u/indifferent_foci

Newbie here! At a recent lesson, my instructor recommended I have a stock spiel ready to go when at the range or golfing alone for when men (not all!!!) offer unsolicited advice. Do you have one, and what is it?

Hey all!

I’ve been playing for about a year on used clubs with women’s graphite shafts. I’m getting pretty serious about my game now and want to buy my first brand-new set, but I'm trying to avoid big-brand prices.

I’m looking for something forgiving with a high launch, but clean enough that I won't outgrow it next season. I’ve seen the STi2, KE4 MAX, and M890 mentioned a lot—which head model would you recommend?

Also curious if I should stick to a standard Maltby Pak or call GolfWorks to tweak the shaft/flex (Senior flex works for me). Would love any advice from Maltby players or builders!!

Thanks in advance ☺️

I have a good career, great friends, and am generally happy. But, I’m currently in a relationship and realizing I have a recurring pattern: in every relationship I have, my mood, schedule, and self-worth instantly get hijacked by the man I’m with.

I’m tired of losing my identity, over-functioning for male approval, and giving up all my mental real estate the second I'm with someone.

I see the videos. I don’t know what I’m looking for when y’all tell folks they’re OTT.

I got an offer for a role at a university within a new unit with a public reputation for being politically controversial (fully right wing think tank funded) and one whose mission doesn’t match my own politics. The pay would be a real upgrade from where I am now, and the job itself is more backend admin/ops work.

I keep going back and forth. Doing infrastructure work isn’t the same as writing the mission statement, but my labor would still help a place I’m uneasy about actually run.

Has anyone taken a job like this, working behind the scenes for an organization whose politics or reputation you didn’t personally back? How did you think it through, and did it feel okay in practice, or worse than expected once you were actually inside it?

casual golfer looking for a cost effective irons set

Hi everyone. I’m looking for some outside perspective and advice on how to navigate a difficult conversation with my (32F) partner (47M). For context, we haven’t been together very long (5 months) but both fell in love very quickly and have made sure to FaceTime often and visit each other in person every two weeks since we met for 4-5 days at a time.

We are currently long-distance. Recently, during a phone call following a turbulent end to a visit (resulting from a miscommunication on both our parts) during a high-stress moment, I broke up with him because i didn’t feel like I was good or healthy for him; and then immediately tried to take it back (I know, I know. I’m dealing with anxious attachment, and honestly I’d post in r/AnxiousAttachment if they didn’t have such a wild approval process). He stuck to the breakup, which I completely understood and resigned myself to living with that. I didn’t think I’d hear from him again or anytime soon despite being utterly heartbroken.

After that happened, we went six days of complete no contact. Then, he was actually the one who reached back out to me. For the past week it has been him texting all day, calling me at night. All casual conversation, nothing serious.

Looking at the bigger picture, I’m trying to find a balance. While I know the initial impulsive breakup was on me, the way he has handled the aftermath since reaching back out has been really tough. Instead of being direct about what he wants he texts me all day, calls me and chats for hours, all while reminding me we need to have a serious conversation about us before we can decide to be together again. but he completely avoids the deeper issues or any real emotional connection and shuts me down or accuses me of pressuring him when trying to bring it up. I tried to explain that in a long-distance setup, trying to find clarity and figure out if we are moving forward is normal but it all comes back to him saying I’m pushing him to talk.

I have a tendency to take on 100% of the blame when things go wrong, constantly attributing relationship tension entirely to myself and my own anxiety. Because of this, I’ve been very hard on myself over the last few weeks. I have a delusion that if we could see each other in person we could work things at or at least have a real conversation whether it ends positively or in a real breakup. I already had a trip planned to see him this weekend and when asking if we could at least salvage a day or two of that trip to talk in person (no pressure I can get a hotel) he said he’s not comfortable seeing me until we figure our situation out. I get it, but my god if you wanna work it out why don’t you wanna see me??

We have a phone call scheduled for this weekendto talk about where we stand. He accused me of pressuring this to happen, but when I told him it was fine if he needs more time (just that I didn’t want to continue texting and chatting like nothing has changed) he then acted like if he said he wanted to do it then he meant it.

