u/kazedank

One year and a half ago I lost my first year uni friendgroup due to an incident involving misbehaviour from my part. I had an anger attack in front of them. It wasnt 100% my fault but I was triggered by another person. I guess they couldnt see that tho. It hurt so much I cried more about this than when my father died and it hurts so much that these friendships broke because of my fault.

What hurts me the most is that the average uni experience is peak friendship experiences and I threw it away. I didnt get the normal uni expefience because of this.

Now I have one year left to leave college and I feel so alone. I screwed my uni experience up and I cant forgive myself. I fuined everything.

Not only this. I study animation and I am afraid this could ruin my network. I wanted to be a recognized creator in my area but i am scared to show myself and that people could hate me since I've felt some people drift away since that happened. I had everything I wanted. A loving community. I was loved and respected by my ex friends. I was looked up to.

Anyways I fucked up and I dont know how to move on since this left me traumatized.

Now I am starting to see a new group but it still shocks me that I couldn't get to live this peak moment in my life and ruined it because of my misbehaviour.

thanks for reading.

.

I used to feel genuinely liked in my career. I had friends, people appreciated my work, I felt talented and hopeful about my future. But after conflicts, distancing, and feeling excluded from people I cared about, I feel like I became someone who has to beg for attention or reassurance from others.

What hurts the most is that it’s affecting my art too. I feel dissociated all the time and suddenly things I used to do naturally — perspective, drawing, visualizing scenes — feel difficult or inaccessible. It scares me because animation was the one thing that made me feel like myself.

I also feel terrified that I ruined my chances of becoming a director because I don’t have many contacts anymore and I feel emotionally exhausted around people.

Has anyone else in animation/art school gone through a period where social pain completely affected their confidence, creativity, and sense of identity? Did it ever get better?

I had friends once, but I pushed a lot of people away during a period where I was angry, emotionally unstable and overwhelmed. I changed a lot since then, but sometimes it feels like the damage is already done and everyone else moved on while I’m stuck grieving a version of my life that no longer exists.

I keep seeing people talk about their unforgettable teenage years, their friend groups, parties, relationships, memories, and I feel like I missed something fundamental. Like everyone else got a “coming of age” experience except me.

The weird thing is that my life wasn’t empty. I make art, I study animation, I’ve worked on projects I’m genuinely proud of, and I’ve grown a lot as a person. But emotionally I still feel behind. Like I spent so much time surviving my own mind that I forgot to actually live.

I don’t even know if I’m looking for advice. I think I just want to know if anyone else reached their mid-20s feeling this kind of grief and loneliness. Like mourning memories you never got to have.

I had friends once, but I pushed a lot of people away during a period where I was angry, emotionally unstable and overwhelmed. I changed a lot since then, but sometimes it feels like the damage is already done and everyone else moved on while I’m stuck grieving a version of my life that no longer exists.

I keep seeing people talk about their unforgettable teenage years, their friend groups, parties, relationships, memories, and I feel like I missed something fundamental. Like everyone else got a “coming of age” experience except me.

The weird thing is that my life wasn’t empty. I make art, I study animation, I’ve worked on projects I’m genuinely proud of, and I’ve grown a lot as a person. But emotionally I still feel behind. Like I spent so much time surviving my own mind that I forgot to actually live.

I don’t even know if I’m looking for advice. I think I just want to know if anyone else reached their mid-20s feeling this kind of grief and loneliness. Like mourning memories you never got to have.

I am a 24F animation student on my almost senior year. I always wanted to be a director since when I co-directed my first film it was something that filled me with life and passion. Sadly I didnt get the chance to be a director at college and ended as art codirector. I want to direct my own studio and to produce things. But I have a very weak network at college and I feel I havent met "my people". Almost have no friends. And I see teachers habe their own studio with their friends. It is very saddening. I wonder if its worth to try to make my own film... alone... even if it takes me 4 years.... Is this the right path to become a director? what advice would you give me? thank you.

