u/lizzykeenn

Aria’s room is my fav like it’s just so cozy and cluttered in a way that feels so comfortable. In general the Montgomery home is my favorite of the series. They have good solid pieces that look expensive and seem like they’d last for so long. I like the layout of the house too!

when you grow up believing that Islam is the correct religion because that’s what you’ve always known and that’s what you’ve been taught; i feel like you have this part of you that’s so brainwashed that even if you don’t believe in it anymore, you always still turn to it. in my case, whenever I start to panic really bad at the thought of an afterlife existing like hell, i start thinking i need to go back to islam. even though it goes against so much of what i believe in. it’s just a default thing in my brain sometimes when i start to panic.

i’m not really interested in belonging to a certain religion or belief system. i have no interest in pick apart as many religions as i can to find what i believe to be the true one. i’m at a point where i just wanna be free. i wanna believe that being a decent person is enough. sometimes at night when im trying to fall asleep, i start thinking about life. how i’m eventually going to die. my husband, my parents, my siblings, friends, etc. will die eventually. it scares me every time i think about death. i used to think about this all the time when i was a kid trying to fall asleep. i would pray to god to keep me and my loved ones safe and alive. then i would start to pray for my classmates, then my whole school, then my whole city, then the whole world.

i don’t have a crazy story with islam, my parents were pretty liberal & it wasn’t forced on me by them. my biggest fear is dying and going to hell. it’s always been that since i was a child, scare tactics were always used on us as children. my parents wouldn’t say it but other adults would. and it really messed with my mind, it feels so out of body. all the abuse i dealt with as a kid wasn’t really religious based, my dad was just crazy and angry. when i would get beat really bad or if my parents were fighting, id always wish to die as a kid so i can go to heaven since children go to heaven.

sometimes i feel like i blinked and grew up. i used to be scared of growing up because you’re just no longer innocent in the eyes of others. all of a sudden your body becomes a taboo. you can’t joke or even be friends with guys without being called names. and your sins are judged harshly now, if you die you won’t go straight to heaven. i remember when i was 10 and got my period for the first time & cried because i was no longer seen as a kid in the eyes of god.

lately these thoughts have been coming back & i keep panicking. i hate that im not gonna know until i die. sometimes i push that thought out of my mind because i can get really obsessive. i rather not go down this rabbit hole of trying to find out. i’m content most days without any kind of religion. i like living my life. bed time thoughts gotta fuck off man

My revert friend is in the process of getting a divorce from her abusive husband. No one in my circle knows that I’m ex muslim except for my husband btw. So I’m trying to support her the best that I can, she’s getting out and moving back in with her mom. I looked up the process of divorce if a woman initiates it; it’s like impossible or at least way harder for a woman to leave. You gotta go to another man and make your case on why you want the divorce? Yet a man could just say the words that he wants a divorce and that’s it. I can see why Islam appeals to Muslim men, look at all the shit they get and can get away with. Where are these so called rights that Islam gave to women? Ah yes thank you so much for making it impossible to obtain such rights.

I don’t know why I was tripping and thought a modern show would be so generous to give us 18 episodes in one season. I thought my Amazon Prime was lagging when I got to the end of episode 8… I was pissed. The cliffhanger was fucking phenomenal. First of all, my favorite storyline is Allie and Dean. I’ve been obsessed with Mika since I started the show, she’s just so gorgeous. I’m actually so pissed I have to wait until the next season comes out. I love Hannah and Garrett of course, they’re so stinking cute. i’ve been out of college for 2 years and college shows always make me miss college as miserable as it was sometimes. 10/10 show, I’ve been talking about this show since I started it.

I’ve been really irritated at my in laws for a while so at this point everything they say or do pisses me off. I wore pink the other day and my husband’s step mom says “thank god you’re wearing something other than black”. It really irritated me because so what if I wear black most days? I’ve noticed a lot of older people also comment on this all the time and ask if you’re attending a funeral. Black is a safe color, rarely is ever see through and goes with everything. It just got me so mad when she said that but i was also holding onto to 3 weeks of annoyances from my husband’s family. I usually wouldn’t think much of a comment like this. But seriously, it’s annoying when someone has to comment on everything you do and every choice you make.