I love him very much, and I want to approach this conversation from a loving, warm, and completely unproblematic place rather than an aggressive one. I want to tell him that I’m glad we are finally talking, and that knowing where we stand is better for my peace of mind than having this hang over my head. But I also need to be honest that being left in limbo is hurtful.

My goal is to give him a safe space to share where his head is at and see if he actually wants to work on a plan to get back together, or if it's time to let go, because the current dynamic just isn't working.

How can I best maintain my boundaries and stay calm during this call? How do I validate his hurt over the breakup without falling back into the trap of over-apologizing for the current distance when he is the one who reached back out only to maybe breadcrumb me?

Thanks in advance.

Hi everyone. I’m looking for some outside perspective and advice on how to navigate a difficult conversation with my (32F) partner (47M). For context, we haven’t been together very long (5 months) but both fell in love very quickly and have made sure to FaceTime often and visit each other in person every two weeks since we met for 4-5 days at a time.

We are currently long-distance. Recently, during a phone call following a turbulent end to a visit (resulting from a miscommunication on both our parts) during a high-stress moment, I broke up with him because i didn’t feel like I was good or healthy for him; and then immediately tried to take it back (I know, I know. I’m dealing with anxious attachment, and honestly I’d post in r/AnxiousAttachment if they didn’t have such a wild approval process). He stuck to the breakup, which I completely understood and resigned myself to living with that. I didn’t think I’d hear from him again or anytime soon despite being utterly heartbroken.

After that happened, we went six days of complete no contact. Then, he was actually the one who reached back out to me. Since then, we’ve been in the process of trying to talk things through and potentially get back together, but we’ve been stuck in a very tense break dynamic while doing so. I have a tendency to take on 100% of the blame when things go wrong, constantly attributing relationship tension entirely to myself and my own anxiety. Because of this, I’ve been very hard on myself over the last few weeks.

Looking at the bigger picture, I’m trying to find a balance. While I know the initial impulsive breakup was on me, the way he has handled the aftermath since reaching back out has been really tough. Instead of being direct about what he wants, he has been breadcrumbing me. He gives me JUST enough casual text conversation to keep me hooked, he texts me all day, calls me and chats for hours, all while reminding me we need to have a serious conversation about us before we can decide to be together again. but he completely avoids the deeper issues or any real emotional connection and shuts me down or accuses me of pressuring him when trying to bring it up. I tried to explain that in a long-distance setup, trying to find clarity and figure out if we are moving forward is normal, but he has coped by completely shutting down and leaving me in total limbo.

Prior to this break, I had a trip planned to see him this weekend, but he never brought it up. When I finally asked him about it (I wasn’t going to invite myself to his town) he admitted he wasn't comfortable and didn't think we'd have a good visit because of everything that happened, so the trip is officially off. While I understand he is guarding his heart because of the breakup scare, the combination of normal texting and chatting while a serious conversation has been incredibly hard on me. Especially being states away from each other. I have a delusion that if we could see each other in person we could work things at or at least have a real conversation whether it ends positively or in a real breakup.

We have a phone call scheduled for this weekendto talk about where we stand. He accused me of pressuring this to happen, but when I told him it was fine if he needs more time (just that I didn’t want to continue texting and chatting like nothing has changed) he then acted like if he said he wanted to do it then he meant it.

I love him very much, and I want to approach this conversation from a loving, warm, and completely unproblematic place rather than an aggressive one. I want to tell him that I’m glad we are finally talking, and that knowing where we stand is better for my peace of mind than having this hang over my head. But I also need to be honest that being left in limbo is hurtful.

My goal is to give him a safe space to share where his head is at and see if he actually wants to work on a plan to get back together, or if it's time to let go, because the current dynamic just isn't working.

How can I best maintain my boundaries and stay calm during this call? How do I validate his hurt over the breakup without falling back into the trap of over-apologizing for the current distance when he is the one who reached back out only to maybe breadcrumb me?

Thanks in advance.

I’m really getting into golf after a life change. I’m hooked, I play at my local nine hold course for free by volunteering with the connected First Tee. I’m looking to join my local LPGA Amateurs chapter but would like to keep this cost down. Any promo codes?