I am a 24F animation student on my almost senior year. I always wanted to be a director since when I co-directed my first film it was something that filled me with life and passion. Sadly I didnt get the chance to be a director at college and ended as art codirector. I want to direct my own studio and to produce things. But I have a very weak network at college and I feel I havent met "my people". Almost have no friends. And I see teachers habe their own studio with their friends. It is very saddening. I wonder if its worth to try to make my own film... alone... even if it takes me 4 years.... Is this the right path to become a director? what advice would you give me? thank you.

A month ago I talked to someone who does spiritual stuff, tarot and something called “biodecoding.” During the session, while she was explaining why I’m supposedly stuck in life and the emotional causes behind my problems, I suddenly felt a really intense physical sensation.

It felt like heat and pressure moving through my body, especially through my feet, almost like energy was leaving me. It wasn’t just emotional — it genuinely felt physical. Since that moment, I’ve felt completely different.

Ever since then I’ve had this constant feeling of emptiness in my chest and mind, like something inside me was “removed” or shut off. I feel disconnected from myself and from reality sometimes. Music feels different. Kissing my girlfriend felt strange and unfamiliar, almost like I forgot how to feel things naturally. I keep obsessing over the idea that something changed permanently in me.

At the same time, I know anxiety and suggestion can probably affect the body and mind in powerful ways. I’ve been reading about depersonalization/derealization and some of it sounds similar, but the physical sensation I felt during the session is what keeps confusing me.

It’s like the session triggered something huge emotionally and now I can’t “come back” to how I felt before.

Has anyone experienced something similar after spiritual practices, tarot, energy work, biodecoding, etc.? Did the feeling eventually go away? What can I do? I've tried calling my energy back and it doesnt work.

A month ago I talked to someone who does spiritual stuff, tarot and something called “biodecoding.” During the session, while she was explaining why I’m supposedly stuck in life and the emotional causes behind my problems, I suddenly felt a really intense physical sensation.

It felt like heat and pressure moving through my body, especially through my feet, almost like energy was leaving me. It wasn’t just emotional — it genuinely felt physical. Since that moment, I’ve felt completely different.

Ever since then I’ve had this constant feeling of emptiness in my chest and mind, like something inside me was “removed” or shut off. I feel disconnected from myself and from reality sometimes. Music feels different. Kissing my girlfriend felt strange and unfamiliar, almost like I forgot how to feel things naturally. I keep obsessing over the idea that something changed permanently in me.

At the same time, I know anxiety and suggestion can probably affect the body and mind in powerful ways. I’ve been reading about depersonalization/derealization and some of it sounds similar, but the physical sensation I felt during the session is what keeps confusing me.

It’s like the session triggered something huge emotionally and now I can’t “come back” to how I felt before.

Has anyone experienced something similar after spiritual practices, tarot, energy work, biodecoding, etc.? Did the feeling eventually go away? What can I do? I've tried calling my energy back and it doesnt work.

I am 24 abput to be 25 in a couple of months and it feels like my life is over. I dont have close friends. and I feel like Ive missed out on pretty much my youth because of my mental illness. It is so hard to make new friends at this age and people day it will only get harder. I lost my freindgroup at college. My mind is hell after a psychotic break. I wish I could kill myself but I cant because my father died and I cant cauas eanymore pain for my mom and brother but all I have everyday is suffering and Im tortured by my mind. I wish I could end it all.

Something happened to me almost a month ago, during an energy reading, the reader said that she was going to do a Biodecodification on me. During the reading as she said things about me I felt energy release trough my feet. I felt like eveything went away and was left with a sense of despair and hopelesness and desperation. I havent been able to feel like me or the same since that reading. and I've been in a depressed mood with suicidal thoughts. And I felt this physical reaction in my chest and in my head as if everything went empty. I feel like I even have trouble remembering things.

I need help to know what happened to me please. I am going to the church to see a priest..

Something happened to me almost a month ago, during an energy reading, the reader said that she was going to do a Biodecodification on me. During the reading as she said things about me I felt energy release trough my feet. I felt like eveything went away and was left with a sense of despair and hopelesness and desperation. I havent been able to feel like me or the same since that reading. and I've been in a depressed mood with suicidal thoughts. And I felt this physical reaction in my chest and in my head as if everything went empty. I feel like I even have trouble remembering things.

