u/leofri16

Ok so for context:
I am afab, at 10 came out as bi, pan at 11, lesbian at 12/13, non-binary at 15/16. I am currently 16.

I just got back from « gay camp » (a camp for queer teenagers) and while I was there, I developed a crush on a boy. This boy happens to be trans, and so I was worried that I was seeing him as a girl. We were flirting with each other all week, and I was confused as to why I liked him, which is why I didn’t tell him.

On the last day, I figured it out. I was never a lesbian, I’ve always liked boys, I just convinced myself I didn’t, because I worried they would see me as a girl and it would be a straight relationship. That is also why I don’t want to be a trans boy because then if I date a girl it would be a straight relationship. Essentially I think I would date anyone but a straight guy, and I think the closest label would be panromantic.

Ok so I originally posted this somewhere else but I feel this is the best place, so I’m just going to copy and paste

I was outed to my parents in October (9months ago). I asked them to use they them pronouns for me. They still are getting it wrong. My dad almost always gets it wrong. My mum often gets it wrong but corrects herself immediately. It feels like she still sees me as a girl just remembers that she’s meant to pretend to see me as a person.
I changed my name two weeks ago, and instead of calling me by that, my mum deadnames me then « corrects herself » and calls me a nickname I have said I don’t like. And whenever she uses my name, she pronounces it the way I specifically said it wasn’t pronounced.
My question is how long is an acceptable amount of time to allow them to get my pronouns and name wrong, and what can I do about how they use my name?
Because I’m very close to cracking and screaming at them to get it right.

Update:
I just cracked. I screamed and cried at them for not getting it right and my mum doesn’t apologise, just refuses she gets it wrong and tells me to clean the kitchen. My dad doesn’t even get up from his laptop.
And now I feel like relapsing. I don’t think I can live with them. I never thought I would want to go back to boarding school.

Ok so I originally posted this somewhere else but I feel this is the best place, so I’m just going to copy and paste

I was outed to my parents in October (9months ago). I asked them to use they them pronouns for me. They still are getting it wrong. My dad almost always gets it wrong. My mum often gets it wrong but corrects herself immediately. It feels like she still sees me as a girl just remembers that she’s meant to pretend to see me as a person.
I changed my name two weeks ago, and instead of calling me by that, my mum deadnames me then « corrects herself » and calls me a nickname I have said I don’t like. And whenever she uses my name, she pronounces it the way I specifically said it wasn’t pronounced.
My question is how long is an acceptable amount of time to allow them to get my pronouns and name wrong, and what can I do about how they use my name?
Because I’m very close to cracking and screaming at them to get it right.

Update:
I just cracked. I screamed and cried at them for not getting it right and my mum doesn’t apologise, just refuses she gets it wrong and tells me to clean the kitchen. My dad doesn’t even get up from his laptop.

Who am I?
I’m asking,
Because I don’t know.
 
They say,
« You don’t have to know »
But how can one go through life
Not knowing the most important thing,
Not knowing who you are.
 
I have always known
That I am different.
I tried to change myself,
To fit a box made
For somebody else.
 
One day, the box broke open
And the light poured in.
It guided me,
And encouraged me.
It showed me the way
And was with me
When I was lost.
 
But that light was too bright at first,
I was used to the dark.
It was too unknown.
I was scared of it.
I was not ready.
I was ashamed of the light.
Even worse, I was ashamed
Of being ashamed.
So I hid in the shadows.
 
But then I showed the light to someone.
And that someone told me
« If I had Pom poms, I would wave them. »
If someone is waving
Hypothetical Pom Poms for me,
I think I deserve to stand
In that spotlight.
 
I look back at that box now
And see how much
I have grown since I left it.
I am still the same person,
But I am so much happier,
Because I trusted the light.
I realise it was never a box;
It was a closet,
Waiting for me
To open the door
And let the world see
Who I am.
 
I have no model
Of whom I wish to be.
Perhaps I will grow
To be that person
For others to see.
 
I wish for all those
Who don’t know
Who they are,
To take a leap of faith,
To find that light,
And stand proudly.
 
Who am I?
I know who I am now.
I am me,
I am nonbinary,
And my pronouns are they/he.
 
This is my message for you
Break out of your box,
It’s so much freer out here.
 
My door is always open,
And I will wave Pom Poms for you,
Whoever you are.

So basically I live in Switzerland and in my area there’s not many queers. Lots of kids my age are homophobic/transphobic/racist etc. I was outed as non binary in like October, changed my pronouns but only changed my name like two days ago.

