u/Unique_Barber5650

I'm a 26 year old guy living in sweden, and as the title says, I'm a virgin. And not for a lack of trying, I've just never managed to get any further than a handful of first dates. And while I'd say that I'm overall happy with what I've achieved in my life in general (steady job, a good degree, I have friends, I don't hate myself or the way I look, I have hobbies) the fact that I'm a virgin is getting to me more and more every year.

Not because I desperately crave sex for the sake of sex, but obviously I want that too, but knowing that no woman has looked at me and thought "I want to have sex with him" just really hurts. I know that it's getting more and more common to be a virgin at this age, but I still know that I've long since passed the average age to lose it. And that doesn't make me feel bad because of societal pressure or whatever. It's just another little thing that I can't help but think about. One extra little thing that my insecurities tell me shows that I'm just not worthy of love.

I've talked about this before and one comment I often get is how it's actually not that hard or even a big deal to lose your virginity, and seeing that just makes me feel like an idiot. It's not hard at all, so what does that say about me? And I don't want to think like that. I don't want it to ruin my mental health like it is, I don't want it to occupy my mind like this. But it does and I'd be lying if I said that it's not a big deal. I can't just tell myself that it's a social construct or whatever. It's not all I think about, but when I'm laying in bed late at night feeling sad and lonely it comes out. My friends tell me that I'd be such a great boyfriend, but I just find it so hard to believe and I just don't know what to do.

​

As the title says. I want it to be over, I want to stop trying to find someone. Stop wanting to find someone, stop feeling that desire, stop having thoughts where I wonder what it's like, stop the silly dreams of experiencing love. But I don't know how to.

Has anyone here succeeded? Not succeeded in finding someone, getting dates and all that. But succeeded in going "I'm not going to find that special person, I'll stay single from birth to death, and that doesn't bother me anymore". And how did you do it? How do you end this nightmare?

I don't know what to do, nothing I do works. Every month that passes just makes me more miserable, less motivated and I abandon more and more of my routine.

I'm 26 years old, and everything I've done during the last six years should have made me more content with my life, but it's like nothing of it has helped how I actually feel. I moved out of my hometown to start uni when I was 19, and I graduated with my masters when I was 25. I went from always having struggled with friendships during my teens to having better friends during uni, and now after I graduated and moved to a different city I have a better social life than ever.

For the last six years I've been in therapy for dissociative issues, anxiety induced compulsive behaviour, social anxiety, depression and self esteem issues. And for the most, I've made great progress. The social anxiety is still there as I'm sure it'll always be, but I'm way way better at handling it and it's not debilitating like it used to be a few years ago. The dissociative issues are basically gone. Mostly the same with the compulsive issues. My self esteem is in many ways better partially from starting to take exercise seriously. Even if I've lately struggled to find the motivation to actually go to the gym. I've been on and off medication for antidepressants and I'm currently trying to hear back from the hospital I got referred to for my ADHD diagnosis.

I got a job that pays well, even if I've grown to hate it and I'm currently looking for new stuff. I love where I want to. I have great friends. I have an apartment I like in a good place. I have hobbies I enjoy. I feel capable in general.

But I just feel more and more depressed, and no matter what I do nothing seems to stick. And the only constant throughout my life has been that all I've ever really wanted, is to experience love. Know what it's like to kiss someone. Not fall asleep alone. Love someone. But in my 26 years alive all I've ever experienced is rejection. And its just ruining everything like a cancer. I don't know how to become happy. I have happy moments, but at my core I'm finding less and less point in life.

I don't know what to do. Nothing I try works. It doesn't matter how confident I get, how well I get over issues, if I go to social things or stay home alone. At my core I just get more and more depressed.

I'm asking because at this point I feel so lost. I'm a 26 year old guy and I feel like my mind is falling apart more and more.

I try all the things. Exercise, medication, therapy, hobbies, active friend group. In many ways I've worked on myself and improved myself. My social anxiety is better, my self confidence is better. I try to reframe my thinking. But at my core, nothing really changes.

At my core, despite wishing I could say this wasn't the case, all I want is a relationship. I've never even kissed someone, and for the longest time my one true dream in life has been to just be able to spend an evening with my girlfriend, cooking together and talking. But it doesn't feel like that's achievable.