133k principal + about the same in accrued interest. I don’t even know where to begin, or how to tackle. I’m about to graduate with my PhD and these loans are from undergrad.

My home course has a few holes over water and I am absolutely feeding the river right now. I’m still pretty new to golf and playing hand me down clubs, so I’m trying to keep costs down where I can. Buying a dozen premium balls just to dunk half of them feels rough.

Are budget golf balls actually fine for someone at my level, or is there a real performance difference I’d notice as a beginner? If budget balls are the move, which ones do you all recommend? I’ve seen Kirkland, Noodle, and Pinnacle thrown around but I don’t know what’s actually worth it versus just cheap for the sake of cheap.

Also open to any general tips for not losing so many balls over water in the first place, since I know that’s the real fix here (and I AM getting better!!) Thanks in advance, trying to enjoy this hobby without going broke doing it.

My boyfriend (47M) and I (32F) broke up five days ago after a rough end to a visit. We were long distance, states away. Mostly my fault. I panicked, pushed too hard when he needed space after an argument and misunderstanding, and ended up breaking up with him in a moment of overwhelm even though I didn’t want to. Anxious attachment, I know. I’m working on it. He agreed it was the right call in the moment but I don’t think either of us is fully sure—at least I am not.

Before everything fell apart I had ordered him a gift that was delivered today. He texted to say thank you and was warm about it. I responded briefly, mentioned I ordered it before everything happened, and left it there.

I do want him back. I’m trying not to smother him or push. How long do I wait before reaching out again, and what do I even say when I do?

My boyfriend (47M) and I (32F) broke up five days ago after a rough end to a visit. We were long distance, states away. Mostly my fault. I panicked, pushed too hard when he needed space after an argument and misunderstanding, and ended up breaking up with him in a moment of overwhelm even though I didn’t want to. Anxious attachment, I know. I’m working on it. He agreed it was the right call in the moment but I don’t think either of us is fully sure—at least I am not.

Before everything fell apart I had ordered him a gift that was delivered today. He texted to say thank you and was warm about it. I responded briefly, mentioned I ordered it before everything happened, and left it there.

I do want him back. I’m trying not to smother him or push. How long do I wait before reaching out again, and what do I even say when I do?

My boyfriend (47M) and I (32F) broke up five days ago after a rough end to a visit. We were long distance, states away. Mostly my fault. I panicked, pushed too hard when he needed space after an argument and misunderstanding, and ended up breaking up with him in a moment of overwhelm even though I didn’t want to. Anxious attachment, I know. I’m working on it. He agreed it was the right call in the moment but I don’t think either of us is fully sure—at least I am not.

Before everything fell apart I had ordered him a gift that was delivered today. He texted to say thank you and was warm about it. I responded briefly, mentioned I ordered it before everything happened, and left it there.

I do want him back. I’m trying not to smother him or push. How long do I wait before reaching out again, and what do I even say when I do?

My boyfriend (47M) and I (32F) broke up five days ago after a rough end to a visit. We were long distance, states away. Mostly my fault. I panicked, pushed too hard when he needed space after an argument and misunderstanding, and ended up breaking up with him in a moment of overwhelm even though I didn’t want to. Anxious attachment, I know. I’m working on it. He agreed it was the right call in the moment but I don’t think either of us is fully sure—at least I am not.

Before everything fell apart I had ordered him a gift that was delivered today. He texted to say thank you and was warm about it. I responded briefly, mentioned I ordered it before everything happened, and left it there.

I do want him back. I’m trying not to smother him or push. How long do I wait before reaching out again, and what do I even say when I do?

My boyfriend (47M) and I (32F) broke up five days ago after a rough end to a visit. We were long distance, states away. Mostly my fault. I panicked, pushed too hard when he needed space after an argument and misunderstanding, and ended up breaking up with him in a moment of overwhelm even though I didn’t want to. Anxious attachment, I know. I’m working on it. He agreed it was the right call in the moment but I don’t think either of us is fully sure—at least I am not.

Before everything fell apart I had ordered him a gift that was delivered today. He texted to say thank you and was warm about it. I responded briefly, mentioned I ordered it before everything happened, and left it there.

I do want him back. I’m trying not to smother him or push. How long do I wait before reaching out again, and what do I even say when I do?