But it’s been easier since I left Islam. My whole life was policed, I think I got sl*t shamed for the first time when I was 10 maybe? I don’t even remember why. I spent my entire middle school and high school experience trying to not be called that. I went to a majority Muslim school, there were only a few kids who weren’t. I found myself starting to fantasize about falling for a white guy who would save me, who wouldn’t judge me for who I am, the person I try to hide from everyone because I was so afraid of being tainted. I started dating my first ever boyfriend at 13 and it was all online and lasted like 3 months. I was so fascinated by his life, the girls that went to his school and how they were allowed to do everything that I could never do. I started crushing on one of the only white guys at my school in high school. Oddly enough I looked him up a couple years ago and apparently he’s super racist towards Arab on IG😭

I eventually started liking Arab guys again especially because a lot of them around me were barely religious. But they still were misogynistic as fuck. My whole life just feels like I’ve been trying to prove to people that I’m not a sl*t. That’s the only way a lot of these guys would respect you as a woman. As the years went by, I would date and do things in secret. The most normal things like going to a party that had men and women there. In my college years, I wasn’t even allowed to move for college and was forced to go to the one near my house. A lot of things changed for me then. I started dating more, exploring things. I was never able to fully relax with non arab men. Idk what it was. I don’t know if it was the fear of being fetishized or just because I always felt super estranged to anyone who wasn’t Arab or Muslim. A man would be perfectly nice to me, but it always felt so wrong to be there.

It kind of clicked to me not too long ago that I may be so brainwashed into believing that I only belong in my community. Everything else was a phase and that I’ll never be apart of anything else or any other space. As much as I thought a non muslim man would be the person to come save me from 1) an abusive household & 2) a really cutthroat community, I couldn’t imagine myself ending up in any other circumstance. My future was always going to be as a Muslim and to be with a Muslim man. I think a lot of us feel this way and won’t admit it. We won’t admit that we may of had a past with “haram” or even that we fantasize about it.

Fast forward to now, I’m ex muslim married to a barely practicing muslim who knows my history, my beliefs, my desires, etc. There’s still truth to what I envisioned for myself during my younger days. I did end up with someone in my culture and from the religion. But he’s the farthest from what I thought that would entail. My husband is a ramadan muslim, i can live with that. His beliefs don’t even align with Islam if we’re being so honest. It helps with our relationship, he can understand my criticisms and even agree with most of them. Another truth would be that he did save me from my parents’ home. I wouldn’t have the freedom I do now if he didn’t come into my life. I wouldn’t have had the balls to leave on my own. I’m a walking stereotype fr. Couldn’t save myself without destroying my whole life.

Notice how i’ve mostly been speaking about men, dating, and marriage? I was convinced for the longest time that this is my life purpose, it’s the only thing to strive for. The only thing that would finally give me the freedom and feelings I’ve always dreamed of. It sounds really sad when I admit it to myself but I just wanted to be a normal girl. I didn’t want a bad reputation for wearing a tank top or if I had a male friend at school. I felt judged for not wearing hijab and I could write a whole separate post on that alone. I wanted to talk and joke without being judged. I believed I had to be reserved to get respect. Now I’m 24 with barely any social skills.

Turning my back on Islam has been the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I’m free to do what I please. Nothing I’ve ever done defines me. My fantasies aren’t something to be ashamed of. I love my husband but I dont exist to serve him, we are equals and everything I do for him is purely out of love. My life purpose isnt to pop out children and be a servant. I can wear what I want. I can eat what I want. I can listen to music. I can interact with the opposite gender without feeling like I need to prove myself worth of respect. I’m not impure for having a period. I get my nails done and feel feminine & beautiful. I’m not stuck with a t-shirt tan and pale legs for life.

It’s just so funny how they use religious Arabic words and wanna be Arab. I’m not saying we’re anything special by any means, I have my own beef with my culture. But Islam is just so obviously made for Arabs which is why everything is in Arabic and garments are Arab, religious sites are in Arab countries. Back when I was Muslim, I noticed Arabs have a superiority complex in comparison to other Muslims and thought it was gross. I’ve been called khafira and shamed more by non Arab muslims and I always found it hilarious that they’re insulting me in Arabic. Like the whole conversation would be in english than when they wanna insult me or use religion against me, it’s always Arabic that doesn’t even make sense majority of the time.