Nothing I do works. Either to find someone, or to find happiness through other means. I can feel happy in the moment, but it's surface level. I can spend a night out with friends and have a great time, only to come home and hug my pillow feeling empty inside.

And then I'll see people online basically just say that a relationship can't bring happiness. But that doesn't make sense to me, because I see people talking about how great their relationship makes them feel all the time. People seek it out. It's endlessly talked about in movies, TV shows, stories new and old, music, amongst friends and everything. But apparently it's just kinda irrelevant?

I feel dead inside. I don't want to die, but I see no purpose in my life. I just go through the motions, doing my best when the energy is there, and nothing ever works.

How has it been for you all who were in my position. Who reached 25+ with absolutely nothing to show for when it came to relationships, physical intimacy and all that, who managed to find it? Did it help? Did things change? Or was it as meaningless as some seem to say it is for happiness.

Why do I have to be depressed like this. Why do I have to constantly second guess myself, constantly think less of myself, feel no optimism about ever finding a relationship, why do I have to feel like death. Why can't I just be happy. I have so many good things in my life. I should be happy. But I'm not. Maybe it's just because I want to experience what it's like to have a girlfriend for once in my life and not be a 26 year old guy wondering what a kiss feels like. Maybe that would change nothing. Maybe I'm just fucked. Maybe this is just what life has for me.

Exercise works a bit. The meds helps a bit. Therapy helps a bit. But really, nothing fucking works. At the end of the day, I still feel so sad and horrible and empty.

I vent on Reddit all the time, because responding to comments makes me seen. And that helps a bit. But nothing ever truly works.

I'm a lonely and sad guy, and I don't want to be it. But this depression sucks the energy out of me, so I struggle to do anything about it. How is any of this fair, I just try to be kind and compassionate and helpful, but my own brain just punishes me nonstop. I don't know what I did to deserve this.

And why is it so hard to cure this. It's not fair.

I don't get why my brain is doing this to me. I have so much good in my life, and I'm doing pretty good for someone my age all things considered.

I graduated with an engineering masters when I was 24, I'm 26 now and I'm living in the city I wanted to move to after uni. I have a nice apartment in a peaceful neighborhood within walking distance of everything I need. I have a job, I kinda hate it now but I'm talking to other companies and things seem promising. I'm in good health. I think I look pretty good. I managed to find friends in my new city, I didn't think it would be possible but I went from knowing noone here to suddenly having a solid network of friends. I have hobbies I enjoy. My social anxiety is way better than it used to. I'm in therapy.

Things are good. But I've never had a girlfriend. I've never even been close to it. While I had my last year of studies in 2024 , a part of me felt convinced that I'd have my first kiss and lose my virginity during 2025. A moment of just pure hope.

Then 2025 came and went. I tried dating events, I tried going to places, I did the apps. And all I got out of it was this deep sense of unworthiness and rejection. I don't fault the women that rejected me, if they don't want me then that's it, it's their choice. But it still hurt. But I pressed on, despite not feeling hopeful and feeling my mental health crashing hard a part of me still held out hope for 2026. And now I'm here, 65% of the year complete and I've done zero progress. And I've lost all hope.

And it feels like I'm a walking corpse. I don't feel any purpose in life, I have no plans for my future. I have no big passions. Nothing really brings me joy or a sense of purpose. I don't want to die, but what's the point in any of this. The one thing I want in life above all else is to love someone that loves me back. Someone I can cook for. Someone I'll tell how my day went. Someone I can share the highs and the lows of life with. But every single time I try to find her, I just get more and more proof that I'm simply not meant to be in love. It doesn't matter how many great things my friends say about me. I can be a great friend, but I can never be a boyfriend. And the world has made that painfully clear to me.

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This is something that comes up a lot when I talk about my struggles with dating (26 year old, never been in a relationship, nothing past a handful of first dates) and I've always struggled to understand what it actually means in practice. Because maybe that's why I keep running straight into a wall over and over again when it comes to my attempts at dating.

Loving yourself. What is that actually? When people talk about it, it seems so vague and it's rarely that people can put into words what it means. Because it's obviously more than just not hating yourself. What does it actually mean to love yourself, and what do people mean when they say that you can't love someone else if you can't love yourself.