At scouts, I have a « totem » which is « belette » which means weasel, and that’s what everyone calls me basically. Occasionally they call me by my birth name. There are two tents, boys and girls. I don’t want to sleep in either, but I don’t really have a choice.

One of the scout leaders is queer, she has a girlfriend, so I was thinking I might tell her bc I’m not out to the ppl at scouts. I’m going to go by he/him in french because it’s just simpler to explain in a language I can’t really speak anymore. I feel like I’m shutting up part of myself to « fit in » and make it easier for others by slipping into the binary. It feels wrong, but I think it’s better for my emotional and social (?) safety.

I’m not sure if this is the right place, but I’m just gonna yap.

Basically I have this thing where I really really want people to worry about me. And I hate how much I crave it. It makes me feel pathetic, attention seeking and weak.

Like for example I was chatting to my tutor and I was wearing short shorts and I knew she already knew I sh, but like I let my shorts slide up to expose my scars so she would see them and hopefully worry about me.

Another example is I was in such a shitty mood I was so angry, I wanted to go for a run bc that makes me feel better, and I asked my housemistress if I could go out (bc it was late) and she said no so I was acting so rude and pissy and angry. I felt so bad about doing it but she said “I’m worried about you” and it made me feel so idk. Like, not accomplished but like, safe? Like I wanted to her to hold me while I sobbed and tell me it’s all ok. Omg I sound so strange.

This is what I mean, I feel pathetic.

I also act upset so ppl worry and ask if I’m ok, like biting my nails and not really talking.

Another thing that my HM said that made me feel “safe” is she asked what’s wrong, I said “it doesn’t matter” and she said « it matters to me”. I don’t know what it is but it makes me feel so something. I don’t have a word for it.

Also if I tell someone new abt my sh, and they seem sympathetic, I will likely relapse just so that they worry about me. Like that is the sole purpose of relapsing.

Please someone tell me I’m not alone in this.

I’m not sure if this is the right place, but I’m just gonna yap.

Basically I have this thing where I really really want people to worry about me. And I hate how much I crave it. It makes me feel pathetic, attention seeking and weak.

Like for example I was chatting to my tutor and I was wearing short shorts and I knew she already knew I sh, but like I let my shorts slide up to expose my scars so she would see them and hopefully worry about me.

Another example is I was in such a shitty mood I was so angry, I wanted to go for a run bc that makes me feel better, and I asked my housemistress if I could go out (bc it was late) and she said no so I was acting so rude and pissy and angry. I felt so bad about doing it but she said “I’m worried about you” and it made me feel so idk. Like, not accomplished but like, safe? Like I wanted to her to hold me while I sobbed and tell me it’s all ok. Omg I sound so strange.

This is what I mean, I feel pathetic.

I also act upset so ppl worry and ask if I’m ok, like biting my nails and not really talking.

Another thing that my HM said that made me feel “safe” is she asked what’s wrong, I said “it doesn’t matter” and she said « it matters to me”. I don’t know what it is but it makes me feel so something. I don’t have a word for it.

Please someone tell me I’m not alone in this.

So I am a rugby player, so I need to eat more because I do a lot more sport than most people and I train a lot. But the thing is I live in a boarding house with 50 girls, many of which barely eat anything. I almost always limit myself on what I eat, not because I want to be smaller, but because I am worried that others are judging how much I eat. Is that an ED?

I was watching a movie and one of the characters had fresh self harm, and I’m not sure why, but I was trying to pause it so that I could see it more clearly. And now I’m triggered. Probably my own fault.

Right so I’m transmasc, non binary demiboy. When I was really little I loved dresses and pink and feminine things. From around 10 I started being uncomfortable in that kind of thing and only wore masculine clothing, I hated anything feminine for so long, it gave me such bad dysphoria. BUT.

last night my mum was wearing a skirt, and I don’t know WHY, but for some reason I asked if I could try it on. She said yes, and I put it on and I don’t know why, but I felt just so happy. I couldn’t stop smiling.

And now I have to go through even more « what on earth is my gender » which I guess is a good thing but it’s kind of annoying. I suspect I’m gender fluid, but I don’t know. I’m kind of scared to put the skirt back on

I’m wondering if it’s simply a case of I haven’t worn anything feminine in a while so it was just a change, or if it’s more than that.

