least 6x a day, eat usually weetabix for breakfast, lunch is bagel, hummus, tempeh, dinner is usually some kind of legumes rice and veges. Way more stressed in normal life I feel like bunged up if that makes sense like my body is gripping onto something or tensing don’t feel like that during holiday or school breaks.

Has anyone found that their persistent cough and stuffed-up sinuses (not super bad, but enough to know you're not 100%) disappear when you go on holiday somewhere tropical, then come back as soon as you get home?

This has happened on my last 3 holidays.

Anyone else? Hypothesis include Allergies, humidity, less stress?

Just trying to find out more information for the Man and Woman definition.

I was trying to understand the definition but this is what it is in the bill:

13A
Meaning of woman or female

In any legislation, regardless of gender identity,—
(a)
woman means an adult human biological female; and
(b)
female means a human biological female.
13B
Meaning of man or male

In any legislation, regardless of gender identity,—
(a)
man means an adult human biological male; and
(b)
male means a human biological male.

My question is what is biological in this sense? Is it chromosomes, sex organs?

It doesn’t make any sense to me to be honest. What if they defined someone as woman because they has xx but they have testes and penis? Or reverse.

This is just one of many things that are not clear in the bill.

I’m not trying to start an argument here I mean happy for rigorous discussion with justifications.

Just trying to understand see the need for this bill before sending in submission. For openness I am fully against this and erasing rights of people however I like to understand all parts and be able to argue all aspects of necessary,

Thanks

I really struggle with my mental health. I always thought I would be a parent however I have come to terms that I don’t think it would be fair because I worry that my mental health would get worse and I would be a bad parent or i would pass on my mental health genetics to the kid and I don’t want anyone I love to go through this.

It makes me sad because I think I would be a great parent and I see people give advice like talk to your baby and to me that’s second nature like all the advice is stuff I do since I have been looking after kids my whole life.

Sometimes I wonder if having a kid would actually help people say having a kids doesn’t fix X y z. But sometimes I wonder if it would because I would feel more settled and have a purpose. Once I have a purpose I’m ok but also I don’t want to have a kid just cause if that.

So I will not have kids but I will still keep teaching the kids of shit parents and I hate that these people didn’t think more before they had kids. I u derstand not all of the circumstances were in their control but there’s a lot of people having kids without thinking fully through it and analysing the decision.

I was at school around mid 90s to mid 00s. Now I’m a teacher at high school, I want to know if things have always been this way?

Have there always been handfuls of kids not having a pen or pencil in class?

I don’t remember it being normal but also it could have been because I was with a group who loves stationary and I just didn’t experience it with people around me.

Every lesson there’s at least 5 kids minimum who need a pen or pencil

Bit of a random question for people who live in Vancouver:

In winter, on a sunny day, do you still get quite warm when you're out in direct sunlight, even if the air temperature is cold?

Where I'm from, the sun feels very strong to me. Even on cold days, if I’m walking or sitting in direct sun, I often end up taking layers off and can sometimes be comfortable in just a T-shirt. If you’ve been to NZ you might understand what I mean, I feel like the sun burns you tbh.

When I visited the UK the sun could be out and it felt pleasant, but I could still comfortably wear a coat or jumper without overheating.

I'm curious where Vancouver sits on that spectrum. On a sunny winter day, does the sun feel strong enough that you noticeably warm up, or is it more like the UK where the sunshine doesn't make as dramatic a difference?

I’m in NZ (Queenstown) but similarish winter weather to Vancouver I think

Edit: yes my oartner offered to go to shops for me for those who are asking. However I wanted to go , I like it at night it helps me calm down and relax however at night not afternoon. I struggle to relax at home I don’t feel relaxed sitting down tbh and so I wanted to get the stuff I needed and walk around a bit. It was nire at regulation, him going to shops defeats the purpose of what I wanted

My partner has this thing where they think I make myself sick or make illnesses worse by doing certain things.

I’ve had a cold for the last 5 days, I am comming out the end of it but I have residual sinus infection, and cough. Dr said I’m not contagious but it’s like a post cold cough. Today was the first day back at work. I'm a teacher and interact with around 150 different people every day, so during cold season I tend to pick things up pretty easily.

My plan today was to come home, eat dinner, have a shower, relax for a bit, and then head to the supermarket later once the traffic had died down I couldn’t face heading there straight from work.
When I told my partner that was my plan, they asked, "Are you sure you want to do that? Go to the shops after a shower?"

I said yes and asked why.

They told me that's why I get sick and that going out after showering would make me worse. I said I didn't think a quick trip to the supermarket was going to make me any sicker and that being around 150 different people every day is probably a much bigger factor than leaving the house after a shower.

For context, it was about 15°C (Celsius not farinheight or whatever that is) outside. I grew up in Scotland, my partner grew up in Colombia, so we have very different ideas of what counts as cold weather. Also I don’t wash my hair at night they know this.

We ended up arguing because I felt like they were blaming me for being sick and acting like I don't know how to look after myself. They felt like I was dismissing their concern for me.

Kia ora kiwi here,

I’m wondering if there’s anyone here who has lived in nz or done whv. What are some of the differences you noticed between NZ and Canada and + & - of both places.