What does it mean to be confident in yourself? To me it seems like a very distinct thing from being confident in social situations. Since lacking confidence and being socially anxious can be totally disconnected from how you actually feel about yourself and be 100% irrational.

And finally being happy with yourself, Vs simply being a happy or not happy person. Because to me there's obviously a difference there, you can think you're a great person but still be deeply unhappy for other reasons.

I just want to hear some thoughts on this, obviously it's all very personal so what do you personally feel?

To preface this, I'm not a native English speaker although I am fluent. So this isn't really a case of me not understanding the language itself, but rather the culture around the words if that makes sense. And this is a genuine question.

This is something I've asked a couple of women I know that come from English speaking countries that I'm good friends with and I've found their answers interesting, and I'm just curious to hear what others have to say!

To me, it would be kinda weird to refer to a 7 year old girl as anything other than a girl. And referring to a woman in her 80's as a girl feels strange to me, and not a woman.

But how do you feel about it if you're seeing someone, and they'd talk to their friends and say something like "I've been seeing this girl for a while, I really like her" if you're both in your mid 20's? Do you think nothing of it or does it feel demeaning in a way? Or if someone is pointing you out, like a coworker going "oh you'll want to talk to that girl over there" for example.

Just curious what the general vibe is about all of this where you live. As a non native speaker, to me it feels kinda odd if I'm writing and speaking in English and I call women around me my age as girls, instead of women. Obviously all of this is in cases when the vague gendered term is applicable.

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I'm a 26 year old guy, I got my degree a few years ago and I've been working for a bit over a year now. Things were good at the job initially, but lately I've grown to hate it. Every day I wake up with dread about going into the office, everyone there is nice and all, it's just mind numbingly boring while at the same time I'm feeling more and more stressed because no matter what I try, I just can't get myself to get work done on time.

I have ZERO energy at work, no matter how good I sleep. I have one big thing I'm focusing on, I'm making progress there but not enough even if it's a very open ended issue. I get the impression that they'll end my consulting gig at the end of the year (at which point I'd fall back onto my consulting company, I wouldn't be totally screwed, pay would go down but easily manageable). I'm looking for new jobs right now, but I'm facing the same issue there. I just can't get myself to start.

I've been in therapy for close to six years now, mostly for social anxiety, depression and lately focusing on my total lack of a love life and my deep desire for a relationship. I've also started an ADHD evaluation that I think must have fallen through the cracks, I need to remind them about it. Which is another thing I've just been unable to get myself to do.

Over and over again in my life I meet this giant mental block. With so much, I just can't get myself to do it. I know I can do it. It's often the easy stuff. But I just can't. My mind refuses to focus. And it feels like all of this will eventually bubble over and something dramatic will happen.

Even though I know I have so many safety lines. If I'm fired there's the consulting firm. If that falls through, there's workers compensation since I live in Sweden. And if all fails, I know that I could stay at my parents place until things sort themselves out, even if it would suck to lose my apartment.

Typing this out, I realize that things aren't as bleak as I think. But still, lately this dread in me has just been growing and growing. Maybe it's because things have gotten too stressful, maybe it's because I foolishly got off Zoloft and need to call my doctor to get back on it. I don't know, this whole thing was probably super rambly but my minds a mess and I just need to vent to strangers. If you read this, thank you :)

I'm asking because in my 26 years of life here on earth as a straight guy, all my attempts at trying to get anywhere romantically and or intimately with women has ultimately lead to rejection. I've gone on four first dates, and I've never even kissed someone. Never a second date, and all attempts in my life at getting closer to someone has ultimately failed.

And while I do well for myself in other aspects of life (I take care of myself, I have good friends, I have a job that pays well but I am looking for something less agonizingly boring at the moment, I'm in decent shape, I go to therapy, I'm about to start an ADD evaluation etc), my consistent failures at finding love or even just something as simple as hooking up has really been getting to me.