I’m not too sure of his age, he seemed to be in college maybe 18-21?? This show looooves an age gap so i wouldn’t be shocked. That aside, i think they made a cute couple. He seemed like a good normal guy. If they dated longer I think it would’ve gave Aria more normalcy in her high school experience. I really wanna rewatch but i’m waiting until September for fall vibes.I honestly liked her with Noel in the beginning, his character got so messed up😭 gosh the storylines in this show are just so interesting. Noel could’ve been so much more especially in the beginning seasons. But nope, we got slapped in the face

Muslims always want you to suffer through your life and tell you you’ll be rewarded when you die for your sacrifices. As much as I wanna believe something will come out of our miseries, you’re telling us to “just get used to it”. Let it pass. Pray for something better. So many people don’t know they have more options. Back before I met my husband, I would dream of a guy coming and getting me out of my family’s house. So many other Muslim women want this to be their reality, that’s why you see so many of our women desperately wanting to get married. Some get lucky and get fair husbands who they love. Some end up getting abused and living their lives catering to someone else. If my husband was a POS, I guarantee you all the Muslims around me would tell me to have patience and to switch MY behavior to get him to be better to me.

That’s just an example of people telling you to sacrifice yourself for the afterlife. They encourage you to stay trapped. Instead of telling you, you have more options and you don’t have to live like this.

A way more mild example; I have my nails done majority of the time. I usually get extensions and bold designs. My sister in law always looks at my nails and says that she wishes she could do her nails. Even on her wedding day, she saw me with my makeup and hair & she said she wishes she could wear makeup and have her done. She didn’t even have her nails done that day either, not even press ons she could remove because “men will look”. Every girl, every BRIDE deserves to feel beautiful on her wedding day. It honestly just broke my heart. But it also irritates me because when she makes those comments, it’s like a self reassurance thing for herself that she’s “doing the right thing” and I’m giving into the temptations of this life. So yeah, I feel irritated as fuck sometimes.

On reddit I often get asked if I’m a closeted ex-Muslim and I always give a non direct answer. People close to me know I’m not religious, but still mention religion to me all the time. I haven’t flat out said I’m not Muslim, but they know I would never step foot in a mosque, that I’ve never prayed before, never wore hijab, etc. My mom keeps saying that she believes one day I’ll start believing and wear hijab blah blah blah. She’s in denial about most things in life anyways. She’s literally the one who told me to never wear hijab growing up. She would get offended when other women would ask her why I don’t wear one. I never see her pray anymore either. I guess she’s dealing with her own motions.

My friends and my sister in law piss me off the most. They always mention whatever I’m doing is haram. Like the other day I really wanted to weigh myself at my sister in law’s house and my husband told her not to let me because I’ll get sad. And I got annoyed because she was listening to my husband over me. She’s like it’s a sin to not listen to your husband. That shit pissed me off, I was like “add it to the list”. She was kind of taken aback. Like leave me the fuck alone. My husband accepts me for who I am, he knows I’m no longer Muslim and knows about all these thoughts I have around religion/Arab and Muslim community. He ended up telling her to get the scale. But it just pissed me the fuck off.

hii! i’m a lebanese and iraqi woman who moved from the U.S. to Canada about year ago. go ahead and ask whatever questions you may have for me & ill try to answer it the best that i can! thank you for your curiosities😁

It was so odd because I’ve never seen/heard someone so comfortable to do that in public. And on top of that, no one even said anything including myself and friends. Now I’m home and thinking about why no one said anything; I know I felt awkward to say something or to embarrass them. But clearly the person didn’t care enough to feel embarrassed. Another strange thing was that every time my husband cleared his throat (3 times during the movie), someone in the same area the fart sound came from would copy him? It was just so strange😭 I don’t necessarily like going to the movies because I stress out about being noisy or bothering others, but shit people are farting loud like that and no one is saying shit to them. Honestly, good for them I guess

I’ve only been married for a year, I’m only 24 years old and I haven’t established anything for myself yet career wise. They’ve been bothering me to have a kid since I got married. And just now, I’m visiting my parents for a couple weeks. I bumped into my dad in the hallway and he asked me if there’s something I’m hiding from him? I think he thought I was pregnant😭 little do they know I bought a weed pen and doing it under their noses during my stay. He probably thinks my appetite and tiredness is from being pregnant LMAOO. I’m like no?? what are you talking about hiding something. He asked if there’s something wrong with me and my husband. I was obviously very confused. then i guess he put it together that Im not pregnant and he gave me a lecture about how Im living my life wrong for not wanting to have a kid right now. I wish people would leave me alone. They’re acting like I live for them, i’m not having a kid until I feel ready to. Gosh it doesn’t matter how many times i say it