I need help to know what happened to me please. I am going to the church to see a priest.

Almsot a month ago I was going trough a bad moment (thoguht about leaving this realm) and I reached out to a psychic to read my energy. She was incredibly accurate with the reading but I felt like there was too much energy release I felt it in my feet and now I feel really restless and as if something that was mine left me. I feel weird.like i lost my heart. Or got lobotomized. blurry memories. how can i get my feelings back? I dont feel the same. She says she did a "Biodecodification" but didn't ask me permission to do so. it feels very weird. What could I do in order to feel better? I still cant feel like myself.

Almsot a month ago I was going trough a bad moment (thoguht about leaving this realm) and I reached out to a psychic to read my energy. She was incredibly accurate with the reading but I felt like there was too much energy release I felt it in my feet and now I feel really restless and as if something that was mine left me. I feel weird.like i lost my heart. Or got lobotomized. blurry memories. how can i get my feelings back? I dont feel the same. She says she did a "Biodecodification" but didn't ask me permission to do so. it feels very weird. What could I do in order to feel better? I still cant feel like myself.

Almsot a month ago I was going trough a bad moment (thoguht about leaving this realm) and I reached out to a psychic to read my energy. She was incredibly accurate with the reading but I felt like there was too much energy release I felt it in my feet and now I feel really restless and as if something that was mine left me. I feel weird.like i lost my heart. Or got lobotomized. blurry memories. how can i get my feelings back? I dont feel the same. She says she did a "Biodecodification" but didn't ask me permission to do so. it feels very weird. What could I do in order to feel better? I still cant feel like myself.

​

Hace un año y medio perdí mi grupo de amigos del primer año de universidad debido a un incidente que involucró un mal comportamiento de mi parte. Tuve un ataque de ira frente a ellos. No fue 100% mi culpa, pero fui activada por otra persona. Supongo que ellos no pudieron ver eso. Me dolió tanto que lloré más por esto que cuando murió mi padre, y duele mucho que estas amistades se hayan roto por mi culpa.

Lo que más me duele es que la experiencia universitaria promedio es como el punto máximo de las amistades, y yo la arruiné. No tuve la experiencia universitaria “normal” por esto.

Ahora me queda un año para terminar la universidad y me siento muy sola. Arruiné mi experiencia universitaria y no puedo perdonarme. Lo arruiné todo.

No solo eso. Estudio animación y tengo miedo de que esto arruine mi red de contactos. Quería ser una creadora reconocida en mi área, pero me da miedo mostrarme y que la gente me odie, ya que he sentido que algunas personas se han alejado desde que pasó eso. Yo tenía todo lo que quería: una comunidad que me quería. Era querida y respetada por mis ex amigos. Me admiraban.

En fin, la cagué y no sé cómo seguir adelante porque esto me dejó traumatizada.

Ahora estoy empezando a acercarme a un nuevo grupo, pero igual me impacta no haber podido vivir ese momento “peak” de mi vida y haberlo arruinado por mi comportamiento.

Gracias por leer.

One year and a half ago I lost my first year uni friendgroup due to an incident involving misbehaviour from my part. I had an anger attack in front of them. It wasnt 100% my fault but I was triggered by another person. I guess they couldnt see that tho. It hurt so much I cried more about this than when my father died and it hurts so much that these friendships broke because of my fault.

What hurts me the most is that the average uni experience is peak friendship experiences and I threw it away. I didnt get the normal uni expefience because of this.

Now I have one year left to leave college and I feel so alone. I screwed my uni experience up and I cant forgive myself. I fuined everything.

Not only this. I study animation and I am afraid this could ruin my network. I wanted to be a recognized creator in my area but i am scared to show myself and that people could hate me since I've felt some people drift away since that happened. I had everything I wanted. A loving community. I was loved and respected by my ex friends. I was looked up to.

Anyways I fucked up and I dont know how to move on since this left me traumatized.

Now I am starting to see a new group but it still shocks me that I couldn't get to live this peak moment in my life and ruined it because of my misbehaviour.

thanks for reading.