1. When it’s sunrise or sunset and you’re driving towards the sun it can look bright enough to not have your lights on (questionable) but when we look in our rear view mirror away from the sun it’s pretty dark and your grey car is fucking hard to see

.

1. You should have lights on the front of your bike, how are we supposed to see you comming up behind us.
2. Pedestrians

…wearing dark colours at night is night time camouflage. Please be careful crossing the street especially when you run out from behind cars.

4. Bikers I have seen some of you with piddly lights and dressing in dark colours, please think about getting reflective stuff at least.

A couple more because I’m trying to be open and not let my inherent bias rule me.

5. Not viability but I would like to add, drivers don’t be assholes to the drivers in-front if they don’t feel safe overtaking a bike ahead of them, you will get to your destination. You’re not going to be late if anything it might take a few more mins. Calm the fuck down.

6. Again drivers don’t drive up peoples arses give them space, space 3 second rule. Especially when they’re driving to the conditions. Fuck if you’re driving when it’s wet you’ll have to drive a bit fucking slower get over it.

7. Pedestrians a cycle lane is not a path. Fucking look and don’t step there Willy nilly, Jesus Christ, let the bikes bike.

8. Drivers don’t fucking speed out of driveways you have to give way, calm down, crawl out.

Yes we usually see you eventually but don’t make it harder than it needs to be. Just think what’s the best thing I can do to be visible.

Shane gets hurt either from hooking up with people or people hurting him because he’s gay. Ilya looks after him,

I read a couple where Shane gets hurt when hooking up they had SA and were a bit graphic, I prefer it to be not too graphic.

What have you found is the most impactful way to address bullying and slurs.

I always call out students and if I have time I try to get them one on one and the explain how it’s harmful.

Is there something more impactful.

I just saw a video on Insta and a teacher said he said soemthing along the lines of. Hey somewhere there is a mama at home waiting to ask if her child had a good day and you could be the reason they said no.

I was like shit that’s intense but feels like it would land right and make a stud t think more than what I’m
Currently doing.

Looking for fics where Shane sleeps around or is with another person but ends up with Ilya.

I was reading shane hollander is a s**t which I liked don’t get me wrong but I want to know the outcome is them together otherwise my heart can’t take it.

What do people think about devices in schools?

We know phones are now banned, but at the same time many schools have gone down the BYOD route and are encouraging more and more learning to happen online.

However overseas we're starting to see some countries and schools shift back the other way. Denmark has been looking at reducing screen use in schools, and there are schools in Australia, Sweden and elsewhere bringing back more books, handwriting, and offline learning. They still have devices but they are used in a much more purposeful way and more so in senior school.

I'm not anti-technology at all. I just wonder whether we've swung too far in one direction and whether there is value in a better balance between digital and non-digital learning.

TLDR: Is there a type of professional I can see who will look at my entire mental health history and help me understand what's actually going on, rather than focusing on just one condition?

So I went to the doctor like everyone advised, so well done me I guess.

The problem is I'm still not really sure what I'm supposed to do next, and I'm hoping someone here has been through something similar.

I took about five pages of notes to my GP about my symptoms and history. After looking through it all, they said it sounded like ADHD could be a possibility and suggested I find a psychiatrist for an assessment.
That's fine, but the more I've thought about it, the more confused I am. There are things in my mental health history that seem like they could point to OCD as well, and I've definitely struggled with anxiety for years.

I've found a place that does ADHD assessments, but do they only look at ADHD, or do they look at your whole mental health history and consider other possible diagnoses too? It’s very expensive and while I don’t mind paying of it will help me I want to make sure it’s the best place to go considering $2500 will go far on other things.

One thing that's made me even more confused is that another doctor I saw after basically asked me, "If you're not looking for medication, would a diagnosis actually help?"

I was like yes, probably cause I feel fucking crazy atm an explanation would be nice. At this point I feel like I've spent years struggling with things that seem easy for other people, wondering why my brain works the way it does, and feeling like I'm losing the plot half the time.

I want support though not just a label. I want someone who can help me understand what's actually going on in my head and what I can do about it. Whether that's CBT, other forms of therapy, coping strategies, behavioural techniques, or something else entirely, I just want to know where to start.

Is there a type of professional I can see who will look at my entire mental health history and help me understand what's actually going on, rather than focusing on just one condition?

Tw: mention of suicidal ideation referred to as si. No intent no details, purely si as intrusive thoughts.

I need help understanding this, also I’ve been to my dr and told them how I’m feeling just so you know.

Anyway I have had SI for a long time and sometimes it’s worse sometimes it better.

However I find myself having a huge downer often with SI after having a really good time. I used tot think this was like alcohol related as I used to go out party and the next day I was be like 😭 but I’ve had about 3 glasses of wine in the last 5 years so it’s not alcohol related.

It’s almost like I have such a good time that I get a low or comedown afterward. I don’t take drugs but people have told me about comming down after excasty I think or something like they have this amazing time and then after they come down and feel so low.

But I was thinking oh that’s me whenever I have a really good time. I don’t need drugs for that.

Why is this why can I enjoy things that I’m really looking forward to without feeling devastated when they end.

Does everyone feel this? I don’t think people get as down as I do like I have was more SI thoughts I’m so sad as well.

But when I’m doing the fun thing I’m genuinely enjoying it.

Thanks