Absolutely no part of me has blamed the women who rejected me, obviously they should say no if they don't want to go on a date or talk more to me. But there's been this growing feeling deep in me that refuses to go away no matter what I do in or out of therapy. Where it just feels like something is wrong with me. Nothing "objective" like my looks where I'd want to do stupid stuff like bonesmashing or whatever. I could not say what it is. But it truly, deeply feels that there's simply something wrong with me.

And I'm stuck between wanting so badly to find love, not wanting to give up. While at the same time feeling that I'm simply just not worthy of it. I don't think I'm a bad person or anything, I like who I am. But I'm just lacking something immaterial that would make me able to experience love. And I just want to give up. Because every rejection and every failure just hurts more and more. And i guess it's just hard to move on and not let the rejection take me down because these have all been women I've liked and been interested in, obviously what they think matters to me.

I just don't know what to do. Sorry if this was super rambling, it might not be very coherent.

I got off Zoloft. No real reason, I didn't feel that it did anything for me and I was worried about side effects. I tapered it down and now I've been off it for a couple weeks.

I felt like shit before. I do now too. But now I'm crying. Not full on crying yet. My eyes water, a few tears come out but that's it.

Maybe I should get back on Zoloft. I feel worse without it. But my rare highs feel higher. But all my depression and loneliness and feelings of hopelessness feel worse.

But it's nice to be able to cry. It's nice to feel sad about never having experienced any form of intimacy and being able to cry. And not just stare blankly.

I feel sad. Deeply sad. But not as hollow. But I don't know what to do.

Because I've been trying, and I just do not know how to do this. I'm 26 years old, I've been on four first dates in my life and that's it. Virgin, never kissed anyone, no relationships of any kind etc.

And mostly, I have a solid life. I have a good job, I have friends, I go to therapy, I work out, I have hobbies, my friends have nothing but positive things to say about me and I can open up freely to my closest friends (my best friend especially, who is a woman for what it's worth) as can they to me. I have social anxiety that is getting better over time. I have self esteem issues I work on. I like the person I am.

But I so badly want to experience any form of emotional and physical intimacy, and I just keep failing over and over. And I just want to be happy. This desire is just making everything feel so pointless, because what's the point in all of it if I'm just doing it for myself? Working out to be healthy and feel better, but at the end of the day I'm still staring at the ceiling all alone in my bed wondering what it feels like to truly embrace a partner.

I have no real optimism about finding someone, it's hard to find someone when I've just failed over and over again, but I can't get myself to give up. I still try to put myself out there, I try to be as social as I can with friends during weekends. I've taken a break but I'm heading to another dating event soon, and I'm figuring about forcing myself back onto dating apps with once again improved pictures. But I just want to get over this need for love and intimacy, and accept a life alone and in a way where I can be happy about that. I just don't know how.

Feels like I'm falling apart more and more each day. I shed two tears yesterday, first time in months. I don't know why but crying is always so hard for me. I'm not afraid of crying, I want to cry, but it rarely comes.

But lately my mood has just been taking a nosedive. Maybe it's because I've been getting off Zoloft. Maybe it's unrelated. I just feel so empty inside. I can't appreciate all the good things in my life. Things don't bring me the joy they used to. I hate my job, I wake up dreading going into it because I'll be stressed and bored out of my mind at the same time.

I have friends. I have great friends. I'm in decent shape, I don't hate who I am. But at my core I feel so insignificant and worthless. I've never been in love, I've never been in a relationship, I've never even kissed a woman. Everyone tells me that I have to love myself, but I don't fucking know what that means, or how to do it. I try to supress these feelings, because I know it's wrong to feel like this. I know I shouldn't desire it as much as I do. I know that I need to be happy without love. But I don't know how to.

The only thing I truly want out of life at this point, is just one evening with someone I can consider my girlfriend. Cook a meal together at home. Eat it and talk about whatever, then cuddle up on the couch. But I've never been anywhere close to it. All I've known is rejection. Kind, polite rejection, sometimes after a first date but that's the farthest. The few who have said yes to a date have quickly realized the errors of their ways.

I just want to be happy. I go to therapy. It has helped in many ways. But over the six last years my confidence in social situations have gone up dramatically, my social anxiety is down tons, i feel better about the person I am. But I feel worse than ever. It feels like I'm sleep walking through life. I'm more competent at life. But I feel emptier with each passing day. I want to stay alive, but I don't enjoy living life.