My question for gender fluid ppl: is it possible for my gender to change every few years, or for it to be considered gender fluid does it have to be more often than that? AND can I use the same pronouns no matter how I present? Also, can I be feminine without being a girl? That’s a stupid question but I just want to wear a skirt but the idea of being a girl disgusts me.

Right so I’m transmasc, non binary demiboy. When I was really little I loved dresses and pink and feminine things. From around 10 I started being uncomfortable in that kind of thing and only wore masculine clothing, I hated anything feminine for so long, it gave me such bad dysphoria. BUT.

last night my mum was wearing a skirt, and I don’t know WHY, but for some reason I asked if I could try it on. She said yes, and I put it on and I don’t know why, but I felt just so happy. I couldn’t stop smiling.

And now I have to go through even more « what on earth is my gender » which I guess is a good thing but it’s kind of annoying. I suspect I’m gender fluid, but I don’t know. I’m kind of scared to put the skirt back on

I’m wondering if it’s simply a case of I haven’t worn anything feminine in a while so it was just a change, or if it’s more than that.

Im not sure this is the right place to post this, but please, if you have some advice, I NEED it.

Basically there’s a girl (14f) in the year below me, I (16nb) used to kind of be close to. We both struggle with sh, and are both autistic. She became incredibly clingy to me at some point because we « bonded » over the struggles. I was struggling massively at the time, and (I feel bad saying this, but) I was struggling so much more than her, yet I was the one helping her. Eventually I had to ask a teacher to deal with it because she had become so dependent on me and I couldn’t help her because I needed help myself. After that we basically didn’t speak, and I realised how freaking annoying she is. She’s the kind of person who shows off fresh sh, so that gives you an idea of her. I am going back to school on Sunday, and leaving forever on Saturday. I will never see her again.

Anyway, that’s the context, now here is the problem. I have been sent a message by one of her friends, telling me that she is going to ask me out within the next week. I absolutely DO NOT want to go out with her. But the thing is, she wants to do long distance. WERE NEVER GOING TO SEE EACH OTHER EVER AGAIN. I’m worried that if I say no she will get upset and hurt herself, but I absolutely am not going to be in a relationship with her. My question: how do I let her down gently, or do I just avoid her for the next week then block her once I leave? Please help.

Im not sure this is the right place to post this, but please, if you have some advice, I NEED it.

Basically there’s a girl (14f) in the year below me, I (16nb) used to kind of be close to. We both struggle with sh, and are both autistic. She became incredibly clingy to me at some point because we « bonded » over the struggles. I was struggling massively at the time, and (I feel bad saying this, but) I was struggling so much more than her, yet I was the one helping her. Eventually I had to ask a teacher to deal with it because she had become so dependent on me and I couldn’t help her because I needed help myself. After that we basically didn’t speak, and I realised how freaking annoying she is. She’s the kind of person who shows off fresh sh, so that gives you an idea of her. I am going back to school on Sunday, and leaving forever on Saturday. I will never see her again.

Anyway, that’s the context, now here is the problem. I have been sent a message by one of her friends, telling me that she is going to ask me out within the next week. I absolutely DO NOT want to go out with her. But the thing is, she wants to do long distance. WERE NEVER GOING TO SEE EACH OTHER EVER AGAIN. I’m worried that if I say no she will get upset and hurt herself, but I absolutely am not going to be in a relationship with her. My question: how do I let her down gently, or do I just avoid her for the next week then block her once I leave? Please help.

Sorry I didn’t mean for this to be so long, please help tho!

So I go back to school on Sunday evening, and then I leave (for good) on Saturday. I’m in boarding school, in a girls house, so I live with 50 girls. My housemistress is really supportive of me being enby. I’ve come out to quite a few people and have spoken about it in public so others have probably overheard and spread it. But the thing is, around 7 people actually use my pronouns (they/them) and no one uses my name - because I have only told like three people and asked them not to use it for now.

I was planning on changing my name after I leave school, but my question is, since I only have a week left and will never see these people again, do I change my name for this last week? I’m worried that I will just be more offended when people don’t use it, but idk.

Here’s how I was thinking of doing it: at meal times, we have CO, register basically. And they read out the names of every single person and they have to say yes. I was thinking I could ask my housemistress to get the person reading to say Léo instead of my deadname. Because then everyone hears it, but I don’t have to make a massive announcement.

What do you think?

The title I’m thinking of for my book is « I’m not who I think I am » and it’s about a teen discovering their own gender identity and basically finding out stuff about their lives that they didn’t know. Does that sound like a good title