I (32F) just ended a five-month different states long-distance relationship and I cannot stop wanting to text him (47M). We met while he was visiting my town in February and spent the next five months really doing it right, or trying to: five long (4-5 day) trips back and forth, daily texts and nightly hours long calls, planned FaceTime dates on weekends. It was a real relationship and I told him I loved him in May, quickly, which he reciprocated. We both acknowledged this was crazy, but feelings amirite?

For most of it, things were genuinely good. It was the last trip where something shifted. My anxious attachment came out in full force and I don’t think either of us was prepared for it. Needing reassurance. Interpreting things wrong. Putting pressure on moments that didn’t need it. Forcing him to talk when he asked for a break. He had been consistent and present the whole time and I took his chillness as an attack and panicked. I broke up with him because I felt he was going to break up with me. I tried to backtrack almost immediately and he (understandably) did not want to deal with the chaos.

I did NOT want to lose this man, but I told myself he was better without my chaos, then I told him the same thing, then immediately regretted it. Then he agreed this wasn’t healthy.

It’s over and it’s been a full 48 hours since our phone call, but my nervous system can’t deal. Five months of talking to someone every single day and now my hands don’t know what to do with themselves. All I want is to send something, anything, just to feel connected to him. But if I’m being honest it’s not even that I want to text him. I want him to text me. I want him to decide the chaos wasn’t a dealbreaker. I want to fix this and I can’t, because I’m the one who broke it.

I already miss him so much and am just overall having a tough time realizing I ruined something really, really great.

I know I shouldn’t text him. I know it. Does the urge ever actually go away? When do I stop wondering what he’s doing all day? Has anyone been here and actually made it through without reaching out?

Is there a chance he’ll reach out?

We got together in February. Met by chance when he was visiting my hometown and started long distance, different states. It moved fast and got serious fast and I (31) found myself in a love so strong having feelings I have never felt about anyone. We’ve been seeing each other a couple times a month since.

He (46M) visited me recently. Most of the trip was really perfect. I was happy he was there and also already dreading him leaving, which I know is just the long distance tax. On the last night, less than an hour after we'd been crying and laughing together about how much long distance sucks and how much I didn't want him to go, I was helping him with something small and he snapped at me. Under other circumstances I wouldn’t have been upset about it because it was so, so small. But the whiplash of it made me feel stupid for having just been that open and caring so much. I got upset and tried to tell him I was hurt and he kind of laughed it off, which I know is just his personality but I didn't love it. He apologized a lot but never really tried to fix it or sit with me to actually talk it out. I'll be honest, I kept pushing instead of giving him space, which didn't help. We just went to bed like that.

The next morning he was completely silent the whole drive to the airport. Then at the curb he started crying and kept saying sorry. It felt like a goodbye and I didn't know what to do with that.

I spiraled after he left. My communication when I'm anxious is not great and this was no exception. I sent a lot of texts, some of them basically ending things because I thought he already had, then walked them back. A couple days later we got on a call to actually talk. He said the relationship had started to feel unhealthy and that he felt tested, but that if we could change some things he wanted to try to work it out. Then he wanted to pause for the night and talk again another day. I couldn't handle the pause and pushed him for a timeline of WHEN we would talk. He said he didn't know and snapped at me. I hung up.

I called him back and told him we couldn’t do this, that I couldn’t be with someone I make upset or cause to snap, that he’s such a great guy and I didn’t want to be the one that turns him into someone he’s not. I broke up with him and then immediately said I didn’t mean it. He said he thought it was right and held firm. He was crying the whole time and wasn’t mean about it at all. But I was devastated. I knew I’d handed him every reason to see me as chaotic.

The last things said were I love you, I wish the best for you, I hope you find someone good for you and he wishes the same. The call was last night. Neither of us has reached out. I was supposed to visit him in two weeks.

I know I have things to work on. I’m not here to make him the villain because I know this is on me. I just want to know if any of you have been here and whether it ever came back around, or if this is just one of those things you have to grieve and move on from. This was such a whirlwind of a romance and a love i’ve never felt before. I don’t want to lose it, though it feels like it may be really gone.

Thank you for reading, really.