I don't know what to do. I just feel so lost and alone.

​

Looking in from the outside, things for me are going well. I'm a young man with a good degree, an apartment, a good paying job, I'm healthy, in decent shape, i have friends.

But on the inside, I'm a mess. I'm so lonely. I feel so lost. My job is slowly draining any and all joy for life I have, because while my employees are good and all, the job itself is so fucking boring and I wake up with dread every morning about having to spend nearly ten hours until I can get back home. Sometimes I'll imagine how my coworkers would be made aware of my passing if I killed myself. But I can find a new job and I've started looking some. It's overall small stuff.

But that's nothing compared to my loneliness. I've never been in love. I've had crushes on women, but it has never gone beyond a first date. And I really do try to just "love myself", whatever that means, I try to enjoy life for everything else it has to offer. I spend time with my friends, I work out, I spend time with my hobbies, I try to take care of myself and my home. But nothing works. None of it does anything for this deep void inside of me from never even having kissed someone. All I have is rejection and failures.

And when I talk about it, I get a lot of support. But also many people saying stuff that to me just feels like I'm being belittled or spoken down to. Telling me that I can't love someone else if I can't love myself. How love won't solve any of this. How sex and relationships are actually overrated. How I'll probably only end up in an abusive relationship anyways because of my insecurities.

It all just makes me feel so damned if I do, damned if I don't. Like I'm trapped in some catch-22. And while I'm not suicidal in the sense that I wouldn't do anything, I think about suicide often. Or I guess think about not being here anymore. When I'm stressed about stuff often my mind will go to "well, eventually I'll die and all of this will be over". I'll lay in bed imagining a giant boulder falling from the roof crushing my head. I'll imagine how people around me would react to my death. I'll imagine myself ending and feeling a sense of peace in it.

I want to live another life.

Be warned, I'll be talking about masturbation here in case you want to back out.

I've been on different medications on and off since I was 19 (I'm 26 now) and the last was Zoloft, 200 mg, which I took for about a year or so. I quit it because I didn't really feel that it did much of anything for me, and I was worried about developing side effects. Tapering down by reducing 50 mg in two week intervals.

Now I've never been sexually active, or had sex at all, (part of why I was on these things to begin with, loneliness and all) but I hope to be at some point, but I've noticed that my time until finishing while masturbating has been practically decimated and I'm getting kinda worried here. My solo endurance has went from nearly indefinite under control, to now barely a minute. If I were to actually be sexually active for real now, I would probably be under a minute. Feels like I'm kinda doomed to really embarrassing myself if I actually get a partner at this point.

Googling it and finding Reddit threads just made me more worried, with people explaining how they're still dealing with that years after quitting. Obviously having just been off it a week, and only having a few instances to judge off, I am probably early to worry.

But I want to hear from other guys here who has quit Zoloft and experienced similar things, how did it go? Did things get better? Or should I consider getting back on the medicine. Getting off it has so far seemingly given me PE and I think I feel worse than when I was on it. Unless it's too early to tell.

To preface this real quick, I'm a 26 year old straight guy that has never been in a relationship, nor have I ever experienced any kind of intimacy. And I know the title is probably weird, I'm not sure how to phrase it.

For example, maybe I've been talking to someone at uni/work on and off, and I'm starting to develop some feelings for her. Not a full on crush, but enough to want to ask her out. But then I'll see her talking to some other guy, laughing and smiling and seemingly being a bit flirty. Or I'll hear her say that she's on dating apps. Small stuff like that, nothing concrete like saying she's actively dating them and it could be nothing.

But seeing that other people are potentially interested, just makes me mentally give up. Because I just instantly feel that surely this other guy would be a better match for her, and that I don't have a chance. Or maybe more that I don't want to compete, because then it doesn't feel natural. But this is also mostly in my head. But do you all feel similar? Is this normal?

Straight 26 year old guy here.

I've never been in one, I really want to be in one but I don't really think it'll happen. But I don't even really know what they're ACTUALLY like in reality, all I know is what I've seen and heard second hand through friends and online. And probably very warped views from shows and movies.

So what's it actually like? What's it been like for you? How is your current relationship? What's different on a normal, boring regular day for you now and compared to you being single.

I know every relationship is different, so I'm just looking for your subjective answers here. Don't need to tell me that they're different every time.. Just looking for anything here to get a better idea of them :)

​

I'm making more friends, closer friends. I'm doing more social stuff. I'm getting in better shape. I'm enjoying my hobbies. I'm getting more comfortable in social settings. I'm getting more confident in myself.

But still, at my core there's this dark void that's just growing stronger and stronger. Underneath it all I still feel worthless, disgusting, meaningless. I feel more and more hopeless. It takes more and more out of me to get up in the morning and get started with the day.

Therapy helps, but at the same time it doesn't. And now I might end up losing my therapist that I feel helps me stay somewhat grounded, because I'll start an ADD evaluation and apparently you're not really meant to do that and regular therapy in parallel.

I'm so alone. I have friends, but still, I've never once felt the warm embrace of a romantic partner. I'm 26 years old and for the last decade I've been wondering when I'll get to have my first kiss. When I'll experience my dream of simply just staying at home with my girlfriend cooking for us both. More and more I'm convinced that despite all my friends having nothing but positive things to say about me, that I'm unloveable in a romantic way.

I keep hearing that I have to learn to live for myself. Be happy with myself. Love myself, whatever that means. But I just can't. I want to. But I don't know how. How am I meant to just shut these feelings out? How am I meant to just lock that part of myself away.

I just want to be happy. I want to be normal. I don't want to feel so alone. All these people around me, but on the inside I just feel scared and alone and sad and empty.

I'm making more friends, closer friends. I'm doing more social stuff. I'm getting in better shape. I'm enjoying my hobbies. I'm getting more comfortable in social settings. I'm getting more confident in myself.

But still, at my core there's this dark void that's just growing stronger and stronger. Underneath it all I still feel worthless, disgusting, meaningless. I feel more and more hopeless. It takes more and more out of me to get up in the morning and get started with the day.

Therapy helps, but at the same time it doesn't. And now I might end up losing my therapist that I feel helps me stay somewhat grounded, because I'll start an ADD evaluation and apparently you're not really meant to do that and regular therapy in parallel.

I'm so alone. I have friends, but still, I've never once felt the warm embrace of a romantic partner. I'm 26 years old and for the last decade I've been wondering when I'll get to have my first kiss. When I'll experience my dream of simply just staying at home with my girlfriend cooking for us both. More and more I'm convinced that despite all my friends having nothing but positive things to say about me, that I'm unloveable in a romantic way.

I keep hearing that I have to learn to live for myself. Be happy with myself. Love myself, whatever that means. But I just can't. I want to. But I don't know how. How am I meant to just shut these feelings out? How am I meant to just lock that part of myself away.

I just want to be happy. I want to be normal. I don't want to feel so alone. All these people around me, but on the inside I just feel scared and alone and sad and empty.

I'm making more friends, closer friends. I'm doing more social stuff. I'm getting in better shape. I'm enjoying my hobbies. I'm getting more comfortable in social settings. I'm getting more confident in myself.

But still, at my core there's this dark void that's just growing stronger and stronger. Underneath it all I still feel worthless, disgusting, meaningless. I feel more and more hopeless. It takes more and more out of me to get up in the morning and get started with the day.

Therapy helps, but at the same time it doesn't. And now I might end up losing my therapist that I feel helps me stay somewhat grounded, because I'll start an ADD evaluation and apparently you're not really meant to do that and regular therapy in parallel.

I'm so alone. I have friends, but still, I've never once felt the warm embrace of a romantic partner. I'm 26 years old and for the last decade I've been wondering when I'll get to have my first kiss. When I'll experience my dream of simply just staying at home with my girlfriend cooking for us both. More and more I'm convinced that despite all my friends having nothing but positive things to say about me, that I'm unloveable in a romantic way.

I keep hearing that I have to learn to live for myself. Be happy with myself. Love myself, whatever that means. But I just can't. I want to. But I don't know how. How am I meant to just shut these feelings out? How am I meant to just lock that part of myself away.

I just want to be happy. I want to be normal. I don't want to feel so alone. All these people around me, but on the inside I just feel scared and alone and sad and empty.